#113 Q&A: Who Has the Best Dating Advice & How to Date in High School
[Jackson Hunter]: Jackson Hunter. Hey Guys.
[Angel Donovan]: So, as you know, Jackson's one of our top editors, been with us for a long time and we do Q&As from time to time together. It gives you a bit of a variety in the responses and a bit better breadth of information. So, great to have Jackson with me today.
[Jackson Hunter]: Great to be here.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, so let's dive straight into these questions. We've got a couple of them.
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- Addressing dating information overload, keeping it simple, finding value in it, and taking action (01:20)
- Insecurities about your height and dating girls that are taller than you (10:10)
- Facing conversation anxiety when talking to a girl and learning how to "click" (18:25)
- Improving your identity and style (20:48)
- Your parents dating advice and the generation gap (22:39)
- Extend your social conversation and popularity beyond just trying to talk to the girl you are interested in (26:00)
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Items Mentioned in this Episode include:
- The following three products were mentioned in Austin Decker's first question regarding his start in learning seduction and dating, and being overwhelmed by the wealth of information in dating, sex, and relationships:
- Secrets of the Alpha Man by Carlos Xuma.
- The Girlfriend Training Program also by Carlos Xuma.
- The Game by Neil Strauss.
- Attraction Implant: Dating Skills Review Academy offers this program designed to implant into men the behaviors that women find sexually irresistible so they are attracted to you.
- Dating Skills Review Editors’ Choice: Angel recommends DSR Editors' Choice to help you focus on the products and programs geared towards your specific issue or area of interest.
- Conversation Escalation by Bobby Rio.: As part of the second Q&A question regarding being nervous when talking to a girl, this program is recommended to help you learn how to make better conversation.
Full Text Transcript of the Interview
[Angel Donovan]: Here's the first one. It is from Austin Decker and his question is, "I started my journey into this massive world of sex, seduction, dating girls and pick up on Tom Anderson's awesome blog." I don't actually know that one but, if you guys maybe want to check that out and open my eyes.
"I got a bit addicted to learning and seeing the results. I went further into Secrets of the Alpha Man by Carlos Xuma and his GTP." I think, that's one of his systems: girlfriend, something, something.
[Jackson Hunter]: Girlfriend's Training Program I think it is.
[Angel Donovan]: Oh, there you go. That would be Girlfriend Training Program. "I've read The Game by Neil Strauss and I realized this world was huge." Yeah, no kidding. "I started comparing every pick up artist out there and more guys like Lyons and Hudson. I'm getting lost with too many options trying to figure out who's the best with things Mr. M's Love Systems, RSD and Brad P. Then, I see your top products and I think I shouldn't follow names but rather, individual products. Then, there's the Impact thing you guys make right."
That's obviously the Implant Program. That's what we call it. So, I'm going to spell that actually because, I guess some of you guys at home have thought it was the Impact Program. So that's I-M-P-L-A-N-T. You can check that out at https://www.datingskillsreview.com/implant/. It's like implanting something into your brain. That's our idea to make it easier for you.
He continues. "Taking micro-steps, what should I do." Yeah, so the Implant Program is about taking micro-steps. He says also, "I'm a religious guy. That won't change. I only want one girl at a time but, that doesn't mean that I don't want a lot of girls to like me and chase after me. I want her to have the same beliefs as me too. I want to have tons of value from my own view and from other people's eyes. I'm not dating anyone right now but, I'd like to be. Any thoughts? Austin Decker."
I'll jump in with my thoughts and then, Jackson will add his. We'll try to keep this succinct just to get to the big points here. The first thing is you throw in tons and tons of names out there and you're in a very similar predicament to a lot of guys that come across our site in that you are information overloaded and it's really not going to help you and I think you've probably heard this from us before but just to keep it very, very simple, be more different approaches to this that you study, the worse you will get, the more confused you will get, the more you will hesitate because, you'll have five different versions of the appropriate direction to walk, the appropriate things to work on.
So, the fact that you put all of these names out there and you've been studying and that you're trying to figure out what the best is, is really probably one of the problems that you have to start with. The fact is that there's lots of good guys and you've pointed to a lot of people out there which are good names in this industry, got good programs and you'll see them on the site. A lot of them have good programs and you could take just one of those and work with it and you would get better results than if you'd try to figure out which is the best things here and which is the best thing there. Jackson, what have you got to say about this whole kind of information overload and his approach to learning this stuff?
[Jackson Hunter]: Yeah absolutely, I mean that was my first thought when I heard this as well is this is like a serious case of information overload and unfortunately, it's very common and a lot of guys, they're looking for a magic bullet, the thing that is going to get them the results without going out and putting in the work. It's a little bit hard to tell from this email because, you say that you got addicted to learning and seeing the results. You haven't actually mentioned what work that you put in and what results that you saw. So, I don't know if you're talking about results that you got yourself or hearing about other people's results and you got addicted to the idea of that?
So, my impression just from how you've written is that you're probably not taking a lot of action and that's why you're getting confused. You're getting all these ideas that you're taking on board and not really doing anything with them and a lot of guys, when they do that, they actually go backwards because when they go out, instead of just having like one simple thing to focus on when they see a woman they want to talk to, they've got like a dozen different things in their head. Like, "Should I do this? Should I do that?" and it creates just like information overload thing that we're talking about where you end up doing nothing because, you've got too many options to choose from and it just confuses you and overwhelms you.
So, my advice to counteract this would be, pick one of these that really resonates with you the most. You've heard all these guys and what they talk about. Just pick one that you think, "Yeah, I like what this guy is saying. I really connect with like his message" and just focus on one program and go out and put it into action. Just doing that is going to get you better results and more success than starting like a dozen different dating coaches and reading all of these products because, at the moment, it's not helping. So, just pick on thing and focus on that and you might get up to a point where you're like, "Okay, I've got everything I can out of this product. Now, it's time for me to go on to something else," but for most guys, they'll actually take a while for them to get to that point.
So at that moment, just do that one thing and go out and put it into action. Like take massive action, go out, talk to lots of girls, try all of this stuff and you will get a lot better.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah excellent points. So, we're not going to drill on about that more because, you've probably already heard it tons on the podcast but, it bares repeating all the time because, this is a very typical email that we get. So, don't feel bad Austin either because, this is pretty much the situation with everyone. The debate about who is best is relevant. It's about what is the best fit for you right now.
Here's the way I would approach this succinctly. I would think about your weaknesses; like areas you haven't been getting any results. So, if you think about how far you get with women, are you able to meet women? Are you able to attract women? These things are kind of linear. Are you getting girlfriends but then losing them? Where do you get stuck, right? That's what you need to focus on. Right?
All you have to do then is go to our Dating Skills Review Editor's Choice and I do recommend that you focus on products, not people and I recommend you kind of get away from the guru-worship that some people get into. It doesn't help you. It starts making you think that people are better than they really are, stops you looking at them objectively. You just have to see the value of the information. Is it a good fit for you and your situation or not and honestly, a lot of the time, at one point and time, some guy's product or course or approach will work for and then, at another point and time, someone else is. So, I recommend choosing the right product for you. Go to Dating Skills Review Editor's Choice. You go to the site and you pick that out and then, you pick your issue. There's a list of issues there and there's our top recommended product for each issue. That's where you should start.
Then going back to what Jackson said, if you're actually taking action and getting results and the problem is that you're reading all the time and a lot of people get addicted to information and that's all they do and they don't put into action and they hesitate and they don't. If that is really your problem then, not so much as a plug for our program but, the reality is that we developed the Implant Program for this situation. So, we're focused on helping you to take action and changing your behaviors rather than teaching you lots of techniques. So, you can go and check that out and that would be more suitable if that is your situation. So hopefully of those two points, you've got an idea where to go.
[Jackson Hunter]: Yeah so, the fact that you're a religious guy is really like a non-issue. There's a lot of religious girls out there. There's a lot of girls that are looking to be in a relationship with one guy. So, what you're looking for is actually what a lot of girls are looking for. So, that's not something that's holding you back and even though some of the dating coaches and gurus out there might be saying that they going out and sleeping with a few different women every week, that doesn't mean you have to do that and that doesn't mean that some of their advice isn't going to work to help you meet and attract women.
So, don't feel that because you're religious and you want to have a monogamous relationship that the advice that's out there isn't going to work for you. You just need to adapt it to your situation and there's a lot of guys that we've helped when we've coached to get into exclusive relationships with their dream women and they're very happy now. So, it's not really an issue but, you might be making it one and thinking that it's a bigger deal than it is where as, a lot of girls would be accepting of it and it's totally fine.
[Angel Donovan]: So, you said also that you want girls with beliefs as you too. So, that's what we call a demographics issue. It just means that you should be socializing more, you should be going out and socializing and meeting lots of people in that demographic. So, you get involved in things where you're going to meet. So, you get involved in your church, whatever you go to. You don't say which religion but, you just get more involved in that community, more social and you're going to meet lots more of those types of girls and there's of course, the online dating option and now, there's lots of niche dating sites focused on different religions and stuff. So, you could try that but, I'd always go for the social dimension. I think it's better than online dating. You're going to meet higher quality girls in general.
That's everything from me. Anything else to add on this one Jackson?
[Jackson Hunter]: No, I think we've covered everything. So, good luck. I think you can do well by putting that advice into action.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, good luck Man. Hope to hear from you soon and send us some feedback when you get rolling on that.
Okay, the second question... this is actually a more unique question that we haven't had before. It's from an Anonymous. He'd prefer to be anonymous and this is his question: "I'm in junior high school. This girl just transferred to my school and she's everything I've asked for however, there are some obstacles. One, I'm 5'8" on the dot. My parents are both 5'6". She's a solid 5'8" or 5'9" for sure. My parents think we're not compatible because, she's too big boned for me." It's a kind of a humorous remark there. " In terms of physical size, she's not fat. She's just too big. Her dad is 6'2"." Yeah.
"And in second, I'm nervous to talk to her." Well, that's very, very typical. "And I talk with her about school work because, we have a lot of classes together but, I don't feel like we have that click. I can't make her laugh." Well, it's great that you're already talking to her. I know lots of kids that are very nervous at that age.
"I'm not asking for sex. We're just kids but, I see a lot of couples holding hands and kissing in the hallways and I want to do the same. I need these two things. I want to grow a few inches taller, 5'10", 5'11" is okay but, ideally 6'2", 6'4" and to have that deadly charm and contagious laugh. How can you help me on those two areas? Thanks."
Alright well first just before we jump into, there's a few details we're not actually sure about here. This is the question for high schools we haven't really come across but, beside being political correct which you know I don't care about, what I really care about is getting you guys the truth, right? So, talking about under aged and sex and all of that, that doesn't really concern me. I was kissing girls when I was 11 and I think it's pretty much up to each of us how we do it as long as it's consensual. It's between them both. I don't think I can get shot for saying that but, I think we should acknowledge that a lot of under-aged kids are having sex.
However, the anonymous I'm judging because, he's in high school and he seems to think he's a kid. He's probably around 14 years old. So, we're going to make that assumptions. So, there's a few assumptions we kind of have to make to answer this and do you have anything else to add on the age Jackson just before we get started into it?
[Jackson Hunter]: No, I mean it is something that's going on. I mean, I'll take it from my point of view. I mean, we're not here to advocate kids to have sex or anything like that. We're sure what the age is of this guy, Alexander. Be aware that where ever you are is going to have its own laws and regulations about what is okay, what isn't okay. So, look into that yourself. I mean, we're not legally responsible for anything that happens out of our advice. So, everyone is encouraged to make sure they're abiding by the law and doing what is right where they live.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool yeah because, we actually don't know which country you live in either. Okay so, the first thing on the height thing, while you're making a really big deal about this and I remember when I was in my teenage years, it was really, really important to me as well. I think it's absolutely normal that you're a bit focused on this.
Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do about it apart from just making sure that you're doing the main healthy things. Just on like your growth potential because, it sounds like your pretty young. You're obviously going to keep growing for a while unless you've already had your spurt but, most guys tend to spurt a bit later. The girls spurt first and then, the guys spurt a bit later. So, I think the normal age is like 16 to 18 you start jumping up around there. So, you've probably got that to come for your still, at least some of it.
If you get on a good healthy diet, a clean diet, that's going help you make sure you're getting enough protein also, a wide range of protein and it's really just like the basic stuff and then, you want to do some weight lifting program but, make sure that it isn't too intense. So maybe you went like one or twice a week, (I wouldn't push it much more than that at your age) will help to boost your testosterone. There's other things you can do to boost your testosterone as well which may help you to grow a bit but overall, I don't think there's actually a lot you can do to change that. It's just really about optimizing what you have, making sure you have the calories to grown and you're also stimulating your body to grow. Jackson, your thoughts?
[Jackson Hunter]:Yeah largely, it is up to genetics as well. So, you say that your parents are both 5'6". I hate to break it to you but, you're not likely to go to 6'4". That's just unrealistic. So if you're 5'8" already then, you probably can get to 5'10", 5'11" which you say you'd okay with. Like Angel was saying, make sure you eat, properly eating like a good mix of high nutrient vegetables. So, eating vegetables that are like rich in color. So, you're making sure you're getting a lot of the right vitamins and minerals. Eating good quality organic food if you can.
In terms of like the workouts, my recommendation would be like some like calisthenics program. So, you're doing like pushups and pullups and a lot of body weight exercises is really good at your age. Like Angel was saying, you don't want to get too intense into weight lifting at a younger age that can (according to some people) stunt growth if you're lifting too heavy weights at a younger age. Some people will do and it might be fine so, just be careful of that but, the calisthenics is really great.
So, that's my thoughts on that. I think Angel is probably going to give his opinion on the height thing and then, I'll give mine because, neither of us are tall and it's never held us back but, Angel you can give your thoughts on that.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah sure. I mean first of all, I'll just say that I know some of the very successful people in this industry, guys I've hung out with, I've seen them dating girls. They haven't had any issues overall and they're much shorter than you and I've seen them with much taller girls than themselves. So, the first of all is that you're kind of setting up this limiting belief that it is this big issue. Of course, one of the guys that basically grown this whole area of advice by releasing it to the world is Neil Strauss who wrote The Game and that built a lot of media around it and helped us to get more of the message out. He's obviously not that tall either. So, you know you've got a very public-facing figure there. Another guy who's pretty public, he's not so much in the realm of dating advice these days but he was is Mr. M from Love Systems. He's pretty short too and he's never had any problem that I've seen at all.
So, there's that. However, I do know some guys that improve their height situation if they are a bit shorter by using height-increasing shoes and I've heard like Tom Cruise does as well but, that could be absolute nonsense but, I wouldn't blame him at all for doing it. Height-increasing shoes, the way they work are... I'm not talking about these things with platforms or anything because, that's not going to look great. Height-increasing shoes that you can buy look like absolutely normal shoes except inside, they have a higher insole. So, it's actually inside the show that it raises you a bit. It'll just give you that little bit of edge. So, if it's something that you feel concerned about and you want to modify subtly, you could buy some height-increasing shoes and no one's going to know you're wearing them but, you're going be that little bit taller.
[Jackson Hunter]: Right so, my perspective on this is it's not something that has to hold you back. So myself, I'm about 5'9". I'm basically the same height as you are and I'm fully grown. I'm an adult where as you're like maybe 14 or 15 and you're going to get taller. So, it's not a big deal. I don't worry about it. I've dated girls who were like 6', 6'1". I think that it's more of an issue like how you feel about it than how the girl feels about it and this is why sometimes girls feel uncomfortable dating guys who are considerably shorter than them because, they think that the guy is going to be very uncomfortable with it. They think the guy is going to be kind of freaked out about it and it's going to make it a big deal.
Often when I was dating taller girls, I would just make a joke out of it and just show them that I'm not effected by it. So, if I was talking to a girl and maybe I've got her number and we're arranging to go out, I would say something like, "Oh, do me a favor," and she's like, "What's that?" It's like, "Don't wear heels out on a date," and just kind of like we'd have a laugh about it. So, if you show that you're okay with it then, most of it's fine. They'll be okay with it.
I think especially in your situation if you're in high school, it's going to be quite common that a lot of guys aren't going to be that tall. Like Angel was saying, they're going to have their growth spurts later on. When I was in high school, most of the girls were the same height or taller than the guys and the guys caught up at the end of high school. So, I don't think there's many girls who are actually that worried about it now and from what you said, you're the same height as her. So, you're not even shorter than her. So, it's really not a big deal. So, don't make it a big deal and it won't be a big deal for her.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, excellent advice. Alright, moving on to the second part of the question is you're nervous to talk to her and you don't feel like you got that click and you're able to talk to her about other stuff. So, normally what we'd recommend for guys quickly is just that you get Conversation Escalation, Bobby Rio's product. That's the one we think's good for learning to make better conversation and it's just got a whole bunch of techniques on learning how to make conversation.
You probably think at your age that it's kind of something natural, that you have or you don't have and it sounds (I'm just getting that kind of feel a little bit from your email) that maybe you think it's something that you're just kind of born with but, that's not the case. It's just something to learn and you probably being a little less social and outgoing than some of the guys you might see who are able to click with people easier and make them laugh. So, it's all just practice and that also comes back to the nervous part.
Everyone's nervous when we first start. I used to be really scared of girls especially the ones I liked when I was growing. I remember like some pretty funny situations that I could tell you about right now that you'd think, "Ha, ha that was Angel back when he was a kid. He was a loser," and I got all worked up about it at the time but now, it's kind of just funny. So, every kid goes through that and the quicker you start taking action and start doing stuff, the quicker you'll get out of it and then, you'll feel like one of the more social guys, one of the more relaxed guys about it just because you'll have that little bit more experience.
So, the goal really is to start gaining experience quicker and start talking about more stuff. I like (and I know Jackson does as well) The Conversation Escalation Program has a bunch of stuff just to show you how to make conversations and you just start practicing that and then, you'll be able to get the girl's laugh and as you say, "deadly charm." It's just about being able to talk well and get in the right vibe and make appropriate jokes and stuff and you can easily learn that. It's not really a big deal.
[Jackson Hunter]: Yeah absolutely. That was something that stuck out to me is the "have fun conversation and create that attraction and that sense of a girl wanting to be with you and spend time with you." If your "to go" either is just talking about school work or time in classes, that's not really going to want to make a girl hang around you outside of school. It's not going to want to make her have any kind of like romantic relationship with you. If you think about how she's going to be acting with her friends, guys or girls, I doubt they're going to be talking a lot about school. They're going to be talking about more social stuff and stuff going on in pop culture and music and movies and like clothes and like things they're doing on the weekend and parties and all of this type of stuff. So definitely, that's something you want to work on.
Another thing that I would suggest is, because high school can be quite superficial, kids tend to be quite quick in labeling people. So, I would say you might also need to work on your identity, in particular how you dress. I don't know, I'm just kind of like guessing that if you make a stronger impression with your identity in how you dress, youÕll probably get more attention. Maybe at the moment, you're blending into the background a bit. So, I would say like what does your identity say?
So, if I'm thinking back to like school, like what were the types of groups at school. You have like the jocks. They'd be like the kids that were playing in a band into music. It could be the emo kids, the nerdy kids who were doing really well in class. You can kind of like group kids into like what kind of niche they belong to. So, kind of like what is your niche? What is your identity? Who are you? So, if people were to see you walking the hallways in school, they'd be like, "Oh yeah, there's that guy" and like what would they say about you?
So, I think about in terms of how you dress... it's like, look at the guys who are doing well with the types of girls you would like to be with and look at how they dress. Look at how they're talking to girls and how they're interacting with them. So you just kind of like copy what the popular, successful guys are doing and just steal some of what they're doing and you just want to like implement some of these things slowly. Don't do it all at once. If you come to school doing like a complete 180 like talking differently, dressing differently, it's going to stand out and be noticeable but, you want to kind of just like maybe change like one thing at a time and just work more towards building that identity that is an attractive guy. So, that could be another thing you might need to work on as well.
Something else I was just going to point out that we haven't mentioned is you talk about the girl being "big boned" or your parents thinking she's too big boned for you. This is a somewhat unusual question. I've actually never heard this before. It shouldn't really matter what your parents think. I don't know why your parents would say, "This girl is too big boned for you. You shouldn't date her." It's just kind of like an unusual question. So, there isn't like a standard reply we give can you except that, at the end of the day, you're in control of your dating life. You want to date the kind of a girls that you want to date not who your parents want you to date.
In one sense, it's really none of your parents' business what girls you're interested in. So, if you think they're going to make it difficult for you or kind of stand in the way, one thing you can do is just not really tell them. At the moment, there's nothing really going on with this girl and you. So, it's not something you really need to discuss with them. So, just work on trying to talk more to the girl, have more fun with her. If it gets to the stage where you too start dating and going out, then you might want to like bring her home and introduce her to your parents but, at the moment, I don't even see that as being an issue. So, I would just forget about that all together.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, great points. So, you'll notice that we're having to make assumptions about your situation here which is always the problem with these short questions. I kind of felt that you'd asked your parents for advice maybe? You'd ask them about it which is kind of normal but obviously, most parents don't have a lot of good advice for us when we're kids because, they grew up in a very different generation, very different situation. I can't remember any appropriate advice I'd got from my parents at all.
I think you have to kind of just see that you're in this different generation and you're growing up in a different social environment with Twitter, Facebook and all these other things which have kind of modified the dating environment for a bit and made it a lot more social and so on. So, you have to know for yourself that's it's not probably useful to get advice from your parents about this and you should be relying on other sources that can feed you. As Jackson, it depends on where you are and where you're from. It can be nicer bringing her home at some point if you guys start dating and how that fits in with culture and so one.
I thought some of the advice from Jackson was good about modeling the guys in your class because, at that age also, depending the school you're in and where you are, (we don't even know what country you're in) the culture and the kind of topics people talk about can be different. So, just keeping... being a lot more observant about your environment and kind of building a list of the topics that the "cool guys" or the guys that do well with the kind of girls you're interested in are talking about with them, just take note of that and then, start learning more about those subjects if you haven't. Like get involved in them. Start reading up on them on the internet and stuff so that they become part of the way you talk and what you talk about and part of your interest too and then, you'll have those things to talk about also and it will just kind of be natural.
I like also that Jackson said to do this slowly because, yeah kids can point things out and it can be a little bit brutal in high school sometimes in terms of the social environment and bullying and so on. There is that to take account of. So, if you did do a very quick, sudden change, that might not work out so well for but, just like on a one thing per week, on a gradual process. Just try and do one new thing a week. It's going to be a good trend for you.
That's it for me and this question. I hope anonymous that this has helped you out. Feel free to send us more questions as well. We're very happy to answer them again.
[Jackson Hunter]: Yeah, good luck Man. I think once you start trying this stuff I think you'll do well. One more thing I'll quickly say is don't feel like you can only practice this stuff, the conversation stuff on this girl. Like it would be a good idea to talk to some of the other girls and even the guys in your class and in your school. If you come across like you're putting too much attention on this girl and other people will see that, it might push her away a little bit more because, it might make you come across like you've got this big crush and if you're a not a popular guy at the moment, she might be really sensitive to that and how are other going to think about it. So, I think more about being this social guy that is talking to everyone in class. If do you that, you become more popular and once you become more popular, you'll have girls paying you more attention including this girl because, in high school, kids are a lot more hyper-sensitive to popularity and what other people think of them and their social standing. So, if you become like the cool guy, the popular guy who's friendly and talking to everyone, you'll have the girls start wanting to spend more time with you. So, that's just another thing to keep in mind.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, great points. Okay Guys, this is the end of this Q&A session. Hope you got something out of it and let us know, both of you, how you're doing and for any other guys out there who have some questions pondering, anything that they need answered, you can do the same. You can just reach out to me at [email protected] by email. Send me your questions and we'll answer them on the podcast. See you next time.
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