Ep. #32 Being Bold and Direct with Women with Alan Roger Currie
Be warned: Some of the examples, stories and situations may be quite far out of some of your comfort zones. In fact you may find that his approach isn't a good fit for you.
But while Alan's approach may not be for everyone, there is definitely something to be learned from it by everyone. If anything, he provides an eye-opening glimpse of how straight forward sexual encounters can be and how direct you can be without getting negative responses.
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- Modeling a basic attitude from John Leslie in the porno movie "Talk Dirty to Me". (2:00).
- Examples of what Alan Roger Currie says to women and the results he gets from it. (6:00).
- The ,explicit, story of the time Alan Roger Currie tested his theory in response to a challenge from his brother and realized he had a powerful method. (8:30).
- Alan applying his method outside of his comfort zone and getting away with it. (16:30).
- The origin of the label "Mode One" and foundation of Alan's first book and a break down of the four modes. (22:00).
- The pamphlet that started the book and the typical rejections from men who read it. (28:00).
- Once you believe that Mode One direct and bold behavior is for you, how do you overcome your shyness and resistance to actually doing it. (33:00).
- How women typically respond to men using Mode One behavior and why it isn't important. (38:30).
- Positive reactions are over rated and negative reactions are nothing to be afraid of. (43:00).
- First negative reactions often become positive sexual reactions. (45:00).
- Mode One in the context of wanting "One Girl", a girlfriend or a wife. (49:30).
- How the Mode One style of interaction makes you stand out and become more interesting. (52:00).
- Examples of being bold inside your relationships. (54:00).
- One view of why a 'break up' can hurt so much and its relationship to 'boldness' and being yourself. (57:00).
- Can you get yourself into trouble by being bold with women when there are other people involved (her friends, other people in the bar, her brother etc.). (1:00:00).
- Can taking on new attractive and bold attitudes affect your family relationships? Create family drama? How should you handle this? (1:05:00).
- Alan Roger Currie's top 3 recommendations for improving your results with women as fast as possible. (1:17:00).
Alan Roger Currie Quote from the InterviewAlan attacks the general social programming we receive particularly in the area of dating and relationships at several points in the interview.
This quote captures what he thinks of the generic dating advice given to men, and how men are expected to act all the time towards women. I think it's a useful reminder because 'social programming' is kind of like fashion. 200 years ago, or 1000 years ago, social etiquettes were very very different, and social programming as a consequence was different also.
Alan Roger Currie pushes this point aggressively home with this statement which is why it can be useful to keep in mind.
Books, Courses and Training from Alan Roger Currie
Full Text Transcript of the Interview
When did you get into all of this? How did it start about? Was it quite a long time ago, I think, for you?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah, the true starting point I would say was the summer in between my senior in high school and my freshman in college. I was over a friend's, and this friend had a thing where whenever his parents weren't around he would pop in a porno movie. And [laughs] so yeah, we would watch these porno movies, which in retrospect was kind of weird, huh? I don't know if I would watch a porno movie in a roomful of guys. [Laughs]
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: [Laughs] But that's what we would do. Not like it was a regular thing.
[Angel Donovan]: Hey, you know, that's what you do when you're kids. I think everyone's been through that. [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah. So he would pop in these porno movies. So most of them I would kind of, you know, watch mainly for the sex scenes, whatever.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: But there was one movie that caught my interest more so than just for the sex. For the story. It was this movie called Talk Dirty To Me, starring this legendary adult film actor named John Leslie who passed away just a couple of years ago. And in the movie he plays this character, this kind of womanizing slacker named Jack, and his main thing was that he would approach women and say some of the most boldest, provocative, sexually straightforward comments to women that at that time I had never seen a man do that the first time I watched that film, even real life or on film. I had never seen a guy do that.
And so it called my attention. I was like, wow, this guy is really bold and straightforward. And yeah, the movie starts off with him. He seduces this doctor and she first gives him a very negative reaction, but then as the conversation goes on she ends up giving in to him. Next thing you know, she's sucking his dick, and I'm like, whoa.
And my older brother, he was kind of like, "Okay man, you’re looking like you’re treating it a little too real. You have to remember, this shit's scripted, you know. You can't be that bold in real life with a woman.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: But I'm glad I didn't agree with him on that, because two or three years later I thought about that film, and that coupled with—there were some women I was cool with in college who would kind of complain to me. They would say, "Alan, let me ask you something." I said, "What's up?" They said, "How come guys will give you the impression that they really care about you and really into you and really want like a long-term relationship with you, but then once you have sex with him for a couple of weeks or a month or two, all of a sudden they just dump you and you never hear from them again?" "Oh," I said, "well, that's simple. Those guys never wanted any type of long-term relationship with you in the first place. They just wanted to fuck." “Oh, so that's it. Well, why didn't they just say that?” I said, “Because most men are afraid to let women know straightforwardly that they just want to fuck.”
So then I found myself going to my male friends and frat brothers, I would ask them. I’d say, “Hey, let me ask you something. How come when you want casual sex you’ll pretend like you want a relationship?” “Oh man, all the guys do that. That's what you have to do with women, man. When you first meet women, you have to lie to them and bullshit them. You can’t let women know what you’re really thinking.” Which is why the subtitle of my book is called Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re Really Thinking, because so many guys use that phrase. They would say, “Man, when you first meet women, you can’t let them know what’s really on your mind. You can’t let them know what you’re really thinking or what you really want from them.”
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: And I would say, “That's bullshit.” And so a few guys started challenging me. “Okay, the next time we’re at a party, I dare you to just go up to a woman and say all you want to do is fuck her. Tell her straight up that you don’t want her to be an ex-girlfriend, you don’t want nonsense, all you want to do is just fuck.” I said, “Okay.” So that's what I did. And in the back of my mind I would think about Jack, John Leslie’s character from Talk Dirty to Me.
And what was interesting, to my pleasant surprise, I had this—if you were to watch this movie and see that opening scene with the doctor, and I were to show you a videotape of some of my early interactions with women, man, they’re almost just alike. It would almost be like this pattern. For the first four, five, six minutes or so, women would give me a very adverse reaction like, “Oh my God, I don’t believe you’re talking to me that way. Oh my God, are you some kind of creep or something? You must be some kind of jerk or asshole. I can’t believe you’re just telling me you want to fuck me. I’m not that kind of girl. I’m not a slut. I’m not a whore. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
And what I borrowed from Jack was, I noticed in the film when the female position was going off on him, he was extraordinarily cool, calm and collected. It was like everything she was saying was going in one ear and out the other. So that's what I would with women. When women would start getting real theatrical with me and basically let me have it, I would just look at them dead in the eye and kind of have a Bruce-Willis-type smirk on my face, and I would just keep staying stuff like, “So, we fucking tomorrow or the next day? Are we fucking next Friday or two Fridays from now?”
And at first they would sigh and go, “Oh, I can’t believe you.” But then, sure enough, not all the women but a high percentage of the women, what I would notice, once they would see that I wasn’t going to back down from anything I said, that I wasn’t going to apologize for anything I said, they would say stuff like, “You so nasty. You nasty.” Then they would write down number. Or, many times, I would end up fucking them that night, or if not fucking them, getting my dick sucked.
And I think the turning point, at least for my brother anyway, what made him a believer, was we went to this 24-hour grocery store, Bloomington, Indiana—it’s still down there actually, Kroger’s—and it was about 1:30, 2:00 in the morning, we were coming back from a party, and this attractive woman got off this car about three parking spaces from where my brother parked his car. And my brother actually noticed her first. He was like, “Damn, she is hot. Man, look at her in that miniskirt.” And I was like, “I bet you I could get a number.” And he's like, “There you go. So you’re Mr. Confidence, huh? You think you’re going to hook up with her real soon, huh?” I said, “I bet you I can fuck her within the next week or two.” And he said, “Okay, okay, Mr. Confidence.”
So I went in the store, got my few groceries, then I saw her at an aisle by herself—she was in the shampoo aisle—and I approached her. And initially I didn’t say anything. I just looked at her. I looked at her dead in her eyes. Well, first she turned around and looked at me, because she was facing the shampoo and I was a little behind her and to the side, and I just looked at her. And she turned around and I just looked in her eyes, and then she said, “Didn’t someone teach you that it’s rude to stare?” And I just was like, “So?” And she kind of gave a look like, “Huh? Well, aren’t you something?”
She asked me what my name was. I said, “Alan.” And then she asked me the question that opened the door. She said—no, first she said, “So, Alan, are you going to help me choose shampoos? I never can make up my mind which one to buy.” I said, “Okay. Do I look like I’m a man who really gives a fuck about women’s shampoos?” She said, “Wow, you’re really a piece of work.”
Then she says, “So Alan, if your mind is not on helping me choose a shampoo, what is your mind on right now?” And it was one of those, “I’m glad you asked.” I was like, “I want to just lean you against the wall, lift up that cute, sexy miniskirt you got on, and put my hard dick all in your pussy and fuck the shit out of you.” And she just was like, “Oh my God, wow! Oh my God, I don’t believe you just said that! I’ve never, ever, ever, ever, ever had a man say anything that bold or straightforward in a first conversation. Oh my God, I don’t believe…” I was just like, “Hey, believe it. I said it. So, when we fucking?” She’s like, “I don’t even know you.” I was like, “Yeah, that makes the fucking more spicy when you don’t know me.”
And then she started giggling. Once she started giggling I started moving closer to her, and then I just boldly put my hand like underneath her skirt and just started palming her ass, and she wasn’t stopping me. So then I just leaned in and started kissing her. We start kissing, and she could feel my dick in her because she said something like, “Oh, I can tell you’re really happy to be sharing my presence right now. You’re happy to see me.” And I said, “Yeah.” I said, “You want to see it?” And she gave me a look like, “I dare you to pull it out in this store.”
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: And so yeah, I pulled out my dick right there in the store. And then I put my hands on her shoulders to gesture for her to get on her knees, and she followed suit, and she starts sucking my dick in the grocery store.
[Angel Donovan]: Wow. That's like a porno movie right there. [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah. Yeah, she starts sucking my dick in the store. Then, [laughs] we get caught by this stock boy. He was about, I don’t know, 15, 16, 17 years old. To this day I tell friends, I bet you he's telling somebody the story right now. “Hey man, when I was like 16, I was working in this store, right? And this guy was getting his dick sucked in the aisle!”
But yeah, he looked and then he did a double-take like, “Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?” Anyway, that kind of freaked her out, so she gave me the keys to her car and told me to wait. She described her car but I actually knew the car because I had seen her get out of it. I said, “I know what your car is.” She said, “Okay, wait for me. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
And so I went and sat in her car—no, here’s the funniest part. I came out, my brother was still in his car. And I walked out the store, I walked like I was coming back to his car, then I just stopped, and my brother gave me a look like, “Why are you stopping?” Then I just dangled up her keys and pointed at her car, and he had a look, it was just priceless, like, “Get the fuck out of here! You are fucking kidding me!”
And I went and sat in her car and I kept looking at him, smirking. And she came out about, I don’t know, six, seven, eight minutes later, and we talked for maybe about 30, 45 seconds, and from his angle point he just saw her head go into my lap, and she started continuing to suck my dick. And my brother was just looking like, “What the fuck?”
Me and him are always reminiscing about that night because that was the night, that was, well, significant for both of us, because for him, like I said, it was the night that made him a believer in Mode One behavior.
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And then for me, that was when he first suggested that I put it on paper.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, so when was that? How old were you then?
[Alan Roger Currie]: That was, I was 22. Yeah, I want to say I was 22 when that happened.
[Angel Donovan]: Great. And so that's a fantastic story, yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: We haven’t had something like that on the podcast before. [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: [Laughs] And that's the night he said, “Man, you need to put this on paper.” He said, “If you’re getting results like that, you’re on to something.” And what’s interesting, it took him literally about 10, almost 30 years worth of persuading to get me to finally publish it, because I didn’t finally publish it as a paperback from that grocery store incident—oh yeah, that was a long time.
Yeah, because, well, first of all, at that time I didn’t call it Mode One. I would just call it bold, straightforward behavior. The night—and I mention this in the book if you’ve read it—that provoked me to first start calling it Mode One, I was driving in Gary, Indiana and I saw this woman, young lady, on a bus stop, who I recognized as being one of my late mother’s former students. My mother used to teach in this gifted intelligence program. And I saw this woman who I recognized, so I offered her a ride.
And at first she looked at me like, “I don’t know you. I’m not getting in no car with you. I don’t know you.” And I said, “Wasn’t Mrs. Currie your teacher?” She says, “Oh yeah! Mrs. Currie! I love Mrs. Currie!” And I said, “Okay, yeah, I’m her son.” She said, “Oh, okay.” So she got in the car, and she own this like black sweater with these black leggings that are now very popular among women. You know how women wear those tight leggings that might as well look like black paint on their butt?
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: That's kind of what she had on. It was real sexy. And it was interesting because if there was one woman I was kind of scared to be Mode One with, was women who were the daughters of friends of my parents. Those women, I would always try to be Mr. Gentleman around and stuff. So initially I start being that way with her, and she could tell I wasn’t really into her conversation. She started telling me a whole bunch of stuff that I just really didn’t care about. And honestly, as a lot of people do, I think you probably know friends who do this, a lot of times when we listen to boring conversation, we’ll play the role. We’ll pretend like we’re interested in what they’re saying, like we’re listening.
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: But most of us won’t be bold enough to say, “I don’t give a fuck about what you’re talking about.” But that night I just decided I wasn’t going to be phony. So she asked me, she said, “Alan, I can tell you’re not even really listening to me.” And normally I would have said, “No, of course I am. Yeah, go ahead.” But like I said, I just felt in a different mood.
So I said, “You know what? You’re absolutely right.” I said, “I could give a fuck all that bullshit you’re talking about.” And she said, “Oh my God, I don’t believe you just said that!” I said, “The only thing that's on my mind right now is slowly sliding those leggings off your body and fucking the shit out of you.” And she was just like, “What? What did you say?”
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, that took some guts.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And I said, “You heard me.” I said, “I didn’t stutter when I said it.” I said, “I’m thinking about slowly sliding them leggings down and fucking the shit out of you.” And she just was like, “Wow, I do not believe you just said that to me!” I said, “Well, believe it.”
So at first she had the demeanor of a woman that was offended, and even in my mind I was kind of like, “Damn, Alan, I think you just offended her.” But I was like, “Fuck it. So be it.” But then, to my surprise, we got to this point where there was this intersection, and nearby this intersection was this motel. And she said, “You see that motel?” I said, “Yeah.” She said, “Why don’t you go to the parking lot of that motel?” And I’m thinking, “Okay.”
So we get to the parking lot of the motel and just park there, and she just looks at me. She just stares at me for a long time. I’m wondering, “Okay, what is she thinking?” And finally she says, “You know, what you said threw me for a loop, but you’ll be interested to know, it did not create the reaction that you probably think it created.” I said, “Okay, what reaction do you think that I think it created?” She said, “Well, you’re probably thinking that I’m very pissed at you right now, very offended by you right now.” I said, “No, to be quite frank, no, that's not what I’m thinking.” I said, “I’m thinking that what I said got your pussy wet and you don’t know how to process it.” And she said, “Wow, you are something!” And I said, “Yeah, I heard that before.”
Anyway, to make a long story short, she goes, “Honestly, you know what, I’m going to tell you something that a lot of women might not confess to.” She said, “That type of bold, straightforward talk really gets women sexually aroused, assuming we’re to some degree attracted to you.” I said, “Yeah, I have experience with that, so I already know that.” She said, “Yeah.”
She said, “But here’s the thing, most women, we don’t expect any man to be bold enough to say what you said to me. Because I’m just going to keep it real, all women know you men want to fuck us. We know that. We know as soon as you ask us to dance in the nightclub, we know as soon as you flirt with us at a house party, we know as soon as you come onto us even in the lobby of a McDonald’s, we know that you’ve already envisioned yourself and your dick in our mouths or our pussy. We know that. The thing is though, we think, for lack of a better word, most women can assume that most men are verbal cowards. We can assume that you guys do not have the balls to just approach us and say, ‘Hey, I’m approaching you because I want to fuck you.’”
And she said, “So we meet a guy like you, it throws us for a loop, again, not because so much it’s a turnoff but because it’s like we’re saying, ‘Damn, this guy actually has the balls to say what we already want him to say.’”
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And it’s like she wasn’t necessarily telling me stuff I didn’t know. Based on my experience with women, I more or less already knew what she was telling me, but I had never had a woman articulate it to me the way she was articulating it to me.
Anyway, what provoked me to go Mode One, she said, “See, the way you’re talking to me, you’re saying things that women want to hear but would never really expect to hear,” and it’s so funny, I don’t know if you’ve ever had this happen, I’ve only had a handful of people say that something like this happened to them, but I understand when people say they experience like a light bulb on the top of the head type of phenomenon or an epiphany. It’s like, why would she say that? It’s like in my mind somebody took a graphic pen and just started drawing a matrix. And in that matrix I put in things a man can say that women want to hear but don’t expect to hear, things that a man can say that women want to hear and expect to hear, things that a man can say that women don’t want to hear but expect to hear, and then finally don’t want to hear or expect to hear.
And here’s the funniest little story. By this point this woman was so aroused she was pretty much ready to fuck right then and there, but because I was so hyped about what I was seeing in my mind with this matrix, I wanted to get home and put it on paper. So I was like, “Okay, where do you live? Let me drop you off and then I have to go home.” And she’s like, “What are you talking about? I want to go and make out here.” And so I started kissing her, but I couldn’t concentrate because I was so hyped…
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: …putting my principles down and I’m jumping around. She was like, “Wait a minute, you tell me you want to fuck me, now I’m basically giving you the green light and you want to go home?” I’m like, “Yeah, we could hook up this weekend.” And she was like, “You are weird. You’re just weird.” And I dropped her off and came home, and I started outlining my thoughts.
First I called them category. I said, okay, I’m going to name the first one Category #1, then Category #2, then Category #3. So I had the four categories of men’s verbal communication with women. Then, over the next few days, I found myself kept saying, “Well, when I’m in this mode or when I’m in that mode.” So now I changed it from category to mode, and then that's how I came up with the title Mode One.
So, okay, when I’m in Mode One, I’m really bold, straightforward, unapologetic. When I’m in Mode Two, I’m trying to be Mr. Gentleman, Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Compromiser. When I’m in Mode Three, I tend to be a cowardly liar and pretend like I want nothing more than a platonic interaction when I really want something romantic or sexual. And then, I said Mode Four is when I was Mode Two initially or Mode Three initially, but then I get pissed off because I didn’t get the reaction I wanted or I didn’t get the results I wanted, and then I want to call all women bitches and hoes. So that's my angry mode. I call that Mode Four.
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And yeah, I outlined it and I showed it to some of my closest friends and my brother, and they were just like, “Wow, man, you’ve really like outlined this, detailed this…”
[Angel Donovan]: What’s nice about it, it’s very simple.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah, yeah. And amongst every guy I showed it to, not one guy disagreed with it. Every guy who I showed the matrix to, they were like, “Man, I’ve never consciously been aware that I’ve been in these four modes, but look at it, I know for a fact I’ve always been in one or more of these modes.
So yeah, that was in October of 1996 when I first created, called it Mode One, and it wasn’t until 2000 when I first published it. But in between the time I came up with it and the time I first published it in an ebook, the one thing that happened, and this is kind of I guess the final story or the back story, would be I moved to Los Angeles and shortly after my brother moved to San Diego. And he was a manager for a firm in San Diego and he would tell me, “Man, I got all these guys, they always want to get dating advice from me, and I always give them my own brand of dating advice, but then I always say, ‘You really need to be telling my your brother, because he's much bolder and much more straightforward with women than I am.’”
And he said they would say, “Okay, give us some examples.” And he would tell them and they’d be like, “Get the fuck out of here, man! Nobody’s that fucking ballsy. You’re crazy, man. No way.” So he's like, “Man, can you write down like a pamphlet of just your general thoughts, your opinions, your principles, your philosophies about being bold or straightforward with women?” And at first I said, “I don’t know.” And he said, “Come on, man. Do it for me.”
So I created this 25-, 30-page pamphlet called The Mode One Principles, and he gave it to roughly eight of his workers, and I think about three of them immediately dismissed it. They were like, “That's too ballsy. I can’t do that.”
[Angel Donovan]: They probably thought it was wrong. You can imagine that kind of reaction from people, that it’s kind of socially out there.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Uh-huh.
[Angel Donovan]: So the first reaction would be like, that's wrong, that's not right. Do you get that reaction sometimes?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh, for sure. For sure, yeah. Guys will say, “Well, that's not how I was raised.”
[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And you know, “And I was taught to be a gentleman and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
[Angel Donovan]: Have you ever taken someone like that and managed to get them to try it out, like someone who had an extremely negative reaction to it and managed to get them to actually try it, to put their full mind to it and really try it for truth to see how it actually works out in reality?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh yeah. Well, that relates to the story I just told because, first, the guys who did adhere to the pamphlet, they ended up experiencing some very positive, desirable results, and to the point where they like told my brother, they said, “Hey man, this pamphlet is gold, man. You have to tell your brother to publish this, man. This stuff is really…”
For example, one guy, his name was Keith, handsome guy, pretty charismatic, but his main problem, he would approach women and engage them in a high degree of what I call entertaining small talk. Trivial but entertaining small talk. And one of my main principles was, in order to do Mode One, you’ve got to eliminate at least 90 to95% of your trivial entertaining small talk.
[Angel Donovan]: Can you give some examples of what trivial entertainment talk is? Because I’m sure like maybe a lot of guys do this but they don’t know they do it, right?
[Alan Roger Currie]: My general definition of trivial entertaining small talk is basically kind of you’re talking to a woman about stuff that you really don’t care about. That would be my probably simplest definition. For example, if you’re talking to a woman about sports and you generally are interested in talking about sports, that's not trivial small talk. But if you’re talking about sports but in your mind you’re like, “I really would rather be talking about what are her favorite sexual positions,” that means you’re engaging in trivial small talk. If you’re talking about a woman’s clothes and you’re generally interested in talking about her clothes…so you can say it’s not so much what you’re talking about, it’s your reasoning behind it.
This guy Keith, that was his main thing. He would engage in a lot of small talk. He would engage in a lot of small talk. His simple thing he did was, after he read my pamphlet, he would just go up to women and say, “You know what? I think you are fucking gorgeous. I think you’re fucking hot, and I think we should hook up in the next few days.” And he said like two-thirds of women he approached, they’d be like, “Oh, okay,” and they would just write their number. He would be like, “Damn, it’s this easy?” And so he was hooking up with women left and right.
And yeah, I would say that's most of my clients. Like I do Skype consultations with clients from all over the world.
[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.
[Alan Roger Currie]: I would say the vast majority of them fall into the category that you described.
[Angel Donovan]: Great.
[Alan Roger Currie]: A guy who their upbringing was such that they would always talk, present themselves as a well-mannered gentleman and only say things that are socially appropriate.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, I think I got tons of questions about it, and I think like the first one is, I think it must be hard for guys to start to do this, right? Because like compared to some other methods, yours is a bit more extreme and it’s bolder, it’s more straightforward, and I can imagine like socially the anxiety levels when they’re going to try something like this. So, like how do you help them? Like they believe in it but they don’t know how to go about it, they just don’t know how to start or they’re just so anxious about making that first step and just saying that first line that's bolder. How do you generally see them get up that ladder of becoming more bold in their conversations or how do you help them do that?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Well, I compare it to—wait. If you’re a person who has ever been heavy and you wanted to lose weight…
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: …most dieticians and nutritionists and whoever else will tell you it makes no sense to tell you the right way to eat and the right way to exercise if you have no idea why you get to that point in the first place. So you can say my step number one with most, if not all, clients is I navigate them to serious self-analysis exercises. I actually get them to identify, why are you exhibiting Mode Two or and/or Mode Three behavior right now? What led you to the point? You know, starting with things like, is it the influence of your parents, church upbringing, other factors in society? Why are you the way you are right now?
And then the second question I present to them is, are you pleased with and satisfied with the way you are right now? Because, I mean, like when I spoke in London, for example, [laughs] I asked a simple question but it had everybody’s eyebrows raised and had people rubbing their chin. I said, how many of you in this room would consider yourself as a complete asshole or jerk with women? And I think only two or three guys raised their hand, and they even did it like in more of a cautious way.
And then I said, so I’m assuming the rest of you guys consider yourselves well-mannered gentlemen, wouldn’t you agree? And they all were like, “Yeah, yeah.” So you’re the type of guy that says the right thing in the right way at the right time with women. You pretty much conduct yourself in a conventional, socially appropriate manner, right?
[Angel Donovan]: Uh-huh.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And pretty much, yeah, right. I said, okay, then why are you here? And they just started looking at each other. I said, I want you to think about that. Why are you here? Why are you in this seminar? Why are you in this conference? If being a well-manner gentleman was the key to romantic and sexual success with women, why in the fuck are you here?
And the reality is, man, and I talk about this in my third book, Oooooh…Say It Again, I don’t totally slam social programming. That's a phrase I use quite often, social programming. I don’t totally slam it because there are benefits to social programming. For example, the fact that we stop at red lights, that comes from social programming. So if we didn’t have social programming, we wouldn’t be stopping at a red light or doing other things that prevent chaos.
So there are other aspects of social programming that hurt us, particularly as it relates to dating and relationships, and I say this whole notion that we have to be this well-mannered nice guy, that's bullshit.
[Angel Donovan]: You know what’s interesting is, I mean, I’ve traveled a lot around the world, right? And I’ve seen a great variety of different reactions based on different cultures. And maybe you’ve seen that in your travels. You’ve been around different places in the US. We talked about that earlier and you’ve been to London and so on.
And you take the typical view of Brazilians, in Brazil, right? I think that's kind of like the most extreme where they are a lot more straightforward, if you’ve been to Brazil. Like the first time I was up in a party in Brazil, I was just blown away. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing, right? And, I mean, I’m really comparing it to what you’re talking about here. It’s just that they’re just straightforward. They’ve got a culture of being straightforward. They’ve got a different social programming over there.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I can believe that. I can believe that. Some people have told me, I’ve talked to a few people from France, and a lot of people in France are pretty naturally straightforward.
[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm. Yup, French men, I would say there's a much larger percentage of them that are more straightforward, for sure. Yeah, we’re just talking about tendencies here, of course. So you know, it’s interesting like to compare that what you’re talking about, it is a bit more normal in some places. So I’m interested, like what other types of reactions, what are the different types of reactions that you’ve seen over the years? I know in one of your books you say that when you use this method you’re probably going to get rejected more, but it’s not a bad thing. So what kinds of reactions should you expect from women?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Well, see, I’m glad you asked that question, because here’s the thing. You shouldn’t even concern—here’s the thing I have to almost beat in the minds of my clients. One of my most common phrases with my clients is, “Stay in your own head.” Stay in your own head. And what that means is, if there's one thing that so many men are concerned with, and sometimes honestly it frustrates me but I’m empathetic to why they’re like this, they always want to answer questions like, “Well, what if I approach this woman and say this, what if she responds like this? What if she says this? What if she does this and doesn’t do this?”
I’m like, why are you trying to predict a woman’s reactions? What if I had you and a woman in one of those like police officer rooms where I had her on the other side of a two-way mirror and you couldn’t see her reactions, I just told you to say whatever you wanted to say, that you genuinely wanted to say to this woman, without being able to see her facial expressions or anything? What would you say?
[Angel Donovan]: You’d have to just go with—that's a great, great analogy and example, actually. That would really force you to just say what you thought.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah, exactly.
[Angel Donovan]: Take your best shot.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah. You would say whatever you felt like saying. And there would be a 50% chance you could be getting a positive response behind that mirror, and there's a 50% chance you could be given a negative response. And what I go on to tell them is that, really—and there's even a woman who said…what’s her name? She has this thing called the wing girl method. I think her name is Marni.
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Mani wrote this article where she said something I totally agree with. She said, “One thing men need to realize, there is no right thing to say to women,” because she said women are so different. They’re so uniquely different in their experience. Like I could literally be a gentleman, I’d been walking down the street and I just said hello to a woman, how’s your day, and she said, “Fuck off.” Now, most people would think “hello, how’s your day” would be a “safe” thing to say to women, but even that's not safe, because I’ve had at least two or three women that either ignored me completely or they said, “Fuck off.”
So yeah, I try to get men out of the habit of trying to anticipate women’s reactions. Because here’s the reality—and I talk about this in my book Mode One—I’ve had women who I’ve interacted with in my life that have had nothing but complimentary things to say to me, and the vast majority of those women have sucked my dick and have never given me any pussy. Then on the flipside, I’ve had other who had negative reactions to things I said, have criticized various aspects of my behavior…
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: …to change or improve my behavior, and over half those women have sucked my dick or given me some pussy. So what I tell men is, if I have women compliment me but not giving me no pussy, and have other women who harshly criticize me but give me some pussy, do you really think I’m going to be flattered by compliments and scared of criticisms?
[Angel Donovan]: Right, because you’re saying that what people say doesn’t fit with their actions. There's no correlation.
[Alan Roger Currie]: There you go. There you go. That's the biggest thing that men need to realize to motivate them to change their paradigm on women’s behavior and diminish their fear of negative reactions, is that positive reactions are overrated and negative reactions are nothing to be afraid of. Simple as that. Positive reactions are overrated and negative reactions are nothing to be afraid of.
My brother will tell you and other close friends will tell you, because they’ve witnessed it, I’ve had women literally curse me out at, say, 10 o’clock, but at 10:45, 11 o’clock, 11:30, I’m saying women who were cursing out were sucking my dick. And I’ve had other women, again, who did nothing but compliment me at a party or somewhere, and I’ve never even ended up tongue-kissing those women.
So men are so worried about getting a negative reaction from somebody, I’m like, so what? So fucking what? The very woman who might be giving you a negative reaction on Tuesday could be the same woman who’s sucking your dick and riding your dick on Friday and Saturday.
Classic example I gave, also in London, because guys ask me about different stories, different examples, and one story that falls in that line was…so the story, when I lived in LA I met this Japanese woman. She was rollerblading at Venice Beach, and I approached her. And she was wearing these really tight, what do you call those, similar to what that woman in the car was wearing like, not leggings but more like spandex bicycle pants. And I told her she had a nice, juicy ass. And she started freaking out over that. She’s like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you just… You just come out here to look at women’s asses?”
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: And so I told her I was going to fuck her, and she was like, “You know, you’re an asshole. You’re a jerk. I can’t believe you would have stopped me to tell me you want to fuck me and that I have a nice ass, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
So I gave her my card. I said, “Here’s my card.” I said, “I guarantee you that you and I are going to hook up at some point in the next six to eight weeks.” She said, “You’re very confident, I give you that.” And the telltale sign, I always tell guys, I say you should always carry around business cards or what I also like to call contact cards, because this gesture will cause you to learn something.
If you give a woman your card and she takes it, she has some, even if it’s only 1%, interest. She’s got some degree of interest. If a woman were 100% not interested in you, she would either give you your card back, refuse to accept it or tear it up in your face.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, especially after your being bold.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Exactly. There you go. There you go. And so that was my first sign that she was interested because she took my card. And sure enough, that was on a Saturday, that following Thursday she ended up calling me, saying that she had told some girlfriends about me and she said they engaged in like a three-hour conversation just discussing my behavior.
But I basically told her over the phone, I said, “I’m not really interested in talking to you unless you’re going to be coming over my place or you invite me to come over your place.” And at first she tried to play the role, “Oh, you’re so full of yourself. You just think you can meet me, get in my pants?” I was like, “Yes.” And sure enough, that Saturday, that following Saturday, I ended up fucking her.
So that was a classic…I wish somehow it was all videotaped or something because if you would have seen her reaction to me that first Saturday, you would have been like, “Oh, there's no way Alan’s going to hook up with her. She’s letting him have it.” But again, she called me that following Thursday and we hooked up that Saturday, the next Saturday, and fucked. Well, actually, we hooked up really that Friday night.
So yeah, a lot of women I fucked were women who initially get negative reactions or spewed out a lot of harsh criticisms. So getting back to how do I get my clients and men I interact with, that I coach basically, to adopt a more Mode One style, is to get them to a point they have to realize that they cannot take every reaction they get from women on face value. They just can’t do it.
A lot of guys, for example, big mistake I think guys make is, and this is where I criticize the more indirect-type dating coaches and seduction gurus, a lot of these guys will encourage men to engage women in a conversation that has them smiling a lot and laughing a lot. But that's bullshit. I can name a lot of women who have never, ever, ever given me any pussy who I’ve had two or three conversations with and I had them smiling and laughing.
Women will smile and laugh with their platonic friends. That doesn’t mean they want to suck your dick. So in many ways I feel like, I’m not going to say all conversations where you get women smiling and laughing are detrimental or not to your benefit, but a lot of them are overrated. You have to be provocative. That's what you have to be with women. You have to be real and you have to be provocative, and whatever happens after that happens after. If that ends up with a woman rejecting you, so be it.
[Angel Donovan]: So you’ve been doing this for, what, say 20 years now? Can you give us like, how long has this been going for?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Almost 30 years.
[Angel Donovan]: Wow. So that’s a lot of data points to kind of build off on. I mean, have you evolved over this time? Like have things changed? Because I’m sure as time has gone on that something has changed about the way you do this, and I’d be really interested to kind of see how the 20, 30 years has kind of molded and maybe accentuated your behaviors. Would you say they got more extreme, you got more bold, or is there anything else you notice about those 20, 30 years?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Interesting question.
[Angel Donovan]: Tough questions. [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: I don’t know if I’ve changed anything about my approach. I guess, well, the one that I’ve kind of evolved is that I realized that Mode One could be applied to long-term monogamous relationships just as much as it can short-term casual sex relationships. When I started being Mode One, for me Mode One was all about casual sex.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: But my older brother is a classic example. He was Mode One with his now wife. He wasn’t Mode One like in an x-rated way or like, “Hey, I want to fuck you,” but he was Mode One in letting her know that he didn’t want his time wasted, which is really the essence of Mode One. Most people think the essence of Mode One is about being sexually provocative/x-rated, but really the essence of Mode One at its core is about letting people know that you don’t want to waste time with people who are not on the same page as you…
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Alan Roger Currie]: …who do not have the same desires and intentions as you.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Alan Roger Currie]: And as my brother was with his now wife, he told her that he actually was not looking for casual sex. He basically was like, “I’ve sowed my oats.” He's like, “I’m looking for a life partner, and so if you’re looking for something more casual or more short-term, let me know now so that we won’t waste each other’s time.” And he said she was like, “Wow, I’ve never had a guy come out in a first conversation, lay it on the table like that.
[Angel Donovan]: So that was the first conversation you had with her? The first time you met her or the first date?
[Alan Roger Currie]: His first lengthy phone conversation he had with her. He told her that basically he was looking for a life partner and that he wasn’t looking for anything. Because a few women he had dated before meeting her, that's what had happened. Their roles flipped, because usually the woman was looking for something serious and the man’s just looking to get in the pants, but my brother was running into the reverse. He was right in a situation where he was meeting women and he wanted a more serious relationship but they were just looking for some cash, and he didn’t want that. His attitude was like, I’ve been there, done that. I’m not looking for that anymore. So yeah. Go ahead.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I mean, the whole thing about this, it strikes me that when you were talking about your matrix earlier, you were saying these are behaviors that women don’t expect, right? There are things that society says that women shouldn’t want, and you’re saying that they do want them, but importantly that they don’t expect. They don’t see them very often, and it’s interesting, right?
It’s like when we go to a movie. If the movie has the same plot line as a movie we saw a few months ago, which happens with a lot of movies these days, then it’s not going to be that interesting to us. We walk out and we give it a 5 out of 10. But if it’s got something new, which is unusual these days, we’ll talk about that film and we’ll be like, “Hey, you should really go and see this one.”
So do you think that part of it is that you stand out? You’re saying that all these women remember you, right?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah. Oh yeah. [Laughs] Yeah, I think boldness is going to stand out, not only as it relates to, say, Mode One and dating and relationships, but I think in any regard it just stands out. Yeah, I think you just have to be a bold, straightforward—did you see this movie called Bulworth?
[Angel Donovan]: I haven’t seen that one.
[Alan Roger Currie]: It’s a good movie. It deals with that in the world of politics. Warren Beatty plays this guy who suddenly becomes very bold and straightforward. So it’s always been official…
[Angel Donovan]: Would you apply this inside a relationship? We just gave the example of, you know, as the intro to where, I’m interested in this girl for a real relationship, long-term relationship, you know, I tell her, right, straight there at the beginning. How would this apply in a relationship, within the relationship itself?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh, I would say, if you would read my second book called Upfront and Straightforward, actually, briefly one of the chapters talk about that, about applying the four modes to a relationship. And one of the things I say is—see, I don’t want to mess it up—I say Mode One would be…okay, let's use an example known among all my worldwide fans, I think I told you I love chicken wings and I love peach Snapple.
So let's say I’m in a relationship and I tell a woman, “Hey, I’m going to be eating chicken wings and peach Snapple for the rest of this relationship.” That would be me being Mode One. Me being Mode Two would be if I told a woman, “I’m going to be eating chicken wings and peach Snapple,” and she’s like, “Oh Alan, I don’t want you to eat chicken wings as much as you do. I want you to start eating other things like vegetables.” I say, “Okay, I’m going to compromise. I’m going to diminish my frequency of eating chicken wings by 50% and I’m going to eat some of the things you want me to eat.” That would be Mode Two, I’m being Mr. Compromiser.
Mode Three would be if I allowed a woman to talk me into giving up chicken wings for good. I just stop eating them. And then Mode Four would be me being pissed, and then we have a big argument or, say, we break up, and I’m like, “Damn! All them days I gave up chicken wings for this bitch. I can’t believe that shit.”
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, and like something interesting in that topic is, I’ve heard this before from, I can’t remember who said this, I read it a long time ago, but basically, you know when you break up with someone? Typically before you get into all this dating advice stuff. So you have a big breakup with a girl and it hits you like a ton of bricks. Like maybe it was your first girlfriend and she broke up with you or the first girl that ever broke up with you, and it hits you like a ton of bricks.
And they say that the reason for that is not because of the girl. They say that it’s because of the grit you’re carrying around at having not loved yourself for so long. Maybe it’s been a year or two years, and you’ve been compromising, you’ve been doing things that weren’t you. You haven’t been yourself and you’ve been following someone else’s wishes and putting yourself in second place. And one of the theories is that you feel so bad about that broken relationship, that happens when you haven’t been yourself, and it’s a subconscious reaction to having to get back to loving yourself, being yourself again. What’s your view on that? Have you heard that before?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I say in the book, and of course some people had an adverse reaction to it, but most people use the word “being compromising” as this positive word, that we should all aspire to be compromising, but I’m not in total agreement on that. Going back to the example I use, I mean, why should I decrease the amount of time I spend eating chicken wings just to please a woman? I mean, now I can say if it was a situation where my doctor said, “Alan, your cholesterol’s high, and unless you decrease your chicken wings you’re going to have a heart attack or stroke,” then yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: That's in your interest. [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: Exactly. But to decrease my frequency of eating chicken wings just to please a woman? Oh man, that's bullshit. I would rather hook up with a woman who loves chicken wings just as much as I do. But yeah, everything you said was valid, and yeah, I’ve heard different people discuss this issue many times.
[Angel Donovan]: For me, your Mode One, the whole concept behind this is directly applicable, potentially a lot more so, in a relationship. What I find is that talking directly builds trust and talking indirectly, miscommunication, breaks trust, and that relationships really grow or they die based on that trust. So for me what you’re talking about right now is essential to relationships. And especially if you’re interested in a long-term relationship, a serious relationship that's going to get better over time, if you’re interested in avoiding a divorce down the road, I would say what you’re talking about right now is essential to that.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yup.
[Angel Donovan]: Great.
[Alan Roger Currie]: I agree.
[Angel Donovan]: So the other angle that came to mind is social situations like where it involves other people, right? Because we’ve been talking about one-on-one situations, you and the girl, guy and a girl, right? So you’re only dealing with one factor there. We did touch on the fact that some people in their social programming are going to think this is wrong. They’re not going to think it’s right.
And I’ve seen situations like this before where like, for instance, you’ll be in a club, you’re talking to a girl, and maybe a guy she knows or even a guy she doesn’t know comes over and he says, “Hey, you can’t talk to a girl like that.” Have you experienced those kinds of situations? Do you think they come up a lot? How do you deal with that?
[Alan Roger Currie]: I’ve only had that happen to me one time. I’ve talked about it on a few message boards.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Well, speaking of message boards, I’ve had guys on message boards say that shit, and I always kind of, I’m like, “Yeah, whatever.” But the one time in person, I was living in LA and I got to talking to this woman, and I was talking dirty to her and she was responding well to it. She was just saying stuff like, “Oh, you’re so bad. You’re nasty.”
But then I saw her go and start talking to these three guys. Well, it was three guys and one other female. It’s like a group of them. And then all of a sudden I see this guy from afar kind of looking at me as she’s talking to him. Sure enough, all of a sudden this guy comes to me. He says, “Hey man…” I don’t know what his name was. I’ll say Bryan.
He says, “Hey, I’m Bryan. What’s your name?” I said, “Alan.” He said, “Alan, let me ask you something. You got any sisters?” I said, “No, actually I don’t.” He said, “Oh, I figured. You didn't.” He said, “Hey, let me ask you this. If you had a sister, would you want some guy just talking about how he's going to fuck her and fuck her face and fuck her mouth and come in her mouth and all this stuff, huh? Would you want a guy talking to your sister like that?”
I said, “Well, how old are you talking about my sister is?” He said, “Well, I don’t think it matters.” I said, “Oh, it very much matters.” I said, “Because number one, if my sister’s, say, roughly 21 years of age or older, or even 18 years of age or older, I’m staying out of my sister’s personal life unless she invites me, like she’s got some guy stalking her or something and she needs me to handle some shit.” But I said, “Other than that, I’m not going to be getting involved in my sister’s romantic and sexual affairs.”
And by this time I surmised that this guy was the woman I talked to's brother. And sure enough, he was and he said, “Well, I’m just going to let you know that that woman you were just talking to, that's my sister, and she was telling me some of the things that you were saying to her, man. I just have to be frank with you. I think it’s disgusting, man. I think it’s rude, I think it’s improper, and I think it’s disgusting.”
I said, “Are these your words or her words?” I said, “Did she come over to you and say, ‘Hey, that guy was talking to me in a rude and disgusting manner?’” He said, “It doesn’t matter.” I said, “Yes, it matters.” I said, “Yes, it very fucking much matters.” I said, “So, I’m going to ask you again, did she come and tell you that she was bothered by my conversation or did she just share some of the details of my conversation, and you on your own opinions and attitudes are having a negative reaction to it?”
And he was just like, “Hey, man, I just want to let you know, I think it’s foul. You don’t know my sister, and for you to talk to her that way…” I was like, “Dude, man, dismiss yourself from my presence before I get heated,” and I gave him a look like, “Dude I’m not fucking with you, man. Leave the fuck alone.”
And sure enough, he walked away. So I knew what the deal was. She hadn’t gone back over there and said, “Hey, that guy’s a creep. He's an asshole.” What she went over there, and that’s what a lot of women would do, she probably went over there and said, “Hey, see that guy over there? Man, he's a trip. I mean, he is like bold. He just says whatever’s on his mind.” And the brother was probably like, “Okay, give me an example.” “Well, he just told me straight up he wanted to put his dick in my mouth and he wanted to shoot his come in my mouth and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And this guy thinks he's going to play big brother, but again I was like, “Unless she came to you and said she was offended by something I said, then you could bring her out and we could all three talk about it. But don’t come over here try to play the big brother role.”
But anyway, in my almost 30 years of being Mode One, that's the only time I’ve had kind of what I would call drama related to a Mode One conversation. Well, at least from a guy, as you say.
[Angel Donovan]: Right. I guess you’ve had the kind of same situation but it’s a girl who heard the same story and then she came over and, you know.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Yeah. Definitely had a lot of cockblocking girlfriends.
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: Dealt with similar stuff like that, like, “Hey, my girlfriend said you wanted to fuck her doggy style. I just think that's rude and disgusting.” And I would say, “Oh, you just jealous because I didn’t tell you I want to fuck you doggy style.”
[Angel Donovan]: What kind of reactions do you get to that?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh, some of them end up laughing. I end up getting a woman to laugh, and other times the women, you know, they get huffy and—I don’t like that third party shit and I tell people that, both men and women. Matter of fact, I’m not going to too much detail on this one, but as my family members go, and this is really putting some of my personal business out there but, years ago, I fell in love with one of my own family members related to this.
So one of my cousins was getting married and…what’s that they have the night before you married? Not the bachelor party, but the dinner, the groom dinner or something? Anyway, it was the night before my cousin was going to get married. I was talking to one of the bridesmaids, and I got to flirting and one of the women said, “So Alan, what do you like to do in your free time?” And I asked her specifically, I said, “Do you want the basic formal version or you want the real provocative response to that question?”
And then she said, “Oh, I want the real provocative version.” I said, “I like to fuck. I like getting my dick sucked. I like to fuck. I like to make a woman come.” And both of them were like, “Ooh, you so bad. You so bad. You nasty.” But they were laughing.
All of a sudden, two weeks later, I get a call from my cousin’s new bride. I’m like thinking like, “Okay, why is she calling me so shortly after the honeymoon?” And it turns out she calls me because she’s mad that I talked to her bridesmaids in an x-rated manner. And she, I mean, like went off on me. I’m not even joking. I mean, she like went off on me, to the point where it caused me and my cousin to fall out for a while. We fell out for a few months, because he basically backed her. And that really hurt me.
But here was the thing. I ended up talking to the woman, one of the two women who I ended up talking dirty to, and she made it clear. She said, “Alan, I don’t know why my friend would go off on you about what you said to me because I wasn’t offended by anything you said.” I said, “So you didn’t say anything negative about it?” She said, “No.” She said, “Matter of fact, I found it very amusing and intriguing. I just told her. I said, ‘Your husband’s cousin is a trip. He's just really bold and he's very sexually straightforward.’ But I never like criticized you or said I was offended.”
And see, that's the thing that has always been interesting to me. I’ve talked about this with friends. It makes me scratch my head. I can name so many times where I’ve had a friend of somebody’s be more offended by something I said than the person who I said it to. I can’t tell how many times I’ve had like the girlfriend of a woman or the sister of a woman or the cousin of a woman or the coworker of a woman, yeah, a lot of times they will come to me and say, “I heard about what you said to so and so, and I just think that was disgusting. I think it’s rude.” I’d be like, “I wasn’t talking to you.” “Well, I just wanted to let you know.”
And see that's the type of shit that a lot of men are afraid of, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m like, “I wasn’t put on this earth to please you with everything I fucking say.”
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, you know, I think…well, first of all, I just want to really thank you for sharing some of your personal life like this, because I understand it’s not really something that you want to put out there, but it really does help keep this real and really valuable. So, just thank you for that, Alan.
I’ve had experiences with weddings also and family events. Weddings are okay. Like go to a friend’s wedding and other weddings, and it’s fine. But with your own family, I guess it’s not even weddings. It’s like your only-family events where your own family are involved, I guess the situation can be more complicated, and it really depends on your own ideals. Like you have very clear ideals about what you stand for in life and what’s okay with you and how you want to lead your life. Others may have different views or they may have different families, which obviously every family is kind of unique, and some families can be dramatic or so on. Like I’ve seen a fair amount of drama in my family, and I personally made it a rule, like basically to keep any of this dating pickup stuff or anything like that, whenever I’m at a family event, it’s like it’s not a part of me to try and keep things easy and drama-free.
Nonetheless, one wedding I went to, and you know, I had this rule where I just don’t do anything, I ran into problems anyway just because after a while you—I guess you’re not like other people. You’re more straightforward if you’ve been doing this kind of stuff for a while. And I actually hadn’t done anything, but one of the girls, the bridesmaids, got attracted to me, and because I had this rule where I wasn’t going to do anything, basically I just turned it down, because I just didn’t want to get mixed up in that thing with family like that.
And six months later that came back and it bit me hard. She went round spreading rumors about me and saying that I’d said like bad things to her, and it involved some drama with my family and my sister, and it wasn’t even true. So that was something I would have liked to avoid, but I’m not really sure what the answer is because, like I said, I always try and avoid the problem in the first place, and I think that just some things about the way we change ourselves and we make ourselves more straightforward, and the fact that maybe we are more attractive than we used to be, can like cause problems in some of these scenarios. So I guess we have to make our own decisions about how we never get those situations a bit different than the rest of our lives.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh, for sure. For sure. Yeah man, what I tell guys is you have to reach a point in your life as a man where you determine for yourself who you are, and then once you do that you have to own that person. You know, when we’re young we can allow to one degree or another our parents to determine who we are, our friends, other relatives, people at church or just society in general, but you have to…
It’s just like I interviewed on my talk—I do an Internet talk radio show, and I was interviewing this legendary adult film manager named Nina Hartley, and I was asking her what did her parents think about when she started doing porn and what did her friends and relatives think. She said of course some of them had a negative reaction to it, but she said, “I’m going to tell you something, Alan. If you’re a woman who is easily bothered by somebody, say, calling you a hoe or a slut or passing judgment on you, then this is not the industry for you.” She said, “I know who I am,” and she said, “I own my sexuality.”
And I love the way she said that. She said, “I own my sexuality.” And she was basically saying, “I don’t give a fuck what other people think of me.” She said, “I make my own choice, my own decisions, and I live with them.
[Angel Donovan]: I think that's something great to live by no matter what we decide who we are going to be. Obviously we shouldn’t care what others think, even if we don’t want to be… Even if someone listens to this and they don’t agree with you and they don’t want to be as bold, they still have to stand up for themselves and be who they are in life and not worry so much about…you know, maybe they don’t want to be as bold as you, but they still have to stand up and be who they really are.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, that's the same message I give pretty much all my clients, is that…because I mean, again, that's the biggest obstacle that just about all my clients have more than anything else, is just simply worrying about what other people are going to think, what other people are going to say about them, how women are going to react and reply to them. I’m like, “Man, you just have to be who you fucking are. You have to first decide who you are, and once you’ve decided who you are you have to own it.” So yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, Alan. This has been a fantastic talk. You’re a really good speaker. All this stuff comes across really well. And one question we ask everyone who comes on this show, it’s very simple. It’s take someone from complete newbie, no experience or dating advice or anything like this, and he wants to get results, success with women, as far as possible, what are the three things you would tell them to do?
[Alan Roger Currie]: Wow, three things I would tell a guy to do if he wanted to get results as quickly as possible?
[Angel Donovan]: That's it.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Ooh, that's challenging, because see, one of the things I tell my clients is I tell them not to put timelines on success. So it’s kind of going against my normal advice, but for the sake of this question, the first thing I would tell a man to do is assess what he really wants from women. That's step number one.
What he wants from women, like does he want short-term, nonmonogamous? Does he want long-term monogamous, long-term nonmonogamous, short-term monogamous? Always know what he wants. With any given woman he's talking to, know what he wants from women. If not before he approaches the woman, definitely by the end of the first conversation he should know what he wants from a woman. So I would call that step number one.
Step two, along the lines of course of Mode One, is confidently and boldly express to a woman what you want. If you want short-term nonmonogamous, let a woman know that. If you want something more long-term or something more monogamous, let a woman know that. Don’t engage in any type of manipulative head games with women. Don’t lie to women. Don’t go out of your way to try to impress women or wine and dine women. Just confidently and straightforwardly let women know what you want. That's step number two.
And number three is simply actually related to what we just talked about. Don’t ever, ever—this is one of my principles of my original pamphlet, The Mode One Principle—don’t ever offer apologies or lengthy explanations for something you said that was bold or provocative, perceived as bold or provocative. If some women criticize something you said that was bold and provocative, so what? If someone would try to get you to back down from what you said, don’t do it. If someone would try to get you to apologize for something you said, don’t do it.
Once something comes out your mouth, own it. If you really think you’re going to have to apologize for something you’ll say, then don’t say it. But once it comes out your mouth, own it.
[Angel Donovan]: Fantastic, Alan, like very simple three-point advice there, holds true to the rest of the podcast. Everything you said is very straightforward, and that's what I think is great about it.
And Alan, it’s been great to have you on the podcast. I enjoyed this a lot, and great to hear all of your personal experiences with this method.
[Alan Roger Currie]: I appreciate you inviting me and having me. You’ve asked some very good questions and at times tough questions.
[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]
[Alan Roger Currie]: I’ve appreciated this interview very much.
[Angel Donovan]: Well, thank you, and I hope we get a chance to meet up or talk sometime again in the future.
[Alan Roger Currie]: Oh, for sure. For sure.
[Angel Donovan]: To get more information on today’s guest including their profile, background, company information, and ratings, and of course, all their products and their reviews, go to datingskillsreview.com/datingskillspodcast and select the relevant episodes. You’ll find all the information there.
Do you have questions about dating, pickup, women, sex or relationships? Get them answered by us and our guests on the podcast by sending them to [email protected] by email. That's A-S-K at Dating Skills Review dot com. Your info is kept anonymous and you’ll get some rock-solid personal advice for free on the podcast.
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DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.
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