#124 How to Work With (Not Against) Your Introvert Nature with Michaela Chung

#124 How to Work With (Not Against) Your Introvert Nature with Michaela Chung

#124 How to Work With (Not Against) Your Introvert Nature with Michaela Chung
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Do you find it really hard to follow the going to bar and clubs route to meeting women? This obviously has been heavily pushed by pick up artist advice, in particular the last decade. Do you hate bars and clubs for that matter? Have you ever been asked when you're out, "Why are you so quiet?" or do you sometimes feel energy drained at long social events, or after those events, or when you're socializing in large groups of people? Do you prefer hanging out with people one-on-one or in small groups, instead of larger groups?

These are all possible indicators that you're an introvert by nature. Taking account of this and modifying your approach, or strategy, to work with it rather than just kind of pushing up against it is going to be the path of lesser resistance. That means the easier root to you getting results in this area, and that means meeting women, dating women, relationships, and all of this good stuff.

Now there's probably 50% of you listening to this that are in this situation. I actually think it's a lot higher percentage based on the types of people I've related to, the types of people I know that listen to this podcast, and so on, and that we coach. The profile tends to be a higher percentile of introverts or just people who have a stronger intra-tendencies.

So this is a really important episode for everyone to listen to. Even if you're an extrovert, it's going to be something worthwhile. Now, I myself used to be very much an introvert. The reason I know this is just because of looking at the changes over time.

Also, one of the things we discuss in today's episode is using the Myers Briggs type indicator test. So that's a short questionnaire and it's to clarify if you are indeed an introvert and to what degree. The test gives you a percentage result telling you what percent you are an extrovert and what percent an introvert.

So in episode 91 a while back we mentioned a personality test that I've done several times in my career at business school, and by executive consultants who consulted as CEOs to help them optimize their careers and how their dealing with life, and so on, and all the stresses. So I've had that done a few times by professionals. It's called the 16PF (the 16 personality factors), and it's got a lot of empirical evidence to it, but it isn't widely available. That's a really professional test and it gave me a lot of insights into my personality.

Now the Myers Briggs on the other hand is very accessible, where you probably won't get access to the 16PF. Like I said, I had professionals give me this test and you can't find it online or get it done. It's a little bit more complex and detailed, and so on. The Myers Briggs is very popular and it's very accessible. There's test online. There's links in the show notes, and it's mentioned in this episode where you can go to get it done in about 10 to 15 minutes online; to find out if you are an introvert and all of this material relates to you more.

While there is a bit of controversy about the Myers Briggs and how much evidence there is that it's empirical, that means if there's research behind its validity and so on. The good new is, that I found a study comparing the 16PF, which has a lot of empirical evidence and research behind it to prove it, and it compares it to the Myers Briggs. They found that the 16PF and the Myers Briggs results are highly correlated, which means that they're the same - 40 extroversion / introversion scale. So this is the specific area that we're interested in today, not necessarily other parts of the Myers Briggs test. So I'm not sure how much we should trust the other parts of the Myers Briggs test. But for the extroversion and introversion scale, it is actually very valid and useful. Since we're really interested in this, I'd recommend you do the Myers Briggs at some time before or after listening to this audio; because as we discuss it you'll be able to relate to this whole audio a lot better knowing how introverted you are.

After the interview, I did the Myers Briggs test myself and it came back with a 94% extroverted, which is a little bit of a surprise to me and how extreme that is. It's definitely crept up over the years starting from me as an introvert, before I got into all of this over 15 years ago, and all of the training, the experiences, and the learning, and everything that has gone on, and the change. To moderately extrovert a few years ago when I did it again, and now it's looking like I'm more of an extreme extrovert. So that's pretty interesting stuff. I guess I'm living proof that we can reprogram our minds, our inner game and so on, so take that with you if you want to change these parts of you.

Today's episode is about leveraging your introversion. It's not about changing it necessarily. Some people may want to change it, but other people may be happy with it. So today's discussion is more about how we can leverage it, how we can work with it, rather than against it.

Today's guest is Michaela Chung, who is an introvert coach. She's the founder of the popular blog Introvertspring.com where she has written over 200 articles on topics relating to introversion. When I was looking for quality guest to speak on this topic Michaela stood out among the many I looked at. This was a great and interesting chat I have to say. I think everyone, even the potential extroverts listening to it, will get a lot out of it by being able to understand better the introverts you come into contact with or perhaps are in relationships with, which is approximately 33-to-50% of the population. So you're encountering these people every day.

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Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:

  • How Michaela became interested in the topics of introversion, dating, and socializing (07:55)
  • Michaela's current relationship and social lifestyle (09:22)
  • What is extroversion and introversion? (11:00)
  • Emotional versus logical conversations (14:45)
  • Understanding the Myers Briggs personality test (16:35)
  • Using the Myers Briggs test to accurately self-identify? (21:00)
  • Evolving from introversion to extroversion (21:40)
  • Common misconceptions about introversion: shyness and timidity (24:58)
  • Communication differences between introverts and extroverts (25:37)
  • The demographics on introverts (27:21)
  • Are there social disadvantages to being an introvert? (28:02)
  • Aspects of social pressure towards introvert behaviors or lifestyles (29:20)
  • Making career choices as an introvert (30:00)
  • Energy drain and what it feels like (32:20)
  • Whether or not ADD and ADHD have an affect on introversion (34:00)
  • Managing your energy levels as an introvert (35:18)
  • Implications for dating and relationships as an introverted man: setting boundaries and communication (40:00)
  • Can dating apps and online dating sites work for introverts? (45:20)
  • The negative aspects of an introvert socializing and meeting people in clubs and bars, and what to do instead (49:00)
  • The difficulty of introverts being intimate with others: giving yourself permission to share without invitation (54:27)
  • How to connect with Michaela to learn about more about her and her work (57:22)
  • Recommendations for quality advice and knowledge in socializing, dating, and relationships (57:50)
Give some love to Michaela on Twitter to thank her for the advice in this interview.
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Items Mentioned in this Episode include:

  • Introvertspring.com: Michaela's website to help others understand and love their introversion, as well as unlocking your natural introvert charisma.
  • The Irresistible Introvert: Harness the Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World: Michaela's book showing introverts how to develop your magnetism, reveal your true charismatic self, and empower yourself in unique ways.
  • Introvert Spring Youtube Channel: Youtube videos covering a range of topics for introverts, including how to make friends, loving yourself as an introvert, and how to approach women.
  • Myers Briggs type indicator test: Noted in the introduction and throughout the interview for determining your personality type.
  • 16 Personalities: This website was noted as a favorite of Michaela's for taking the test to determine your personality type.
  • Introverted Alpha: Michaela recommends Sarah Jones and her website as the go to coach for introverted men for dating.
  • The Friend Formula: Michaela recommends Dan Chang, founder of The Friend Formula website, for his advice on how to break through awkward small talk and have interesting conversations.

Books, Courses and Training from Michaela Chung

Full Text Transcript of the Interview

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