Ep. #34 Building a Lifestyle that Attracts Women with Brent Smith

[Brent Smith]: I’m doing great, Angel. Thanks for having me.

[Angel Donovan]: So today we’re going to talk a bit about lifestyle, but first of all I want to give the guys a bit of an idea of where you’re coming from, who you are. So what’s your lifestyle like today? What’s going on? How is everything? What goes on in the lifestyle of Brent Smith?

[Brent Smith]: Well, my life is… It’s pretty simple, actually. Obviously, I’ve created a fun lifestyle that I like…

[Angel Donovan]: Uh-huh.

[Brent Smith]: …and so, you know, my lifestyle, like I said, is pretty simple. I work, obviously. I coach and help people and release products and stuff. So I spend actually a lot of my time doing that, and then I’m fairly social and I try to stay healthy and I work out. I don’t necessarily go out seven nights a week anymore because I run a company, so it’s changed a little bit. But I’m just kind of, you know, I have a fantastic, happy, fulfilled lifestyle where I have good friends around me and good family and good people that surround me, and at the end of the day that's really what it’s all about, and the most important thing about it is that it works for me.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.

[Brent Smith]: I think that's the bottom line.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, it’s great to hear that. You’re satisfied. So how about girlfriends or marriage or anything, like kind of where are you? Because we’ve all, like the people on the show, come from kind of different perspectives to this, so what I’d just like to do is like give people an idea of where the guy’s coming from to see if it fits with their aspirations.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. Yeah. Well, first of all, whatever your aspirations are, that's fine. Choose what you choose and I’m not here to judge you or tell you what you should do exactly. I will say this though, that, and this is the challenge for most people when it comes to dating and relationships, is make sure you’re doing the right things for the right reasons, right? Humans have a tremendous habit of getting together with the wrong people for the wrong reasons because they think that somehow sex is the answer or someone else will complete them and they’re always searching for happiness outside of you. So I will just say, whether your aspiration is to, you know, hang around with 10 women at a time or whether you want to settle down and do your thing, just keep all the stuff in mind that it’s not the answer and it won’t complete you. You have to complete you.

So again, you know, my beliefs are that really. And I think that a lot of times people will assume that I don’t believe in long-term committed relationships, serious relationships, marriage and all that kind of stuff, and that's not true, actually. But what I believe is that most people right now with what they’re currently taught are set up for failure in all of their relationships, which is why they fail most of the time.

[Angel Donovan]: Hmm.

[Brent Smith]: And so I think that if we approach it in a different way, which is something that I talk about in a lot of stuff that I do even though my main focus isn’t dating and relationships anymore, it’s kind of life and personal growth, that if we focus on that then you have a lot better chance whether you’re in casual relationships, you want a girlfriend or whether you want an open relationship or whether you want to have a monogamous relationship or whatever it is you think. And I love talking about this subject, but I think a lot of…

I just want you to also do some thinking about what you want, okay? So I will back up and say that. That's very important here, is that most of the stuff that you think you want you’ve been told you should want. If you really thought about it, it may not be what you want. So in other words, when you think that it’d be cool to be great with women and have all these women, that's what you’ve just been told is cool, really. I mean, that's not really… It’s invented, right? Or, oh, you need to be married by a certain point or something’s wrong with you and you need to have kids or you need to settle down – none of that is true.

So just understand that if you can clear all that clutter and all those limiting beliefs that other people have instilled in you and all those wants and supposed needs that people have instilled in you that you’ll have a much happier life no matter what you decide to do because it won’t be connected to getting something from someone else that you think you don’t already have if you follow any of that, what I just said.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right. Well, it sounds like a little bit like that could be connected with scarcity, what we see as scarce for ourselves at one moment might be something…

[Brent Smith]: Well, let me think again. I think it’s all connected to thinking that the answer is outside of us, right? The answer is in, well, you know, I’ve been taught that what I have to do is I have to get good grades in school and I have to get a good job and then I have to get a girlfriend and I have to get married and have kids and have a house…

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: All that's invented. None of that’s true. So when you realize that you could still do that and still have that life, I’m just saying that most people jump into that not knowing why. It’s just that everybody else does it, right? Or they’re getting pressure from outside to do it or they think, “Oh, I’m not happy.” You know what the answer is, is dating some super-hot person or a million dollars, which is absolutely not true. I hate to burst you guys’ bubble out there but it’s just not true. [Laughs]

[Angel Donovan]: So how would you suggest someone opens their mind up to this? Because you know, you’re saying you can just really think about what you want. How would you suggest that you find that out?

[Brent Smith]: Here’s what I suggest: Live your life. Have fun and live your life. What I said just a minute ago was very exciting, so don’t let it unmotivated you. It’s supposed to inspire you. Because when you switch your purpose for everything you do and the reason that you do everything, the reason you go out, the reason you talk to people, from your current reason, which is generally we’re trying to get something out of another person or get something out of life or get something from everything you do, that ironically when you switch it to giving, helping and inspiring, and you go out there, just live your life and let go of all this obsession, this bad obsessiveness of trying to get and trying to be cool and all that kind of stuff, that ironically here’s the thing that happens, is that because you’re out there and you’re being carefree and you have let all that stuff go, you are a rare person and unlike anyone that anyone has generally ever met, and that's attractive.

So here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to not only get what you said that you wanted when you were obsessed, but you’re going to get a whole lot more of it and you’re going to get it with little or no effort on your part because people are not going to be pushing against you. You’re not going to be pushing it away from you, in other words, by living in a life of scarcity. So because you live a life of abundance and you show up as the right guy everywhere you go in everyone’s life and you’re about helping, giving and helping people escape and you’re not wanting anything from them and they understand that when they meet you because most communication is nonverbal, so when they feel that vibe that you’re just charismatic, you’re attractive. They’re attracted like a freaking tractor beam, like you’re magnetic. So they’re going to just give you stuff.

So, you know, [laughs] that's the whole basis of all this, what I’m saying. And so when you go out and you live your life, and if you live it like that, you’ll attract way better people, right?

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: So if you’re a guy you’ll attract much hotter women and much smarter women and all this stuff. You’ll attract business opportunities, career opportunities, friendship opportunities, social opportunities. It’ll just be like an avalanche if you will operate like that.

So let's bring it back around to what you originally asked me, which is, you know—that’s why I’m not telling you how to, you know, like whether you should be married or whether you should date 19 people. You know, that's up to you. Just make sure that within all that, within all those thought processes, that you make sure what you want is actually what you want and not what other people have told you to want. And understand that those people in those situations are not the answer. None of them will make you happy and none of them will fulfill you because happiness and fulfillment comes from you, not from outside of you.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: And so this might be a new concept for some people to understand, but understand it because it will change your life and you will have a very cool, relaxed, happy, fulfilled lifestyle, and you can go out when you want, you could stay home when you want, you can hang out with people when you want, you can… It’s all the right decision. And you help people, and opportunities are always kind of just around you and you can choose to receive them at any moment of your life. So your life becomes effortless. Does that make sense?

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. I think what we need to do is like tie this more down. So this is about building more social connections with people, right? Not because you’re being manipulative or anything, but because it’s something that you want to do and you’re saying that this has an immense impact on your life, it really changes your life. So if we talk it down to kind of like, you know, I don’t want to be like data geeky, but like in data points, like say today my social life kind of buzzes around five people most of the time.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: What are we talking about here? So are we trying to connect with a lot more people? Is it like 100 people? Is it 50 people? Is it 1000 people? Like what…

[Brent Smith]: Well, yeah, I think it’s connecting with more people but not thinking of that as work, okay, as extra work. So if you’re out there and you’re saying, “Oh gosh, that sounds exhausting. I don’t even want to do that. I’m an introvert anyway and I’m shy,” and all that crap, you know, that identity that you’ve falsely created for yourself, when it is an identity that you’ve created, so just to understand that, you can easily be an extrovert just by choosing to be an extrovert. That's it.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: There's no like 10-step system. You don’t have to read 100 books, just choose it. And let me just tell you, connected to what I just said, when you switch your purpose to giving, helping and aspiring, you remove all your anxiety. There is no more shyness.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: Because shyness and social anxiety, and even dating anxiety, approach anxiety, talking to hotter women, whatever it is, all that is connected to wanting to get something, right? And being afraid you won’t get it, I might be rejected. And then what it means when you’re rejected, “Oh, I’m a loser, I’m not good enough, I’m not good-looking enough, I don’t have money,” and all this kind of crap you tell yourself…

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: When you switch your focus, all that dissolves. So it’s the fastest way to dissolve all that anxiety, is to switch your focus. And like I said, people will just offer you stuff. You won’t have to ask for anything anymore. They will just come up and say, “Hey, would you like this? I’d like to give this to you.” And so it’s a very interesting thing. And your life becomes effortless.

So it’s not hard to meet more people because when you’re out with your five friends, okay, or two of your five friends and you’re out, I don’t care where you are, a bar, nightclub, whatever, and you step outside of that group and say, “Hey, happy Thursday! Cheers! What’s going on?” to someone new, that's what I’m talking about. It’s that simple. Bring them into your group. Start introducing people who don’t know each other to each other and create this whole thing. You’re about escape. You’re carefree. You’re not attached to anything happening or getting something, whether it’s sex, money, attention, acknowledgement or whatever, and you’re just providing the good time.

And by the way, you can do that standing in one place. You don’t have to… I mean, I do talk about a lot of times working the place and walking around and being the mayor, but you don’t have to. You can just do that. And setting yourself up also where you can go to places where there are a lot of people who are open to being social. And we talk a lot about going to, I mean, you know, obviously we’ve been everywhere. I’ve been to all of the nightclubs, house parties, bars, restaurants, lounges. You name it, I’ve been there.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: And it works everywhere. But if you really were wanting to really take it to the next level, you could look for charity-type events, wine tasting, just stuff like that. So a little bit classier. And again, when you think about this, don’t think it’s going to be expensive or that you have to have a killer wardrobe or anything. There are many young professional groups and so on that throw things for like 10 dollars. And it’s two hours, and it’s usually during the week, doesn’t cut into your sleep time or your work time, and there's like usually 100 people there or 200 people and you could meet almost all of them. They’re open, they’re cool. And if you practice what I was just telling you, which is being giving and cool and helpful and getting the party started and being the catalyst and introducing people and kind of being the inspirator, we call it, like inspiring people, you can leave that place with people, you know. “Hey, how do I get a hold of you?” You’ll get messages on Facebook, you’ll get people trying to hunt you down on BlackBerry Messenger and Viber and every other thing they could possibly try. They’ll just be hunting you down, hot women, new friends, new business opportunities.

And it’s a whole new way of looking at the same old kind of problem that we as growing up we think we have, which is, “I need more of everything. I need more chicks, I need more sex, I need more acknowledgement, I need more attention, I need more popularity, I need more money,” right? You don’t really need any of that. You’ve just been told you need that so you grow up being tricked, which is why you fail all the time, because you’re pushing against something that you already possess.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, and you’re making it a lot harder because if you do have this agenda behind you, then people are going to suspect it, and you’re actually kind of working hard to cover it up, even if it’s subconsciously or consciously, then you probably don’t feel comfortable with yourself. And I think a lot of people, that's where their anxiety comes from, as you said earlier.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah, I think that, you know, like I said, mostly communication is nonverbal, and so when you think about it, anyone listening out there, you’ve felt someone’s vibe before, before they spoke. You get kind of an idea of what someone’s about. You can tell whether that person’s got a creepy vibe or that person wants something from you. “I bet they’re going to ask me for something right now,” right?

Or on the opposite side of that, that person over there who’s really charismatic, why are all those people standing around there? Wow, that's pretty cool, right? So we know. We know. And that energy is all dictated by the inner work that you do, and one of the things you do is change that purpose, and you do that by changing your story about your life.

[Angel Donovan]: Right. Well, it sounds like there is really one just very small switch here. It’s just to focus on like whatever I’m doing I’m just giving and I’m not looking for anything and then therefore, I cannot fail, because you can’t fail at giving, you know, just a sense like that, right?

[Brent Smith]: Exactly, and there’s no anxiety attached to giving. You’re connected to it. And so every part of your life will skyrocket. And part of this does take a little leap of faith, right?

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: Because you’re telling yourself that you already have some stuff and you have the ability that you haven’t really any evidence for yet. So there is a little bit of faith [laughs] that has to be…

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.

[Brent Smith]: But if you’ll just give it, if you’ll just take a leap of faith, you will skyrocket every part of your life. Seriously. I mean, there’ll be no competition. If you are worried about, “Oh, I’ve got to compete with other guys,” there will be no competition. Well, they can’t compete with you if you’re doing what other guys will not do. There's no competition. Everything will be yours. Everybody will hand it to you and everyone will say, “How do you do that?”

And that's not what life is about, but if you’re in that space right now there's nothing wrong with you, because that's how we’re brought up. We’re brought up to maybe get more than the next person has. So I understand that. So if you’re in that, just understand that when you are operating like you’ve been traditionally taught to operate, you are playing very small and you’re going to get very little.

And yes, there are anomalies. There are guys that you can point to out there, “Well, see, that guy, he overpursues and oversells himself, and look what he's got. He's got a lot of stuff.” Yeah, but he works way too hard for it even if he's got it, and eventually he'll be exhausted. And he's not in control of any of it because he wants it and he needs it, and he'll never give that up. And so he'll always be a prisoner and a slave to it, if that makes sense. So he's not in control of his life at all.

Because I was there, right? So if anyone who doesn’t know my past, I was the master pursuer. I mastered all of it. I mastered, you know, approaching women, getting phone numbers, trying to get, getting, manipulating, all that stuff. I did it all, and there's nothing at the end of that. Zero. And it’s way too much work. So, you know.

But it’ll be exciting. And I know it’s going to burst some bubbles out there, but you know what? I have to tell you the truth. I can’t lie to you. I have to tell you what it’s really about because I’m committed to you having as much success as is possible, and from where I stand I know how much is possible, and I know that if you consider a new way, then you might live up to your full potential rather than just keep bumping your head against the wall.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, totally. So can you give us some like practical examples? I want people really to kind of visualize how this kind of works. What kind of things happen? Like very specific cases potentially you’ve seen with clients or people around you? When you start doing this, what specific things are the patterns you see in other people’s behavior around you, whatever it is? What kind of things do you start seeing?

[Brent Smith]: Well, you mean when you start practicing this and you change all this?

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: What do you start seeing? Oh, well you…

[Angel Donovan]: What are the things that people are surprised about, you know? So like someone would come back to you and say, “Hey, I tried some of that stuff you were talking about and this happened to me the other day.”

[Brent Smith]: Oh yeah, they’re surprised how simple it is, number one, because we tend to overcomplicate everything, especially men. We’re taught that everything’s complicated and unless it’s complicated it’s not worth doing, and that's absolutely false. We made that up. [Laughs] So everything’s actually quite simple. We are the ones who overcomplicate very simple things. So understand that.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: So, how simple it is. People are amazed how, and we’ll talk about women for a minute here, how women will just come up and proposition you for sex. Women don’t want to go out on traditional dates anymore. They don’t want you to call them. They don’t want to give you their phone number. They want yours. They want to take control and they want to leave and they want to get down to business, and that's what they want.

Because you’re actually opening up a part of them that they always have wanted to exercise but were never allowed to exercise because all they deal with all day long are overpursuing, well, creepy pursuer guys, right? And they’re never allowed to be interested. The guy’s always pushing and manipulating and trying to get you isolated to all this crap, when the woman is sitting there going, “Look, I’d love to be interested, but you won’t give me a freaking second or any space to be interested.” So she meets this other guy who is carefree—I’ll give you an example. Okay, here’s a great example.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Brent Smith]: So you see a girl or a couple of girls in any bar or a restaurant or anywhere in the world who are cute, right? And you know, you could just stand back, and if you stood back and you just watched the scenario happen, it’s guy after guy will walk up there, “Hey, what’s up?” You’re trying some kind of pickup line. “Hey, what’s up? How you doing?” You know, they tell some story, “Can I buy you a drink?” and, “Hey, can I get your phone number? Hey, you know what, we should continue this conversation. Can we get together?” The usual stuff, right? All that stuff.

Then, there’s this new guy who has changed the way he does everything and he rolls in. And those guys will stay for like 30 minutes, okay, the first guys. They don’t know when to leave. They’re going to overstay their welcome. They’re going to keep pushing and pressing and so on. And maybe they’ll get a number. The girl doesn’t want to really give it to him but she does to get rid of him. You know. You’ve all been there. [Laughs] I’ve been there too.

And so you have that kind of feeling of like I don’t know what to do, and then you’re going to go and do a bunch of work. You’re going to call her, you’re going to figure out what to say, you’re going to text her, you’re going to, you know, whatever.

Okay, and this happens over and over again to these girls. Over and over and over. She’ll never hear them say anything different. Yeah, maybe just a slight change in the version, but the whole story’s the same, right? And the end’s always the same and she can anticipate every moment where the guy’s going to ask for a phone number, ask her for a date, ask her to leave, all that kind of crap.

Here comes this new guy, okay? Now, he's going to have a very short conversation with this girl. “Hey, cheers! Happy Friday! How you guys doing?” “Oh, we’re doing great! Blah, blah, blah.” “Cool. Well, what are you up to? What’s on the agenda?” “Oh, I’m doing this, yeah.” “Cool. Well…” You know, just like very idle chitchat. He's looking at them, he's there, he's not trying to dance around, he isn’t doing anything, and it’s cool. “Alright. Well, listen, it was nice meeting you. Oh, I’m Brent, by the way. I’m going to go talk to some more people.” And he leaves.

Now, it could be a little bit longer than that, but it’s going to be like one or two minutes, right? You might throw some fun banter in there and stuff, but it’s nothing about how hot the girls are or you’d make a good girlfriend or all that creepy stuff that you guys all know about. You don’t say any of that anymore. And then you move on.

That guy is intriguing, right? If you can connect the dots, okay, here’s why, right? Carefreeness, dismissing himself, being cool for a couple of minutes, not hitting on them. Now, he's not ignoring them either, and he's not being mean, he's not being rude, he's not putting them down. So the girls don’t know, right? Like he hasn’t been direct and come out and said, “Oh, you know, I think you girls are cute.” None of that. But he's very cool, laid back, carefree. He asked them some questions, they answered. He asked them some more questions. It was more about them than it was about the guy.

And then he moves on and they’re like, “Wow, that was an interesting interaction. That never happens. Like who is that guy?” Because then they see you talking to someone else, like three groups down or maybe the other side of the bar or maybe right next to them. And then you’re like, “Hey, do you guys know each other?” and you start introducing people, and they’re like, “Oh my God, who is this guy? That's sexy.”

So that whole attitude is sexy. And so what will happen is women will say, “Who are you?” or women will come up and say, “I don’t know who you are and I have to get out of here right now, but can I get your contact info? Can I reach out to you later?” Or girls will come up and say, “Look, I have to leave right now for another nightclub, but I’m going to go to my apartment and I’m going to write down my address and I’m just going to leave the front door open, and when you’re done with all this and all these women and if you want to, drop by my place.”

It’s just like that. There's no work involved. They’re hitting on you, they’re taking the reins, and as a guy you have to be okay with that, okay? Because this traditional thing of man chases woman and you like the hunt and stuff, again, you’re being conditioned to believe that that's true.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: Right? So I know some guys will push against that and go well, “I like pursuing. I like being the hunter. I like making things happen.” Yeah, but why would you like doing the work if you didn’t have to do it? Like it’s exciting to have a woman interested in you, right? Especially when you’re used to being rejected a lot, right? It’s fun to have a woman kind of take control in a very assertive… And I’m not talking about aggressive, okay, and a slutty way or the negative connotation of aggressiveness. It’s assertive.

And why do you want to do all that work and make all these phone calls and leave all these messages and try to get girls, keep them interested, try to get them interested, try to get them to leave with you, try to get them on a date? Why? Why would you try to keep doing that? Beat your head against the wall when you could just be this guy and women will do most of the work. You won’t have to do anything. You won’t have to ever worry about it again because women will just come and…

Now, again, you will still be approaching women, but your life will be a mix. You’ll be approaching women but not for the same reasons that you used to, and women will also be approaching you from time to time. So they’ll come up to you and ask you what your deal is, they’ll say hey, they’ll turn around and say hello. And you’ll still be approaching them, but it will be very fast and they will tell you what they want.

And the thing that surprises a lot of my clients is that, you know, I tell them this and they say, “Oh yeah, right. I don’t know,” and I say, “Well, man, if you’re not open to it, it’s not going to happen. But let's work on you being open to it and I guarantee this is what’s going to start happening.” And then once it clicks they’re like, “Oh my gosh, you’re right. The avalanche. All I did was go out and say hi to a few people and help them have a great party and introduce some people to each other, and then this guy came over and he said, ‘Look, I have this group of girls who wants to meet you,’ and he took me over there, and then this girl goes, ‘Hey, do you want to just go out to the parking lot into my car right now?’”

I mean, it can happen like in five minutes. And remember all that work you used to do? Well, all that work is gone, right? So any of you listening, this should excite you, okay? And I want you to understand that this is not a lot of work. I will tell you that the biggest challenge that you’re going to have, and which I call an opportunity really, so the biggest issue, problem or challenge that you’re going to have is changing your own mind about this and believing it. That's the biggest work to be done here. The rest is simple.

So it’s just going to be rewriting your story, telling yourself that you already have this life and this is how you do it, you go out and you’re this kind of guy, and then women do this and people will come over and hand you stuff, and so on, but because you give help and inspire, and then all these opportunities are around, that and then convincing yourself of that, that's where the work is really. It’s just changing your mind about it, changing your story, and then the rest will just happen to you because you will show up. Everywhere you show up, whether it’s school, the drycleaner’s, the coffee place, the mall, the nightclub, the bar, the business mixer, the charity event, I don’t care where you are, right? The swim meet. It doesn’t matter. You will show up everywhere all the time as that right guy and the most amazing things will happen to you. You will attract the most amazing people and the most amazing opportunities, and again, it will be effortless because you’ve done the work that you needed to do, which is to change your mind about it and open yourself up to a new possibility. So does that make sense?

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, it totally makes sense. What I wanted to ask you about this, now we were talking a lot about bars and clubs there.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: You know, you’ve obviously been there, you pulled in some other scenarios and you’ve taught a little bit about going to charity events, for example. But what it really sounds like is it’s more of just a new approach to life, right?

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: Now, I guess a lot of guys, if you look at the seduction community and the pickup artist’s kind of side of things, they often look at it’s either day game, so you’re approaching a girl in the street or in a café or something like that…

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: …or you’re in the club, right? So they’ve got these two scenarios and kind of nothing really much in between.

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: But here this sounds like a much more broader concept and it’s not just girls, right? We talked a lot about girls, but I think what we’re talking about here is building more of a broad, general social lifestyle and having all sorts of things come in your life from guys as well and connecting with guys and your life will get better because of that.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: So would you suggest that, you know, if people want to get started with this, like is the first step kind of to step away from thinking, oh, like I go out to bars three times a week to practice meeting girls?

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. [Laughs]

[Angel Donovan]: And, you know, I’m going around doing my life and I’m going to invest in more things that I’m interested in and then the social aspects of them. So you brought up something about charity, right?

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: So if I’m interested in like charity events or there are certain courses I’m interested in to get more involved with society and communities and get out there and start giving a bit more to it.

[Brent Smith]: Right. Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: Or, you know, if I’m interested in football or whatever it is, go to more of that. It could be dancing or whatever, but get more involved in that community.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. Yes.

[Angel Donovan]: If it’s salsa dancing you like, go and help them organize the activities, go and help…

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. So fundraiser or something. Anything you do with enough passion, and I think I know where you’re going with this—it’s like being a rock star, okay?

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: You can be the ugliest rock star, but if you’re into playing your guitar or you’re even the drummer or the keyboard player, women are all over you, people are attracted to you, because you’re passionate about something, you’re into it, and you don’t care about anything else.

It’s the same with this. If you’re passionate about giving and inspiring—and you could be in Starbucks, okay? You could be at a coffee place and standing in line where you used to go and kind of troll for women, and instead there’s someone standing next to your girl standing next you and you go, “Hey, happy Friday! I don’t care if it’s nine in the morning, seven in the morning before work, nine at night. It doesn’t matter. Happy Friday, what’s going on? How are you? How’s your day going? How’s your week going?” Stuff like that.

If you change the reason you do stuff, more stuff will happen to you. So I think the idea here is to switch the reason you’re doing that stuff. So you can still go out to practice. Just practice meeting people. Practice introducing them to each other. Practice giving and helping people and being inspired. Practice going up to the bar and seeing a group of people and saying, “Hey guys, cheers! Happy Friday! Let's get this party started! Who’s doing shots,” or whatever, you know.

I mean, instead of trying to get something, try to give something. And so yes, practice does make perfect. And so you should be out in the world and practicing greeting people and saying hello and approaching groups and mixed groups and all that kind of stuff that you guys know about, but with a different purpose and a different energy. And so it starts there.

So just change the things you’re already doing, which is a simple switch. It’s really easy. You’re already going to the coffee place. You’re already going to the mall. You’re already doing day game or whatever. Just change the reason you’re doing that, okay, to help people and have fun.

And then, if you’re going to get involved in a hobby, do it because it’s something you’ve been intrigued with or been intrigued by or whatever. So if it’s football, soccer, if it’s jumping out of an airplane, if it’s fencing, you know, salsa, it doesn’t matter. Just do it with gusto and do it with passion and you will attract everybody in that class. Seriously. Everybody will want to be your friend because you’re the only guy who’s there not to hit on people. Do you see what I’m saying here? Like it’s so rare that they’ll immediately… That's why you stick out so fast in a good way, in a sexy way, in an attractive way when it comes to attracting, you know, other male friends.

Because here’s one of the things, kind of a side note, is that another thing that is just absolutely amazing to my clients is that how other men will set you up with women. They’ll bring you women. When does that ever happen to you, right? When has that ever happened to you? Probably never. You know, maybe your best friend will connect you or hook you up with someone, right? So we all have that experience. But this will be consistently… Men will introduce you to the girls in their group that they’re standing with and they’ll send one over and they’ll set you up. I mean, it’s like amazing.

Now, as far as going to charity events and stuff, you can organize your own little charity event. You can call any local charity and say, “Hey, would you guys like some more money? I’d like to help you raise money for your charity.” They’re never going to say no. They don’t care what your background is, who you are, how old you are, what you dress like. They don’t care. How much money you’ve got. They want money. That's what they… “Great!”

“Well, I was thinking about having like a salsa dance-off for the Leukemia Association. What do you guys think about that?” “Oh, that sounds great!” “Great. Well, I’m thinking of doing it at this salsa place. If you guys come, can you send someone over to take the tickets? We’ll charge 10 dollars. I’ll promote it on Facebook,” right? That's all you’re going to… They’ll do almost all the work.

“Can you guys also send it to your email list and your Facebook list?” They’ll say, “Great.” So they’re sending it all out. All you did was come up with the idea and connect people. So it’s just like introducing people. It’s connecting. So there's one thing you could do. So you could have your own little thing. You could be proactive.

You can just Google charity events in Dallas or whatever city you’re in in the world. Young professional groups, wine tasting, young professionals for cancer, any of that kind of stuff. Surf the web and find out what’s going on in your community. They have all kinds of things with all different ages, all different price ranges, and start going to some of those events. Go to one that costs 10 dollars. Go to a kind of a mixer that they’re going to give money to the Arthritis Foundation or Kids with Cancer or whatever, and go and meet people and have a good time, and you will meet a whole new level of people, by the way, okay?

So if you’re interested now in like meeting classier people or people who are going somewhere, people who are upwardly mobile, people who are young professionals, people who have more money and are doing big things in their life, including women, like the smartest, most beautiful women who will be in that setting and you’re not hitting on them and you’re helping, it will bring the best out in them, so these are women who will not try to control you or do anything but let you do whatever you want, it’s like brilliant. It’s incredible. And so you could find those things everywhere.

You could go on a Tuesday, Wednesday and a Thursday in almost any city in the world and spend one hour and maybe 10 dollars, maybe five dollars, maybe it’s free, I don’t know, and you could meet hundreds of people a week and expose yourself to hundreds of people a week with this new thing without super-loud music in the background, right? Which is one thing guys complain about in nightclubs. Without like the intimidation of standing around in a bar. The people at charity events want to be there. They want to meet other people, meet the opposite sex. They want to give back and they’re passionate about something. So it’s a great atmosphere. And if you operate as this new next-level guy, again, you’ll have next-level opportunities for women in business and money and courier and all that kind of stuff that you say that you want.

And so that's another thing you can do. So you find these events, you can do your own, you can go to one. At one of the charity events, you could go up and you could say—they’re always looking for volunteers—“Hey, you guys looking for volunteers?” Now, pretty much 99.9% of the answers are going to be, “Sure, yeah, we would love a volunteer.” “Great, what can I do?” And then you get on that committee and you volunteer, and most of those people are in like seven different charities and now you know everyone in town, period. Like you can do that in the first 24 hours that you move to a new city.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.

[Brent Smith]: You could know all the players and all the hot women and all the upwardly mobile men and a whole new set of friends, instant friends. Instant lifestyle transformation, actually, is what that is, you know? So if you did that work at home that we talked about where you change your story and all this kind of stuff and you go out as this next-level guy, you know, so those are some tips.

[Angel Donovan]: So what I think one of the main things that’s really kind of different in this is when you take it out of the bars and the clubs, is that it’s actually going to be easier for people because when you go to an event, whether it’s charity or it’s salsa, whatever it is, when it’s linked to a hobby and an interest, then the topics you’re going to talk about, they’re already there, right?

[Brent Smith]: Right.

[Angel Donovan]: It’s already kind of set up. People are talking about things. So it’s a lot easier than those cold approaches that guys do…

[Brent Smith]: I guess.

[Angel Donovan]: …in the clubs where you have to generate a conversation out of thin air, you have to put all the more energy into that.

[Brent Smith]: Yes.

[Angel Donovan]: It’s more relaxed. It’s just like, “Oh, this is what’s going on. We’re here. We’re doing this. Why are you interested?” and all that. So it’s just very normal easy conversation.

[Brent Smith]: Exactly. It’s more like, “What brings you here tonight?” or “How long have you been involved with this organization?” or “What other charity events are good and that you guys go to?” I mean, it’s endless what you could ask these people.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. So, I mean, I think for anyone who’s getting into this stuff, and maybe this isn’t your kind of taste and your idea for whatever reason of learning how to meet better women and attract more women, but no matter, I would still say that this is really a great first step, right? If you’re starting from zero, like going out and being more social this way, getting involved in things, even if you want to do the whole club thing and do the pickup artist thing, the pure pickup artistry thing later, this is still the first great step because it’s going to get you out there, get you more social, and you know, you’re connecting with more people and getting more comfortable with the whole thing.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: It’s all about connecting with people at the end of the day, whether it’s men or women.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. And I will say this, I will add this little thing here: For those of you who are not, you know, if you’re kind of resisting this whole idea and you’re still all about getting, “No, I need more women, I need more sex, I need chicks,” and all that kind of stuff, here’s what I’ll tell you – that you could start out like that even if you wanted to just to prove to yourself that this whole process works. So just change your story to whatever it is—I don’t care what it is, if it’s creepy or whatever, [laughs] I’m just going to say go with it—because I want you to prove to yourself that this process works, and then you can create whatever life and whatever style that you choose, okay?

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: So change your story. So your story, instead of, “I want hot women in my life,” “I have hot women in my life, and every time I go out, and when I approach a set of girls and I say, ‘Hey, what’s up? How are you guys doing? You know, I saw you looking at me.’” You know what? They always go, “Yeah, we were. We were wondering who you were and how you got so sexy, and we want to go home with you right now,” okay?

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: So even if you want to make your story all about getting for now, I’m okay with that because I used to be in that mode too, and so I know exactly where you’re at and so I’m not…

[Angel Donovan]: Let's talk about getting for just a minute. I want to stop you there. Because like getting, it’s really this short-term getting rather than it’s just going to happen in the longer term, right? So when you go out there with the mindset and you want to get laid tonight or you want to meet a girl tonight, rather than just giving, just being friendly with them and letting the chips fall where they may, so I think some of the aspects that guys might reject about that is like the lack of control. They feel like they have less control over the situation and they kind of… You know, some people that get into this, they want more control. So could you kind of talk about that, like how does that…

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. The only thing you control when you’re trying to get is your failure. That's the only thing you’re controlling, really.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: So you’ve been taught that you’re in control when you take all the action, right? If I ask her the phone number and I have the phone number in my hand, well, then you know, I’m the man. I’m in control. Well, I used to think the same thing. But you’re not, actually, because as soon as you type the number and text, you lose all your control. Seriously, you do.

So that's what I’m saying. So you just gave away all your power. So you may think you’re cool, right? “Oh, I got the number. I’m in control and I’m going to tell this girl and she’s into me, and I’m going to make her interested, and then she’s going to do…”

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: And that's another reason. That's why you will consistently never have enough. You will constantly need to keep getting because it’s about getting. Now, I understand if you’re in a certain space in your life that this probably isn’t resonating with you, and I understand that. But I’m just telling you that getting is very short-lived and will not lead anywhere and you’re not actually controlling the situation, because what you’re doing—remember what I said earlier—is you’re going to be a slave to it, right?

So when I was a master pursuer and I would get five, 10 phone numbers a night, man, I was a master at it. Seven days a week. So I had such a high quantity of phone numbers and I was a master at converting them into dates, home dates, salsa dates, whatever. So much work that it was controlling me. You see what I’m saying? Like I thought I was in control. Like, “Oh, I have the number, so now I’m going to call her and show my brilliance and how cool and sexy I am by leaving the proper message or getting her over to my place,” or whatever, which again, I’m saying you guys do it if you want. I don’t care. I’m just saying that you’ll find that you’re kind of spinning your wheels after a while and you’re on a hamster wheel, like you’re moving but you’re not moving forward, just moving in place.

And so the process controls you. The process of pursuing always controls you, right? So that's the mind screw here, okay? And we’ve all been victims of it. It’s a brainwashing that you’ve been put through that just isn’t true. But you don’t have to believe that right now. You can continue doing what you’re doing. But the process will control you, okay?

So, in other words, you have to give up what you think is control in order to get control. So in other words, so kind of like responsibility, okay? So I used to avoid taking responsibility for everything in my life, for going to the next level. “Someone always has it better than me. You don’t understand my childhood. It was my controlling mom. It’s my friends. It’s society. It’s other people, blah, blah, blah.”

[Angel Donovan]: Yup.

[Brent Smith]: Right? So, but all I’ve been doing is avoiding taking responsibility. By avoiding taking responsibility, I’m thinking, “Well, I’m in control.” But I wasn’t. The only time I was in control is when I took responsibility for my life and made those decisions. So you have to take responsibility for this process of meeting women, if you will. And you’re still going to do some of the same things, right? You’re still going to approach. You’re still going to be the man. You’re still going to be masculine. You’re still going to be leading them, okay? I want you to think about it like this: But you’re going to be leading them into pursuing you.

So what’s the difference when you lead them by saying, “Oh, I’m going to call you and you’re beautiful and you’d make a great girlfriend, you’ve got the most beautiful eyes and blah, blah…?” You’re doing too much work. You’re doing too much work. Stop doing all that crazy extra exhausting work that doesn’t need to be done. And the women don’t want you to do it. That's the other thing. So have to be careful not to let the process control you.

Now, had I not been where you’re at, then obviously I would have no credibility here, [laughs] right? Because you’d be like, “Yeah, whatever, Brent. Yeah, coming from you, whatever.” But I’m telling you, I was where you’re at and I was at the highest level of where you’re trying to get to. The highest level. And I’m not bragging, I’m just telling you how it was. I had mastered it as an art, the whole process and I can tell you at the very end that it was controlling me. And so you’ve got to just be excellent in front of people and then disappear and do your own thing, and I guarantee if you take that leap of faith, if you really give in to it and give it a shot, that women will be hunting you down. You won’t have any time to worry about the women who aren’t calling you or aren’t texting you or didn’t get back to you, because so many will. You’ll live in abundance and you won’t even worry about it anymore.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. Yeah.

[Brent Smith]: You know what I’m saying?

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Brent Smith]: And I’ll also point out one other thing. The only reason that I had the level of success that I had, one of the main reasons, is the quantity. So I went and spent most of the time outside the next week and got all the numbers and was churning about 100 numbers a week at least, and I had it down to a science, I had it in a computer program, the whole freaking thing, and in a database. I mean, it’s like cold calling in sales. I was really good at it. Laughs] And so, you know, it was kind of fun at first, but then after a while just…

So my point is that when I think about the return on investment of time—oh, it’s now the other way around.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. I like that… Right. Well, I like the way you’re talking about this. There are a couple of things that spring to mind for me and I think you bring them up in your book a little bit, maybe not using the same words, but I think this difference between going to the club one night and expecting something to happen, and in this case I think what you’re doing works a lot better with continuity, right? I want to kind of bring this idea in here.

[Brent Smith]: Well, I think that, well, maybe. I mean, it just depends. I mean, if you’re… But here’s the deal. If you’re that guy, you know, if you’re that guy all the time, then wherever you show up this would be allowed to happen, these things, these crazy things that women will do. These crazy stories that I’ve been telling you will happen.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Brent Smith]: However, to support what you just said, yeah, you don’t want to sit home every night also and lay on your couch. Get out there in the world and meet people. But I also don’t want you to think of this as a job like you currently think about it, because that was what I used to do too.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: I went out only to meet women, only to get stuff, and I was exhausted after a few years ago now. Seven nights a week, can you imagine? I mean, like it was ridiculous. And I felt I could never stay home because I might miss out on an opportunity, and I didn’t get it back then. I didn’t realize it.

[Angel Donovan]: I guess my point here is like if you want to take a first few steps in this, is it a good idea to like kind of commit to this charity? In your head you’re like, “Yeah, I’m going to go to all of those charity events for this charity because I like that and I’m going to stick to it for a few months.”

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. Sure. Yes.

[Angel Donovan]: Because this kind of thing, you know, yes you can meet a lot of people, very brief encounters, you know, when you go to the first one, if it’s an hour or two. But what often happens is you make those connections, you go away, you probably have got numbers from most people, you go again and you meet them again, and this is something you said in one of your books that I read, and it builds up momentum and it kind of goes exponential. Once you’ve been the third or fourth time, then everyone knows you, right?

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: And you didn’t really make much effort, but you know, they’ve just seen you a few times and they’re a lot more friendly towards you.

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: Is this something you think is a good idea? I mean, in a way, from my perspective, it’s also something that's good for your life in general if you could commit to things. If you can kind of stick with things, you’re bound to get a lot more from them in general. You know, if we dance around and we’re not very passionate, we don’t get very deep with anything, we don’t tend to get a lot out of it.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. I agree. I think commitment is great and sometimes that's what it takes to really take on this new way of being and new way of doing things, in the world of meeting women specifically too, is to commit to a fun experiment. Just do it for a month, do it for two months, whatever. Commit to going to those events. Commit to doing it passionately and wanting to be there, right, and giving and doing the things that we talked about, and just commit to that, and you will see it. Because things will…

Yes, over time is great and you’ll meet people and become part of the group, and people will know you and you’ll be popular and all that kind of stuff, and that's kind of a by-product. But also, things will happen to you along the way at the first event, the second event or whatever as you… Well, how I actually want to say it is that it could happen at every event, okay? That's all going to be based on your belief about it and your comfortableness with this new way of being. So if you’ve done all the work at home when you’re not out and you’re still doing a little bit of it while you’re out, so the things will happen to you that are you most comfortable with happening to you, that you are open to receiving. So if you’re still unsure about it, you still don’t… “No, I don’t know if this actually works. I’m going to give it a try but it probably won’t work,” you’re cutting yourself off from these crazy things happening to you. [Laughs]

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: Because I’ve been there, guys. I’ve done that.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Brent Smith]: You know, when I wasn’t fully committed to an idea, a process, then of course I was causing it not to work, and then guess what? I could be right about the fact that it doesn’t work and I could go back to my old way that also doesn’t work but seems like it works once in a while, and it’s like this thing. So it’s a mind game you play with yourself. So it’ll only happen…

Here’s what I would say about it. For most people, it won’t happen to you as fast as it can. It will only happen to you as fast as it will or as fast as you will allow it, okay? Does that make sense? Like most people will not go as fast as they can, only as fast as they will. Because you choose it. It has nothing to do with anyone outside of you.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right, right.

[Brent Smith]: It’s all you. You are the source of all of this. So you show up as this guy and you’re intimidated and you’re unsure, well, sure, it still could happen, but it might not.

[Angel Donovan]: Well, in a way, are you saying that the more open you are to new experiences, the more open you are to something different happening, the better this is going to work?

[Brent Smith]: Sure, yeah. It’s based on belief, right? I mean, if you think about it, even when you’re listening to this call, all your beliefs are running your comments and your internal commentary about what I’m saying right now. Either, “This guy’s crazy,” “I don’t believe that,” “Oh, I already know that,” “That will never work,” “I tried that,” right? That's what running your life, and those are beliefs.

[Angel Donovan]: Right. Yeah.

[Brent Smith]: And so your beliefs will control your life in the moment that you have those beliefs. Whatever your current belief is controls everything about your life.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.

[Brent Smith]: So that's what I’m saying about that.

[Angel Donovan]: Right. I want to kind of interject here. It’s kind of like an analogy. Like I totally get what you’re talking about here, and some of the greatest kind of like adventures I’ve had are just kind of like going somewhere, meeting people wherever it is, and then that goes somewhere else, and I never knew where I was going to end up, right?

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: And it ended up in this great night or this great week or whatever it was and, you know, it was really something unexpected because you walk in there and you’re not looking for anything specific, and then you’re open to whatever comes up. And I think some people might be able to kind of connect what that idea when you travel, alright?

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: Because often when people travel they’re a bit… They don’t know where they are. They don’t really know what the rules are. They don’t have any rules.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: And they tend to just kind of go with the flow, and stuff happens. And I think, I mean this has always happened to me, like my first day, my first week in a new country, is normally one of the best ones because you arrive and then you just kind of meet people and you go places and you have a lot of fun. But if you could replicate that and be more open to those experiences, normally they could happen whenever you want, and a lot of people I think kind of look at those travel experiences and they thought, “Wow, that was just like amazing. It was the place,” or whatever.

[Brent Smith]: Mm-hmm.

[Angel Donovan]: And I think what you’re kind of talking about is these things can be, you know, these can happen every weekend in your life if you just let them.

[Brent Smith]: Yeah, I agree. I think if you kind of have that vacation state of mind where you don’t fear the unknown because the unknown is just right there in front of you, it’s impossible to know it [laughs]…

[Angel Donovan]: Right. Right, right.

[Brent Smith]: And so I think you’ve given into it and given up on it trying to control the situation, and that's when some of the best things—I’m not saying you don’t want to control situations. Sometimes, of course. I’m not being extreme. But I’m just saying that, in general, that's a great attitude or personality to try to kind of call back into action in your everyday life.

Pretend that you’re going into this bar for the first time in a new city and you’re just going to let it happen. You’re not going to push it so much. And I don’t mean don’t go talk to people and stand in a corner against the wall, right? But I’m saying that maybe don’t worry about it so much. Just kind of let it unfold and stand at the bar, talk to a few people, see what happens, and what can unfold can sometimes be amazing, and certainly in my life that has happened as well.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Brent, this has been really good. I want to finish off with one question. We ask this question of everyone because it’s such a great, great question. [Laughs]

[Brent Smith]: Okay.

[Angel Donovan]: So if you were going to recommend someone who’s at complete zero, they haven’t read any books, they haven’t studied anything dating/ social/ lifestyle/ whatever, if you were going to recommend the top three things that they should do to get a good quality dating/ social/ lifestyle as fast as possible, what would those top three recommendations be?

[Brent Smith]: Oh [laughs]…

[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]

[Brent Smith]: Yeah. Stop pursuing. [Laughs] Stop pursuing women, number one. Stop doing it right now. It doesn’t lead to anywhere. Change your story.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Brent Smith]: Okay? Change your story, and commit to going out a couple nights a week and just being in the world and just opening your mouth and speaking to people without wanting anything, and just help people have fun. That's what I would say. And if you just did that, those are three important things. There are many more, but those are three really good ones.

[Angel Donovan]: Great. Great. Those sound great. Thank you very much for that, Brent.

[Brent Smith]: Cool. You’re welcome.

[Angel Donovan]: Well, it’s been great connecting with you. Great to have you on the show. Really good talk.

[Brent Smith]: Well, thanks for having me. Appreciate it. Hope everybody enjoyed it.