#91 Practical Rules to Navigate the Path of Love and Commitment with Duana Welch

#91 Practical Rules to Navigate the Path of Love and Commitment with Duana Welch

#91 Practical Rules to Navigate the Path of Love and Commitment with Duana Welch
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This week we're looking at love and commitment. We're going to do it from as practical a perspective as possible. We're looking at it from a science perspective and some practical applications of that science. We're answering questions such as:

What is love and commitment?

Do you really want it?

Is it something that is going to fit for you?

How do you actually go about strategically and sensibly looking for love and commitment?

How do you approach it?

How do you keep it once you’ve found it?

Those are big questions. I think there are a lot of questions there that don't typically get answered, even if you look in relationship books and the types of books that cover these subjects. They don't normally look at it from a really practical action-taking perspective. Today, we have on the show Duana Welch. We brought her on the show because she's written a book that is focused on being really practical about this. It's based around a social and evolutionary science perspective. The book is called: Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do. Duana has a PhD, teaching psychology at Austin, Texas universities. She's also a Psychology Today columnist.

Coming back to her book, David M. Buss, the renowned psychologist, said this of Duana's book: "Love Factually is a great book anchored in solid science. It brims with practical advice in the form of concrete actions everyone can take to improve their love lives. If you plan to read one book to improve your mating life, this is the one to read."

That's a pretty big quote from a very well known evolutionary psychologist. So it's really a test to the practicality of this book, which as I say isn't typical. We’ll be getting into these practical details in a moment.

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Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:

  • What love and commitment could mean to people? (03:46)
  • Duana's background and relationship lifestyle (07:25)
  • Why Duana is passionate about her topic, why it's important today, and why she wrote her book (08:47)
  • What gets in our way of looking for love and commitment? (09:56)
  • Marriage as a more stable lifestyle and the behavioral differences between cohabiting and marriage (16:08)
  • Dependency: an explanation of the co-dependency model/frame (18:10)
  • Attachment styles, how those styles can get in the way in terms of dependency, and determining your attachment style (21:50)
  • Practical tips for dealing with and/or changing your particular attachment style (40:13)
  • What makes a relationship satisfactory and healthy (50:58)
  • Selecting a partner based on what you need as opposed to what society tells you, and revealing the past to determine if someone is right for you (52:14)
  • Finding someone that matches your attachment style; someone who desires the same things or standards in a relationship (1:01:53)
  • Discussing the book: All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Ellen Fein), and whether Duana sees aspects of it that are beneficial (1:10:00)
  • Discussing the book: Evolution of Desire (David M. Buss), and how men and women have different mating psychologies (1:11:20)
  • When a woman applies specific rules that affect the dating process and the possibility of a relationship (1:16:10)
  • Searching for someone based on sexual behavior versus those looking for a committed relationship (1:23:40)
  • Where to find people interested in committed relationships (1:26:05)
  • Dr. Nancy Kalish research and how people compare what they want in a person to a past love, and realizing the possibility of connecting with that person from their past (1:35:57)
  • Best way to connect with Duana and learn more about her work (1:47:05)
  • Top three recommendations for men who want a committed relationship (1:49:18)
Give some love to Duana on Twitter to thank her for the advice in this interview.
Click Here to let her know you enjoyed the show!

Items Mentioned in this Episode include:

Books, Courses and Training from Duana Welch

Full Text Transcript of the Interview

Click Here to Read Transcript

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