#85 How to Avoid Relationship Drama (in a Polyamorous or Monogamous Relationship) with Minx

#85 How to Avoid Relationship Drama (in a Polyamorous or Monogamous Relationship) with Minx

#85 How to Avoid Relationship Drama (in a Polyamorous or Monogamous Relationship) with Minx
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Men do not like drama. I assume women don't either, but we often talk about the fact that men don't like it and that they are getting more of it from women. Is that true? What is drama? Can we differentiate between healthy emotional processing and drama? What is our responsibility, and that of our girlfriend or wife? Where is it all coming from?

We're going to ask a lot of questions about drama today and, in general, managing issues in relationships. What we're going to be doing is looking at, first of all, polyamory because polyamory is basically a set of relationships that are more complex. It involves more than just two people, and the way that's it is set up. So it has the potential to create more conflicts and more drama. It's a great place to learn how to better manage your relationships.

Of course, all of it applies to every other type of relationship as well - monogamy, marriage, girlfriend, and so on. This is going to be solid stuff for all of those scenarios.

Today we have Minx, from the Polamory Weekly Podcast (Polyweekly.com). I have to say, her podcast makes me look like an utter beginner at this whole game, because she's been in this for 10 years. They just celebrated their 10-year anniversary of the podcast and she has nearly 500 episodes out there. I haven't even made a hundred yet. So, we have someone who has some serious experience here and it's very focused on the area of polyamory, and they're often discussing relationship issues.

She also speaks regularly at polyamory and sex positive conferences. I saw one of her presentations and I thought it was great quality. It had a lot of really solid advice. That's why I ask her to come onto the podcast, apart from the fact that she's just really experienced in all this stuff. The name of her talk was: Kicking Poly Drama in the Ass. This is really about developing relationship quality skills - maintaining, sustaining, and ensuring the quality of your relationships so they don't get damaged over time unnecessarily. This is a really, really key skill set everyone should develop, no matter where you are.

Some of you - what you are going to find in this - are going to be looking at drama in new ways afterwards. I'm betting some of you will realize even that what you thought was drama was actually something else, and you may even learn quite a bit about yourselves.

This is a great interview full of great information and advice. Hope you enjoy it.

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Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:

  • Minx' background and dating lifestyle (03:50)
  • Dealing with relationship drama in polyamory and developing a level of self-awareness (10:08)
  • How a man can tell if it's his emotions that are generating a woman's dramatic response versus hers (16:47)
  • Minx discusses her user manual called: RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual) and how men can create the same in order to learn more about themselves, and make that more concrete (17:38)
  • Introducing your user manual to your partner (21:02)
  • Feedback from people that have created their own user manual (24:34)
  • The comfort level of being honest and direct when talking to a potential partner during first dates (25:40)
  • What should you do when you decide that your partner or the person that you're involved with is causing some kind of drama? (29:24)
  • Things to do when you have not taken the steps to diffuse the drama earlier (32:47)
  • How men can handle their emotions when having to "own up" to their own actions and the emotional responses they get from their partner (35:50)
  • Is there a distinct structure that reflects owning your emotions and not pushing them on someone else? (40:16)
  • The possible negative reaction to bringing up owning your negative emotions (41:25)
  • How to communicate to your partner when you are troubled about something he/she is doing (46:08)
  • Rewarding the right behaviors when communicating (49:57)
  • The best ways to connect with Minx and learn about her (see show notes below) (51:50)
  • Who besides yourself, and what, would you recommend for quality advice in this area? (52:52)
  • Top three recommendations for men starting from scratch to improve their dating life as fast as possible (55:00)
Give some love to Cunning on Twitter to thank her for the advice in this interview.
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Items Mentioned in this Episode include:

Books, Courses and Training from Cunning Minx

Full Text Transcript of the Interview

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