#105 The Real Problem with Dating Today with John Gray

#105 The Real Problem with Dating Today with John Gray

#105 The Real Problem with Dating Today with John Gray
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Today's show is focused on biology. No, this is not a health and fitness podcast. We're talking about hard, very useful dating, sex, and relationship advice. Something that I've been more and more interested in over the last year, a bit longer, but really focused on the coaching programs and so on, looking at how biology is holding back men in their dating lives.

So this is a subject - a topic - that is not well covered. I find it's really a detriment and it's really something that's holding back this kind of segment of guys who struggle and they read a lot of advice, they listen to a lot of advice, but it doesn't seem to help. Why is that? Because, if you have symptoms of anxiety, of lack of self-control, of lack of motivation, of lack of willpower, of lack of concentration and focus, and mood stability; these are all things that get in the way of your dating, sex, and relationships. You can see how these would affect your ability to just execute on advice, but also to be stable in relationships, and strong in relationships.

Another area I've seen often, recently, is adrenal fatigue undermining your energy, your motivation, of your life fixed. Addressing biochemical imbalances, or addressing these chronic health issues, which have become relatively commonplace in our modern day stressed environment, will really help you to make this whole journey much quicker and faster.

Today's guest has been looking at this subject more and more over the last twenty years, although he is very well known for pure relationship advice. Today's guest is John Gray, PhD - a psychologist. I'm assuming that pretty much anyone listening to this has heard of John's work. He has the No. 1 relationship best seller of all time: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which was published many years ago. This and his other 17 books have sold over 15 million copies in 50 different languages. That's just astounding.

What most people don't know is that as the years have gone on John has focused more and more on these biological aspects, from hormones to other areas like brain biochemistry, and this is really the subject of our discussion today.

His most recent book is Staying Focused In A Hyper World: Book One, and he's really found this to be one of the big levers to improving relationship quality. In his own relationships, he's noticed how a lot of the difficulties - a lot of the things we struggle with - simply melt away once you've got some solid biochemistry that allows you to deal with relationship issues so much more easily, with less frustration.

So, quick story here. In the 90's, one of my girlfriends bought this book "Mars & Venus" and tried to get me to read it. That didn't work. I really wasn't receptive to new information at the time. It was long before my journey actually started with all of this, and I had this preconception of "Mars & Venus". The "Mars & Venus" title threw me. So it took me a long time to get around to reading John Gray's book, even though I'd been in this for a while. That's a real shame as they are very well researched and there's a lot of great insights to be taken from them. So if you have preconceived notions like I did, which I think a number of guys do (especially guys in the pickup artist community and areas like that), of his books not being relevant to you, please withhold them and listen to this interview.

I think you'll find that his work is not at all what you imagined and there's a lot of insights and 'gold' that you'll get from this interview, and his work in general. It's a real pleasure to have John with us on this interview.

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Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:

  • John's career and background in the relationship area, as well as perspectives in other areas over the years (05:16)
  • Correctly interpreting women and understanding their biological emotional reactions (11:37)
  • When women test men: maintaining your masculine energy (cool, calm, collected) (22:18)
  • If you want relationships to work, don't expect women to be as accountable as men (37:45)
  • Women make up for their lack of accountability by being more responsible than men (41:10)
  • The primal fears of men and women (43:38)
  • Men must have direction first in doing what makes them happy, and then the partner they are going to share it with who will appreciate what they do (48:22)
  • The No. 1 inhibitor of oxytocin production in a woman is the feeling of not having enough time (1:00:20)
  • The link between living in a more stressful society and how a woman will lose interest in sex compared to a man (1:01:32)
  • Men do not want to get into long-term commitments as much as they used to: overstimulation (a form of ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) (1:13:23)
  • What does ADHD mean regarding dating, sex, and relationships? (1:17:11)
  • How to increase your testosterone and decrease estrogen (1:21:05)
  • The best ways to connect with John to learn more about him and his work (1:26:51)
  • Recommendations for high quality advice in this area (1:27:27)
  • Top recommendations for guys wanting to improve in dating, sex, and relationships (1:28:10)
Give some love to John on Twitter to thank him for the advice in this interview.
Click Here to let him know you enjoyed the show!

Items Mentioned in this Episode include:

Books, Courses and Training from John Gray

Full Text Transcript of the Interview

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DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.

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