#115 How to Kiss Women with Tripp Advice
So today we're going to talk about how to kiss; how not to get rejected when kissing; how not to kiss, and different ways to kiss. That's pretty much everything we can think about kissing. I simply can't believe we didn't cover this before. So this is a really key important episode. I hope that it's going to reduce your anxiety, for those of you who have some around this. It’s a pretty cool pastime activity. Kissing is fun.
Today's guest is Tripp from Tripp Advice. That's his YouTube channel with over 200,000 subscribers and over 250 videos on dating, sex, and relationships. He's relatively a newcomer to the whole area. However, he's come with a storm. He's already pretty well known. He's actually one of the guys who's managed to break out in the last few years. Whereas I see people come and go all the time, he's one of the guys who has managed to come out late in the game compared to everyone else. There's a lot of people been giving out advice for a long time, so it's not necessarily easy to just come in and make a name for yourself, but Tripp has managed to do that. So, really props to him for his hard work and really putting his stuff out there because it works, obviously, 200,000 subscribers.
So Tripp invited me on his show to chat and during the chat I realized he had some great tips and advice, and we hadn't had him on here. I made sure to get him straight back over here to talk to you guys.
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- Tripp's background and lifestyle (05:28)
- Why Tripp became a dating coach (09:50)
- When to kiss a girl and making the first move (15:28)
- Tips on how to go for the kiss and recognizing her signs (21:21)
- The anxiety of kiss rejection and what a girl will do (27:08)
- How to handle rejection after going for the kiss too early (30:45)
- Is it possible to encourage girls to kiss you? (32:25)
- Different kinds of kisses, techniques, or approaches (34:30)
- Variety in your teasing and kissing dynamics (39:45)
- How to be dominant and passionate in kissing (40:55)
- Getting physical when kissing (e.g. groping, touching her butt, etc.) and paying attention to her body language (44:17)
- Important advice offered to men that is also the most ignored (47:36)
- How to connect with Tripp to learn more about him and his work (50:52)
- Recommendations for high quality advice in dating, sex, and relationships (52:02)
- Top three recommendations to help men get results as fast as possible in dating, sex, and relationships (52:57)
Items Mentioned in this Episode include:
- TrippAdvice.com: This is Tripp's website and blog dedicated to helping men become powerful, confident, and date the women they desire while being true to themselves.
- How To Talk To Girls: Tripp's iTunes podcast covering a range of topics on how to communicate and attract women.
- Tripp Advice YouTube channel: Tripp's YouTube channel offering videos that teach men how to get better with women, get more numbers and dates to improving your conversation skills and advancing physically from the first kiss to the bedroom.
- How To Talk To Girls podcast #58: Angel is interviewed on Tripp's iTunes podcast - "The #1 Way To Learn How To Meet Hot Girls".
- Mark Manson: Tripp recommends dating coach Mark Manson and his work, good advice, and perspective.
Books, Courses and Training from Tripp
Full Text Transcript of the Interview
[Angel Donovan]: Tripp, thank you so much for joining the show.
[Tripp]: Yes absolutely, happy to be here.
[Angel Donovan]: Excellent so, you've built up quite a YouTube channel over the last year. Is it just the last year you've been running that?
[Tripp]: I've been doing it for three years now. I think it is my anniversary like now... like around the fall of 2012 is when I really started putting out videos.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah cool, because you've got a lot out there then, haven't you? Also, one of them... or no, a few of them which are pretty popular are on the topic of kissing which is basically defined the topic. Because I realized, "Wow, we've never spoken about kissing," and I can image all the insecurities, all the anxiety. If it's anything like the anxiety I had when I was younger, there's lot to talk about. Before we dive into that, definitely want to learn a bit more about you and where you're at in your life. We'd like to get to know our guests a bit. So, how old are you? What is your dating lifestyle like these days? Where are you living, that kind of stuff?
[Tripp]: Yeah absolutely well, I'm a little nomadic. At the moment, I'm in Chicago, Illinois in the States. I was in LA for a while. I'm 30 years old which, I'll be honest. It was kind of freaky to get to that number but, once you hit 30, like a couple months in you feel pretty good about. It feels good. I feel like it's one of the best ages to be dating.
It just, I don't know. I don't know what it is. You feel a little more confident in who you are and you can easily... and I'm going say, any age you can date [inaudible] [00:06:13.24] depending on how good your game is so to speak but, at 30 it just... it's really easy to go with a date older and younger because, you're kind of right in the middle. So, I found that to be pretty fun.
So yeah at this point, I'm dating. I would consider myself more of a girlfriend-ie kind of relationship guy. You know once and while, I'll do the casual flings here and there but, I personally really enjoy getting to know women more one-on-one and forming those connections. That's what I think always has been just one of my favorite things. Of course over the years, I've got a lot better at meeting women and so, I wanted to be able to do that with the types of women that I wanted.
You know, when I was maybe in my early 20s, I didn't really understand too much about women. No one really taught me about them. No one taught me how to talk to women, how to flirt with them and how to kiss them, right? So, I had to kind of go through my own journey to learn how to do that. I would still say I'm still going through that journey because, there's still so much more to learn and the learning never stops but, at this point, I've gotten to a comfortable point where I'm able to go after and successfully attract the types of women that I want to attract and feel good doing it. So, I guess that's kind of where I'm at right now.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool, cool yeah. I'm more of a girlfriend-type most of the time too. Like every phase, I'm like a different person every five years. So...
[Tripp]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: I don't know if that's happened to you but, when I was 25, I was like, "I'm going to get married when I'm 30," and that never happened. Other stuff happened instead and it goes on. Have you ever thought about getting married?
[Tripp]: Yeah, I do definitely and I do want to get married eventually one day. That's definitely something that I want to do. I just want to make sure it's with someone that I really deeply care about and someone that's a really good fit and match for me. I'm in no rush though, that's the thing. I think maybe I thought I would be married at this point when I was in my early 20s but, now I've kind of learned, it's not about that.
It's so much better. I mean, I've never been married. So, I don't really know but, I can take a wild guess. It's going to be better to be with someone who really connect with, really love than to be with someone who sucks just to get married. Just to do...
[Angel Donovan]: Oh yeah.
[Tripp]: ... the thing that most people do.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, you definitely don't want to just get married. That's...
[Angel Donovan]: I mean, that's just my thing. There's never... I guess, I shouldn't really say this but, it's never been anyone that's kind of motivated me to take that step but, I've also considered it an option.
[Tripp]: Yeah absolutely and you know, if you want to do... it's funny because, like a lot of people in this industry don't really talk about marriage a lot. It's a lot about just kind of going after and seducing a lot of girls which is totally fine. But, there's a lot of guys out there who are kind of girlfriend guys, who are marriage kind of guys and I just want to be one of the... maybe one of the first ones that say this. I don't really know but, that's okay. That's totally okay.
When you come to... not every guy but, some guys come to the point where they've kind of sowed their oats. They've gone out. They've slept with a lot of women and it's really fun but then, they're kind of looking for something on another level that can... I don't know, just... it's just a new experience being able to find someone and really, I don't want to use the word "settle down" because, I don't really like that term but, I'm trying to think of something else. Really just kind of focus in and zoom in on that one person. That's a very unique experience to have and hopefully, everyone gets to experience that with someone who is really right for them.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Tripp]: It's all about listening to these podcasts and learning how to do that.
[Angel Donovan]: Absolutely, it's a journey. Okay so, one of the reasons I got into this was that I kind of hit a bottom in this area of my life for a bunch of reasons which, my audience has heard many times. So, I'm not going to go over that but, I'd like to get a bit of context for why you're a dating coach. Is there something that happened in your life?
Because, I find a lot of people in their lives, when they got good at something often, they had some kind of event which kind of bottomed them out and gave them the motivation or whatever. So, I'm always interested to hear that. I don't know if you've got a... that part of your story or you've got something completely different?
[Tripp]: Well, it was... I mean, kind of like you said, it was more of a journey than anything. I think, I remember going on your website back in the day when I was learning this stuff and I remember learning from a lot of the guys that you been interviewing over the course of however many years. So, I took my own journey in this.
It wasn't something I ever planned to do in terms of career or a living. I just wanted to get better with girls. I was like any other dude out there and when I started to learn about how to get better with women and relationships and socializing, it just peeked my interest to such a big degree. At that same time and a little bit before I started learning about how to get better with women, I always into like self improvement and stuff like that. So, it just all became this really big passion of mine, this being able to conquer this area of my life and then, be able to share my experiences with other people, with friends, with people on an old podcast that I had.
Because, I got so interested in all this material that I started a podcast that was basically an outlet for me to... it didn't have any meaning at time. There's just to kind of share what I learned and hopefully, teach some other guys some stuff and through that podcast, some guys ended up seeing success. So, I got this like high off of like, "Whoa, all these guys are seeing success off of this stuff that I'm talking about." That feels really good.
That feels amazing and so, I guess there was one moment where I remember in the middle of this podcast and it being somewhat successful, we got a lot of downloads and stuff. It's called Dude's Talking About Chicks, by the way. I don't do that podcast anymore but...
[Angel Donovan]: It's still out there?
[Tripp]: I think it's still on iTunes. There's 25 episodes or something but, I remember doing that and I remember there was this one night when I went out to get a drink with a buddy of mine, a new friend. We were just kind of talking. We were in Los Angeles and he was like, "Oh, so you're doing that podcast, right?" and I was, "Yeah." He goes, "Oh wow, tell me about that and tell me about the podcast."
He goes, "Actually if you don't mind, I would like some advice. There's this girl situation I have." I'm like, "Oh yeah, sure. I'd be happy to," because he knew that I gave advice on this podcast. So, he asked me a question and after he asked me the question, I just started spitting out without even thinking like all this stuff telling him what to do and how he could get better and what to do with this girl and the mindset he needs to go into and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All this information just kind of like... I just vomited it out.
At the end of it, he's like, "Oh my God. That was really good. Thank you. This is going to help me a lot. I really appreciate that. That makes so much sense. It's so easy to understand. I never heard it that way. This is great, thank you." I was like, "Yeah, no problem."
I do remember the walk from that conversation to my car. There was a moment in there where I was like, "Whoa, what if I did this for a living? Like, what if I actually helped guys and turn it into a career and turned it into a business?" I knew I could because, I saw guys like you and other guys who did it who had businesses like this.
So, I was like, "Well, I know it's possible. Let me try it out." I mean, that was pretty much the start of it. That was maybe in 2010, 2011 when that kind of little epiphany happened on that walk to my car and I've doing it ever since.
That's kind of what started getting me into it and now, I'm just like, ÒNow here we are," and doing podcast interviews and helping guys and getting guys watching the videos on the YouTube channel and kind of giving my own sort of branded advice on how guys and get better with girls.
[Angel Donovan]: That's great to hear your story, Man. Great to hear everyone's story of how they got into this stuff because, we do get a lot back. You know, people don't realize but, in terms of seeing someone get success and particularly, someone who's gone from all the way from a beginner, he's got zero experience or something and he feels like he doesn't really fit in in the world to that extent. Then, he goes all the way to this very satisfactory life and pretty normal like what he always wanted. I always find that really cool to see that when guys like of break their limiting beliefs and get to this completely different place.
[Tripp]: Absolutely and I'm a great example of that because, I really did not come easy and there was plenty of times where I almost gave up. Like I wasn't... it was never easy for me to learn this stuff. It didn't just all of a sudden click. I mean, it took a long time and a lot of struggle and a lot of pain and suffering really to get good. I mean with anything, it was a learning-curve and there's a lot of challenges that come through but, I say that not discourage but, encourage any guys who are listening who want to go through that journey because, you just got to know that it's not going to be easy but, it's possible.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah and the other thing, the rewards are great when you overcome obstacles. You'll see a completely different life in the end. So, I can really see that transformation.
So, let's get into kissing. I guess a lot of guys; they get really nervous about when to make that first move. When they're on a date or some situation like that, how does a guy get in to make that first move? Is there a certain time? Like, how does it start? Right at the beginning when he should start thinking, "Alright, it's time for me to kiss a girl or to make my move here?"
[Tripp]: Yeah, so I think there's a couple things you need to do. First of all, I believe and I'm probably... I know a lot of guys who are listening agree with me. The hardest thing about kissing... like THE hardest, the number one hardest thing about kissing is the like ten seconds before you go for the first kiss, right?
Because after that, it's all easy. Like that's the main and probably the biggest barrier or hurdle you jump across to start getting physical, to breaking through the friend-zone, right? Because after that, after you kiss a girl, you can kiss her again and you can pretty easily escalate to sex and everything in between because, you're already there. You're in that mode but, it's that jump that's the hardest.
So, one of the things that you're going to have to do is you're going actually have to treat that moment and that little obstacle as one of the things that you're going to have to practice over, over, over, over, over again. Okay? So it's like, if you're for example learning how to get over approach-anxiety or something, you're going have to learn how to approach, approach, approach and approach as much as you can so you kind of get over that fear. Maybe you're learning how to flirt with a girl, you practice flirting a little bit more. You practice the lines you say and your body language and you practice over and over again. This is the same idea.
This is same idea because, it's a little scary for guys to kind of break through that but, when you do it a lot, it's going to really significantly get easier. Okay? So, just remember that. So, that is something you're going to have to practice. So, I encourage guys to go on as many dates as possible or go out as much as possible to be able to create that moment with a girl so you can start breaking through the hurdle of going from, "We've haven't kissed yet," to "Now we're kissing." Okay? So, that's one of the first things.
Now, what you should do and how you know when to do it, it's actually fairly simple. Again, the hardest part is just really doing it but, all you go to do is just look for a couple of signs of interest. Okay? A couple of signs of interest. So, let's just say a date. Right, that's a common time to kiss a girl for the first time and I always say, by the way, if you see signs of interest on a first date, always go for it. You should probably anyways.
I mean if she's on a date with you, she's somewhat attracted to you. She's somewhat interested in you. So, that is really one big sign of interest right there that gives you the okay to go for a kiss, right? She's on a date with you. She's taking the time to spend time with you. So, that's one.
Now, if you guys are having a good conversation and there's a lot of different signs. She's laughing at your jokes. She's really laughing in general because, that can mean she's a little bit nervous. Right, a nervous laugh. I mean, she's attracted to you.
If she is touching you in any form at all, if she touches your hand, your arm or she makes any excuse to touch you. She's giving you a lot of eye-contact and shows that she's really interested in the things that you're saying. She's asking a lot of questions. If you guys end up, let's just say maybe like after you get a drink or something or maybe you're getting dinner, you guys go for a walk and you guys end up holding hands or getting a little more physical or physical in any way at all that's not the kiss, those are big signs.
Then after that, if you're starting to get a lot of those signs or you get this... it's kind of intuition too. It's something you can't really teach but, you're going feel like. You're going to be like, "I think this girl likes me. I think she's into me." Like, if you even have an ounce of that feeling in your gut, in your head, listen to that. You're probably right. Okay? You're probably most likely and even if you're wrong, it's okay. Okay because, at the end of the day, it's never going to be bad to go for the kiss and get rejected than to have not tried especially on a date because, you should assume that she's interested.
Now, what you want to do at that point is just create a silence with her. So, you create a silence with her which just means, you shut up and then, she'll eventually stop talking whatever she's talking about and get close to her and this can be... I mean, this most likely will happen after whatever you're doing on the date or even if you're at like a bar or something and you guys are close and you get a bunch of those signs, just shut up and then, she'll eventually shut up. Wait like two seconds and then, you just go for it.
Make sure you're like no more than three inches away from her. You got to be close. You don't want to like go for a kiss that's going to be awkward and go...
[Angel Donovan]: A kiss lunge.
[Tripp]: ... really far over here. Yeah, the kiss lunge is no good. We don't want the kiss lunge. We want you to be right there, right close so there's not a lot of distance and you can just go for it and that's the key. It is creating the silence and then moving in and the hardest part, like I said, it's not going to be looking for the signs, not going to be even the kissing aspect. It's just creating that silence and then, going for it and not listening to all the crazy stuff in your head that's telling you not to do it and giving you those butterflies. You just got to go for it.
[Angel Donovan]: That's nice. I haven't heard it explained that way before. Yeah, I like it. I can definitely relate to that and one of the things I was thinking of, you're trying to describe how the girl's interested. Often, it's just kind of like this warm gaze, especially if you're slowing down and you're looking into her eyes and she's looking into your eyes and she goes quiet as well. It creates a great moment there as well if you've got that eye contact when you go in for the kiss there.
Have you got any tips about how to go for the kiss? Should they be looking into her eyes or how should they go in for the kiss?
[Tripp]: Well for that, yes deep eye contact. So make sure that in this silence, you're holding eye contact. You're looking right at her and then, that's it. I mean, you really just lean forward and go for it.
Here are things you've got to realize. I'm kind of just coming up with this right now and I'm just kind of realizing is that a lot of guys might be uncomfortable because, they're not really used to having the girl come and kiss them. Like that doesn't really happen. I'll admit that's rarely happened to me. I can count on my hand how many times a girl has went to kiss me. They're usually waiting for the guy to do it, Okay?
So, with that being said, they're kind of used to it. Like, they get it. They know how to deal with the guy coming in and trying to kiss them and that might be kind of... you might not be thinking about that but, that might be one thing that's making you nervous. Like, you might be thinking, "Oh, this is so weird. I'm just going in to kiss. She's never going to see it coming." She knows. She gets it unless, this is some girl who's 15 years old and this is her first kiss. Otherwise, the girl's going to know what's going on. She's going to be ready for it especially, you're giving her that kind of... like you said. It's a gaze, like that kind of deep eye contact and then, you slowly go in for it. She'll be ready for it. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.
[Angel Donovan]: Now, what you don't want to do is surprise her. I mean, sometimes that can be good. I kind of enjoy surprising her sometimes but, what I'd say for someone kind of starting out who's nervous this, you want to avoid that because, if she looks surprised, you might get more nervous. I can image the situation there and then, you might back down or you just created an awkward situation.
[Tripp]: Well right, and that's why it's really crucial to look for those sign that's she interested in you because, if those aren't there, that's going shock her and surprise her. She might be like, "Oh, I didn't really know this was happening." You got to be somewhat in the mode where you're like, "Okay, I think, I think she wants me to kiss her." Well listen, she always wants you to kiss her if she likes you. So if you get those signs, she's going to want it.
That's another thing too you got to realize is that girls love kissing. They want to be kissed. They want to be kissed so, they're kind of waiting for you to do it and if you see some of those overt signs that she's interested and one of those would be like she's touching you a lot, she's waiting for you to do it because most likely, she will not.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Tripp]: You got to do her a favor and go for it. I mean, come on.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, a lot of guys, they'll leave it too late. They'll leave it until the end of the date because of nerves. They don't see the perfect moment. I think a good tip there is if you go to say good bye and she's just kind of waiting there and she's not going anywhere. Then, she's waiting for a kiss from you. Just because, it's kind of not good to leave it until the end like that because, it's a kind of clichŽ situation where you're putting pressure on the moment. But if you do leave it until the end like that, would you say that's a good way to go about it? Just so you can see that if she's not moving, if she's not like leaving straight away and she's chatting a bit, she's probably waiting for a kiss.
[Tripp]: Oh absolutely, if she's not going inside because, a girl is not having a good time and she doesn't like you, she has no fear to just get the hell out of there. She will just get out of there. "Okay, I had a good time. It was nice hanging out," and she'll just like book it into her house. You know, like that's that. She won't wait any longer because, she knows. She knows that if she waits...
[Angel Donovan]: Right!
[Tripp]: ... she's going to get kissed. She gets it. She knows how that game works and again, that's okay. That's totally okay. Yeah and you don't really want to wait until the end but, it's okay. I mean, it's really not the end of the world. Some girls don't really like PDA, public displays of affection. So, some girls are not going be into maybe you doing it in public. I don't know. It's kind of hard to tell. You're not going really know for sure if she's not into that.
But, if you guys are on a date, you're in a cozy booth, you're right next to each other, the lights are dim, you've had a few drinks, you can tell if she's kind of loose, you're kind of loose and she is giving you intense eye contact and touching you, go for it. That's a really good time. If you find an avenue before the end of the date to go for it, then you should definitely go for it. It happens. It might not be maybe the right time. It might not be appropriate to go for it just in those moments during the date, that's fine. Just do it eventually. I mean, that's why I'm such a big proponent of doing it on the first date because...
[Angel Donovan]: Absolutely, yeah. Everyone kisses on the first date. I think it's normal to kiss on the first date. If you're on a second date, it just seems a bit slow. Maybe I'm misgauged but, I've hung out in different places from you. What do you think about it? I think it's kind of normal to get to know each other. Not on most first dates, not always. It depends on the context but, it's quite often a normal thing to do.
[Tripp]: Yeah totally normal, totally normal. Again, she wants it, okay? She wants to be physical just as much as you do. So if she likes you, she's going to want it. There are exceptions. I've been on some dates where there's some girls that are just... they have some set rules where they're like, "I just don't kiss a guy on the first date." I really don't understand why. It's probably a personal thing, like maybe they've been hurt in the past or maybe, they're going to fell slutty if they do or something like that.
You're not going to come across though that often. You won't. Most girls are going to be totally okay with it. So yeah, perfectly normal to do that and then too, this is what is what I say. If you ended up not kissing her on the first date and it was so easy to get her on a second date, that is a sign that you should have kissed her on the first because, she would have definitely been interested in it.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, there you go. Okay, let's talk a little bit about rejection because, this is like the big anxiety point. If a girl is going to reject your kiss, what is she is going to do?
[Tripp]: If she rejects your kiss, she's going to move her head. She'll try to move her head. She will give you the kiss but then, she will just do it very short and kind of pull her head away and not make it very long. So, that will happen.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah or if she could like turn her head to the side a bit to a cheek so that you're not giving her a cheek kiss.
[Tripp]: Right, she'll turn her head a little bit. I've been rejected before definitely, plenty of times and it's really... it's not as bad because, the worst... in my opinion, the worst part about it is that kind of like built up part before you do it. If she rejects me, I never feel in my head, "Oh, I shouldn't have gone for the kiss. I made a big mistake," because it wasn't you going for the kiss that made her not want to kiss you. That had nothing to do with it.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, right, right, yeah.
[Tripp]: It's something else. Again, who knows? It could be a million things. She doesn't want to kiss a guy on a first date. She's not attracted to you. The date didn't go as well as you thought it did. She didn't really have a good time.
If you're at bar or something and you try to go up for a kiss, you didn't read the signs right. She wasn't as attracted to you as you thought she was or maybe she just doesn't want to do it in front of her friends or she doesn't want to do it in public. Again, a billion reasons but...
[Angel Donovan]: Right, right. It comes back to the PDA. I would hate for a guy to kind of think that he got rejected when it was actually just a sign that she wanted more discretion. She wasn't into PDA so much. Maybe there's someone watching that she wouldn't want to be watching. It could be various... and you can kind of tell from being observant but, I think one of the issues is that the guy when they're in this and they kiss her for the first time kind of mode, they're a bit more nervous. So, they might not be paying attention as much to what's going on around them.
[Tripp]: Right exactly and, it's better that you tried to do it because, like I said, you want to practice that. That's something that you actually get... that will get easier. Going for the kiss will get so much easier and I encourage guys to try to do it sober if possible. but, it's so much easier to get physical with a girl when you've been drinking and that's just not the best way to train yourself to do anything, under the influence of something. It's possible. Try not to be too wasted every time you try to do this because then, you're just going know, "Oh, I need to drink," every time you want to try and kiss a girl which is going suck.
[Angel Donovan]: I used to have that crutch when I was in my early 20s. That was my... I'd go and get drunk and hook up with girls. I used to believe in the power of the drinking like this all solved my love life in my early 20s. Yeah so, I can completely relate to that and it's not helpful at all longer term.
[Tripp]: No, it's not. I mean obviously because, it's bad for your health to be drinking that much but, you don't feel as powerful. I mean, when you don't have to rely on anything to do the things that you want to do... I know it's a vague statement but, when you can do everything on your own without any kind of crutch, it's just... it's so much better and you'll be better at it. Whatever you're trying to do without the crutch, you'll be better at doing it like that. When you're going for the kiss, it's not going to be as sloppy and you're going to be able to read the signs better. You're timing will be better. It's just, you'll do better at it.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah absolutely, giving up alcohol is one of the first things I did when I got into this. Like literally, I was in bars all the time and I would never drink and it just gave me a clear head. I think it was one of the reasons I learned a lot quicker than most guys. At the time, I didn't have to deal with drinking or any of those distractions and stuff.
On the rejection topic, I was wondering if you've seen this or you've spoken to or given guys advice on going too early for the kiss, when she's not quite comfortable and then you get this like soft kind of rejection but actually... I don't know, maybe just half an hour, ten minutes or next times, she going to be ready for the kiss? How do you deal with that? Does that come up a lot?
[Tripp]: Yeah, that's come up a few times. I mean, there's something you can kind of say. I just want to add; I haven't given this advice in while. So, I'm a little rusty on this but, there is a line that you can kind of say. You go for the kiss too early and she rejects you. It would be weird not to say anything. It would be weird to just kind of move on through another topic of conversation.
So, you want to call it out on some level. You want to say something and you know, say something along the lines of like... you don't apologize for it but, you say like, "I just felt this moment with you. I just had to do that." Something like that. That might not even be the best things to say but, something along those lines of just letting her know that you're not sorry for it but, you wanted to do that.
That kind of gives her a platform to give her reason why she's not ready and she'll probably say something like, "Oh I just... whatever it is. I don't kiss guys this early. I don't kiss guys on a first date," or she might even just totally reject you and say like, "Oh, I didn't actually feel that with you or that's how I think about you." If she was putting you in the friend-zone or something like that.
But never feel ashamed of it. Own up to it. If you ever screw up in anyway on any level, always own up to it. Call it out. That's the best way to overcome that because, then it's going destroy any kind of awkward moment and it's going make you look confident for just calling it out kind of like being aware of the situation.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool, so is it possible to encourage girls to kiss you? Actually, my experiences are just like you that most girls will not make the move to kiss you. It's kind of your job as the guy has happened but, it's like... I find it's with particular girls who are a bit more inclined to be more aggressive that way. I don't know. Is it possible because, I know some guys they prefer to put the responsibility on women? Is that possible?
[Tripp]: I think first of all, you shouldn't. I would never tell a guy to go out there and hope to wait that she does anything but, I mean, I think the closest you can get to getting her to kiss you is... it's probably going to be a lot of touching and a lot of talking about... like if there's any conversations like you guys are talking about sex. The topic of sex comes up. The kind of like vibe of your interaction is very sexual yet you haven't even kissed yet.
You know, where you're like kind of playing with her hands a little bit and you guys are really close, you could create that moment where you get like really close to her and you don't do it and you're like three inches away and then, she goes for it. I'd say that's probably your best bet but, who cares at that point? That's what I say about it. I'd personally would rather be in control than try to do some, I don't know, moves or techniques to get her to try to do it.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, if you drop responsibility, if you drop control like maybe it will work out in the situation you're saying but, you're leaving things up for chance rather than just like taking what you want in the world.
[Angel Donovan]: Just kind of manning up. It's like, if you want stuff in the world, you've got to go after it.
[Tripp]: Yeah, you got to do it and that's the best part of being a guy. I mean, that's one of the cool things I think. It's like, girls are usually a little bit more submissive and they're waiting for the guy to take control and do all that and I think that's amazing. Like, "Great! I don't have to sit around and wait for anything to happen. I can just create it. What a wonderful thing."
[Angel Donovan]: Okay cool. Let's just say for arguments sake that we have had our first kiss with a girl, are there different types of kissers? Are there different kissing techniques, approaches which girls respond better too and so on?
[Tripp]: Absolutely, absolutely. I wouldn't say that there is... I mean, I just have one kind of technique so to speak. It's not really like multiple stuff. I guess it's just kind of one thing that I like to do and it works pretty much all the time. I've told by many girls that I'm a great kisser and I don't say to show off. I really just kind of found the way to be able to make girls say that. I know the technique and I figured it out.
I'll say it right now, it's very, very simple but, when you start to kiss a girl, like the first second you kiss a girl, don't use your tongue right away and go very, very slow. So, it's like you're doing this series of open-lipped kisses and then, you can gradually start to incorporate your tongue and it's like make it progressive. You know, you're starting with like just a soft kiss on the lips and you're using more of an open mouth and then eventually, you're kind of introducing your tongue a little bit. She'll introduce hers and then, you can kind of escalate from there.
One of the most common things I hear about kissing gone wrong, I think it might be actually potentially the thing I've ever really heard in terms of girl complaining about a kiss, it's always the same thing. The guy... and this is like I almost quote this, Okay? "The guy shoved his tongue down my throat." I've never heard a girl actually say that they enjoyed that. The only time where that would be appropriate is if you guys are like in the heat of the moment and there is a lot of passion and she kind of starts to do it first.
[Angel Donovan]: And that normally means that she's already really turned on. So, it's a gage as well. If she starts like sticking her tongue down your throat, unless she's a very unusual girl, she's normally very turned on. So, it gives you a gage of how close to sex you probably are.
[Tripp]: Right, right exactly and you can read that and then, you can create that. I mean, you can eventually get to the point where you guys, you're starting the kissing and it escalates more and more and more and your arms are just tightly wrapped around each other and all of a sudden you're both kind of like going crazy with your tongues and it looks like... if you look on the outside of this, it looks like two people are sucking each other's faces off which she might feel like at a bar or whatever and that's okay but, you don't want to start there. You don't want to start there. Exception, again like I just said, is she starts that first because, she's already so turned on.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah absolutely. What I'm noticing, I guess this is a pattern here. I mean, I see a pattern across all of dating. When guys they first burst into this, they kind of go zero to one, right? So, kind of like the lunge because, "I'm nervous," and I make the leap for the kiss and it's all at once and it's kind of going from zero. So, they haven't been holding hands. There's been no physical contact and then, "I bridge the cannon. I jump across the canyon to kiss her because, I feel like this is my last chance," or whatever.
That's always wrong, going from zero to one but, whereas you're showing in the kissing, it's exactly the same. You don't go from zero to one in kissing. There's also kind of little micro-steps and it's a smooth transition in the art of kissing as well. From just like the first lip touch to like when you get to a more passionate kiss a bit further along.
[Tripp]: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you're spot on there. For the guy who's listening right now, just understand this... and this could be years to find out, years and years and years. So, I'll tell you right now. When it comes to dating and sex and getting sexual with a woman, women need things. To turn a woman on, she needs to be teased.
It's not guys. Guys can see a... not even a half naked woman down the street, just a girl with a little bit a cleavage and they'll get a boner, okay? It's not the same thing for a woman. You have to understand that. There's a lot more that goes into turning her on and there's a lot more switches that you have to flip to do that and so, it takes a little bit more time.
So, here's a little tip right now. When it comes to sex, women not only do they like foreplay, they need foreplay. It's like essential. They need all of that to turn them on, to get them warmed up because, a lot of things with women are very mental or emotional. So, you go to do all that warming up. So, bring that back to what we're talking about is that the same thing with kissing, with going for the kiss, like it needs to be kind of like this slower process. So, you have to have patience as you go through this because, they need to be teased and it needs to be slow and that's what turns them on.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah absolutely. Teasing is a very, very strong point because, I think that rolls into talking about going into this slowly but, it's also... I've seen some guys; I think this happens a lot. When you go to a club, you meet a girl. You start kissing her and then, you're like, "Great, I'm kissing her," but maybe you're not ready to like move from there. Sometimes I just think like... and kissing and kissing and kissing, to the point where it gets, it's basically all the same.
Often you could actually lose a girl. She will get bored of it. She'll start to maybe even feeling like uncomfortable. It's just like the same thing is going on on our end. So, I think this is a moment of variety which leads to this anticipation and the girl's really like this anticipation or teasing as you put it and it's not just in the kissing the first kiss. It's actually like when you're together and you're kissing, that whole dynamic, it shouldn't be all the same, all the time.
[Tripp]: Yeah absolutely. I mean, you got to change things up. You got to make it interesting. You got to make it so she doesn't really know what's coming next and that's kind of part of the tease. I think that's what really teasing is. It's like you don't know what's going to happen next and that, for men and women is a big turn on. Unpredictability, I guess we can say.
[Angel Donovan]: Absolutely, yeah. That's it, to be playful. It's basically being playful and it's a lot of fun. Sometimes, she'll go for a kiss with you and you'll back away. You know, to really annoy her. It's one of favorite games. That's all the fun. It's called being playful. You don't have to be full on because, a lot of guys they're horny so, they're full on and they're like pushing. They're pushing into the girl, trying to kiss her harder and harder and there's playfulness in that. There's no teasing. There's no anticipation.
[Tripp]: No, I mean it's really again like guys, you got to be patient with this. The more patient you are, the easier this is going to be for you and the more action you'll get.
[Angel Donovan]: Be cool. In terms of being more dominant in kissing or more passionate, have you got any advice around that area?
[Tripp]: Yeah absolutely, I mean you kind of want to be that way from the start. So first of all, you're going to show your dominance the second you start kissing because, you started the kissing. That's already a great move right there, the fact that you went for it. That shows a lot of balls. There's a lot of confidence in that, right? A girl's going to like that off the bat.
But also, the way you hold her and they way you grip, is also going to show a lot of dominance and she's going to be very turned on by that and there's a ton of ways to do that. So, you can grab her hips. You can put your arms around her and be kind of like pushing her back into you. So, you guys are like chest to chest but, there's a lot you can do in that sense with your hands that are just kind of holding her tighter and that's going to turn her on. There's a lot of dominance in that.
A move that I really like to do (and not even something I like learned. It's just something I do naturally but, you should do it too) is you can take your hand, whichever one and just one of them and you put your hand on her face. It's like your thumb... I'm tying to explain this without it...
[Angel Donovan]: It's sounding bad.
[Tripp]: Okay, "Your hands on her face!" No, you put your thumb sticking up... I should say it like in the air. So imagine, you just hold your thumb up in the air. Put that thumb right in front of her ear and then, the rest of your fingers are going to be lightly touching the back of her heard. Does that make sense? Do you see that Angel? Did I describe that right?
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I can see it. I think they should understand that.
[Tripp]: Yeah, so it's like you're kind of just holding the side of her face but, you're doing it very lightly. You're not gripping her head or anything like that and don't smack her face. Just lightly like you're holding the side of her face and a little bit of the back of her head. Just put your hand there and do that for a little bit while you're kissing.
Kind of like do that a little bit. Then, stop and maybe do it again and go back and forth between maybe doing that and holding her head and pushing her into you. I don't think there's anything else.
[Angel Donovan]: Well, you can... of the famous movie... I mean, there's a lot of movies where girls end up getting pushed up against walls but, it does... I think that that works well as well. See, if you're very comfortable and maybe you've been kissing before and you're walking down a street, say you're walking home with her, a fun thing to do is like push her up against a van as you're walking past and kind of make out with her or something like that.
[Tripp]: Yeah, exactly and here's a good thing too is like, if you can get the kiss in, if there's an opportunity for you to have broken this seal and get the kiss in in the middle of the date, then that makes all the other kissing at the end of the night so much easier and better. Like you can get away with doing something like that and more fun. Like she's not going to be shocked when all of a sudden you guys are walking home and you push her up against a wall or a car or something and start making out with her because, you've already broken the seal. She's just waiting for you to kiss her again and you can do it then. So yeah, absolutely.
[Angel Donovan]: So, you can see how that's natural, guys listening. If you've already been kissing during the date, it slowly progresses and there's more variation in your kissing and stuff. So, it naturally leads to a higher point in the date.
[Tripp]: Right yeah, that escalation, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool, Man. Is there anything we've missed on the topic of kissing that you think guys will be wanted to know.
[Tripp]: I'm trying to think. I mean, some guys might ask about like when you touch her butt. I've gotten that question a few times and that's another move you could do. I mean, if you guys are really into it. I guess, the only one sign you need to get like touching her butt or getting more gropey with her when you're kissing is just like, you can tell if she's really into kissing you back and that doesn't mean by the way that you need her to stick her tongue down your throat. That's not the sign. That is a sign for sure.
If she's doing that, you're kind of good to go. You can get more sexual with her but, if you can tell she's kissing back, she's kind of as passionate as you, she's not pulling away, like she's touching your hair, she's rubbing your back, you can tell that she's reciprocating and she's into it and it's been going on for a while. You know, so those are all the kind of signs. Then at that point, you can definitely get your hand on her butt, give it a little squeeze. That definitely turns her on.
You can even take it to the next level and start touching her breast. So, those are things. I wouldn't do that in the bar necessarily.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, in the bar that's... I think a lot of girls might not respond so well to that in a bar.
[Tripp]: No, maybe the butt because, no one can really tell. Maybe the butt but like anything else, probably not.
[Angel Donovan]: Right and girlfriends and boyfriends will do that a lot. I think that's way cooler.
[Tripp]: Yeah, it seems like a lot of girls who have boyfriends, they don't like that. They're like, "Stop it." A lot of girls have issues with that. Some girls don't but...
[Angel Donovan]: It depends on the city.
[Tripp]: Maybe it does, I don't know.
[Angel Donovan]: I haven't come across... like a lot of girls that I've been with, they've been okay with it especially if you're in a bar or something.
[Tripp]: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, if you're like in front of her place or no one's around, it's like 11:30 at night, like yeah, just go for it. It's not the biggest deal. If she doesn't like, she'll tell you no and of course, I think we should say just a disclaimer here, no means no guys. Don't treat that like she's teasing you If she says no or tells you to stop or pulls her hand away or doesn't like what you're doing on any level, just stop. Just stop.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Tripp]: We get in trouble for this stuff because... it sucks because, we're trying to tell guys like what women want but, then like a woman might hear this and go like, "This is rape culture." It's like, "No, this isn't rape culture." This isn't teaching like Getting Physical 101.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah so everything we've been talking about, you'll notice guys we've been talking about, "She likes it like this. She likes it like that. It's enjoyable for her. It's fun for her." So, all this stuff we've been talking about, even when we're being dominant, girls like some dominant moves here and there. You've seen it in the movies even, right? So, it's pretty acceptable.
Yeah but, as a disclaimer, if she says no... obviously, you have to look for the signs. It could sometimes just her moving away from you as well. That's a no. Obviously, she's not into it.
[Tripp]: Exactly, if she was teasing you or is like just saying that because that's a turn on for her to like say no and then have the guy kind of be more forceful then, let her tell you that. Don't just assume that. Let her be like, "No, no, no, keep going." Let her say that.
[Angel Donovan]: Or you can just wait, yeah.
[Tripp]: It's not...
[Angel Donovan]: There are girls like who always keep saying, "No, no, no," but normally, they'll be smiling and giggling as well. So, it kind of gives you a body language like a sign like it's not a real no but, you have to be careful with that, of course.
[Tripp]: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, okay cool. Here some quick fire questions I give to a lot of people just to round out the interview. What advice do you give out the most to men for this area that you think is ignored the most but, it's really important but, they tend to ignore it or not use it?
[Tripp]: In terms of kissing?
[Angel Donovan]: No, absolutely anything, dating, sex, relationships.
[Tripp]: Oh anything? Anything that guys... that's a great question. I got to think about that for a second. What guys usually ignore?
[Angel Donovan]: Like, it's frustrates you because, you're like, "If you just did this one thing, it would really be much easier for you."
[Tripp]: I mean listen, there's a lot of stuff but, I'll say one thing that comes up a lot... that like I give guys advice on and I tell them specifically what to do and they just don't really do it and this is what it is. It actually has to do with texting or asking the girl out and I get why they don't take the advice but still, you got to take the advice here. It's like they beat around the bush and they don't go for it, like asking them out.
For example, they'll be texting with a girl and I'll be like, "Alright so, just say like, 'Hey, what's your schedule like this week? Let's hang out.'" Something like that. I'll give them the advice to just kind of go for it and they'll still kind of beat around the bush and they won't really go for it. They'll kind of like... instead of telling the girl like, "We should hang out," they'll say, "Hey, do you want to hang out?" The guys get really, really nervous to be a little bit more dominant in terms of getting the girl on a date.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Tripp]: And, I get it. It's definitely like it's kind of scary because, you're not really used to that. You're just not used to being that kind of... in that kind of mode when you're trying to get a girl out but, that is the best way and the way that women want you to do it. They're waiting for you to ask them out and tell them what to do and if you're that nervous, you can always add in something there that kind of makes it a little bit less.
For example, if you're telling the girl like, "Let's hang out on Thursday," and she's like, "Okay," and then you say, "Alright, Thursday 8:00, meet me at blah, blah, blah, bar. We'll get a drink. It will be awesome." Right? That's a really good way to do it. If you're that kind of like, "I feel a little uncomfortable with being so direct like that, " just add in, "Sound good?" So, you'll be really direct, telling her what to do but then, you give her kind of the option to be like, "Oh no, I don't like that place or I've been there." You're kind of giving an opportunity for her to have some say but, at the same time, you're still being direct but, she'll appreciate it. So, I think that's kind of the main thing that guys just ignore the advice on because, they're too nervous to really go for it and I'm telling you, it's the best way to ask a girl out and get her to meet up with you.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah that is very common where they have nerves or sometimes they feel like they have to do more to get the date because, they don't deserve it in the back of their head. I feel like they're saying, "I don't deserve the date. I don't like... I'm not good enough for this girl." So, that's what they do.
It's the same with on line dating. They'll text backwards and forwards for a long time and have a conversation whereas, you only need to exchange three messages or something. Like, "Hey, why don't we meet up?"
Okay, very good. Great, great, great point, Man. That's a good one. So, where's the best place for people to connect with you, learn more about what you're up to? Your YouTube channel, you've got a podcast too.
[Tripp]: Yeah I mean listen, I think the best place to go is just go http://www.TrippAdvice.com because, that's the main hub. If you want to see my YouTube channel, there's a link on there for my YouTube channel. If you want to listen to my podcast, which by the way, I just interviewed Angel on. So, that episode is up. You can listen to that on or really anything else about.
I got some free courses and stuff and a lot of free stuff to give you where you can learn more about seduction and texting and talking and asking girls out and stuff. It's all on my website. Just go to http://www.TrippAdvice.com. That's Tripp with two Ps and you'll find everything there.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool, is your name Tripp? I meant to ask you this before the interview because, I was like, "What do I call him because, he keeps himself Tripp. What's his second name?" Do you have a second name or do you just call yourself Tripp?
[Tripp]: No, no, no. Yeah, I mean it's Tripp Cramer. Tripp is just kind of...
[Angel Donovan]: But, everyone knows you by Tripp.
[Tripp]: It's Tripp, like Madonna or Prince. It's just Tripp.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, cool.
[Tripp]: But yeah, no. It's just Tripp. Advice is no. It's the advice of Tripp. So, yeah Tripp.
[Angel Donovan]: Alright excellent. Who besides yourself would you recommend for high quality advice in dating, sex, relationships?
[Tripp]: Besides you?
[Angel Donovan]: Besides me as well.
[Tripp]: You know who is really awesome and actually who I definitely look up too? I don't really think he's much... I don't know how much he really is in the dating space anymore or exactly what he's up to but, anything I've ever read from Mark Manson is pretty incredible.
[Angel Donovan]: Oh yeah cool. Yeah, he still does some dating stuff. He does a lot of self-help psychology stuff now as well. Yeah but, he's still got some on the dating area.
[Tripp]: It's just whenever I read his stuff, I'm like, "Yep, I agree. Yep, that's good. Yep that's good." Every blog post he ever puts out goes viral because, he gives good advice. He's got a good perspective on stuff. So, that's definitely someone you want to check out. I'm very aligned with the stuff that he says. I like it a lot.
[Angel Donovan]: Cool, excellent. Okay, the last question here. We ask this of everyone. What are top three recommendations to guys if they're just starting from zero, from scratch, don't have any prior knowledge about this whole dating, sex and relationships area? What would be the top three tips you give to them to get as good as fast as possible?
[Tripp]: IÕm going say kind of one thing but, there's just different steps to do it. If that kind of counts?
[Angel Donovan]: Sure.
[Tripp]: Basically, the one big tip is to go and leave your house as much as you can as soon as possible and talk to as many people as possible that you don't know. So, that includes guys, girls, groups of guys, groups of girls. Don't even think about what you need to say too much, how you need to open up the conversation. Don't think about getting a girl's number. You don't think about anything that... all of the things that you really want like having sex probably and getting dates and numbers. Don't even think about any of that stuff. Just go out and talk to as many people as you can.
The sub-tips there are really like... because, that's a difficult thing to do but it's like, make time to do that. Sit down, schedule it out like a week in advance what days you're going to go out to do that and like it's working out. Like imagine just like you want to the gym this week. Okay, let's see which days are you going to go? Which muscle are you going to work out?
For this, it's like which days are you going to go out? Where are you going to go to talk to people? Where are you going to make that happen? Doesn't matter where it is, a bar, the sidewalk, an event. Wherever it is make and create time to go out and start talking to people because, that is going to get you... I mean, that's going to get you better faster than anything is just being able to get over the hump of starting to have conversations with people.
You know what's really cool is if you actually take that advice, if you actually were to just got off this spot, get up and do that and just do it for a month (which is a long time by the way) and then you came to the loads of material that out there on all the websites and all that stuff, that's going to make so much more sense to you than just doing a lot of the reading. Then listening and then learning and then applying this stuff because, once you've gone out there and you've like just tried to talk to people, you gotten rejected and it's been kind of weird. You don't really know what's going on but, you know that you've been out there socializing, when you come back to the material and you get some of the tips like whatever it is.
Like opening up with something or body language or flirting or merging groups and getting them to talk to each other, like all that stuff, you're going be like, "Oh yeah. I know when I could do that. I know when that will help." It's going to connect in your brain so much easier because, you're going to actually know what to do with that information because, you're going to get where to put that information because, you've already had these experiences of talking to people that you don't know.
So I would say, make a schedule, find places to go and start talking to people. Doesn't matter what you say. Just get conversations going with anyone you can on anything you can. So, I think that's probably my biggest tip there.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, that's a great tip because, it's just getting that first momentum. It'll make all the difference for a lot of guys. They're just waiting for that first bit. Thanks for that great tip and thanks for coming on the show. Great to have you.
[Tripp]: Yeah absolutely, thanks for having me. I appreciate being on and sharing some knowledge.
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DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.
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