#122 Takeaways from Over 19 Years and 20,000 Hours of Coaching Men Infield with Beckster
This is extreme amounts of experience and it's something I'm always looking for to find in great guests for the show. I'm always either looking for some great researchers, people who've actually done their research in scientific research and know what they're talking about. I'm looking for people with a ton of experience, or I'm looking for people with some specific innovative insight. These are the kinds of things that I think are quality and worth having on the show.
The person we're having on the show today is probably one of the top men in the world in terms of the sheer volume of experience he has infield. So that's both training people, coaching them, live infield, and also just being out there himself and practicing and experimenting with new things. He's in a truly unique position to offer highly valuable advice.
Today's guest is Beckster and he has worked with many of the best known coaching companies and other people who are all names that you'll know pretty well. He's spent most of his time in Europe, in London, where he's been based. He's worked along side the likes of Richard La Ruina from PUA Training, with Mystery (Erik von Markovik) from The Game, Ross Jeffries - we've had him previous on the podcast, and Kezia Noble to name just a few.
So if know anything about seduction industry, the pickup artist industry, or you know The Game and that whole area, those are some of the big names out there and he’s worked with all of them.
He currently spends most of his time coaching, and clubbing, along side Mystery in Europe. There's a whole bunch of great takeaways from this episode and Beckster's experience, including the two most important things every man needs to do to learn and improve quickly; and there's a very large percentage of men that don't do these: 1) The benefits and realities of living a polyamorous lifestyle with two girlfriends, 2) The ideal mix of leveraging techniques versus working on being your best self as you learn to becoming a better man, and much, much more.
Now a quick note about audio quality: It was really tricky to schedule in this interview just because of Beckster's schedule. He's constantly out there coaching around Europe and different countries, really jet-setting around. We've actually been trying to set up this interview for a year. So when we managed to get our schedules coinciding, and we managed to get this set up in London last week, it was in a cocktail bar one afternoon. I just took this opportunity knowing the sound quality wasn't going to be perfect because it was going to be a while before this came along again, maybe another year. So the good is better, always, than the never getting done, of course; but due to the location, there is a bit of background noise, which I do apologize for.
There are also a couple of bits of interference, which I've had my audio guys kind of attack and try to fix, but you'll still like hear them. That, unfortunately, appeared in the audio, but they're pretty short and don't affect all of the great takeaways and all of the insights in the rest of the interview. Surprisingly, even though we're in a busy cocktail bar, Beckster comes across really, really clear. So I urge you to make a little more effort just to listen to this audio with the background noise, and the small glitches, because you're going to get some really great takeaways from this episode and it's going to be worth your while.
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- Beckster's interest and start in the business: learning the game (07:50)
- Overview of Beckster's company and website Becksterlifestyle.com (15:07)
- Beckster's coaching infield background (15:55)
- The variety in Beckster's dating lifestyle (17:03)
- Beckster reflects on his polyamorous relationship (20:45)
- The kinds of things that have changed over time in the way Beckster views pickup: developing your "super natural game", merging the best of the natural game and the best of pickup game (24:53)
- How Beckster helps guys develop their best self (32:30)
- How Beckster's coaching has changed over time (33:38)
- Can all guys develop the necessary pick up qualities? (33:57)
- Teaching, managing, and assessing bootcamps (37:02)
- How to connect with Beckster to learn about more about him and his work (42:25)
- Recommendations for guys wanting to improve in dating, sex, and relationships (46:00)
- Recommendations for quality advice in dating, sex, and relationships (49:30)
Items Mentioned in this Episode include:
- Beckster Lifestyle: Beckster's website devoted to changing attitudes and undoing some of the bad work in the pick up artist / seduction community, and helping others to become their most attractive self. Beckster Lifestyle also offers practical advice and evidence based techniques focusing on confidence, congruency, calibration, courage, and conviction.
- The Cold Approach VIP Mystery & Beckster: Their Facebook group created as the first and only exceptional social skills group offering excellent and essential content (private group).
- Beckster Lifestyle YouTube Channel: Beckster's YouTube channel offering training, tips, and advice.
- periscope.tv/BecksterMPUA: Broadcasting and exploring the world through live video, in real-time.
- Mystery (Erik von Markovik): Mystery is mentioned throughout the interview as a significant part of Beckster's pick up artist background, as well as being a partner in the dating / coaching industry. Beckster also recommends Mystery for his expertise and mastery of the game.
- Neil Strauss: Neil was mentioned in the beginning of the interview regarding Beckster's start in the business and learning game. Neil was also referenced by Angel regarding managing relationships and his book The Truth.
- The Game (Neil Strauss): This book is mentioned throughout the interview.
- Adam Lyons: Beckster noted Adam Lyons for his mastery in pick up artistry while discussing how guys can develop the necessary pick up qualities. Beckster also recommends Adam for his advice in dating, sex, relationships, and polyamory.
- Discovery: Beckster recommends Discovery for his ability to instill a regime when teaching and coaching.
- Tyler/TD (Owen Cook): Beckster recommends Tyler for his determination and vast area of knowledge.
Books, Courses and Training from Beckster
Full Text Transcript of the Interview
[Angel Donovan]: So Man, it's a... it's been long time but, I think we first met in 2009?
[Angel Donovan]:Was it 2009? It's hard for me to keep track of dates.
[Beckster]:I know what it was because, you know Facebook has that Memory thing now that comes up and tells what you were up to.
[Beckster]:Yeah, like it's like memories of what you do.
[Angel Donovan]:Oh, that's annoying. Yeah.
[Beckster]:Yeah but, there was a picture of me on the rooftop of where we were.
[Beckster]:That really high building. I don't even know what it was called.
[Angel Donovan]:This is one from the Hangover Two or Hangover Three.
[Beckster]:One of them.
[Angel Donovan]:Hangover Two, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]:Awesome building.
[Angel Donovan]:It's been a long time but, you were in this... what year did you first get into it?
[Angel Donovan]:What were you doing then?
[Beckster]:Playing myself... no. Literally, trying to... given these secrets and me going, "Wow." I always knew in my head, there must be a way out of this. Out of this turmoil of not being able to get laid, not being able to get over my shyness and basically generally, kick ass in winning in life. Someone gave me these newsletters of Ross Jeffries actually and I was like, "There is a way!" and then he's like, "I've got tapes as well." I used to go to bed listening to the tapes all the time as I'm falling asleep and learning intricate patterns and then eventually, having the guts with my friend saying... his name was Blade.... taking me out and going, "Right. Now, go and do... in the day... go and say this on this girl and see how she reacts and pull her into your space."
[Beckster]:All of these of ways of saying because at that time, no one was saying the word "lock in." I don't think anyone would know... you know; I didn't know about Mystery yet.
[Beckster]:So, I just knew there was only Russ Jeffries. That was it and... because, I wasn't even using internet then. For me, the internet was new. So, I wasn't like going around searching for people. It wasn't in my brain to do that. So, I had printouts and cassette tapes and that was it.
[Beckster]:Otherwise, I would have done a boot camp, to be honest.
[Beckster]:I would be like.... but now...
[Angel Donovan]:Well, it didn't exist back then either.
[Beckster]:Yeah. I'm sure it was... maybe Russ was doing seminars then but, I don't know.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah but, I don't think the boot camps came around until...
[Angel Donovan]:... Mystery did the first one.
[Beckster]:Yeah, Mystery was the first one to actually do in fill training.
[Beckster]:We are now in a cocktail bar in Piccadilly.
[Angel Donovan]:This didn't happen before. So, we thought it would be okay.
[Beckster]:And someone is making a cocktail.
[Beckster]:A screaming orgasm. Okay so, it wasn't actual boot camps then and a year went by, I finally got laid but, what I had done is I took the principles and I start creating my own vibe and methods. It was very scattered. It wasn't anything amazing but, I had a system that just about worked for me. Teaching it to other people at this point was futile.
[Beckster]:But it got... it started to get me laid. Within six months of using my flawed system, (at the time I would say because, it wasn't great) I got beautiful model girlfriend from Slovakia. Absolutely stunning, like amazing. Even girls would come up to her and go, "You look so beautiful!" Ignore me totally but, go straight to her. "Oh, you've got the nicest lips I've ever." So, I dated for two years.
Two years had passed where she had to go back to her own country because, whatever the visa rules were, she had to go back. Then, I was back on it hard, even though I was still gaming because, I only saw her weekends, we only had the weekends to go over because, she would model fully for the week and far out from where I lived. I had all that time to practice gaming. As time went by, my systems got better. I started new phases, new modes of game. I started to meet famous... oh, I got asked to be the head instructor of School of Seduction.
[Angel Donovan]:So, what was School of Seduction? What year was that?
[Beckster]:That was... I think it was ten years ago.
[Angel Donovan]:So, it was about... it would have been after Strauss's The Game was published?
[Beckster]:I think it was just after.
[Angel Donovan]:About 2006?
[Beckster]:Because, wasn't it... it was a year ago today or a few days ago that the book was published.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, I thought it was November 2005 or something like because, I left the UK just before like you know... that year before it was published. So... and I left in 2004.
[Beckster]:Yeah, I think it was ten years ago when I was in School of Seduction.
[Beckster]:I still had a normal job and we were doing three-day boot camps over a weekend, every single weekend.
[Angel Donovan]:Wow, and who's organization was that?
[Beckster]:This was called... from someone called Tom Cat and James DeMarco.
[Beckster]:They're not in it anymore.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, I know.
[Beckster]:And then Adam Lyons came along and helped us with marketing and became a very prominent instructor with us and then, Gabbler [phonetic] [00:11:27] came to me and was trying to head hunt me for... it must have been six months.
[Angel Donovan]:Quite a training.
[Beckster]:Yeah... I'm quite loyal. I'm a very loyal person.
[Beckster]:So, I was like, "No, no, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to stay with this group," but, I didn't own any of the company. So, I actually... I went to these guys and said, "Look, give me 5% each."
[Beckster]:Then, I owned 10% at least and they said... one said yes, one said no. So, I left the Gabbler [phonetic] [00:11:56] and worked there for six years. I left there. I think Adam went and did some stuff there after me for a while but by that time, I was doing my own thing. I'd help people out a little bit.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah so, who did you work with over the years?
[Beckster]:Well at the moment, I'm work... well, I've worked with someone called Rob King.
[Beckster]:I helped Kaiso out until she scammed me and I helped... God, there's so many. Do you know what? Even if I mention them all now, their companies don't exist anymore.
[Beckster]:So, I'm not even going talk but, it was like PUA Essex and like...
[Angel Donovan]:Things like those.
[Beckster]:Exactly. So, I became really good friends with... well, I started hanging out, seeing Neil a bit and then, I became good friends with Mystery. I helped Mystery do a meet and greet and...
[Angel Donovan]:What do you mean by meet and greet?
[Beckster]:So, like a "Meet Mystery" event. So everyone would come.
[Angel Donovan]:Okay, you were just helping him out organize an event?
[Beckster]:Yeah, I mean I know I've met them but, at Discovery... a friend that went to Discovery, he said, "Could you help me out?" and I was like, "Yeah, I could help you out." So, I brought loads of people to that and then after, to be Mystery's friend off on our own adventure and haven't stopped really apart from now and then, he goes to [inaudible] [00:13:15] in Toronto for a while and I'll stay in London for a while.
[Angel Donovan]:So, how long has that been? Is that a different company your working with?
[Beckster]:Yeah, we called that one The Cold Approach.
[Beckster]:It was called [inaudible] [00:13:29] but, my own one is http://www.TheBecksterLifeStyle.com.
[Beckster]:So, mine's more lifestyle orientated although, it's heavily filled with dating, socializing. I like the word seduction but, you can say seduction and PUA-type things and I don't like that word either. That... it's... Mystery and I heavily are into the processes of pickup in our joint company. So, it's a 100% pickup.
[Angel Donovan]:It's 100% pickup?
[Beckster]:But, my own is let's say half lifestyle, half pickup.
[Angel Donovan]:When you talk about lifestyle, what kind of things is that.
[Beckster]:So, I had like health, nutrition, being the best you can, super networking, even business within it, every mode you can think of, style, fashion.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, like fixing the whole guy?
[Beckster]:Reflexology, anything you can think of depending on what package someone wants, we're going to cater their life to. So they say, "Look this is the life I want," and we go, "Okay, we're going to fix that for you." Normally, we have a seven-day course and within that seven-day course, they can live with us if they want even.
[Beckster]:And we transform them and give them the life they want. We could even go in and pimp their house out.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, absolutely anything, custom job.
[Beckster]:Yeah, [inaudible] [00:14:57].
[Angel Donovan]:Alright, we were just discussing before we started recording this actually that you've spend a lot of hours coaching infield work.
[Beckster]:Yeah I mean, to walk out would be insane. It's definitely over 20 thousand hours. You know, you've heard of the 10,000-hour rule?
[Beckster]:It's over 20,000 because, I hit that. Someone came to interview me about that many, many, many, many years ago from a university.
[Beckster]:Like, "You've done this amount of hours. You must have because...." They'd worked it out somehow and I've easily done double that now, the amount of time I've been in it and... because when I practiced this stuff, I'm either teaching, practicing it or living it. So, it's like two jobs. I've got two jobs. I can be at it from anything from eight hours to twenty hours a day depending if I've gone out all night and that's continuing to the morning, wherever I am. Whatever girls' house I'm in or if they're at my house, whatever. So, it's constant. Do I have a boot camp? Sometimes, I don't sleep at the boot camp.
[Beckster]:You know, you have a power nap or disco nap and that's about all you get. You're lucky to get 20 minutes and they're three-day events. So, it's constant, constant, constant.
[Angel Donovan]:So, what's your lifestyle like today, like your personal lifestyle?
[Beckster]:Can you be more specific?
[Angel Donovan]:Well just in terms of dating because, all of us take on different paths. You know, like I've taken one path, other people take different paths. We were just discussing how different people you know... stop gaming and stuff after a while. What has been your path? Like where's your lifestyle ended up so that you've...?
[Beckster]:Well, I'm living on the polyamory path at the moment.
[Beckster]:Recently, I just was living with two girls. So, we had a three-way, loving relationship. So, that lasted about a year and we'd all meet girls together as well.
[Beckster]:I've done the kink scene for a very long time as well. You know, I'm not like a heavy kinkster or anything but, I know it. I know the scene and I do my events from time to time to meet new people that are cool. I've done the stripper route, just go through like... as people like the Vegas lifestyle of just going... being with as many strippers are you can, exotic dancers. Then, I've done... you know, I know porn stars. I know actors. I know singers. You know, it's a find the celeb game. So, it's not about really what path I'm on. It's... I'm on every path.
[Angel Donovan]:And you go through phases?
[Beckster]:I literally don't have... yeah, I go through phases for sure but, I don't have like, "I'm only going to stay on this path. The world is my oyster," as it were. So, I'm just like, "Okay, today I feel like doing this. Today, I feel like doing this." I find that being on the polyamory path as it were, (even though it's all paths are polyamory for me) that I'm not hurting anyone's feelings.
[Angel Donovan]:Because, you're being straightforward?
[Beckster]:I have to be now. I have to be now because otherwise, people just, for some reason or other, do not get the point of me saying what quite open is and they never got the point fully. So, I totally said, "Right, this is polyamory," and with women, if it's someone that's very close to me, like very close in my life as a woman, I will say, "Okay, this is the agreement. We both like women, agreed?" They're like, "Yeah." "So, we can only be with women." Right because, if they are that way inclined, they won't see a problem with that because, they know they will get the boyfriend experience from me when we're together and I will only be with girls and they will only be with girls. If they like girls that much, that shouldn't be a problem and if they don't, then they obviously don't like girls as much as they say they do but, I find a lot of girls really love girls.
[Angel Donovan]:Most women, their first... I find some of them will resist it a little bit but, most of them have... can be encouraged to develop that and I think it's more like social repression.
[Angel Donovan]:It's actually inside them but, they've just repressed it.
[Beckster]:I believe that as well.
[Beckster]:Yeah, I find it harder now to meet a girl that isn't into girls or at least, curious to try. I've had a lot of girls that have had their experience with me and a girl. So, they've got to try a girl and loved it and being quite crazed, like they're on crack on something with the pleasure that it's given them and the excitement before, you know... even the lead up to going up to going home, let alone the experience of going for that at the time. Then, they'll be back. If it wasn't...
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, it's a really unique experience for them. So, I'm actually interested in your relationship because, we spoke Adam Lyons about it a couple years ago now and he was in a similar with him and two girls.
[Beckster]:And I think he still is?
[Angel Donovan]:I think...
[Beckster]:Yeah, I think he is, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]:You know, so that's been going well for him and he was very happy about it at the time as well.
[Beckster]:Oh, it is great when you're in it although near the end, it can go rather...
[Angel Donovan]:Right, right. So, that's what I want to ask you about it because, Neil published his book just recently, The Truth.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, which is about relationships and obviously, that was a bit of a disaster for him. If you read the book, it's a fun read. So, how did your go? Did you take any learnings from it? Was there...?
[Beckster]:By the sigh, you could tell.
[Angel Donovan]: It was a rough ride?
[Beckster]:It could be double trouble because, there's two. So you know, you get jealousy coming off them and they're going to go at you and then, you're trying to solve it and then, they're trying to work out between themselves. It's cat, mouse, cheese. It's like all over the place. So yeah, that's why you need to be 100% clear with your actions. Right, "This is this and this is..." Work out between each other before you fully go into it.
It wasn't even decision at the time. I've had lots of three-way relationships that last eight or nine years. I've actually been doing it but, I've never tried to define it as boyfriend and girlfriend and girlfriend, okay?
What it normally is is I have a girlfriend. We'd meet a girl we really like. She would attach to us for a period of time, normally two months to eight months and then, they'd fade out of that relationship but then, nothing was identified. So, there's no harm done. It's not like, "Okay, we're ending a relationship with you."
But what happened with the most recent two was that they messaged me while I was away. Meaning Mystery was doing a boot camp in Amsterdam at the time actually and they started sending me pictures of them messing around on the bed and we're sexting and stuff and they were like, "We want you. We decided we should make this a three-way relationship what do you think?" I was like, "I'm in."
But, because they defined it, it means that now problems can arise because, now it's a proper full-on relationship. At the time, I was in a relationship with one of them and then with both. So, jealousy starts and so on. So, it became out of my control.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, through the year, it sort of got more out of control.
[Beckster]:Yeah, because it was defined as...
[Angel Donovan]:So, would you say, it wasn't for you? It wasn't a very, I don't know... a satisfactory... you got bored in relationship? Maybe it was at the beginning...?
[Beckster]:At the time, it was great, you know and people get jealous and so on. There was literally no need to be.
[Angel Donovan]:Did you... have you learned anything that would help to cope with that jealousy better or do you think there's some things you... you know, would you do it again and would you do it a bit differently?
[Beckster]:I would do it again but, I would make the guidelines even tighter and I'd make sure that they really love each other as well and they're doing it just to please me.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, that should help a lot.
[Beckster]:Because, they were trying to please me too much but, it wasn't even my idea. It was like, they didn't have to do that. I reckon if they didn't, we'd all still be together in some sort of shape or form.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, are you still talking to them or is it really a crash?
[Beckster]:It's more of a fade out, I'd say. It's more of a fade out. It's hard to... I think because it's still raw, that's all.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, maybe talk later.
[Beckster]:I think it will smooth over eventually.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, right. That's the way it only works. Well great. So, one of the other things that I wanted to breech with you is... because, you've being this for so long, what kinds of things did you used to think where you know great ideas that really worked or you know, the way you approached this and over time, you've completely changed your mind. You've changed your mind and you've changed it somehow. What are kind of the biggest things you've changed and the way you look at all of this.
[Beckster]:Okay so, when I... when I got really, really, really good at pick up, I had quite a big name for myself in London. I think that was like maybe eight or nine years ago. I was very much pick-up-orientated. I was like 100%. Everything was like, I have a routine or a gambit, or an opener or story or something...
[Angel Donovan]:Right, so these are all Mystery method?
[Angel Donovan]:Was it still called Mystery method?
[Beckster]:I didn't know Mystery method then. All I knew is what I've heard from The Game and I few things on line but, these are... they're still terms that would describe what I'm doing. So, a routine is you know... Mystery came up with the name routine and opening and so on but, it's something I was doing anyway. So, something I would say that would have a result in either emotions or interests so on and so forth.
A neg for me is what I would call a cheeky chappy comment. I'd call it cheeky chappy comment but, neg is easy. It's safe. Right? But, a result of a neg should be laughter or a honk.
[Beckster]:It shouldn't be, "Oh, I've just insulted you." That's not. When you're vibing with someone and you're making fun of each other in a funny way that works, that's negging. That's just...
[Angel Donovan]:... banter.
[Beckster]:... banter between you or she does it, you do it and so on but, you don't want to get into what we call neg warfare, where you're just doing it all night because, that goes no where.
[Beckster]:So, at some point you've got to calibrate the neg with maybe a hug or telling her, "Oh, you win!"
[Angel Donovan]:So, is that one of the things you used to do more kind of negging insult kind of...?
[Beckster]:I would just be witty and funny and to be, you know so on but, I'd have set pieces, set conversation. That's the... it's a routine, a conversational piece or a conversational starter instead of an opening. So, that's what I would call it in them days but, it's easier to say opener now.
So, I'd have all that and I'd do it full effect, 100%. It worked wonders but then, what would happen is now, I'm walking around with lots of hot girls that would clubbing or bars and these clubs would come to me and ask me to promote for them. "Please bring the girls every time. We'll give you money and free drinks and a table and cue jump." So, I'd be like, "Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm well up for that."
Within that, I became in contact with The Naturals, what we would call The Naturals. People that just...
[Angel Donovan]:They would just do bars and...
[Beckster]:They still have set pieces of stories, they just don't know they're doing it, I guess.
[Angel Donovan]: Right.
[Beckster]:But, there was more alpha body language and they had what I call the five Cs, confidence, congruency, calibration, conviction and courage. So, I noticed they had all of these Cs.
So from promoting, I became more natural. Just became it and then, I realized, I'm still teaching all the routines and openers and so on but, I'm not doing a single one. Two years have gone by and I hadn't done any of my own material but, I'm still teaching.
Then, I decided to throw it in because, I missed it. It was fun. You can great results with this. So, I'd throw it in and the girls loved it. Well you know, you're playing games with them. You're telling stories. It's great.
I threw some of that in and my results when through the fucking roof. I was like, "Oh wow! I'm really getting the best of the best now. I'm winning on all cylinders here." So, I termed that "super natural" game. It's basically having the best of the natural game and the best of the pick up game and splicing them together, merging them together.
The way I would teach some super natural game is 80% should start out as openers, gambits and so on and 20% should be your natural best self that you're developing along the way because, you can't go out and be your best self. It doesn't work like that or go out and be natural and just say what you want to say. It doesn't work like that.
You have to ease your way in. So first of all, lots of training wheels, the foundation of the house as it were. Then, as you're getting more confidence speaking to girls that you fancy and you're getting a bit more socially calibrated, you get more confidence with yourself. You getting congruent with the way you do stuff and you're having conviction in the way you present yourself.
Then, which of the five Cs, the natural... then, you can start being more natural with it. So, maybe go down to 70% stories, openers and so on and 30%, your best natural self and then 30 and then, 40/60, 50/50 and so on until you literally swap it all around. Now, 80% natural, best self and 20% pick up still. Throw that in still because, you wind up always.... you won't get the super boosting of the super natural game.
[Beckster]:So, you need that spliced just here and there. It might be that you're having a natural conversation and you're vibing and you're having whit between each other and banter and she talks about shoes. I'm like, "I've got a great shoe gambit here that leads to sexual content." It slides in easily to be sexually.
[Angel Donovan]:So, a gambit? What is a gambit?
[Beckster]: Well, it could be like an opener that could be used any time in the game, right?
[Beckster]:So, she might say something about, "Oh, I just bought these shoes the other day. What do you think?" Trying to qualify herself to me and I'll be like, "What do you think's better, good shoes or good sex" and point to myself. Then straight away, I've got sex in the conversation. It went in fluidly and naturally but yet, it was a PUA gambit.
[Angel Donovan]:So, it's pushing the relationship along?
[Beckster]:Yes, it's a good widget.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, to put in just something useful that you can throw in at any time is a good widget?
[Beckster]:Yeah because, she's mentioned shoes. "Okay, I've got 101 things I could say on shoes to bring this to the next level. So, here's one," and I'll throw it out there.
[Angel Donovan]:So when did you...?
[Beckster]:If she talks about money, I could say, "What you rather be, 100% materially satisfied or 100% sexually satisfied?" Pointing to myself again and then she'll be like, "Materially," I know she's a bit of a gold digger. If she says, "Sexually," I know, "Hey, hey, I might be in there."
Right but, sometimes, they say both which is great. I say, "Okay, you're really greedy aren't you? Give me a hand to spank." Spank my index finger. Turn it sexual and my answer to that can always be no matter what she chooses, "I like both at the same time. I'm greedy," or something like that. It doesn't matter.
[Angel Donovan]:So, it's like a little routine that you can...?
[Angel Donovan]:... always throw in?
[Beckster]:... she's mentioned money or to how expensive something is. "Oh, my jacket costs this much."
[Angel Donovan]:Are your little gambits and widgets, are they just things that came out of your natural game one time and then, you're like, "That worked" and you tried it again and that worked again.
[Beckster]:98% I would say of the stuff I say was I've naturally said and gone, "Shit. I'd better write that down." I forgot more than 80% of the stuff I've said and I wish I always had a recorder on me because, it's gold gone by. It's gold in strip clubs where I've just... it was like a perfect half an hour set or an hour set was so perfect and I was like, "If only I had recorded that. That was gold. That was gold and I can only remember bits of it now."
[Beckster]:So, there's... so many sets have gone by in my life and some many stuff that can routine and gambits there.
[Angel Donovan]:Right. So right now, you'd say you're doing 20% or would you...?
[Angel Donovan]:... the PUA stuff?
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, and then the rest of it's just you being your best self?
[Beckster]:Me being my best self, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]:How do you help guys develop their best self part? Is it literally just get in there and put yourself out there?
[Beckster]:It's a series of flooding sets, working on their inner game, getting them over their made up hurdles in their mind.
[Beckster]:There's sticking points that are in their mind. It's all in their head. Getting them out of their head even.
[Beckster]: And helping them along, just literally... what hurdles they get into. "Right, we've got to deal with this one." Is it anxiety? Is it not believing in yourself? Is it making up imaginary things that, "Oh, she's going to say this if I say this." How do you know that? Are you a mind reader? I can teach you cold reading if you really want.
[Angel Donovan]:So, it sounds like you've got used to all of the objections that guys bring up?
[Beckster]:Yeah, I can literally put people in categories now within seconds.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, so you just...?
[Beckster]:Even people that are experts. I'm like, "Okay, you're an expert but, I can put you in this category because, I know you've hesitated about this, this or this."
[Angel Donovan]:Right and so, you've got categories or sticking points, basically?
[Beckster]:Yeah. So you know, you're a sunshine yellow. Are you an F green? Are you a code blue, five or red and so on and so forth?
[Angel Donovan]:How has your coaching changed over time?
[Beckster]:I'm more concise. I can get to the point a lot more concisely, that's the word and get to the root of their problem a lot quicker.
[Angel Donovan]:Right so, it's identifying what's actually sticking for them?
[Angel Donovan]:Can all the guys do this? Life every single guy that comes here or are there some harder cases? Are there some particular problems or are there guys, you walk in and you're like, "Oh, he's already got this, these things so, it's going be so easy for him"? Like, so I don't know. Are there qualities guys can get more benefit out if they already have them?
[Beckster]:I think the quickest way you get around is being positive and just do what you're told because, if you do what you're told... I know what I say is right.
[Beckster]:So if you do what you're told, it's going to work. Okay, no one does what they're told. Even if I was teaching me, I wouldn't do what I'm told but, to a degree, the more you do it, the quicker you're going to learn.
[Angel Donovan]:That's interesting.
[Beckster]:As an example, when Adam started coming into this stuff, he knew. Tell me the psychology and he's a grand master now but, at the time, I would say, "Do something," and he went and did it straight away but, he'd just do everything I said straightaway and because he did that, it worked.
[Beckster]:You know and a few other people. He's the most famous that I can mention to you that... I would say, Mystery would say the same to Tyler and Mehow [phonetic] [00:34:45]. They'd just do actually what he says. So, it works and positively. If you do it negatively, it's not going to work.
[Angel Donovan]:I've seen that a lot in guys we coach too. They just don't do...
[Beckster]:They try to tell you how to be taught. "This is the way you should teach me"?
[Angel Donovan]:Right, exactly. They say, "I have this problem" and you're like, "No, that's not your problem. You don't need to focus on that. You don't need to do that. Just do what we tell you," but they don't. So, how do you break through that? Like how do you get guys to do...?
[Beckster]: Yeah, there's many ways to do it. One is fluffy sets[phonetic] [00:35:22]. So, you literally send them in until their numb or they keep... literally going through trauma, break down and rebuild. So, you can't get... when you're at the lowest point of your pain body and then, the only way is it and you've got quick about it, enlightened quick.
[Beckster]:Like one day... that one day of pure pain and trauma. The next day can be totally flip. It can be like... you know, you've opened the clouds to heaven and everything you say is golden. Literally, I've had that and some guys, no. They're just negative. So, they learn a lot slower.
[Beckster]:And try and blame you.
[Beckster]:"Oh, this magic pill didn't work."
[Angel Donovan]:Right, right.
[Beckster]:"Even though I took the course and didn't do what you say..."
[Beckster]:You know, that sort of thing and that's why they don't learn.
[Angel Donovan]:I find a lot of guys just don't take action. I mean...
[Beckster]:They don't. They don't.
[Angel Donovan]:... and then, they say, "Oh, it didn't work for me."
[Beckster]:I can still help people massively that are negative. It's just a lot slower and a lot harder and I'm also worn out by it. You know?
[Angel Donovan]:Right. [crosstalk] [00:36:28]
[Beckster]:No because, they're wearing me out. There is a...
[Angel Donovan]:All of the resistance.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, yeah.
[Beckster]:Like a succubus.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, no and I've experienced that myself. Yeah, so I know. It is like... I mean, talk about the boot camps because, I used to get exhausted. I haven't done them for 10 year or so but, it used to wipe me out. Like, I'd do a weekend of them and I'd be just wiped out for the next couple of days. How do you feel like these days? How is it or... I mean, do you have you have energy?
[Beckster]:I've managed to cope. So, I just need... after boot camp, it's like if I could one good night sleep, I'm fine. You know but, I do want to relax that next day. I don't just jump on the plane and get out of town because, we literally do six cities nearly every weekend it seems. If we're doing a tour, for nine months over that summer and autumn, we're literally boot camp, boot camp, boot camp. Recently, we did a 10-day immersion.
A Bold Immersion we called it and what I wanted to is I put... we did Helsinki. So, in three days and in the middle, the guys had four days... those that did the whole journey with us, had four days personalized not in boot camp time with us. So, less people basically and then, the next three days, the other weekend we did [inaudible] [00:37:46].
[Angel Donovan]:What's that?
[Beckster]:So, some guys did the whole ten days with us, like three guys.
[Beckster]:And then, we had boot camp to boot camp where we had four boot camps. Then, we monitored how they did on the first one to how they did on the second and the results... and they could see it themselves. So, it was the best thing to do ever because, they could see how they were then and how they were at the next boot camp. It was amazing. Like literally one guy... it was good enough to be a fully fledged instructor by the end of them ten days.
[Beckster]:He was that good off. From very meek, boring, unanimated person to this guy that was just running up to groups in the park and sitting down and getting them... immerging them to another group and then, immerging us in with them and literally, helping the other guys on the next weekend. "Hey Guys, we're going to open this set. This is what we're going to do. This is how we're going to break it down."
[Angel Donovan]:So, what qualities did he have? Was it just that he was really positive? He just did what...?
[Beckster]:He was very positive and just wanted... yeah, it came. He was positive and willing to do whatever we said. He literally was and the first day or two, he was a bit like, "I don't know if I should," but he wanted to do it. By the end of it, that was it. He was going leaps and bounds. Like, he's amazing now.
[Angel Donovan]:So, you're running around Europe now coaching?
[Beckster]:Europe and slightly outside Europe, like in Telavi.
[Angel Donovan]:Is that... you're just doing it for kind of fun to see new places?
[Beckster]:I love teaching. I love teaching. So and yeah...
[Angel Donovan]:All of Europe is that... you know... I don't know, you go into places where there's nice girls and has a reputation for nice girls are you just...
[Beckster]:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Angel Donovan]:... getting a definite variety of experience.
[Beckster]:No, we aren't trying to go where it's known to be busy, a busy city, a metropolis.
[Beckster]:So, we've got Barcelona. We went to Madrid.
[Beckster]:We do Amsterdam a lot where we... [crosstalk] [00:39:43]
[Beckster]:We do Finland... oh sorry, Sweden a lot.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, where have you... your favorite place and why?
[Beckster]:Scandinavia, all of Scandinavia is my favorite.
[Angel Donovan]:Is that because you're into Scandinavian girls?
[Beckster]:Maybe, maybe yeah.
[Angel Donovan]:Because, you had this Scandinavia girlfriend last when we were in Bangkok?
[Beckster]:Yes, yes. That's five girlfriends...
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, that was quite a way back, yeah
[Beckster]:Yeah and the thing is, I don't date easy. So yeah but... yeah... I've had a lot of Finnish girlfriends.
[Angel Donovan]: Nice.
[Beckster]:I like that.
[Angel Donovan]:It sounds like you're...
[Beckster]:I like that way... I like that look. Yeah, I like that but also, you know we did Regone [phonetic] [00:40:26]. We want to do Budapest.
[Beckster]:You know; I want to do a lot of Eastern Europe now.
[Beckster]:Oh, we did Poland as well.
[Beckster]:I want to do Moscow. I really want to do Moscow.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, cool and so, you get guys from all over Europe, I guess or even in the States to go to these?
[Angel Donovan]:Where do they come from?
[Beckster]:So, I'm really good friends with Tyler Owen.
[Beckster]: At the moment and... well, at the moment, I'm good friends with him but, he's... recently, he's been saying, "Come back." So whenever I go, I stay at his place.
[Angel Donovan]:In LA?
[Beckster]:Yeah and I've never done a full on, a Beckster Lifestyle Boot Camp. I've helped Mystery out. I've helped Matador out and so on but, I've never done my own one which is quite a different style. So, I'd like to go back and do an LA one. I'd really...
[Angel Donovan]: Do one for yourself?
[Beckster]:Yeah, I would really like to hang out with Tyler a bit more because, I never... we're always so busy and at the moment, he seems to have a bit more free time. So, I want to go and hang with him. I want to collaborate and do affiliate stuff with a lot of the American dudes out there. I've been waiting to do for ages and I've known them as online friends, met them at conferences but, never really sat down and go, "Hey, let's do a one- or two-hour prompt together.
[Beckster]:And we can really... you know; I know... I've known [inaudible] [00:41:45] for 19 years now.
[Beckster]:So, I can do that [inaudible] [00:41:50]. I can do... yeah, I can do the pick up stuff. I can do the natural stuff. I can do whatever, the socializing, the networking. I know how to do all that stuff. So, I wouldn't mind picking them all and doing something different.
[Angel Donovan]:Doing something a bit creative.
[Beckster]:Yeah, just using all my talents to merge into whatever their specialty is and go for it. Now, I'd love to do stuff with Adam. So, I'll give Adam a ring probably tomorrow. We've been chatting. So, I'd love to do something with Adam again. See how we've both evolve after working together 10 years ago.
[Angel Donovan]:It would be crazy to see that.
[Beckster]:Yeah right, two London lads?
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah so, let's round off a little bit here. So, where can people connect with you. You mentioned your website earlier. http://www.TheBecksterLifeStyle.com.
[Angel Donovan]:Okay cool and you're on...
[Angel Donovan]:http://www.TheColdApproach.com. Is there anywhere you hang out on line we can follow you or anything?
[Beckster]:We have The Cold Approach VIP group which is...
[Angel Donovan]:Is that a Facebook group?
[Beckster]:A Facebook group, 100% private.
[Beckster]:Only men but, there is one wing girl on it that helps answer questions.
[Beckster]:But, we answer tons of questions on that and I think around maybe 300,000 followers and we've only been up eight months or nine months, something like that. So, it's just gone BOOM.
[Angel Donovan]:Excellent, so you can join that group on Facebook.
[Angel Donovan]:So, we'll put links to all of this stuff in the show notes and...
[Beckster]:Yeah, we post some videos on that. I do live Facebook videos on there. You know, we pop a YouTube links now and then. I've got a YouTube Channel, The Beckster Lifestyle as well. So yeah, we're hitting Periscope at Beckster MPUA.
[Angel Donovan]:Throwing stuff out.
[Beckster]:Everywhere. I'm on everything. Just whatever I feel the need to do at that time, I'm going to do it but, it's very sporadic. It's not... normally, you'll be lucky if I go write tonight. I'm going to be doing a... it's just in the middle of the club and I'm like, "I'm going to Bang, this is coming up on. Who ever is on is on." You know? So, that's how I work. I'm very in the now. I live in the now.
[Angel Donovan]:So, you've been on this huge journey, you know?
[Angel Donovan]:Like I can imagine like the adventures you've had.
[Beckster]:And the thing is, I rarely do boot camps in London. That's the thing.
[Beckster]:So, literally it I felt like it. I was two or three a year for many years. People say, "It's so hard to get a hold of you." You know?
[Beckster]:I did loads of one-on-ones and I would be helping... you know, Mystery would be doing our joint ones but, the Beckster Lifestyle ones were really rare but now, I'm going to come a bit more force, I think.
[Beckster]:Because, I felt for the last maybe seven years, I've been hiding mine in the shadows.
[Beckster]:Really hard to get a hold of.
[Beckster]:But, I've just been doing my thing. I've writing products for other companies, helping them, you know, helping them smooth out.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, you were saying you've got your own stuff which is waiting to get out.
[Beckster]:I'm no good at releasing my own stuff because, I'm not that techy.
[Beckster]:So, I'm no good. So, I'm very easy. I could just turn up a camera next weeks for hours on any subject. So, I'm quite happy to help people but now, I feel that I should just do my own and I've got one I've been developing for three years I really want to put out and then, this stuff that me and Mystery want to put out as well as a joint thing.
[Beckster]:So, there's going to be an abundance of products coming out. It's about time.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, yeah, it is about time because, you've been around a hell of a long time.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, as you were saying, there's not many people who have as much experience as you so...
[Beckster]:And now, I'm very polyamorous with my life.
[Beckster]:I've got nothing to hide anymore. I felt maybe...
[Angel Donovan]:Because you were hoping...
[Beckster]:... I wasn't that secretive but, I was very like behind closed doors and keeping it under wraps and worried about hurting people's feelings even though they knew what I did but, just being too out there. I've got nothing to lose anymore. So...
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, so maybe that was holding you back a little?
[Beckster]:Yeah, it was
[Beckster]: Beckster's back.
[Angel Donovan]:Yeah, yeah. No, I feel the same way about this line of work along the journey. So, what would be your top three recommendations to guys like if they want to get... they want to improve fast? Maybe we've already covered some of them in the show but like, what... if you could give them three takeaways. Things that they should think about if they want to get good at dating, sex, relationships?
[Beckster]:I think, the positive thing is a win/win because, even if you go in set and say you get blown out... by the way, you can only get blown out if you leave first.
[Beckster]:Right? So, stick in there. You'll learn loads but, one thing is, write about your results afterwards. So as within the game that was out 11 years ago are still true with anything you learn, right? Like, when you're going to the gym or whatever you're doing, have your notes. So it's like, "Okay, what should I start doing? What should I stop doing and what should I continue to do with each of my set" and a pattern will form.
"Okay, like I really realize now that (here's the most obvious)... I really realize now that I should stop leaning in because, on eight of my ten sets that I failed on, I'm leaning in. So obviously, that's the mistake. What should I start doing? Locking in. Okay, right. I've not locked in. Locked in."
[Angel Donovan]:What's locked in?
[Beckster]:Locking in. You know, like when you're chatting to... I'll wait until this cocktail is made.
[Beckster]:I'll go place it to the mic. So, when you... basically, you're chatting a set and you don't want to be on the precious or the outside of that set. So, you literally lock into a convenient place like the wall or the bar where they have to turn and it looks like they're facing you and all the attention is on you so they can see you and the back of the wall or the back of the bar. So, you're not... their focus isn't going to be taken away but also, to any outsider, it looks like they're chatting you and you are the prize and you're socially proofed. So, to lock in is extremely important.
[Angel Donovan]:Cuts out all the distractions.
[Beckster]:And it's fun.
[Beckster]:And you're also, because you're leading her... so, there's that little move where she has to follow you. You're showing dominance and leadership. So, you're winning on all barrels just by literally leaning against the bar.
[Angel Donovan]:Excellent, yeah.
[Beckster]:And there's ways of stealing lock in and so one but, we're not getting to that.
[Angel Donovan]:No, no.
[Angel Donovan]:Alright so, that's two. One more?
[Beckster]:You must experiment. Don't just... I've found many modes that worked for me, many methods that worked for me but, nothing's 100% but, I'd say like 95% that work were really immensely great but, always break that mold and try it. What I do is is I break the mold and try something new and then when I have the two new methods, I merge them together to have a mutated evolved method basically, evolution.
That's how Super Natural Game came about. I merged the natural styles with the pick up and came up with Super Natural Game. I've got six phases. I won't go into all of them. I'm still perfecting number six. I've got six phases of gain which is my evolution and Super Natural Game is phase two. So, I invented that...
[Angel Donovan]:So, other phases are afterwards.
[Beckster]:...eight years ago and yet today, it's still quite high technology when I teach it to people but, you have to go... I'd say you have to go through... the first is just pick up, literally just pick up stuff.
[Beckster]:Then, Super Natural Game. Then Octopussy Game and then, Cock and Broom Game and then...
[Angel Donovan]:These are your actual names?
[Beckster]:These are real phases. Yep, all phases I've got.
[Angel Donovan]:Good names you've given it.
[Beckster]:A working title because, I want to do a product with them as well.
[Angel Donovan]:Right, they're definitely are eye-catching titles. People won't forget them. So, last thing is who would recommend besides yourself?
[Beckster]:Depending on what and just in the world in general?
[Angel Donovan]:In dating, sex, relationships, you know, like this whole area. Yeah, the whole world.
[Beckster]:I think if you want to... I like Adam for having the polyamorous side of thing. You know, that's something I do also. So yeah, if you're in America, go to Adam. If you're Europe, come to me.
Mystery for like the real sort of zoomed in micromechanics of it all and literally, how to lore the whole fucking city. You know like just all that stuff. He is a master of this game. That's why we work together. Our stuff gels so perfectly and we use each other's stuff. So, together we're quite a dynamic duo, as it were.
I like Discovery for his so sort of military facts of how he can get things, get into your head, get you raging. That's good as well and he's raging, like the start, stop, continue. I actually got that one from him.
Who else? I like Owen for his never giving up and his relentlessness and it just... his vast areas of knowledge on just stuff he's been thinking about over time. He's into pick up. He's into pick up.
And me, if you're crazy. I don't know. I know my area. So, I don't know whatever you want really.
[Angel Donovan]:Excellent. Well Man, it's been great to catch up and hear about this. I've learned some new stuff about you so, that's been cool. Yeah, thanks for your time.
[Beckster]:That's good. Thanks, always a pleasure and never a chore.
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DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.
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