How to Be a Person: The Stranger's Guide to College, Sex, Intoxicants, Tacos, and Life Itself    Compare

Table of Contents/ List of Topics Covered:

Introduction: Just Calm Down, Don’t Freak Out, All Kinds of Things Are About to Happen to You

1. What No One Else Will Tell You About College
- How to Get Along With People Who Are Different from You
- How to Get Along With Roommates Who Are Different from You
- On Making Friends
- A Few Majors That You Should Not Major In
- Everything There Is to Know About Whatever Major You Choose (Or, Who Needs Classes?)
- What No One Else Will Tell You About Dropping Out

2. A Guide to America
- The Pacific Northwest
- The Midwest
- California
- The Southwest
- The South
- The Northeast
- The Mountains
- Alaska
- Hawaii

3. What No One Else Will Tell You About Sex and Dating
- How to Get With a Girl If You Are a Boy
- How to Get With a Boy If You Are a Girl
- How to Get With a Gay/Lesbian If You Are a Gay/Lesbian
- How to Get With a Bi/Trans/Differently Sexual Person If You Are a Bi/Trans/Differently Sexual Person
- How to Turn a Crush Into Something More
- How to Ask Someone Out
- How to Take Someone on a Romantic Date
- How to Kiss
- How to Successfully Put Your Parts in or on Another Person
- Different Sexual Positions You Need to Try in College
- How to Have a One-Night Stand
- How to Have Casual Sex
- How to Be in a Relationship
- Honesty Actually Is the Best Policy
- Cover Your Junk! How to Not Impregnate an Individual or Get Impregnated Yourself, and Also Very Importantly, Not Get a Sexually Transmitted Infection (Because You Really Don’t Want That)
- A Little More About STIs
- How to Break Up With Someone
- How to Get an Abortion
- A Note on Polyamory

4. How To Be Gay
- What to Do If All Your Life You Have Secretly Wanted to Have Sex with Someone With the Same Private Parts as You
- A Note About Anti-Gay Bigots
- How to Come Out of the Closet
- Where to Go to College If You’re Gay
- The History of Gay People in a Few Paragraphs
- On Gay People Sleeping With Straight People
- How to Have Sex With a Man If You’re a Man
- How to Have Sex With a Woman If You’re a Woman

5. How To Sleep With Your Professor

6. Savage Love, College Edition
- So I Have This Roommate
- So I Have This Religion
- So I Just Discovered Anal Sex
- So I’ve Been Thinking About Polyamory
- So I Have These Parents
- So I Have This Kink
- So I’m in This Relationship and Something About the Sex Just Isn’t Right
- So I Think I Just Cheated
- So I Think I Just Got Raped
- So I Think I’m Pregnant
- So I Think I’m Trans
- So I’m a Virgin – Or My Partner Is

7. What No One Else Will Tell You About Drinking
- How to Deal With a Hangover
- How to Binge Drink
- Handy Synonyms for Being Drunk
- On Vomiting
- Handy Synonyms for Being Vomiting
- How to Get Roofied and Still Have a Good Time
- How to Drink Like an Adult
- On Drinking and Driving
- Beer: It’s All Good
- Wine: What the Hell’s the Deal?
- Why Do the Drinks at This Bar Cost So Goddam Much?

8. What NO One Else Will Tell You About Drugs
- Don’t Do Drugs! Okay? Seriously! Ever
- Marijuana
- Cocaine
- Methamphetamine
- Ecstasy
- LSD
- Mushrooms
- Heroin
- A Note That Could Save Your or a Friend’s Life
- A Final Word About Drugs

9. A Few Words About Manners
- A Few of the Basics
- How to Have a Conversation
- How to Take a Compliment
- How to Be a Guest at a Party
- How to Host a Party
- On Toilets

10. How To Do Laundry
- How to Actually Do Laundry

11. What No One Else Will Tell You About Food
- How to (Not) Be a Foodie
- So You’re a Vegetarian!
- A Really Easy, Really Pretty, Really Good Soup You Can Make With a Butternut Squash
- How to Make Tacos
- How to Make Very Tasty Pasta
- How to Make the World’s Best Macaroni and Cheese (With a Monogram on It!)
- How to Make an Impressive Entire Roasted Chicken
- Make Your Own Coffee!
- Organic Food: WTF?

12. What No One Else Will Tell You About Music, Books, and Art
- How to Be Into Music Without Annoying Everyone
- What the Albums in Your Dorm Room Say About You
- What the Art Posters in Your Dorm Room Say About You
- Everything You Need to Know to Successfully Flirt With a Film Nerd
- Spoiler Alerts for the Big Novels So You Can Flirt With English Nerds as if You’ve Already Read Them
- Books You Should Avoid

13. What No One Else Will Tell You About Politics
- Getting Started
- How to Know If You’re a Republican or Democrat
- Take It Easy on Tattooing Yourself in Your Beliefs
- When It’s Okay to Yell at Someone About Politics
- What No One Else Will Tell You About Feminism

14. Some Financial Advice Courtesy of The Bible
- Eschew Credit Cards
- Get Thee Unto a Credit Union
- The Bible Further Suggests That You Get a Job
- Jesus Christ on a Bicycle, Don’t Buy a Car
- The Golden Rule and Beer

15. How To Use a Computer
- Things the Internet Is Good For (Now)
- Things the Internet Is Not Good For (Yet)
- Trolls Be Trollin’
- How to Twitter
- How NOT to Facebook
- Sexy, Sexy Pornos!!!
- SHOW ME YER BOOBZ
- How to Un-Spam Thyself
- How to Date People Inside Your Computer and Not Get Murdered

16. How To Write Good
- Three Great Sentences and What Makes Them Great
- What Not to Do
- How to Write a College Paper
- How to Write a Cover Letter
- How to Write Poetry

17. What No One Else Will Tell You About Heartbreak and Death
- How to Get Over a Broken Heart
- When Someone You Love Dies
- On Suicide

Appendix A. What No One Else Will Tell You about Working in Restaurants
Appendix B. The Different Kinds of People That There Are

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