Ep. #24 Only Experience Can Give You a Better Dating Life with Hypnotica (Eric Von Sydow)

[Hypnotica]: How are you doing today? Feeling good?

[Angel Donovan]: All good. It’s great to have you here. We just recently reviewed your book Metawhore, which came out about six months ago, I think. So first I’d just like to kind of get your ideas behind why you wrote that and what you wanted to communicate.

[Hypnotica]: Well, I wrote it for the reason that I… you have it inside you, and this is something that it took a long time to get there. And I came from the position where a lot of the guys in the community came from, not really knowing what to do, overweight. I was fat. I was extremely white, freckles, pimples. So I consciously went through the steps on where to get to the point where I feel extremely confident in myself, in my success, in my interactions with women on pretty much every level.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: So it would be a shame, I think, for someone to have gone through that and not be able to give back a little bit of the steps and the learnings that it took to get to the point where I was at and where I’d feel comfortable, where I think a lot of guys are trying to get to. So that's really why I wrote the book, for the reason… I mean, I didn’t write it because I’m a writer. I’m definitely not a writer. I wrote it just because of the fact that I think that there are a lot of guys that can get a lot out of the book, and especially on the sexuality level where I’m getting lots and lots of feedback and testimonials from guys just emailing me out of the blue like, “I’m glad you wrote this book because it made me think that I was fucked up in the head or I had all these urges or it wasn’t natural.” So I’m getting a lot of that. I think it’s a good thing that the book went out, even though it rubbed some people wrong, But I think overall it’s just another viewpoint that most people didn’t put out. So that's pretty much why I wrote the book.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I mean, one of the things I enjoyed about it was the honesty. It’s very authentic, and I can understand the scenes that you describe, which are kind of embarrassing. Most people wouldn’t want to put it out there, so I think relating to those guys who said, “Hey, thank you for writing the book,” it’s because they feel normal because they know that there are other people out there doing the same that they can relate to when they are doing something and they don’t have to hide or whatever. Do you want to relate one or two of those kind of things that you think people should feel normal about that they generally don’t because of the way people view them or talk about them?

[Hypnotica]: Well, I think people should feel extremely normal about being vulnerable, being able to open up and say things that are absolutely pretty much normal in life. Vulnerability, a lot of guys think, “Oh, I need to hold on to my emotion or I can’t let it out,” but the thing that there is is there's a certain strength with vulnerability. Because vulnerability has a certain softness to it, and when you have a certain softness, you’re actually more human, you’re actually more able to relate to people, you can be more empathetic, and those are the things that I think are powerful. So when a person can actually say whatever he wants to say and understand that he's got such a strong solid sense, core confidence inside himself no matter what anyone says, it doesn’t matter because he's just being his own unique individual self and there's no one that can say, “Hey, this is right, this is wrong,” because nobody knows what’s really right, what’s really wrong. So it’s basically the person’s own unique opinion of what they bring to the world, what’s their own unique gift, what’s their own unique perspective. And without that, then we’re all clones. We just walk around as robots in a certain paradigm, and that's death to me. So it’s really about the birth of creativity, the birth of, hey, being okay with being yourself, being your own unique individual, really.

[Angel Donovan]: Great. Are there any specific examples you could give like of things that you think probably occur for a lot of people but they don’t talk about them?

[Hypnotica]: Well, let's go right with masturbation. Lots of guys, you know…

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: Now I think it’s getting a little bit more open. I think that the Internet has really helped out open a lot of things on a lot of different levels as far as ideas, as far as other people out there that have similar interests. And I think something like masturbation, guys, at least in my generation, masturbation was taught to be bad, it’s dirty, it’s a very… There was a big religious… I like to say the religious reich of telling what’s right and what’s wrong is rotting away a little bit, because they were saying, “Oh, you can’t do this and you can’t do that.” And I don’t know so much about this generation coming up, but I feel like a lot of people were put to shame, like it’s bad.

And it’s not bad. It’s just a natural normal process. I mean, anytime you can, A, release good feelings into the world, I think that's good. Anytime you could get a release of tension and let the chemicals run through your body that relax you, that's good. And I think the only thing that's bad is if you keep on doing it 20, 30 times a day and you overdo it. But something like that where you can just easily talk about it, it’s more open, it’s more honest, it’s more just you being you. I mean, I wouldn’t make it the conversation of the family dinner, but you know, when you’re out with your friends, if you can laugh it, you could joke around, then you’re more at ease with it. And once you have that tension relaxed in your body, then you’re able to flow more easily, things to that nature.

I mean, lots of shit happens. Shit happens to people all the time. I mean, I had a really, really weird experience. Probably the weirdest experience happened two days ago to me.

[Angel Donovan]: Okay.

[Hypnotica]: And I don’t ever get thrown off ever. Like that's one of my things, is I’ve been there, I’ve done it. I had a friend, and this is… I’m still a little weird on this.

[Angel Donovan]: Okay.

[Hypnotica]: I had a friend that I know from, I don’t know, maybe 10 years, a manly man. I mean, this guy is like six-five, you know, almost 300 pounds, six-five, connection worker, just a man man, the most manly man that I know, alright, put it that way. And he came… I haven’t seen him for about a year, you know. He said, “Hey, Eric, did I leave my tool there?” I go, “Yeah, you left the tools here. Come on over.” So he comes over and we’re just sitting there talking, we’re kicking back. And he's older. He's about, I don’t know, 15, 20 years older than me. And in the penitentiary, like one of these guys, you know, not a guy you mess with.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: And out of the blue he just says, “Eric, can I see your dick?” And I was like, “What?” He goes, “Your dick. I’d really like to see your dick.” And I’m kind of getting a little… I’m like, “What are you talking… like is this a joke?” Like, “Okay, what’s going on?” And he goes, “No, I really would like to see your dick.” And I go, “No…” I go, “I’m not going to show you my dick, but you want to see a picture of it? Here. Here’s a picture. Here’s my photo of that. It gets sent out to girls who want to see my dick. Here you go.”

And then he kept on. Then he kept on. He was like, “Well, you know, I’d really get great pleasure…” and he basically came out—this a guy that I thought I knew like the back of my hand—for an hour sat in the room and he was pushing on it. And he’s a big guy, so I was like, “Okay, I need to grab a hammer here because he's looking at me like I’m his next dinner.”

[Angel Donovan]: [Laughs]

[Hypnotica]: And you know, I mean he goes through the whole… this went on for an hour and I was like pleading that somebody would come and rescue me because I was just in a very weird situation. I was trying to make, you know, fluff it along, fluff it along. And yeah, basically he said, “Do you mind taking your shirt off and working out in front of me?” I’m like, “Look, this isn’t my deal.” And then he goes on to tell me he likes to be on the bottom and he loves it when a cock’s in his mouth because it almost makes him come without even touching himself. So, I mean, these are the kind of conversations and shit that happens, like you never know when it’s going to happen. It was very odd and he left because I had a client coming in, but I felt extremely weird. But shit happens, and shit happens to a lot of people.

And so it’s like when you can just get it out of your system and let it go, it becomes funny. Once something becomes funny, whether it’s masturbation, whether it’s premature ejaculation, whether it’s anything, you get that tension out of your body. Once the tension’s out of your body, then you’re back more into the flow. But that's the kind of stuff that happens.

[Angel Donovan]: And I like the way you put it, like it’s this tension in your body that is kind of trapped, and I guess it’s going to come out in weird ways and interrupt what you’re doing, you know, if you’re approaching women or you’re meeting women or whatever it is, it can hold you back, I guess.

[Hypnotica]: It could temporarily hold you back. I mean, it depends.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: If you let it build up… I kind of look at it like, imagine like a sink and there's hair in the sink, and sometimes if there's enough hair in there it kind of slows it down, but if you don’t anything about it, pretty much it stops. And if you realize that there's always going to be a little cloggage somewhere down the line, as long as you keep moving forward and you do something actively to kind of clean it out, you just have to move forward.

For example, like guys on approaching, I know they have this big thing on guys on approaching. I don’t really even look at it that way, but a lot of guys do. And so they're out there and they don’t realize that it’s like anything. It’s like working out. It’s like starting a vehicle. There’s a warm-up phase. And nobody really likes to do the warm-up phase. Even the best people that I know that are good at it, even the guys that are the top guys that teach this stuff that I know go out all the time, say, “Hey, the first three times suck.” The first time is just like you’re warming up and it’s stretching a muscle. You just don’t go in the gym and grab 300 pounds and throw it up. You’ve got to ease into it. The first time always sucks, just like getting out of bed and going, “God, I have to go to the gym.” It sucks.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: Then, once you start getting into the groove and you start getting warmed up, you start to find the flow. And I think a lot of guys are afraid of taking that very first step, but that's just like warming up. And once you look at it like you’re just warming up, it’s okay. Even like one of the top guys was saying, he doesn’t even know what he's going to say. He just makes his feet move in that direction. He's like saying, “No, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go,” but his feet just walk him to that direction, and he says usually it’s something pretty stupid. He goes, once that's done, the hair or the clog that we were talking about, a big chunk of it gets moved. And then the next time is like the rest of it gets moved and pretty soon, the water starts flowing. That's a little analogy that may help people. I don’t know if I answered the question completely.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, that definitely fits with what I know a lot of other people, you know, the guys teaching this stuff, that they do in real life. So that fits with what I know as well.

[Hypnotica]: There's a big difference between knowing it in your mind… Lots of people always wonder, “Hey, how do you present new stuff that I’ve never presented before?”

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: And the only way to really do it and learn it is to go through it and do it and experience it. You can read all the stuff, and that's kind of why the whole PUA system is kind of the way it is right now because it’s just theory out there. Everyone’s kind of talking theory, and when you talk theory there's nothing new being brought to the table, because it’s like, “Oh, I brought this.” You’re not getting the experience, and when you get the experience is when you get the unique concepts and you get the unique ideas and you get the unique systems that roll through body.

Like some of the content I presented this year that were brand new at the conference that we did with the Casanova Crew guys is, basically I said, “Hey, are you guys afraid of clowns?” And they’re like, “Oh, no.” And I go, “But I want you to think about something. The amount of makeup on a woman’s face is the distance that she is detached from reality, and a clown puts on makeup and they entertain you. Okay, a woman also puts up makeup and entertains you. A woman is just really kind of like a pretty clown,” you know, and just start to shift the perspective.

I go, “Now, if you walked up in a bar to a girl and you had some liquid on you that takes makeup off and you sprayed it on their face and it melted the makeup off, do you think that they would still be as confident as they were if they were dressed up like the pretty clown?” And a lot of guys said, “No.” And I said, “That's what you’ve got to understand. You’re talking to an illusion. You’re talking to something that's put up to make believe.” And I said, “So when you understand that, then you guys start to see things a lot differently.”

And the other thing is, when a woman’s getting ready, how long does it usually take? Usually about an hour and a half to two hours for the average woman. And I said, “What do you think when she’s getting ready that she’s thinking about, she’s fantasizing about when she’s shaving her legs, when she’s shaving her pussy, when she’s making sure that she’s absolutely prepped? She’s doing a ritual in her head of a type of man that she wants to meet. And when she can think to herself like, ‘Man, I hope I meet this in a guy,’ you think it’s the average guy that comes up and just goes, ‘Hey, what’s your name?’ or ‘Can I ask you a question?’ No, it’s a guy that throws the lightning bolt that knocks her off her feet. That's what she’s doing in her head. That's the type of ritual.”

I said, “So when you go out, you need to understand what has been going on inside this woman’s head when she’s getting ready, what type of guy, and for you to step in and become that guy and be that guy so you help her with her fantasy.” So, I wouldn’t have known that if I didn’t keep on going through the process. For you to go through the process, you understand these things and you start to think about it differently.

[Angel Donovan]: Right, right.

[Hypnotica]: Compared to if you just stand on the outside and you’re thinking about it and you’re contemplating it in your head with your PUA buddies, you don’t get to see things that free your thought process up.

[Angel Donovan]: It’s interesting to look at it from the women’s side, you know. She wants to impress all her girlfriends and whatever, you see that in all of the effort they put upfront, right, some special occasion, you know, it can go two weeks in advance they’re stressing about the dress they’re going to wear and what they’re going to look like and so on. So, in a sense, I guess they get over the tension before the event, in their preparation, and then the guys have to deal with it at the event. Does that make sense to you?

[Hypnotica]: Yeah. I’d say they’re more like putting themselves on display. It’s more like they’re doing a model walk.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: They do have a certain amount of I guess tension built up, and women are wild. They want to let loose. So it’s almost like that's their moment. They’re going to shine, that person that they’ve been building up on the inside, you know, when they look at the shoes and they’re going, “Okay, I’ll put this combination together with this combination.” I mean, it’s really just a big, like a party, because they’ve been planning it. So when they’re out there, they’re going to put on that person. They’re not going to be brought down by a normal conversation. They don’t want to. They want to be in that mode where they’re out there having fun, letting loose.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Hypnotica]: And guess what, guys, you better be that guy who’s able to do that. And if you’re just letting her ride the conversation or expect her to keep the creativity going in a conversation or bring her back down to a normal boring interaction, then you’re going to lose. If you like, “Hey, I’m that guy who’s going to be the tour guide through this night tonight and going to have fun and going to make it wild,” you’re a hell of a lot better off than you’re just that guy that's, “Okay, I’m going to go and approach this girl,” because they’re going to eat you up because you’re going to break down their vibe.

[Angel Donovan]: So you were talking about experience, the importance of experience over theory a minute ago, and one of the interesting things you relate in Metawhore is that you go from many extreme experiences, probably a lot more extreme than anyone else I know has been through. So do you think it’s essential to go to extremes? Or what kind of experiences do you think are helpful in gaining to get better at all of this?

[Hypnotica]: Well, the way I look at extreme is anything beyond what normalcy in a society is.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: It’s kind of like the society, which is protected by certain kind of universal little laws that everyone kind of agrees on, and that's where everyone is. And so I kind of say like if you’re going out and you’re looking for a treasure, you don’t want to look where everyone else has been looking because you’re not going to find it. You have to look where no one else has looked.

So I don’t believe that it’s essential because I think you can learn a lot by staying in those parameters, but for me, because I like to kind of blaze the trails a little bit, I believe, you know, or at least I like to go outside the extreme and do those things, because then you start to see all the patterns that people run by, and how many people want to stay in that little comfort zone but when they get a chance, boom, they come out and they want to unleash and go into it? So, I mean, I believe if you’re going to be a maverick, if you’re going to be someone who really like goes beyond what people want and find new stuff, I believe you’ve got to go extreme. If you just want kind of like a little bit, you can excel extremely the other way, but I don’t think you’re going to get as many as the original ideas that are going to come to mind, if that makes sense.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. Yeah, it does. So let's put this into practice. What kind of things would you suggest the guys do in order to build up their experience of it and get out of their comfort zone?

[Hypnotica]: The most obvious is actually go out. Lots don’t even go out. They sit at their computer and they talk theory all day. I mean, if you go out… Tyler Durden from RSD, you know, I was watching him talk, he goes out every single night whether he wants to or not, even if it’s for 20 minutes.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: You go out and you get to know the vibe. Just doing that is extreme. And you start to realize, “Okay, you know what, there’s a certain tendency, there's a certain pattern here. So, I mean, just going out is a big thing.

Hey, walking up to girls is another big thing. Lots of guys don’t even do that. It’s not like 10% of the guys even do that. Being able to put sexual thoughts and ideas and seeds into a conversation, being able to talk sexually, I mean that's, for the most part, a little different than most things.

Now, if you’re talking like extreme extreme, you know, there's all kinds of things. I mean, I’m a big advocate of doing psychedelics, taking a vision quest, going out into the forest and doing that kind of thing. That's my own personal thing that helps me get out of my own head or gets me regrounded and lets me see things differently.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: But even that, going out, like I said when I was in the book, going out and doing or wearing something extreme just to get the information, just to get the experience, just to get the people’s reactions, I mean, that's huge when you see that. It gives you more data to work with in your brain. I believe the more data that you have of how people react and how people are, the more flexible you can become, and the more flexible you are, the more power you gain in any one system that you’re working with with a person. You can blend in with anyone. I could blend in, and I do, with people that are hanging out in jail or prison that have been there. I can hang out with people that are millionaires that are federal judges. I have that ability because I’ve stretched my experience level between everyone in between because I’ve done those strange things and put myself in those positions purposely, compared to a guy who’s been sitting on his computer talking about girls and you put him in the middle of a Playboy Mansion party, he's going to be dripping out.

[Angel Donovan]: So when it comes to girls, do you think guys should… especially the younger guys, say, under 25s who don’t have that much experience of women, do you think… because a lot of them may start out with this idea of what an ideal girl is and they’ve kind of got that vision in their head, and those are the kinds of girls they’re always going for. Would you suggest that they try and break out of that? Is that a good thing or…?

[Hypnotica]: No, I believe going for the gusto, always going for what you want, it may not have the best ratio, but once you understand that to a degree, it is a numbers game, and you keep going, that's going to help you out a lot. And I think the big thing is that guys take this out of context, is they think to themselves, “Oh, I really want this girl,” but they haven’t done shit to self-improve themselves.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: And like I said, one of the questions I always ask is, “Would you date you?” And you’d be amazed, I mean I just did a seminar up in LA last week and I asked that question, and like five guys raised their hands out of like 50. I said, “Guys, this is the big problem here, because like if you don’t want to date you, why would you think anyone else would?” That's huge. So all these guys are thinking, “Well, I’m not going to improve myself, but I want this girl who’s a 10.” It doesn’t work that way at all. So I think the big process that guys have got to go through is that they need to bring something to the table. They need to bring a good attitude. They need to bring a good energy. They need to bring something that's useful. So when these guys are just starting out, they’re going to get blown out of the water big time.

[Angel Donovan]: Okay. Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: And I always say the ratio, and a lot of guys say, “Oh, out of 10 girls you should be hooking up with like 3 of them,” that's a bullshit ratio.

[Angel Donovan]: Okay.

[Hypnotica]: The real ratio is about 1 out of 10 girls maybe will appreciate you going up to them. That's kind of the more realistic ratio for most guys. And even me, because you never know. You walk up to a girl, she’s married. You walk up to a girl, she’s got a boyfriend. You walk up to a girl, she’s in a bad mood. You walk up to a girl, she’s deaf. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. So 1 out of 10 is going to even appreciate you, and so you’ve got to get good with that ratio.

And I told the guys, like, “Look, if you knew that a treasure was, let's just say, 10 feet or 15 feet below the surface, but you had to dig through rock, you had to dig through gravel, you had to dig through all this stuff to get there, would you dig?” And they all go, “Yeah.” And I go, “It’s the same with women. Now, if you knew underneath that treasure there's another treasure 10 to 15 feet down, would you keep digging?” “Yeah, absolutely.” I go, “Good. So how far would you dig in order to get as much as treasure as you wanted?”

And that's the whole process. Whereas a lot of these guys won’t even approach one, they approach three girls and they’re like, “Wow, I was blown out of the water.” Big deal. Shit happens. Life moves on. They won’t remember who you are 15 minutes from now. Keep going.

And you figure if 1 one out of… I don’t care if it’s 1 out of 20 girls. Let's say you approach 40 girls a night and you’re successful one time, well, if you do that every night in the course of a week, that's seven girls. Seven girls times four weeks is 28 girls. That's 28 girls that you’re hanging out with.

My vision of success is being able to hang out with who you want, when you want, however you want, at any point in time. Like I always say, the lion likes to be fed, and the lion will eat whenever he wants. The lion doesn’t go, “Okay, I’m hungry now. I’m going to go out there and find something.” The lion has food they’re waiting, and that's kind of how I like to think about it.

Go and build that up for yourself. You could set the relationship boundaries and criteria right from the beginning. You say, “Hey, I’m looking for a woman who’s bisexual in nature. Are you bisexual?” “No.” “Okay, cool.” Then you carry on a normal conversation. Once you have that all set up, then you create the life you want. When you create the life you want, you get to live the life you want how you want it, when you want, and do those things, and that in itself builds a certain comfort.

Like my own personal… I know you talked about the marriage thing earlier, you asked me a question, but my own personal comfort zone is I like two women that I have a relationship with, and that's normal. Like I live with my wife and right across the street in my other house is the woman that I see also, that I’m hanging out with at the same time. That's my own comfort zone. Any more than that, I start losing track of time, I start getting a little mixed up on my managing stuff. And I’ve gone up to, like I said, at one point, 16 women that I was hanging out with, you know, 16 women that I was messing with at any one point in time. But I was way out of balance. This is my own personal balance, like this is what makes me feel nice and content, calm, anytime I want.

And I could still go out there and go meet women if I want. That's my own choice because I set that up from the beginning. But that's where the comfort zone is. That's where contentment lies. And when you have that understanding of who you are, what you want, how you want it, and you stay strong with that, it’s like your little kingdom. They’re welcome to come, they’re welcome to go. Once you have that, you have that contentment and you know who you are, what you want, and then it’s just a matter of being like an archaeologist and going out and finding the treasure and being okay with, “Okay, this one wasn’t into it,” and things of that nature.

Another thing I think a lot of guys make the mistake of is rating a woman on a scale of 1 to 10. So they’re going, “Oh, she’s a 10.” I like to… this is another thing I introduced, is I like to do a double scale where I go, “Okay, what’s the combined rate of 20?” Let's just say that looks is a scale of 1 to 10. And I don’t even like scaling this, but it helps guys understand.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: Scale of 1 to 10, where is she on the scale? Okay, so she’s a 10. What’s her personality like? Well, it could be a 5. You’re not going to know that unless you go find out. So I always say I’m not going to be interested in bringing any type of woman into my life that's not at least a 15, a combined effort of both of the numbers together. So I said instead of that, instead of blowing yourself out of the water and saying she’s a 10, why don’t you find out what her total number is and then go from there?

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: So she’s a 10 but she’s got a 2 personality, 12. I just go, “Oh, 12,” and walk away. What does that mean? Oh, it just means I have this way of structuring. Your looks were a 10, your personality was a 2. Not interested. It flips the balance a little bit back onto the woman when you can say that. Not meanly, just very nonchalantly. And you know what you want, go get it, and everything else is great.

[Angel Donovan]: Totally. Because when you were talking about the numbers game a second ago, I was thinking about there's a lot of guys out there who, you know, they’ll go to a club and they’ll approach three girls and then they’ll give up for the night, and often their excuse is that there's not enough hot girls in the club. So what would you say about that? Is it because like this better approach of personality rating combined with looks or is it something that's the wrong way of thinking about it? What do you think about that?

[Hypnotica]: Well, it’s definitely the wrong way of thinking about it because of the fact that there's a certain warm-up phase.

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: So if you’re just going there, you can utilize any of the girls that are there just to strike up a normal conversation to get your conversation flow going. Like I said, a lot of guys are so focused on the goal of getting laid that they miss everything else in between that's fun. When they go into that situation, you know, there are like all these girls. But that could be helping them with their end game. So by the time that they see a girl that they’re like, “Wow, that girl’s really great,” they’re already warmed up. The juices are really flowing. They’re fluid. They’ve kind of got their humor going. They’ve got all the tension of the week and the day and the stresses gone, so they don’t look at it that way. And if they did look at it that way where they’re going up there and they’re talking to women, just kind of warming up and using that as a warm-up phase for that platform so when that woman that they do find is great, they’re already warmed up, ready to go. So yeah, absolutely, they think about it wrong.

[Angel Donovan]: And another thing you were just saying was about balance, and right now for you there are two women in your life and that's just about the right balance. I can relate to that because over different parts of my life I’ve had different balances. I think the highest I ever felt comfortable with was about three, and right now I feel comfortable with one. So it can change over life. Do you think there are different times in your life when there is this different balance? So, say, if you’re 20 years old, the type of balance that maybe is good for experience gaining. And for that time of to get kind of a dating life that you can be content with in the long run, maybe you have to gain more experience in the short run like a lot of people talk about, right?

[Hypnotica]: Yeah, I mean, in every phase of a person’s life you’ve got different things going on. You have testosterone at one level spiking so you’re going to be a lot hornier. And I look at a lot of guys that are just like, “Oh, I’ve never really gone out.” Well, you need to get out to find out what you want because all the women that I’ve been with in my life I learned a little bit. I learned what I like, what I don’t like…

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Hypnotica]: …who I want to hang out with, who I don’t want to hang out with. If you’re so blinded by just getting sex because you’re like, “Oh, I’m getting sex,” but you’re missing all the fundamentals down like personality and the way that you guys interact together in the conversation and the mutual interest, if you’re just blinded by that, you’re going to get sucked in. So the more experience you get the better, because you should really fine-tune what it is you want.

And I think the balance point for everyone is going to be different. Like I said, my personal thing is two. I feel content with that. I know after reading some of David Deida’s stuff I understood when he said, “You know, the more masculine you are, the more feminine presence you need to balance you out.”

[Angel Donovan]: Mm-hmm.

[Hypnotica]: And I’ve kind of felt that a little bit true with myself. If I feel one, I feel like… I just feel a little off. Two is perfect. I’m like content. I’m like, everything’s good, focused on enjoying the work that I do more and things of that nature.

And I don’t know, this is something I was kind of on one of, let's just stay, one of my spiritual journeys out in the woods, and it kind of made sense to me. I looked down and I said, “Man, like God is pretty funny the way he puts things together. I mean, it’s right here in focus for you, it’s kind of the elusive obvious.” I looked down, you know, I was naked and I looked down, and I’m like, “Hey, you have one dick and two balls, okay? The man’s the dick, the women are the balls. Nature said it itself, one on each side and you’re in the middle.” I was like, “That makes sense to me.” So that was my own personal revelation. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but it made sense to me.

So yeah, every person’s going to have their own balance point. And without finding out what that balance point is, they’re going to be probably in a world of hurt as far as that goes, as far as like finding that, because if they find one and they’re like, “Oh, you’re the only one,” but maybe they secretly think that they need two.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Hypnotica]: And then you’ve got to backtrack…

[Angel Donovan]: Which is probably the typical guy, right?

[Hypnotica]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: Because a typical guy in today’s age probably gets married but he has affairs or he's got a girlfriend and sometimes he cheats on her, right?

[Hypnotica]: Oh yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: That's a pretty typical model that goes on. So maybe those guys are still guessing.

[Hypnotica]: I mean, I’ve seen that firsthand. I mean, when I ran strip clubs, like I said, and with a stripper for 18 years, so I saw that firsthand how all those guys who say they are happy with their wives, would come in there, like let loose, like, “Oh.” So it was very apparent to me what’s really going on with guys on that level. And absolutely, it’s taken me almost, like I said, almost 37 years to come to that point where I found out where my perfect balance point is, and it took a lot of struggle and a lot of refining that situation because, you know, I’d be with a girl and I’d say, “Well, I like being with other women.”

But then you define it more because all of a sudden it’s like, well, how do you say. You get more of what you want being with a third? Maybe I wasn’t really content with just having one and going out and having sex with her, that that didn’t fulfill me. What really fulfilled me was kind of hanging out with two which I have a relationship with or that I can feel comfortable with on that level. So you’re always learning.

And then you have to redefine it with the women, which is not really all that fair to them because they’re thinking in their mind, “Okay, can I handle this? See, I can handle this.” But then they go, “Okay, now can I handle it with a girl that maybe he will sleep over at her house or maybe that they will hold each other’s hands? That's another level.” So that was another level that you have to reeducate, or reeducate not only yourself but the person you’re with. And they might not even be cool with it, so you’re like, “Look, you’re not really denying them. You can always walk away from them because in life you can do that. It’s a matter of can you walk away from yourself? And you have to be true to yourself and say, “Okay, well, this is what it is that I find that ultimate contentment.”

So you’re going to get put in situations where there's going to be conflict, but that's the whole process. When you get to the point when you’re completely content, you know what works, what you’re looking for, it’s not always the easiest path to get, but if it was everyone would go and get there.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Hypnotica]: I saw David DeAngelo in his other seminar, he said something that made a lot of sense to me. He said, “You know, success is counterintuitive.” He said, “It’s easy to eat that crap in front of you, it’s harder to prepare a good meal. It’s easy to spend that money right that you have, it’s harder to save. It’s easy to just say, ‘Hey, this is what I want in a relationship,’ instead of creating the perfect environment that you want. It’s going to be hard, but that's when it’s going to be worth it as well.”

[Angel Donovan]: Right. So is there a lot of pain along the way?

[Hypnotica]: Oh yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: If you want to really, you know, get a lot out of this and get the most out of this, is there going to be a lot of pain along the way, and if the answer is yes, how do you deal with it? How do you get over that? Because, you know, I think a lot of the guys, they want to avoid the pain, and that's kind of a big part of learning this stuff.

[Hypnotica]: Well, if you’re going to go to where you’ve got to go, you’re going to feel it. And I don’t really consider it pain, I consider it more heartache. Because if you do get in with someone and you do enjoy their presence and you have a great time together but you’re missing a little aspect, you’re going to feel it, because she’s going to say, “You know what, I want something different.”

You know, there have been nine women, or actually 10 now, that have said, “Hey, I love you too,” and the earlier, the ones that were earlier, I was still kind of defining what made me tick. And a lot of those girls were like, “Eric, you know I love you. I wish we could be together but I can’t handle the situation.” So you know what, they’re going to go and they’re going to find something that they want and anytime that happens you’re going to feel the sting. You’re going to feel that heartache and that pain.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: And like I said, it’s more like that vulnerability feel. It softens you. Now, you could do one of two things. You can soften, open up and become more open and more sensitive and more aware, or you can harden up, which a lot of guys do. That's why you get these guys that are like, “Fuck you bitch,” shit like that. It doesn’t work that way.

So you’re going to feel it. So just get used to it. It’s a part of life. Death is going to come and you’re going to feel it. So, love, people in life, it’s a part of life. You can’t say everything is always going to feel good, but when you can really understand that it’s not hardening you, it’s softening you, and be okay with it and open and be good enough to take that pain and to feel it, the more real you’re going to be because you’re not running away from feeling. You’re man enough to stand up and say, “Okay, here it comes, boom! I’m going to feel the waves.” And the waves are going to come through and you’re going to feel it, and then you learn from it. So just get used to it, man.

[Angel Donovan]: There was something I read in Metawhore which I was interested in that you wrote, was that you said that whenever you cheated on a girl or you slept with someone when you were in a relationship with someone, and you can requote me if I get this wrong, you said the magic would go from the relationship.

[Hypnotica]: Yeah.

[Angel Donovan]: Afterwards.

[Hypnotica]: Do you want to know what exactly that means to me?

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I want to just verify that that's exactly kind of what you meant and explain what is that about.

[Hypnotica]: Well, in the beginning of a relationship, or any relationship, there’s a certain level of trust where you’re kind of living on that edge and everything’s perfect and the connection’s all there and there's openness, there's honesty and everything to that nature. The moment that you kind of… the moment that, personally, me, I should say, that I went out there and my urges kicked in, my natural urges kicked in and let's just say that I cheated, when I came back, there was a sense of betrayal, because maybe at this point in time I really hadn’t told the woman or I didn’t really know exactly what my own natural balanced urge was. So when I came back, I felt that being pulled away from the relationship, because of the fact that I knew that this is really what I wanted over here. And I really enjoyed this and it was great, but there was still another part of me or there was still another aspect of me that craved more of a balance in feminine energy.

[Angel Donovan]: Right.

[Hypnotica]: So when that happened I just instantly know… I mean, the relationship can still be good, but it’s kind of like that magic is gone, unless, I’ve found, that the woman is absolutely appreciative of that and can consider that and absolutely fully believe in you with that. Then the magic stays because it’s a part of that picture. Once you step out of that initial frame of what that… or what you had in a relationship, that's when you lose it. But if you expand it with someone who can appreciate you for that, then it can grow. It’s a small distinction that most people don’t really ever figure out, but that's what I meant by that.

[Angel Donovan]: That's great. Thanks for clarifying that. Now, this has been a great interview, we’ve covered a lot of topics, and I just want to thank you for putting the time aside for this.

[Hypnotica]: Cool. I want to thank you for putting that stuff out because I know there's a lot of bullshit stuff out there. Actually, a client came to me the other day who went to your website and said, “Hey, I was just looking at your reviews on The Collection of Confidence and you had good reviews, and so I wanted to get in contact with you.” And I know there are a lot of products out there that aren’t very good. I know your buddy didn’t like certain aspects of that one product we did, and I understand.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.

[Hypnotica]: I understand exactly where he's coming from on that. So it’s one of those things. Some products are better than others and that's the way it goes, especially in this time and place right now because there are so many guys that are just rehashing information. That's what always kind of bugged me, is a lot of these guys can’t do the results, and they just put the books out there and then they expect guys to get advice from them, and it’s just bad advice, and it is what it is, I guess.

[Angel Donovan]: Well, like you said, it’s all about the experience, right?

[Hypnotica]: Absolutely, and there will still be lots more to go. On that note, let me add something about the experience real quick.

[Angel Donovan]: Okay.

[Hypnotica]: It’s, it’s always going to be different. What I’ve found is, when I was 20, the experience was a lot different going out to the clubs. Now that I’m 40, I also notice the experience is different at the clubs. I actually had one girl say, “No, you’re too old for me.” Like that was new. I wasn’t expecting that. So it’s a new way of things. So everything’s going to adjust.

I look at the guys now that are like 65 and 70. I don’t look to the game guys anymore. I look to the older guys that are still pretty good with women. I’m asking them questions because, you know what, I know that I’m going to get there. The guys that are younger should be looking towards what I’m learning right now because of the fact that, guess what, they’re going to get there as well.

And so it’s always a progression, and the game is going to change. The older you get, maybe you’re losing your hair, there are going to be certain frames that you have to think about differently. And so just be prepared for the evolution of the game because you’re going to have to evolve in one way or the other and become more flexible. If you don’t, you’re going to get sucked into the black hole of not knowing where the hell you are. So it’s just a little aspect to be prepared for, is be ready because the game does change.

[Angel Donovan]: Which is never a reason to not get into kind of the mindset where you’ve got to a point in your life and now you’re going to make everything stable, right, and stop learning and getting out your comfort zone, stop doing new things, because the truth is that life keeps changing and you’ve got to stay on top of it.

[Hypnotica]: You have to stay on top of it or you’re just going to be fine with the traditional white picket fence thing where life just goes by and you take it. And nothing’s wrong with that, but you’re going to lose the new social dynamics that are going on, like the things with Twitter, Facebook. You know, there are all these new avenues of learning and meeting people, so if you fall out of the game, you don’t stay on top of it, pretty soon, if it gets to the point where, say, you get a divorce, you don’t even know where to start. So you keep your saw sharp because of the fact that's going to keep you ready for anything.

I mean, that's why I say, you know, this whole idea of meeting women is extremely… I think it’s one of the best ways to self-improve because of the fact it’s you in a dynamic and it’s you face-to-face with who you really are. If you can’t really run from yourself, you’re can’t lie to yourself or the guy in the mirror, you’re going to get confronted with your biggest, deepest fears, so it’s the perfect platform for personal progress and development. And I think a lot of guys miss that. They think it’s just about going out there and getting laid. No, this is a great avenue and a great platform to really find self-expression and really find self-esteem, really find out who you are, and to fix it and to adjust it in such a way that you feel that perfect balance with yourself.

[Angel Donovan]: I totally agree with you on this point. And as you’ve probably seen as I have, that a lot of the best guys at this have moved on to much better things afterwards in other avenues of their life as well, so they definitely took a lot that they learned from this whole process of learning about women and getting better with them and communication skills and so on, and it just pushed them on to apply that to other areas whether it’s business or whether it’s other hobbies or whatever they wanted to do in life.

[Hypnotica]: Absolutely. Definitely…

[Angel Donovan]: So it’s really huge.

[Hypnotica]: Yeah, it will absolutely set you apart if you get it right and you go through the process and journey you’ll be that much more prepared for life, so. One more little thing. If guys want, I don’t know if they ever go to my website, but I have a huge section of self-improvement stuff that guys can go through. So if they go there, which is hypnotica.org, they can get all kinds of interviews, like if you don’t mind, I’ll probably put this interview up.

[Angel Donovan]: Yup.

[Hypnotica]: There's just lots of good stuff that's on there. There are free trances for confidence. There’s a lot of free stuff for guys that are at any level. So if they have that, feel free to pop over there and check it out, because of the fact that I’m in this for the long haul and I want to make sure that guys can follow that path that I have so they can do it a lot faster than I did and learn a lot faster than I did. So I just wanted to throw that in there as well. Hypnotica, which is H-Y-P-N-O-T-I-C-A, dot org.

[Angel Donovan]: Yeah. Alright, great. Thanks for that, man. Been great having you on. Thank you very much.

[Hypnotica]: Cool. Thanks, Angel. Take care, buddy.

[Angel Donovan]: Right. Ciao.

[Hypnotica]: Goodbye.