"A Solid Beginner's Product Focusing on Attracting Women Through Better Conversation"
October 09, 2015
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
The course is made up of a number of different modules, most of which contain a few different parts. The content is comprised of video lessons and written material, as well as summaries and exercises for you to download. If you wish, you can also download the audio-only version of the videos.
Speak to Spark Arousal is obviously a lot different from most other dating products in that it's presented from a woman's point of view. Jessica gives her perspective throughout the course of how it feels for her when guys who are trying to pick her up say certain things, both good and bad.
Who Is Jessica J?
So what makes Jessica qualified to be teaching this and what is her background as a dating coach? Well she gained prominence when she was featured in the media for having the number one most popular dating profile amongst women in Los Angeles.
She also has a background as a marriage and family therapist, and had her own popular blog focused on her single girl sex life in Hollywood. Her writing skills on this subject were further put to use when she was a ghost-writer for the sex advice company 2 Girls Teach Sex.
Jessica also landed a gig as the host of a show on Playboy Radio, helping people improve their dating and sex lives. She specializes in helping men become more successful with women and this is now her main area of expertise.
Are You A Wolf Or A Dog?
Throughout Speak to Spark Arousal Jessica uses a lot of different metaphors and analogies to help make things easier to understand. One of those is on how women are naturally attracted to men who are wolves, not dogs.
Here is how she describes the difference in her own words: The guys who are proud of their sexual appetite for women are the ones who go the FURTHEST because THAT’S what will make you stand out from any other guy out there and any other guy in her life: The confidence in your sexual appetite and your refusal to feel shame for it. It’s just a matter of harnessing that appetite to get you fed. That’s the difference between dogs and wolves… Dogs hopefully wait around to get fed... often performing tricks for treats and striving for the pat on the head. Wolves feed themselves. Women want wolves.
There's a lot more on this issue throughout the course, but to sum it up it would be that women want men who aren't afraid to take control and be men. Too many men these days are permission-seeking and defer to women instead of making decisions and taking action, which causes women to lose sexual attraction towards these men.
She makes it perfectly clear to you that if you have the attitude that you need to please women, you're coming from the wrong place. You have to put yourself first and think about your own needs and find women who can give you what you need as well. There are different exercises for you to do in the course to help you apply this way of thinking and put it into action.
The Way Women Want You To Talk To Them
There's some good info in Speak to Spark Arousal about what most guys do wrong when talking to women, and Jessica is able to offer her female perspective of how this actually makes a woman feel. And of course, there's advice on what you should be doing instead.
She gives you a simple 3-step equation, known as the Trusty Triangle, to help keep your conversations on track. This is straightforward and while nothing really original, will be useful for a lot of guys to use as a marker to make sure they're not steering off track.
I also found the advice on 'Google Gaming' to be pretty on the money, as this is something a lot of intellectual guys do, as well as guys who feel nervous around women. So if you recognize yourself doing the things she talks about, you'll want to cut that out and you'll get a good explanation as to why.
The other common problem that's addressed here is guys who go into interview mode, or '21 questions' as Jessica calls it. This is one of the biggest mistakes that men make, and Jessica is able to also explain how this feels to women when they experience it.
So to help counter this she teaches you about the 'PRS technique' and also the 'HAY technique'. This is solid information, again, nothing really revolutionary, but will be helpful for the many guys who still have problems not being able to do this.
The goal with all of this is to teach you how to start and keep conversations going with women naturally, based on being in the moment, rather than using prepared lines. By doing this, you'll come across as more genuine and socially intelligent to women, so they'll be more receptive to this type of approach.
Making Things Playful And Flirty
So after you've established a conversation, Jessica teaches that you need to develop a playful then flirty element to it. The reason for this is that if you don't, women won't know what it is you want and you'll get put in the friend zone.
In terms of making the interaction more playful, there are three techniques taught here. None of these are anything new, and if you've read a bit of dating advice you've probably come across these before. However they are generally effective so if you're not familiar with these ideas it'll make sense for you to study and practice them.
For making things more flirty, there are six techniques taught, three which are more beginner level and three that are more advanced. Again, there's no new concepts here - these are pretty standard teachings. But taking the time to master these will pay off in terms of the results you get with women.
Jessica also explains why you want to do things in the order she teaches. So she gives you an example of how it comes across when a guy tries to be too flirty before doing the steps that come before it, and when you hear her describe it you'll realize that it does sound quite creepy. So if this is something you're guilty of yourself then you'll want to rectify that in the future.
There are some exercises for you to practice to help you properly understand how these ideas work. Jessica gives you a list of 10 things a woman might say, then asks you to come up with a response, first playful and then flirty, using the different techniques she's taught.
This is a good idea and it's worth doing the exercise, however there's no examples given afterwards for good responses or bad responses. It means you're left on your own a bit here, with no way of really knowing if the answers you gave are in line with what you should be doing, or if you need to practice more. So it would have been great to have a list of examples given so you can check how well you understand the concept.
Practical Examples Of How To Apply Everything
Similar to what I pointed out above about providing example answers for the questions, it would have been great to see a few more examples throughout the course on how these ideas sound when applied in the real world.
For example, when it comes to starting conversation, Jessica gives an example of how a guy approached her and got her phone number within 30 seconds in an elevator, which provides a good illustration of how her system works.
It would have been great to see more examples like this, or what to do when you can't think of anything to say. She advocates a type of approach that relies on you being aware and present so that you can find something organic to begin the conversation.
From my experience I know that sometimes guys can have trouble thinking of something original on the spot, and in these cases it never hurts to have one or two default things you can say. However there are some examples given in one of the bonus reports (see below for more info).
So while there are examples given for everything talked about here, be aware that there aren't a ton of them. This course is largely about the big picture view in how you communicate with women, not so much focused on giving you specific things to say. Think principles that you apply so they fit your natural personality, more than routines and lines that you copy from other people.
Can Women Teach You To Pick Up Women?
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of Speak to Spark Arousal and the knowledge that Jessica has. There are a few female dating coaches that we've found to be less effective teachers, often because they don't have the experience of going though the process of meeting and dating women themselves.
The other issue that sometimes arises is women often give men dating advice based on what is best for the woman, not necessarily what works. We often find that many women in general are notoriously bad at being able to describe what makes them interested in a man, and their thoughts can be based on their logical interpretation of events rather than the events themselves.
However Jessica doesn't suffer from this problem and the advice she offers is based on experience and also on doing what is in your own best interests. While she encourages you not to hurt women or do the wrong thing by them, it's through a filter of putting yourself first and concentrating on what is going to make you happy primarily.
She also offers a refreshing perspective on how women feel about dating and sex, which will be helpful for certain guys to hear who have negative beliefs around these issues. For instance, she tells you to go for it if you are feeling sexual chemistry with a woman and simply want to have a one night stand with no strings. Her view is that women also feel that chemistry and enjoy having sex, and they're capable of deciding for themselves what they do or don't want to do with a man.
Speak to Spark Arousal Bonuses
Along with the main program, you also get access to Natural Conversation Starters, Friendzone Escape Hatch, and What to Say Next.
Natural Conversation Starters gives you examples of what to say to meet women, following the formula that is taught in the core program. So you'll get ideas on how to strike up conversations in places like the grocery store, bar, coffee shop and even online. I didn't love all of these examples, but some are okay and it'll give you an idea of the kinds of things you can come up with yourself.
Friendzone Escape Hatch lays out a process for you to follow if you want to change how a girl sees you and turn things sexual. There are no guarantees this will work, and you have to accept the risk of maybe losing that friendship, but it gives you the best possible chance of getting out of the friend zone. If you try this and it doesn't work for you, you're unlikely to find something else that does work.
What to Say Next includes a flowchart as well as a 20 minute audio lesson. The flowchart is a little confusing, with boxes and arrows all over the place, but the audio is more useful. It covers the main reasons people run out of things to say, and how to fix the problem so you can keep the conversation flowing.
The Bottom Line
Speak to Spark Arousal is a good beginner's level product to help you meet, attract and date more women. It's mainly focused on what to say to make girls feel more attracted and connected to you. Because it's from a woman's perspective it gives you a different take on these ideas that are typically taught by men.
There isn't anything too complicated here, and it's a good option for guys who want to meet more women without changing who they are or learning more advanced 'tactics'. There are parts where you'll need to fill in the blanks a bit yourself, as there aren't as many examples as what some men will need. It's more about giving you ideas of why things work, rather than specific lines to use.
For some men this product will be enough on its own, while others might need a bit more help to round out their conversational arsenal. Another product we recommend highly that would complement Speak to Spark Arousal really well is Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy by Bobby Rio.
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