"Good Overview And Explanation On How To Become More Successful With Women And Dating"
November 10, 2014
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
The Flow is written by Dan Bacon, of Australian-based dating company The Modern Man. It's intended for beginners and aims to teach you the core fundamentals you need to meet, attract and date new women.
It's written using plain, everyday language and doesn't contain any of the industry-specific jargon that you see in a lot of dating and pickup products. So if you're new to learning about dating skills then this is a good book bring you up to speed that's easy to wrap your head around.
The Flow starts out by talking about Dan's personal journey from being terrible with women to having slept with over 250 women and having successful relationships.
The story about how and why his girlfriend broke up with him is quite common, and a lot of guys will be able to relate to this. You may read it and recognize you've made, or are making, the same mistakes that Dan points out.
The 4 Steps Of The Flow
The four different steps of the flow are designed to be part of every stage of the interaction with women. So you can use it when you first meet a woman, when you're on the phone, when you're on a date etc.
So those steps are:
- Start an interaction
- Spark attraction
- Develop a connection
- Take it to the next level
This isn't anything really original, and in fact most dating formulas use some kind of modification of this basic idea. Each company or coach will put their own spin on it, but it's the same idea dressed up with slightly different names.
For beginners, this is a good place to start though as it doesn't over-complicate things and give you too much to think about it. As you gain experience and become more advanced, then the model is somewhat limited and restrictive.
Most of the focus of the book is on the first two steps, starting an interaction and sparking attraction. This is fine, since it's the area where the majority of men get stuck and have the most problems.
Starting An Interaction
This section starts off by showing you why it's so important for men to start the interaction, and not wait for women to do so. It does a good job of explaining things from a woman's point of view about this topic, so you'll realize why it's your responsibility to make the first move.
So there's some info on dealing with approach anxiety and the most common thoughts guys have that prevent them from talking to women. You'll also see Dan talk about the right mindset and attitude to have from the very start of the interaction that seems to automatically create attraction. It seems like a pretty simple shift in mindset but it does make a big difference when you do it correctly.
For what to actually say, there are three types of conversation starters taught here. The types of conversation starters are not original, but some of the specific examples are. Most of these are pretty simple and work well when done right.
Most of the examples revolve around approaching women in a bar, but there's also suggestions for daytime situations. There's nothing here that's difficult to do or weird in a way that will get you called out for being a pick up artist.
This section is the longest part of the book, and also the area that guys typically have the most trouble with. One of the main principles that drives everything here is that you should be playing the dominant, masculine role in the interaction. That for attractive, feminine women to be attracted to you, you must be a confident, masculine man.
Dan goes into detail on how a lot of guys lower their status and don't act in a strong and masculine way because they think by being nice and polite it'll make women realize what a gentleman they are and how good of a catch the guy is.
None of these concepts are anything new, but they are explained in an easy to understand way. So for beginners this is a good overview of some of the most important points for what it takes to naturally create real and lasting attraction in women.
If you want a more advanced look into the role that status plays in sexually attracting women, then check out The Social God System by Jason Capital. For an advanced look at the importance of playing the masculine gender role, take a look at the Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
Dan talks about eight personality traits that are attractive to women and spends some time going into detail on each of these with examples. Some of the things here are likely to work better for you than others, so you'll have to experiment a bit and see what you get the best results with.
One thing to keep in mind is to be careful about going overboard with the banter and 'playfully arrogant' humor that is talked about here. It's effective when done right and in the right doses, but can become tiresome when you overdo it. Dan and his coaches are based in Australia, where in general girls are a lot more used to guys teasing and making fun of them. Depending on where you live and the culture, you might need to tone it down somewhat.
When it comes to humor it's a very individual thing and you'll have to find what fits your personality so you can be congruent with what you're saying. But overall there are a ton of examples in this section so you should find it helps you use humor more effectively with women.
Sometimes when you're in the early stages of talking to a woman, she won't respond all that positively. This is an issue Dan talks about in depth and tells you why she's doing it, plus how to handle the situation to turn it around. It might seem a bit tough at first, but if you practice this you'll start seeing some results from it.
Overall, this part of the book is a really solid resource on what it takes to attract women and if you're new to learning dating skills you'll pick up a lot of great ideas here. Even if you've got some experience, there'll likely be some things here and there that'll be of particular use for where you're at.
Connection And Taking It To The Next Level
In the model here, after you've attracted a woman you need to develop a connection with her. This is the shortest section and while there are some solid examples here, there's not a ton of depth.
There are four different techniques Dan teaches you to create a connection. It's pretty simple and straightforward and nothing difficult you'll need to learn.
If this is an area that you know you really need to work on, then you'll likely need something more comprehensive. I suggest you check out The Connection Course by Mark Manson, which is a great program for that.
After connecting comes taking it to the next level, and this could be getting a phone number, arranging a date, or leading the interaction towards sex. Part of what is taught here is how to recognize when a woman is interested, so you don't miss the window of opportunity in moving things forward.
There's details and examples on what to do so that you can escalate physically and make sure things are headed in a romantic or sexual direction. Overall this is a solid section with advice that is well tailored to the beginner level.
The one thing that wasn't covered was texting when it comes time to call the girl. Dan talks a bit about handling the phone call and what tactics to employ here, but it was strange texting was completely neglected when it's such a common way to communicate these days.
Especially if you're a beginner, texting can make things easier as you don't have to worry about nerves when calling or saying the wrong thing on the phone. So if you purchase The Flow it's recommended you get a product that will cover this area for you, and the one we recommend is How2TxtHer by Christian Hudson.
Is This Product For You?
The quality of the information in The Flow is of a high standard, and gives a good broad overview of how to be successful with women and dating. There's not a lot of originality here, so if you've read other dating advice products you might feel you've heard most of these ideas before.
If you're a beginner and you want something that gives you a good mix of mindsets and attitudes combined with actionable steps and techniques, then this is well worth checking out. It's not the most complete system or guide out there, but it's certainly enough to get you started.
The Bottom Line
This is a good introductory book for beginners on how to be more attractive to women. There isn't anything really original here, but it's taken some of the best available ideas and tried to simplify them. If you like dating advice without complicated theory and jargon, then you'll appreciate this product.
The main themes revolve around how to banter and be playful with women, how to play your masculine role and how to convey higher status. If you're fairly new to learning about dating and want something that focuses on the core principles that lead to success, this is a solid product.
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August 30, 2016
I wanted to write to you regarding your article about talking to women wearing headphones.
While I'm sure it was written with the best of intentions, a lot of the stuff in it goes down like a lump of cold sick with your readers' targets - ie, ladies. Making a woman take off her headphones so that you can tell her you had to tell her "what a cutie" - nope.
Alerting her to the fact she's about to fall into a sinkhole - great! But making her go out of her way to take her nice comfy headphones off so you can comment on her looks just doesn't work anymore.
It's annoying, and it will make the person following your advice come off as a major creep. Women are always being shouted at in the streets about their looks, or what they're doing, and it never - never - comes off as charming or sweet, whatever the intentions of the man in question.
This isn't on the lady, but rather on all the less nice men who do the shouting. Also, if a woman is wearing headphones, she's in a zone. She's either blocking out the world, catching up on some music or an audiobook, or just having some alone time.
If your reader wants to get in touch with her, he needs to respect that. If he catches her eye and smiles, that's quite nice enough. Anything more can just feel invasive and, if it goes further, actively unpleasant.
Best wishes, Kat Brown and Cam Bousfield :)
Written by Spike
February 03, 2019