"Collection of Ideas on how to Communicate More Effectively with the Opposite Sex"
October 21, 2014
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
Conversation Chemistry by Amy Waterman and Mirabelle Summers is all about how to communicate more effectively with members of the opposite sex. It's based around the idea that men and women have different ways of communicating, and that you'll have more success by understanding where the other sex is coming from.
This book isn't written solely for men, so at times it gives pretty generic advice as it attempts to appeal to both men and women. One of the downsides of this is it makes the book really long, much longer than it really needs to be. There are times where you'll have to wade through advice that is only relevant for women, so it might get frustrating.
The positive side is you'll get to see some example conversations between men and women, with details on what each is trying to achieve via the conversation. So if you're sometimes talking to women and don't really understand the reasons why behind what they say, this will help to a certain extent with that.
The book is divided into three sections, with the first being on the principles of communication, the second on dating, and the third on relationships.
Principles Of Communication
The backbone of this module is how men and women communicate in different ways. That men use words to 'do something' i.e. achieve a purpose, while women use words to 'feel connected' i.e. develop and strengthen relationships.
To illustrate this, there's a fictional dialogue presented between a man and a woman waiting at a bus stop. It might be a bit exaggerated, but it serves to show how each gender typically views the point of conversation, and what happens when you can't relate to where the other person is coming from.
For guys who don't have much experience talking to women, it'll be useful to see this and wrap your head around why women communicate the way they do. So in the future when you think they are talking about things that seem pointless and irrelevant, you'll be able to look deeper and see what is really motivating them.
There's also a brief explanation of the stages that happen along the way from first spotting someone through to having sex. Nothing too revolutionary here, and just basic stuff you'll have heard before.
Similarly, there's talk of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and creating rapport, all of which sounds like it is rehashed from other books and resources on the subject. So if you've read anything on communication, NLP, body language etc. then you won't be coming across anything new. In many cases credit is given where they are using other people's work, in some cases though ideas and examples have just been taken from other sources.
Overall this module just focuses on communication in general and could be applied equally to work and social situations as much as talking to women you're interested in.
Communication And DatingThis module goes over how to communicate with members of the opposite sex if you're interested in attracting and dating them. Whereas in the first module most of the ideas were taken from other sources to explain basic principles, they've done the same thing here but run into some problems. Most of the examples of what to do and say have been taken from the pickup community, but without the authors likely having an understanding of the correct way to use them.
Much of the material is ten to fifteen years old and no one really teaches it anymore as it's really out of date, so it was strange to see some of these old 'routines' and opinion openers here. They aren't really a great example of what you should do, and to be honest, is just lazy on the part of the authors not to be able to include a single original idea in the whole module. Literally everything has been copied from other people.
Because the authors are women, they don't have the same experience initiating conversations that male dating coaches do. So in some of their examples of dialogue exchanges, they are really off the mark in how someone is likely to react. They tell you what to say to start the conversation, and then show how the conversation will likely go and what the other person/people will say. And then they tell you that it's just as easy as that.
None of this is based on reality though, where maybe you'll have someone respond as positively as they describe 10% of the time. It doesn't take into account most people will respond with a degree of skepticism as some of the examples are strange things to ask. It doesn't tell you how to respond to women in the cases where they are neutral or negative to you.
Even the examples they give for women are really weak, and just constitutes bad advice. They give examples where people are talking in a long-winded fashion and using big words, instead of just talking in a everyday manner like how people will actually talk in real life.
There's also no context given for what you say being relevant for different environments. How you approach someone in a busy nightclub would be different to a coffee shop, which would be different to at a private party. There's no mention of any of that here, and everything is basically treated as the same thing.
There's some info also on body language, and I found it a bit confusing when it came to the practical examples. You're advised to keep your hand on your hip, or your hand on the wall or furniture. No explanation given as to why you should do these things, and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
At times the advice is strange, such as when the authors go off on a rant about how it's 'wildly inappropriate' to ask somebody what their job is. They go on to explain how asking someone what they do is trying to pigeonhole them and equate their job with who they are as a person. I found the whole idea ludicrous, and the only positive was it shows how women sometimes read too much into things and assign meaning when there is none, so keep that in mind. Thankfully, most women in real life aren't psychopaths and they won't freak out if you simply ask them what their job is.
Another thing they tell you is that you shouldn't be responsible for 90% of the conversation, that the burden isn't all on you. This is true after a certain point, but in the beginning you need to be prepared to carry the burden of the conversation if necessary. After all, you're the one who initiated the conversation, they didn't ask you to come over and talk to them.
Some of the other areas that are covered are flirting, humor and storytelling. There's just not a lot of practical examples given based on real-world experience, it's more theoretical in nature and again based off what others have written. Some of the examples they do give of 'good' storytelling are in fact pretty poor and not a good learning tool. You are better off learning from people who have the experience to back up what they're talking about, which is why we recommend Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy by Bobby Rio and Make Women Want You by Jason Capital for learning about conversation skills and attraction.
Communication And Relationships
The module on relationships is the strongest part of the book. It's likely that the two female authors have more personal experience in this particular area and therefore are more qualified to write about it.
The core idea is that the style of communication that leads to success in dating isn't what it takes to create a happy long term relationship. The focus is more on creating trust and security and working to grow together as a couple.
It covers how the biggest frustration for many women is the lack of communication from their partner, and gives you advice on how to talk openly and honestly with your woman. It takes a realistic approach and tells you that you're going to have disagreements and arguments along the way, which is normal. The important thing is how you handle the situations when they come up, and there's some solid advice on this.
There's also advice on how to talk about your feelings, the future and the two of you as a couple. Pretty much all of the things that most men don't feel comfortable talking about, but that women wish they would. You'll find some different exercises suggested, either things you can do on your own or with your partner.
Overall it's really about trying to understand your partner better and what their needs are, and giving them what they need without sacrificing what's most important to you.
One thing to be aware of, that the book doesn't address, is not to completely change your behavior from what attracted her in the first place. So if you attracted her with a lot of banter, push/pull and being unpredictable, you need to maintain some of this when in a relationship.
You'll want to mix it up with being able to have deeper and more real conversations, but you still need to keep that spark alive. The relationship module here focuses almost exclusively on building trust, deepening the connection and all things serious, that it neglects that you also need to keep things fun and exciting.
If you want a really good resource for how to keep the passion and excitement alive within a relationship while increasing the connection and intimacy then you might want to check out Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
The first bonus included with this product is called Double Your Commitment. It's all about how to create a greater level of commitment in your relationship in a way that is healthy and mutually beneficial. It's probably slightly targeted more towards women, but is well worth a read for anyone who feels insecure in a relationship or exhibits needy behavior.
The premise is quite simple, that to have a healthy and loving relationship it can't be based in fear. And that a lot of the tactics and mind games that people use to try and manipulate their partner into getting what they want are born out of fear.
The message here is that you're going to have to work on yourself and your own feelings and beliefs if you want a happy relationship. Pretty solid and mature advice in this bonus book and worth checking out if you want to feel more secure and committed in your relationship.
The second bonus is titled How to Increase Your Status and Desirability in Seconds, which is totally misleading as the content is all about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It actually has no information at all about relationships and I have no idea why it was included.
Seems like it was written for a different purpose altogether and thrown in here as an afterthought. No real point in reading it, and if you're interested in NLP you'd be better served searching on Amazon for highly-rated books that are an authority on the subject.
The Bottom Line
The product is centered around conversation, but it covers communication in a more general sense. The book is written by two women, aimed at both men and women, so it's not really a blueprint that focuses on how to meet and attract women.
Much of the content has been sourced from other books, resources and studies on dating and communication, with basically all of the examples of what to say to people coming from the pick up community. Many of the examples are over ten years old and not taught anymore, as there is better advice out there.
If you're looking for conversational advice to help you with dating, you'd be better to check out Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy. If you're in a relationship, or considering being in one, this book will give you a better idea of how to communicate effectively with your partner, from a woman's point of view.
Was this review helpful to you?