"Good For Handling The Initial Stages Of A Breakup, But Lacking Details To Ensure Long Term Success"
January 31, 2014
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
Something that the book doesn't really delve into enough is what your reasons are for wanting to get back together and whether it's actually in your best interests to do so. It's quite common to miss the security and comfort of being in that relationship, and becoming an emotional wreck when you first lose it.
The natural response for many people is to do whatever it takes to get that back, even if the relationship had serious problems. Another issue for many men is that they feel they will never be able to get another girlfriend as good as their ex, so the fear of being alone makes them desperate to try and salvage the relationship.
So it's really important to spend some time and work out if getting back with your ex is what's going to be best for you in the future. Are the problems that led to the break up something that can be fixed if you move forward, or are they likely to present themselves again? If a third party was involved, are you going to be able to trust each other again? Do you bring out the best in each other and both want the same things in life? These are just a few of the many things you'll want to consider to determine if your ex is someone worth pursuing again.
Spending Some Time On YourselfIf you do decide you want to get back together with your ex, it's important to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. If you follow your emotions and constantly call her and tell her how much you miss her, or even worse, abuse her for leaving you, it's just going to push her farther away.
This is why Browning tells you to take a cooling off period of 31 days where you have no contact at all with your ex. This might seem difficult for you to do, but it's necessary if you're going to execute the plan laid out in the rest of the book.
So what are you going to do over the course of the month to take your mind off your ex? Well there are suggestions such as dating other women, hanging out with your friends and taking up a new hobby. The point is to get on with your life and try and have as much fun as possible. The book tells you some ways to do this, and also some steps to take to stop yourself thinking of your ex or becoming tempted to get in touch with her. Ultimately though you're going to have to exercise some willpower to make this work.
The suggestion to go on dates with other women is good, mainly for the fact that it shows you that you have other options besides your ex. The book doesn't cover how to go about meeting new women though, so if you've got no experience with dating skills then check out some of our other products. A good place to start is Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo.
Creating JealousyAt the core of the program you will essentially be using jealousy as a tool to try and win back your ex. This is why the 31 days of no contact is important, as it gives her a chance to start missing you and will make her think you have moved on and are over her.
Without going into too many details here, what you'll be doing is finding subtle ways to let her know you are enjoying yourself and are dating other women. The advice is to actually date other women for real, but if you can't manage this, then to fake it. Some of the tactics here are questionable, as they involve outright lying and seem kind of lame. They also have the potential to make you look even worse to your ex if she finds out that you're doing these things to try and make her jealous. In saying that though, these techniques can definitely make her feel jealous if she believes them to be true.
It has to be said however, that simply relying on creating jealousy in your ex is not a great long term strategy for a healthy relationship. It's a useful tool for creating some interest again and helping her realize what she might be missing, but it isn't a magic bullet that will solve whatever relationship problems already existed.
The book relies almost exclusively on using jealousy to make your ex want you again, and to create the illusion of other women in your life. You'll have to decide for yourself if this is the path you want to take, and if playing these sorts of mind games is something you're happy to do to try and make the relationship work.
There are other things you'll need to do, but these are mainly logistical issues such as calling or texting and arranging to meet up with her. Creating jealousy is the tactic to emotionally compel her to want to see you, and the other tactics are about the best way to ensure you meet up with her and how to handle it when you do. Most of the advice here is pretty solid and revolves around presenting yourself in a positive way and ensuring that you don't come across as needy.
Why Did Your Relationship End?I think the biggest weakness of this product is that it fails to address the issue that there are multiple reasons why a relationship breaks down. Browning states that there might be many reasons behind a breakup, but that they all boil down to the fact that your girlfriend lost her attraction for you.
I don't agree with this at all, and I think the book suffers as a result of this belief. Everything that follows in the book is based around this assumption that she has lost her attraction for you, and that you can recreate this attraction by letting her know other women are interested in you.
While there's no doubt that women are attracted to men who other women find attractive, it dismisses the idea that maybe your girlfriend left you for a completely different reason. If she found out that you were cheating on her, for example, then the issue is that she doesn't trust you anymore, and nothing to do with attraction. So by employing the tactics in this book, you would only be making the situation worse and ruining any chance of patching things up.
Studies have shown currently that financial issues are one of the biggest causes of relationship breakdowns, especially for marriages. So if the issue is that you weren't able to pay your bills on time and your partner felt insecure as a result, showing her that you're out partying with other women is hardly going to address the main problem.
So you really need to be able to diagnose the main reason yourself for your ex leaving you to see if this book will be applicable to your situation. If it's because she got bored with you and lost the attraction she once felt for you, it's worth reading. If it's for an altogether different reason, it's probably not going to be of much use.
Moving ForwardAt one point during the book, Browning claims that once you seduce your ex and get her into bed, you've won. But the fact is that hooking up with your ex for sex is not an indication that the relationship is back on track. Browning addresses this issue and gives some advice that still centers around making her think you are with other girls, and waiting for your ex to bring up the subject of getting back together.
But it totally neglects the idea of needing to sit down and actually discuss the problems that you had and how you can put them behind you and move on together. It's impossible to give advice for every particular situation, but it would have been really useful to give some examples of how you might handle this. Otherwise the same problems are likely to arise again even if you do get back together.
One of the complaints women often have is that men don't know how to connect with them on an emotional level and communicate about their relationship, and the book doesn't really address this point. You can't really fix things if you don't know what the problem was, so it's important to find out why she was unhappy and what she's ultimately looking for. Only then you can really work out if it's worth trying to give it a second shot.
Incomplete AdviceThere are a number of places where the advice is rather vague and incomplete. At one point you're told the importance of being confident, and that it's one thing to be told this but another to actually do it. Which is why it didn't make any sense to me that there was then no advice on how to do it. He's just admitted that telling someone to be confident and them actually being able to do so are two different things, so it's strange to not give any practical advice here.
You're also told the importance of being a leader, and that you can read a bunch of books on how to do this. But there's no book recommendations given or suggestions on where to go for more information on that topic. The idea of storytelling is also touched upon, and there's some basic tips given but it's really just scratching the surface at best.
The idea of using negs is talked about here, and I'm unsure if the suggestion was to use them on your ex or with just women in general. From some of the examples given, clearly you wouldn't say them to your ex. The whole topic just felt really out of place and I'm not sure what negs have to do with getting back with your ex. The ideas and examples are really old and the idea of using negs has become a lot less commonplace in the dating community now. I would advise anyone to steer clear of the suggestions here when meeting up again with your ex.
Another bit of advice that could have a negative impact is to use dirty talk in bed and calling a girl dirty names. Browning says that all girls love it, which isn't really true. Some women actually feel degraded if you call them certain names in bed, whereas some absolutely love it. If this isn't something you've ever done with your ex, then trying it the first time you have sex with her again probably isn't going to go over too well. Use some common sense here and tread carefully if you think your ex will be sensitive about this.
BonusesThere's a set of three videos included that run for a total of seventeen and a half minutes. They are PowerPoint presentations by a guy called Ricky, who is Brad's assistant. He runs you through a Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) exercise in each video, designed to help you get over your ex. They are pretty basic and Ricky's skills seem pretty average compared to other dating coaches who teach NLP techniques.
One thing he does is tells you not to picture your ex-girlfriend right before he leads you through a visualization technique. One of the most well known principles of NLP is that whatever you tell people not to think of, that's exactly what they will picture as our minds can't comprehend the directive without doing so. So it's an ineffective way to instruct someone for the exercise.
There's a bonus booklet called 10 Commandments of Sexual Attraction by Derek Lamont. It's a really brief overview of some of the well known principles in the dating industry for creating attraction. There's nothing new here and it's lacking enough depth and explanation to be useful for anyone who hasn't heard these ideas before.
There's a lack of examples and even a really poor example given. One of the points is on showing that you come from a place of abundance, and he gives an example of how you should rephrase a statement to show that you have a nice car without seeming to brag about it. But the way he says it should be done correctly is almost as bad as the incorrect example, and shows he either doesn't understand the idea very well or was too lazy to come up with a better example. Overall this book has little value.
The final bonus is a booklet by Mark Belmont called Seven Steps to Sex Appeal and contains tips for style and grooming. It has some decent basic knowledge, but without much depth or any useful pictures it's hard to be used as a proper guide. If this is an area you need to work on then check out Seduce With Style.
The Bottom LineThis product is best suited to guys who have very recently split up with their girlfriend. It focuses on making sure you don't do any of the things that you will feel emotionally compelled to do, but will only make things worse and drive your ex further away.
There are things you are taught to do that are aimed at making your ex feel jealous and wanting to see you again, and how to make this happen. But the focus in mainly on getting her into bed, after which everything will supposedly take care of itself. This product can be useful for you if you are able to distinguish the good advice from the bad, and to an extent that will depend on your particular situation and why your ex left you.
It doesn't show you how to address the problems you had in your relationship and lay the foundation for a solid future together. A program that does address these issues and which is better quality overall is Text Your Ex Back by Michael Fiore.
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