"Good Mix Of Theory And Practice On How To Get Women To Start Pursuing You"
November 12, 2013
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
Basically, in life we attach more value to the things that we have to put more effort into attaining. When it comes to romance and seduction, most men act as the ones doing the chasing, and consequently women never feel as if they ever have to put in any real effort to winning a man over. Because of this, they can perceive such a man to have lower value to them than one that they have had to put some work into acquiring.
On the other hand, men who become more experienced with dating skills can veer to far in the other direction, where women feel that this man has such high value that she has little chance of being with him. So a large focus of this book is in trying to teach you how to convey enough value that women will want to be with you, but also enough attainability so she believes she has a shot at being with you. When you combine this with some other techniques taught, the idea is that women will put a lot more effort into the interaction and will pursue you.
What Type Of Guys Do Women Chase?The first part of the book talks about getting the fundamentals handled. This includes things such as body language, vocal tonality, fashion and basic social skills. All of these things are important, and the more you can get these things nailed the more you're going to present yourself as the kind of guy women will want to be with.
Some of these things are explained here better than others. None of them are really the focus of the book though, and there isn't enough depth here to give much practical use for most guys. If you're just starting out and you need to work on the basics, you would be better to start with some other products that focus more on these things.
It's tough to describe some of these things in an e-book, which Amante mentions. So for example, the section on vocal tonality wasn't all that clear. One of his suggestions is to add a bit of an accent to your voice, which in my opinion is not really necessary and can even hurt you if people pick up on the fact that you're faking an accent. This seems kind of extreme and isn't practical for most people. Also the suggestion to add 'bounce' to your voice is confusing, and I had no idea what he meant. So there's a chance you might find a few things frustrating because it's hard to pick up on what is meant exactly.
But the section on social fundamentals is much better, and there is some good info on conversational skills, social momentum and social power. But this is more of an overview, and if you don't get women responding to you in at least a somewhat positive manner when you talk to them you'd do well to look at some of our higher rated products aimed at beginners.
So if you can become one of the guys that gets all these things handled, then women will see you s having some value to them and you put yourself in a position where you can use the other tactics to have her chase you. But if you're struggling with the basics then most women will see you as lower value than they are and will have no interest in pursuing you.
Meeting WomenA good thing about this book is that Amante stresses the importance of always meeting new women. Even though the book is about getting girls to chase you, he makes it clear that it's going to be rare for women to make the initial approach. He says that now that he's at a more advanced level he gets approached more often, but not enough to rely on it. As a man, it is your role to begin the interaction and that's what women are going to expect.
In this book you'll find a few different types of openers you can use to initiate the conversation, with Amante saying that the best one to use is the direct approach. There aren't a lot of examples given though and this wasn't one of the stronger areas of the book. The couple of examples for the direct approach felt a little strange to me, simply because of the emphasis he places on a particular word and also some adjectives used. To me, it comes across more as a gay guy who has an interest in her fashion or hair than it does as a masculine guy approaching with a strong intent. But that's just how it appeared via reading it on the page, and will depend on how you actually say it.
There's a list of different places that you can meet women, and these are all good options that you've probably heard before. As a general rule, the particular style advocated in this book is going to work better in lower energy places where you can have a conversation with the girl. If you're wanting to meet and attract girls in loud nightclubs, this isn't a good system to use.
The style here is a bit more mature in the sense that you're not jumping around trying to entertain girls and pump their emotions, it's more about relating to her and getting her to open up to you while you keep control of the frame. So it's generally going to work better on girls who are more mature and preferably by themselves. They don't have to be a certain age, but young party girls in a group aren't going to respond as well to this type of style.
ReparteeAmante uses the term repartee in his book as the initial few minutes of approaching a girl and having a playful conversation. He uses it to encompass things such as banter, teasing, intrigue and push-pull. When you read the short section on push-pull, you might get confused by how he defines these terms. In fact, he has them mixed up by describing what constitutes the push as the pull and vice versa, so be aware of that.
There is a section on chase framing here, which is an introduction to the topic of frames and how to use them to make it appear as though the girl is chasing you. You can combine these frames while you are teasing the girl or responding to a test she throws at you, and it conveys confidence and social experience.
The book doesn't provide much detail in the section on repartee, and doesn't seem to be a big part of the system. This is another reason why it works better in the daytime and lower energy bars, where you're less likely to use a lot of hardcore teasing and instead have a more 'getting to know you' conversation.
Rapport And ConnectionThere is a stronger emphasis throughout the book on creating rapport and developing an emotional connection with women. There is some good information on the different styles of communication that men and women use, and how each gender can become frustrated at the other because we naturally use different ways to communicate. So you'll learn how to talk to women in a way that they find more engaging and accessible, and will lead to them feeling that they are connecting with you more.
In a practical sense, you'll see more effective ways to tell stories and how to make them more exciting and interactive for women. This is good advice, and one of the best things you can do to start improving your success with women.
One of the things touched upon here, and a theme throughout the book, is that of focusing the conversation on the woman. Rather than talking about yourself, you should be asking her questions and getting her to open up. So you're being a bit more mysterious, not revealing too much about yourself and generally deflecting her questions back and keeping the focus on her. This will work really well on some women, and poorly on others. Some girls are quite shy and won't feel comfortable doing most of the talking. There is also another idea in the dating community that if you want a girl to open up about something, she'll be more likely to do so if you go first.
This book takes a different approach and suggests not revealing anything unless you are directly asked. Some women like to talk about themselves and will feel a strong connection if they tell you personal stories and open up to you, where as others feel connection based on how much they know about you. So it's a good idea to know how to be able to direct the conversation and do more of the talking if you meet a girl you like who is more shy.
This system is based on a more intrigue based kind of style. Some dating teachers focus more on being larger than life, high energy and telling lots of stories that convey your value to get the girl interested. They might suggest to mainly make statements and not ask too many questions. But Amante recommends asking questions and then asking more questions to get her to expand more on her answers. Both styles can work, but in general a girl is only really going to be interested in answering all your questions if she likes you. Making more statements and conveying personality is a tactic that is used to get the girl to the stage that she likes you, and also takes some of the conversational burden off of her.
If you go the route of asking many questions, just be careful as this is what the average guy does and you can slip into interview mode. But if she's already interested then asking her the right questions in the right way is a great way to lead the conversation into some interesting areas and help create a strong sense of connection.
Value, Investment And AttainabilityThis section is probably the core of the book and has a lot of good information. The downside is that some of the information gets repeated and it's quite a tough read. Amante has quite a serious and clinical style to his writing, and at times here I felt like I was reading a dense thesis on behavioural psychology. So the information is solid and useful, but I found it pretty boring to read.
Attraction is explained in this book as a combination of value, investment and attainability. The book does a really good job of explaining each and how important they all are, and how to tell which you might need to work on. To quickly explain the idea, you have to have enough value that she is interested, get her to invest so that she values and chases you more, and appear attainable to her. They all work together, for example if your perceived value is too high, she will feel that you are not attainable for her.
This is all relative and will depend on the girl you're talking to. A particular girl might be more introverted and plain looking, and if she sees that you are talking to everyone and super sociable, she likely will feel your value is much greater than hers and you won't be attainable. But if a socially confident girl who happens to be a model walks into the same bar, she's unlikely to feel that you're out of her league - she would feel almost any man is attainable.
This book covers how to adjust your perceived value, and how to use implicit versus explicit value and the advantages of each. It also gives a number of solid ways to get girls to be investing more into the interaction, which boosts your chances of success. And it shows how you can make your attainability higher or lower and why many men who don't know about this will lose women because of it.
You'll learn things to look out for as signals that you need to work on a particular area. There are a number of other concepts discussed in this section and it's all pretty solid. Compared to the rest of the book, this is the section that is the most unique and provides the best guidance on how to make women chase you.
Getting Phone NumbersAmante suggests that phone numbers be a last resort, that you should push the interaction as far as you can take it. In any event, most guys who go out talking to enough women are going to end up with a bunch of numbers. The question then becomes what is the best way to follow up with these numbers.
It's suggested that you call the girl the next day, and that you use phone calls instead of text messages if you're a beginner as text messages have a steeper learning curve. I don't agree with this at all, as I think it's much easier for guys to screw up a phone call than a text message. It's also lower pressure for both you and the girl to send a text. A phone call can be more intrusive and the girl can also perceive you as being more needy, since it's much more common for people to text each other. Amante himself says that he never calls girls anymore, and I'd recommend you focus on texting. The advice here on phone and text game is not great, so you might want to check out our top rated product on this topic, The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game.
It's also said to never mention the word 'number' when getting her number. So you might ask for her cell, her contact info, or some other phrasing that leads her to give you her number. The rationale is that so many guys ask for her number and you'll get lumped in with all of the other guys who do so. I can only speak about my own experience, in that I've gotten hundreds of numbers and never had any issues when saying the word number. The reality is that girls will want to see you again or not based on the interaction you've had and the feelings she is experiencing in your presence, so asking for a phone number or her contact info isn't going to make a bit of difference. If anything, the examples that are in the book sound a bit more stilted and unnatural than simply telling her to give you her number.
Dates And Getting PhysicalThere is some good information on setting up dates so that you are leading them in the direction of ending up at your place so that you can have sex. There are some suggested places of where you might want to go on a date and what you might want to do. The only thing I don't agree with is the idea not to go to a bar for a date. Amante says nightclubs and bars are a no-go, and I agree that nightclubs are not good for a date, for the reasons he states in the book. But a quiet bar can be a great venue to meet up in, and is in fact my preferred option.
Compared to meeting for lunch or a coffee, you've got a higher chance of hooking up with her if you go to a bar simply because it's at night and there is alcohol involved. Girls generally don't go out on a lunch date with the expectation that it's going to lead to sex afterwards, but with a few drinks in a bar it's a more likely scenario.
Amante says the best first date location is your place, if the girl will agree to it. This is true, and if the girl wants to meet at your place for a drink, dinner or a movie there's a higher chance of the two of you having sex. Girls know that sex is more likely, and as such many will insist on a date in a neutral location. But if this is the case, he gives you some good tips on how to get the girl to come back to your place after the date.
It's also suggested that you try and kiss the girl and physically escalate as quickly as possible when she's in your house. This is a tricky area, and really requires the ability to read the situation nd pick up on how the girl is feeling. In some cases you can get physical really quickly, and this is what the girl wants. But some girls will need to feel more comfortable and to spend more time with you before you make a move. If you try to kiss her too quickly it can freak her out and she'll think you're just trying to get in her pants.
Particularly if it's a girl you haven't known for long and are having a first date at your place, it can pay off to just relax and take your time. I've had girls who I barely knew who were somewhat reluctant to come to my place, who I slept with after a couple of hours of getting to know them better, who likely would have left if I tried to escalate too soon. And there have been girls I've gotten physical with within minutes, so you'll do better to focus more on the girl and how she is feeling rather than trying to race against the clock.
The Bottom LineThe overall style presented here in this book revolves mostly around using an intrigue-based style of interaction. It's quite low energy and is therefore more useful in some environments and with particular girls more than others. Would be better suited to use with more mature women or in low energy bars rather than on young party girls in loud nightclubs.
There's a lot of information on how to make sure you convey the right amount of value so that the girl sees you as the kind of guy she would like to pursue. So if you feel like you're the one always putting all the effort into your interactions with girls, this book can tell you the different reasons that might be happening.
Overall, this book is well worth a read and contains a lot of useful information and sound techniques that are likely to improve your interactions with women.
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