"Subject of the book receives minimal attention. A few good principles but an incomplete system."
October 19, 2013
FULL DETAILED REVIEW
Sexual Power Words by Nick Richards is basically a watered down version of this principle. Except that where Jeffries gives detailed examples and provides a structure for how to use his teachings, Sexual Power Words doesn't. The basic idea of using these words and phrases isn't brought up until right near the end of the book (page 173 out of 206) and there aren't enough details given and examples of how to effectively use them.
The fact that Richards spends so much times repeating himself and going over the same ideas ad nauseam for the other things he talks about, makes this even more strange. The book is marketed as a way to learn a few different words you can whisper into a woman's ear and she'll be dying to have sex with you. But if that's the case, why are the first 172 pages talking about other things altogether? Because the reality is there are no magic words you can say to a woman and have her instantly want to sleep with you. So if you understand this fact, you'll at least have a more realistic view of what this book offers.
Stories To Illustrate A PointThroughout the book Richards uses a number of different stories to illustrate a point he wants to make. The issue I have is that most of the stories feel as if they are completely made up or severely exaggerated. I can't say for sure, only that in all my time in the dating industry I've never heard stories that happen like this, especially to guys that are as hopeless with women as many of these characters presented here.
For example, there is a story about one of his friends who uses the sexual power words and has one woman into him. When she goes to the bathroom another woman comes over and says he can do better, then makes out with him. Then the original woman comes back and the two girls start arguing and end up rolling around on the floor wrestling with each other. The whole situation, not to mention the dialogue, sounds contrived. Of all the guys I've met from over a decade in dating industry and hung out with, this situation hasn't happened even once.
Or the guy that was chatting to the girl working in the record store, who got her so turned on with the magic words that she kicked everybody out of the shop, closed the shop and dragged him to the back room. While they were having sex the boss walked in and fired her, but she liked the guy so much she didn't care, only wanted to hang out with him. Again, this sort of thing just doesn't happen and I can't believe these stories are true.
The problem is that it sets up unrealistic expectations of what's possible. It paints a picture of all these guys who are losers with women, learn how to use some sensory rich words and then all of sudden women are jumping on them. Anyone who has any experience with the dating industry will know that things don't work this way. There are other stories where some guy has a single issue holding him back with women, Richards points it out to him, and then women rush to have sex with him. That, along with the fact that Richards is hearing the exact conversations of two people talking alone in a bar, sounds suspicious. My advice would be to take these stories as learning guides, not literally.
Being Yourself With WomenOne of the main points that this book covers is that of being yourself with women. Richards has the philosophy that some women are going to like you and some aren't. And that the secret of the guys who are the best with women are that they don't waste their time on the women who aren't interested. This is true to an extent, but there are a lot of women out there who are on the fence about a guy when they first meet them. They have no strong feeling one way or the other, and it's up to the guy to help her become attracted and invested in him.
This is really what the dating advice industry is about in a nutshell. Teaching you how to convey yourself as attractively as possible to women when you meet them so that you create a feeling of desire in them. Yes, you should be yourself and not put on an act and try and fool a woman. But the problem is that most guys don't know how to interact with a woman they've just met in an attractive way. So the advice of just be yourself and stick to women who already like you is really limiting, as you need to learn how to give women the chance to like you.
I was hoping the book was going to cover this, but it doesn't. Since it's aimed at the beginner level, there needs to be some guidance on how to actually meet women and what to say to them. How to have an initial conversation with a woman in a bar and what you might talk about, with examples given. Instead, the book completely skips this step and talks about what to do in conversation once you're already in rapport with a woman. Unfortunately, the problem for most guys who are new to this is they have rapport based conversations before the woman has any interest in them. And this book gives no information on how to get that initial interest.
There's a lot of talk about things you should be doing while talking to girls, but it doesn't say how to meet these girls. It also doesn't talk about specific contexts, for example if you're talking to girls you already know or have just met in a bar/club or out during the day somewhere. As such, there is no real system here. There is no framework. It's a few ideas tossed together about being yourself and being in the present moment, then at a certain point start using sexually suggestive words. That's what I'm assuming, as it wasn't entirely clear.
Good PointsThere is some advice on basic things, like getting your hygiene sorted. There's no point trying to learn more advanced techniques if you aren't taking care of your hygiene and grooming first.
Richards also talks a lot about being in the present moment and giving women your full attention. This is often a problem for guys who are too inside their own head, that they are missing a lot of what the woman is saying and doing. Either they are too focused on what they have to say, or they are so nervous and anxious their internal dialogue distracts them from being present.
So the advice he gives and reasons why you want to be present are solid. Like how you just want to be interacting with a girl and not have an agenda or be trying to force the situation. You just want to be enjoying talking to each other and have fun in the moment.
The other main topic he talks about is passion. He claims that passion in a man is the single greatest thing that causes sexual attraction in a woman. I don't agree entirely with this, as it's leaving out a lot of other things (he claims that John F. Kennedy got laid all the time because of his passion for his mission - which discounts the fact that women also were turned on by his power, fame, status etc.) but it is important to have things in your life that you're passionate about. Women want to feel that you have a sense of purpose in your life as a man, that you have ambition driving you to constantly strive for something. This book talks about this a lot and the advice is important.
So What Do You Talk About?Where the book is a let down for me is in the area of conversation and actual techniques. Beginners often need some sort of guidance and roadmap of what to say and do, not just abstract ideas. This isn't covered in the book, beyond some potentially misleading advice. Under the topic of conversation, Richards suggests that you want to be focusing a lot on the emotions of you and her, which is true for the most part. But the topics he suggests talking about for women you've just met are things like what you were like as a kid, why you've made some of the choices you've had, where you're going in your life, how you've been shaped by past events etc.
These type of topics can work really well, but are generally more effective after you've established some value with the girl and she wants to get to know you better. Especially if you are in a high energy bar or nightclub, it might feel a bit awkward trying to have deep and meaningful conversations with girls right away before any kind of flirting or small talk.
I think this book teaches you to play it really safe for the most part. For example, it says not to joke about anything that your mother would be embarrassed by. This is terrible advice, as you want to be having exciting conversations and sometimes this is going to involve joking about sex and risqué topics. If you're making the same kind of jokes to your mother as to women you want to have sex with, you're doing something wrong. Either way, there are no example conversations given to give you an idea of what you should be doing or something for you to model. People generally learn best through examples, and this book suffers due to a lack of them.
Sexual Power Words Versus Attraction And Sexual TensionSo to give you an idea of what the sexual power words are, they are basically just words that can have sexual connotations. The idea is that if you use these in ordinary sentences you'll get women thinking about sex and horny enough to take you home. If only it were that easy. Some sexual innuendo here and there can be an effective tool, but should not be your entire strategy for trying to arouse a woman.
And despite what the book claims, the fact that you're the one saying these words to her is not enough to create an anchor so that she automatically wants to sleep with you. For a more detailed explanation on anchors and other NLP related terms and techniques, you're better off checking out products from Ross Jeffries. Either way, the book doesn't give clear examples of how to effectively use these words. There are a few examples, which are average at best. Things such as ordering a hamburger, and if it comes out without any buns, you can say, 'It's naked' are just ridiculous. If this is your game plan to try and get women horny then you're in a lot of trouble.
There are also sexual phrases suggested, apparently coming from a survey Richards did of what thousands of women said turn them on the most. So phrases such as 'I want you' and variations of this are suggested. He says to own your intentions and be upfront about your desires, which is good, but it focuses too much on the pull and not enough on the push. The advice here makes you seem too available and into her, and doesn't provide a space for her to have to chase you. You just tell her how you feel and leave it at that, which can be a big killer of sexual tension. You should always be leaving her guessing at least a little bit.
Some of the other phrases are more explicit, such as telling her that she's turning you on, or that she's making you hard. But he suggests not to use them until you've already hooked up with the girl, so kind of defeats the purpose. It's basically saying here's something you can use to get a girl horny enough to have sex with you, but don't use it until after you've already had sex with her.
I would say the sexual power words are a small technique you could use, but there is a lot more you need to learn. Being present and focused on the woman and talking about your passions is good advice, but there is also a lot more to being successful with women. This book leaves out so much of the equation that I don't think beginners are going to find it very practical.
The Bottom LineFor a book that promises so much in the way of conversation and verbal attraction, it delivers very little. In an ebook that is just over 200 pages, the main topic of the book is not even brought up until near the end.
The sexual power words are basically an idea from Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), where using words with double meanings will get the girl imagining sex. But they are marginally effective at best, and since the book gives no guidance on how to get to the stage where you could use them, not going to be that useful for most guys.
If you can already meet and attract women, but are looking for some advice on how to get a girl thinking about sex, perhaps this book might be of use. If you're looking for guidance specifically in the area of improving your conversation skills, check out Secrets of 5 Minute Chemistry by Jon Sinn.
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