Ep. #77 Design a Social Life That Brings Great Women into Your Life with Greg C. Greenway
This is in comparison to cold approach or online dating, which we covered on the show many times before. Most guys shy away from developing a social life, investing in or working on their lifestyle because it isn't a quick fix. The cold approach on the other hand, where you walk up to a girl in bar or when you are out during the day, seems like a pretty quick fix.
The truth is that the energy and time you put into your social life, and your lifestyle, is always more rewarding in the long term. Yes, it may not pay off this week, but in the months to come (in a short time) it will start to pay off.
We ask almost everyone in the Dating Skills Academy, for example, to start developing this mindset. Then the results and the rewards really come back to you in many ways. So everyone should be working on this.
Today's guest is Greg C. Greenway, who has made a real name for himself when it comes to building a social lifestyle. In fact, he is known for having a jet-setting lifestyle. He's developed his lifestyle primarily in two of the top cities in the world, Las Angeles and London, which you'll hear more details about in the show.
We recently reviewed a couple of his courses, The King's Game and The Social Supremacy Blueprint, both receiving very good stamps of approval from us. Of course, I asked him onto to the show to talk about social lifestyle.
Greg's passion for the subject really comes through in this interview. I'm sure you will find it entertaining as well as educational.
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- Greg's background: highlights and start into the social lifestyle (04:55)
- The importance of hitting rock bottom as the biggest driver to creating your best life (12:50)
- Keeping focus in various aspects of your life (17:00)
- Greg's dating lifestyle and determining your own dating lifestyle (19:40)
- The cold approach versus social circle seduction, and creating a social circle life that attracts others into it (26:10)
- Redesigning your social lifestyle and how to do it (35:20)
- Transitioning from social circle friends to dating: paying attention to sexual attention and arousal (48:00)
- Avoiding things in a social circle that will sabotage your social lifestyle (57:08)
- Shifting yourself from a cold approach mindset when coming into a social circle lifestyle (01:00:46)
- Greg's best experience in a relationship, or dating in general (01:02:05)
- Changing yourself to love yourself and exhibiting the better you in your social lifestyle (01:07:40)
- Recommendations for high quality advice in social lifestyle, dating, sex, and relationships (01:09:45)
- Top three recommendations to help men get results as fast as possible with women (01:12:23)
Items Mentioned in this Episode include:
- The King's Game: In this program, Greg offers techniques for how men can attract hot women, create their high value self, and develop incredible status.
- The Social Supremacy Blueprint: Greg's system for teaching men how to engineer their social lifestyles towards becoming 'attraction magnets'.
- Outliers: The Story of Success (Malcolm Gladwell): Greg mentioned this book as a resource for how to focus in various areas of your life.
- Why Humans Have Sex (Cindy M. Meston, David M. Buss): Greg mentioned this study when discussing the transition from friends to dating, and why women have sex.
- Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It (Kamal Ravikant): Angel referenced this book while discussing how to change yourself in order to love yourself.
- Meetup.com: Greg recommends this kind of social networking site in regards to redesigning your social lifestyle and how to meet people with common interests.
- Jason Capital: Greg recommends Jason for his experience in the cold approach as well as social circle lifestyle.
Greg's recommendations for high quality advice in social lifestyle, dating, sex, and relationships
Books, Courses and Training from Greg C. Greenway
Full Text Transcript of the Interview
[Angel Donovan]: Hey Greg, it's great to have you on the podcast.
[Greg Greenway]: Hey Angel, it's good to be here. I'm really excited about getting on this call and talking with you and giving some of your readers some really, really awesome content.
[Angel Donovan]: You have a great accent. We're not used to the London accent here. We don't get it so often.
[Greg Greenway]: It's good to hear another Britain on the other end of the line as well. I was taken aback as well.
[Angel Donovan]: Alright, it's good that you recognize me because, most people in L.A. think I'm from Australia. I don't know. I don't know if that happens to you. I know you were in L.A. too. What's that about?
[Greg Greenway]: I don't know. Do you what I think? I think they maybe just group all the Brits, Australians and Kiwis into the same accent because, I get that. I still get quite offended. It always happens when I've been in England for a long time and I come back into the States. My accent is a lot stronger. They have no idea where I'm from.
[Angel Donovan]: I got where you were from straight away. I didn't actually realize you were from London so, that's pretty cool. I connected on that level.
We just reviewed on of your courses and we're just about to review another one of your courses. Of course, you have a great reputation on the whole social sphere. So that's what we're going to talk about which is an angle we've been looking to explore for a while and we haven't really done it here on the podcast. So, it's great, great to have you here.
First, we'd like to get a bit of background on who you are. Who is Greg Greenway? How's his life been to date? So, can you give us a quick highlight? How old are you? Where are you living? What's your lifestyle like? What's your dating lifestyle like?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure. So, I'm 30. I'm living on the west coast. I'm originally from the UK.
I'm going to give you a little bit of background into how I got into all of this and just give you how it came about that I'm now on this podcast with you talking about and teaching your guys social circle.
I was born in England and for a very long time, I was really, really into sports. I am massive sports fan. I was a professional athlete for a little bit and I had a horrendous injury and when my injury happened, I pretty much lost my passion and I lost my way of making money.
While I was playing, one of my coaches had actually helped out by giving me tickets to some of the games. He said, "I want you to make a little bit of extra money on the side. Here's some tickets. You can sell them."
When I got injured and lost my contract and I wasn't able to play anymore, I still had these tickets. So, I had got into the whole selling sports tickets and that went really, really well.
From that point, I started doing the whole sports hospitality thing for a few years. Then, the recession hit and the recession really tanked the business. I didn't come from a background where I really had all the connections.
A lot of people in the sports hospitality industry, they had connections with big businesses, big banks. They had people they had grown up with, people they'd gone to school with.
I wasn't really from that world and I didn't really have a choice but to pretty much try to figure out how to get access to all the things I needed to get access to whether it was tickets for clients, whether it was people who could help me out. I had to just get stuck in and just really, really figure everything out.
It was a pretty interesting process because, those are effectively the most important skills when it comes to anything hospitality-based. So, I kind of threw myself into every type of environment social that could possibly have.
I had a really, really bad experience with an ex-girlfriend of mine that kind of went parallel to this. It's funny how like it's never one thing that makes you dive into what your life's going to be. It's always like, there's a little thing that happens there and then, something else and it all converges together to make you really, really crystalized and focused.
One of the things that happened was, it was on my birthday and I'd gone to a nightclub with my girlfriend at the time. She'd invited me down to this night club and said, it's going to be a really, really good time. She knew this guy that was going to be there and he was going to get us in.
I had never really been in the nightclub scene. I didn't know anything about it and she said, "It's going to be awesome."
To cut to the club, we get there and we meet this guy that was supposed to help us get us in. This is friend, this is a contact at the club and he wasn't much to look at. He looked like the kid in Harry Potter, the red-haired one but a fat one.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, I got that.
[Greg Greenway]: You get that right? He was not really that much to look at but, it was ridiculous watching this guy operated because, we were in a bar before we were in a bar before we went to the club.
All of the bartenders, all of the staff, all of the girls, the managers just kept coming up to this guy and they would just be very, very chummy with him. They were hugging him. The girls were all over him and I thought, "Wow, this guy is not much to look at but, he just seems to captivate everything in the room."
At the time, I had just thought he was some rich kid. I just thought, he's probably got a lot of money. I just don't know what was going on with him.
So, we left the bar and we went to go get into the club and as you got towards the club, I was at the back of group and everybody goes in and I got stuck outside. This was my birthday and I've been stuck outside. My girlfriend has gone in and everyone else has gone in.
I'm trying to explain to the bouncer and I'm trying to explain to the door people, "Hey, that's my girlfriend, that's my group," and they're just not having any of it. They said, "No, we don't know who you are."
So, I got stuck outside and it was raining. My birthday is in January and you know how cold it gets in England. So, it's cold, it's raining, it's wet, it's miserable, it's my birthday and I thought, "Oh gosh, this is a nice disaster."
I tried calling Lauren, my girl at the time and I call her, I call her and no answer. I text her and nothing. Eventually, she texted me back and she said, "Hey, I tried to speak (the guy's name was Jodi, by the way) Jodi to try to get you in but, there's nothing we can do. I can't really come out and get you. Can you just pick up me later?
I thought, "Wow." That was a real, real wake up call for me because, it showed me that regardless whatever relationship that I thought I had before, this whole social scene, this whole social [unclear 09:46], I had no idea what it was about. This was an entire world that I didn't have any clue what was going on and it was so powerful.
Obviously, I realized what was going on later but for me, I was thinking, "This is so powerful. This made my girlfriend ditch me on my birthday for this world." After that, I thought, "I'm going to figure out what's going on there," and couple that to the fact that I was trying to figure out to connect with people and how to network for my business, that's where I dove head-on into everything social.
So obviously, I had the disaster with my birthday then, I had the problem of losing of making a living. I pretty much had nothing. I had no relationship and no way of making any money and this was the only thing that I could see in front of me that was I could even possibly attempt to do.
That's where it all started and over the next few years, I read every single book that I could. I went to dozens of seminars. I went to conferences and I really, really became obsessed with everything social.
I became obsessed with how do people work. How does interpersonal attraction work? How does relationship work? How do people build rapport?
Why is it that some people everybody's trying to get a hold of them and other people don't? Why do some people have a full social calendar and others don't? What makes every single thing social tick?
As I just dove head-on to it, there was just patterns and patterns and patterns that I started to see. After a while, I did it for such a long time, I got an opportunity from a friend of mine who asked me to come and speak at one of his seminars.
I spoke at one his seminars. I was just giving my ideas and philosophy on the whole social world and to be honest, all I really did was talk about was my journey and how I was able to get access into different type of social circles and how I understood the social landscape as it was.
After that seminar, I had loads of guys come up to me at the end and say, "Hey, do you teach this? Can you help me out? Can you teach me how to do this in my business? Can you teach me how to do this with my relationships? Can you help me get more friends?"
That was eight years ago and that was the birth of me becoming a lifestyle and social specialist doing this. That kind of takes us back full-circle. For the last eight years, I have been teaching guys all over the world, small business owners, entrepreneurs, even women, everybody.
Everyone wants to really get the most out of life from a social perspective whether that's for their relationships, whether that's for their social life or whether that's for their business. That gives you a bit of background of how I got into teaching this to people.
[Angel Donovan]: There's a lot of things I want to dig into there but, first of all, that experience where your girlfriend basically dumped you for this social life style on your birthday, that's kind of hitting bottom especially combined with the fact that you just basically lost your sports career. You lost your whole career. I know that happened to me at one point as well where I had to put my whole career in question.
So, it's kind of hitting bottom in some respects in two areas of your life at the same time. Do you think that's the reason that you've become so good at this? How important do you think that is because, I know a lot of guys out there, they hear these stories of hitting bottom and some of these guys are in bad situations themselves from their own perspective.
I know a lot of them like the ones we coach, sometimes they feel like they can't claw out of it. I think that sometimes hitting bottom is the biggest drive to create the greatest life you have afterwards to develop the skills and everything. Most people we have on this podcast have hit bottom at some point when they snapped. What do you think about that?
[Greg Greenway]: Honestly, I think that if I look at all of the self-made millionaires and billionaires of the world because, I love to read. I love to read and I think that reading's one of the most powerful things you could do because, the most successful people in any form of life I've ever met, they are really, really big readers.
One of the things I've noticed about a lot of the self-made millionaires and billionaires, people that are very, very successful, at some point in their life, they were broke, like dead broke. At some point in their life, they'd hit rock bottom.
I think that it does two things when you hit rock bottom. I think number one is that you no longer become scared of it because, it's happened. You say, "Okay, things can only get better from here."
So, you've hit rock bottom. I don't recommend that people try and hit rock bottom to get successful, that's not a good idea but, if you hit rock bottom then, everything you achieve after that puts everything else into perspective because you think, "Whatever I had before, I lost it all but, I can get it again."
That changes your relationship with whatever that is, whether that's women, whether that's money, whether that's a career, whatever it is. If you hit rock bottom and then, you can start to get even a little bit of glimmer of hope, a little bit of success anywhere, that changes your relationship with whatever that thing is because, now you believe, "Okay, I may actually be able to do this. It can come back. It's not that difficult to start doing it again"
The second thing that I think that hitting rock bottom does is that it forces you to focus because, the problem with a lot of people, the problem with all of us, especially in our generation now is there's so many distractions. If you can focus on one thing or you can focus on improving one area or you can really focus on getting good at one skill then, you'll be able to get good at it.
The problem is, there's so many distractions however, when you hit rock bottom, you've got no more distractions. You either have to do it or you've got no other options.
I think those are the two main things. That's my personal opinion. I think that's why so many people who hit rock bottom end up going on to being a lot more successful.
A) Because it changes their relationship and they realize, "Okay, this isn't the end of the world. If I can even get some results out of this, that means that this thing that I've managed to lose is attainable and I can get it again."
B) It forces you to have to focus on what it is that you really want to do and what it is that you really want to achieve. I think, for me especially, that was the big thing.
Once I hit rock bottom, I had to focus. I didn't really have a choice. I had to look at things like, "The sun's going to come up tomorrow. So, I can either stay here or try and at least get one success."
At that time, at least one success was better than where I was. The first success is always the best one because you think, "Alright wow! Okay, it doesn't have to be like this forever." One success leads to more and after a while, success becomes a habit and even when you have bad times, you can think, "Well, I've hit rock bottom before and I've overcome it before so, it's not the end of the world."
[Angel Donovan]: Absolutely, it forces you to focus. One of the things that I think on the same principle is that, it just forces you to let go because, like you said, there's all these distractions, these socials distractions, maybe what your friends think as well, all these things you have in your life.
But when you hit bottom, it's like none of it really matters anymore because, you're in a situation where you're feeling so badly that you just got to do something about it and you start to kind of let go of things. It's important to let go of these fears, these little things which don't really mean anything.
I think that helps to play a role to bring you to that focus where you think, "I will not think to lose. I might as well just try this." Then, you end up with that focus and it enables.
Something, I'm guessing today that you have that focus. When you're doing projects, do you think that you've been able to keep this focus maybe not just for this part of your life but, for other parts as well?
Yes, one of my biggest problems is I am notoriously difficult at focusing which is really unfortunate for me. I've managed to go to a point where I can be aware of where I'm going to go wrong. So, I work on processes to help me from myself because, I know that I'm not the best focuser.
I don't focus very, very well but, I can focus for short periods of time. So, I'll try and get as much done in the time that I can like in the Malcolm Gladwell book, "Outlies" where he talks about 10,000 hours’ worth.
So, I'm not the greatest focuser but now because especially with this, especially with coaching and writing and giving talks about social training, I've done it so long and so many times, that it's starting to become so much easier just to fall into a habit of it.
There's a great quote I love from Stephen King. He writes every single day whether he wants to or doesn't want to. He says, "Even if it's total dog shit, I write. It doesn't matter. The fact that I'm writing every single day has turned me into one of the greatest authors in the world."
There's got to be something said about just doing it, just going out and just continuously doing something over and over again. It just becomes so much easier. So, I've made so many projects. I've written books about this. I've written course about this so, whenever it comes down to talking about this area, whenever it comes to creating a course about this area or working for clients or working for students because, I've done it so many times before, it can just become very, very quick and easy for me to get back into.
[unclear 18:57] we're going to about this later on, the entire system that I have for creating a social life or accessing a social circle, it's exactly that, it's a system. It's a process. It's like punching keys into a keyboard. It's very A, B, C.
Whatever you're trying to figure out, if you can systematize it and you can make it a process, the whole thing becomes easier. Then, you don't have to think about. You just know, "Okay, I do A, I do B, I do C, I get D." Other than that, just practicing the thing and you're going to get whatever you want to get out of it.
[Angel Donovan]: That's right. Then, once you have some kind of system you just repeat?
[Greg Greenway]: Yes.
[Angel Donovan]: Repeat, repeat and it becomes like a habit. Nothing will change your life unless it becomes some kind of habit. That's basically what you're talking about here, it becomes routine, habit.
[Greg Greenway]: Exactly.
[Angel Donovan]: Great, so quickly, a bit of background on your dating life, like how many girlfriends you've had, where you're at in terms of the type of dating life style that you have right now.
[Greg Greenway]: Okay so, I kind of fluctuate between having loads of different of girlfriends or being with just one person. For me, it's always about the person.
When I first got into this, I've always wanted to have loads of fun. I wanted to not be in a situation where my girlfriend ditches me for a nightclub.
[Angel Donovan]: Didn't want that to happen again.
[Greg Greenway]: No, I didn't want that to happen again. For me, it's always been, I just want a really awesome person to be around. So, I've never been one of those people to work. Once I start really concentrating on that aspect of my life, I always said that I'm never going to settle because, I've seen friends, I've heard it from students.
Whatever relationship I wanted to get into, it always had to be on my own terms and I'm not talking about it being on my own terms like I'm some type of dictator person. But, one of the things I hate was to be in a relationship or a life style that I didn't choose for myself or a relationship or a lifestyle that I didn't want.
For me, it's always been about freedom and also been about getting into relationships and connections with people that allow me to kind of have my own life style and kind of be on my own terms. That's what I've always chosen so, whatever relationship I'm in, it's always about my path being the same.
I have a saying that, "You're the hero in your own legend" and that never changes. My path, my journey always remains the same. What I try to do then is to always attract women that are really, really awesome into that life, who want to join me on the journey.
They can join me on that journey for a life or all the way up to a lifetime. To me, it doesn't matter. As long as it's fun for both people, everyone's having a good time, it's positive. That to me is the most important thing. That is where my relationship mind-set is at.
[Angel Donovan]: Yes thanks, that's great because, it's a little bit different to a lot of people. It's actually pretty similar to mine. I think that everyone has a different approach to this and the guys listening, they all have different ideas about what they want and it's just great to get different perspectives on what people are happy with, what's working for them. That's obviously working for you and it's something that's been stable for a while and you'll probably continue doing for a while, being with the person as long as it works.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes!
[Angel Donovan]: I also think that that works well in today's times which are ADD, there's lots of changes. You've left London, you come to L.A., maybe you'll go somewhere afterwards. These kind of life styles, they're not great for 30-year marriages because, we're changing so much that we're not necessarily synced up with someone over a 30-lifetime. It's pretty difficult to be like that.
So, the perspective you give is like it's adaptive and it focuses on the important part which is, "Is it working between us?"
[Greg Greenway]: Totally, I agree with that but, at the same time, there's no "one size fits all." I've got a friend who's been with his girlfriend since he was 12 and they've been married for 10 years and they're happy.
I've got another friend who has two girlfriends that live with him. It doesn't matter. I've got another friend who is literally with a different girl every time I see him. I've never seen him with the same girl twice and all three are happy.
You don't have to feel like you are pigeon-holed into one specific life. I can't tell you what's going to make you happy. You can't tell me what's going to make me happy. You've just got to go and find out what is and at the same time, once you know what's going to make you happy, encourage and bring people into your life that are going to share that kind of life style and they're going to share that philosophy with you.
The worst thing is to either force someone else's philosophy on you or have someone else's philosophy be forced upon you. That's the worst thing ever. So, whatever it is that you want, luckily we live in a society that as long as you're a good person, as long as you're not hurting people, as long as you're bringing positivity into people's lives, you can have whatever you want.
Whatever life you want, there's somebody else out there who would like to have that life as well. The important thing is being clear on what it is what you really want and not being afraid to say, "Hey, this is what I want. This is how I want to live my life. If you, as a girl are okay with that, then great. If you're not, well, I've got to walk away from you." That is what I think is really important for guys.
I'm sure you've probably seen this a lot with the students you work with but, especially the guys that I work with on the dating aspect, I find a lot of them, they just want to have a causal relationship but, they don't feel like they can tell the girl that so, end up lying. That's terrible because, they end up getting with a girlfriend they don't really want to be with and they end up cheating on her and doing all this other stuff that's causes some negative feeling and the whole thing just blows up.
Where it would have been just a lot simpler for them to day, "Hey, I don't want that type of relationship. If you really do, then we should probably just walk away from each other now." A lot of people are scared to do that, a lot of guys are scared to do that.
[Angel Donovan]: It's fear. It scares the tears. They think, "There's not another girl who's going to come along." It's that mindset saying, "I only have a few chances so, I'm going to have to lie and break these rules and do things that I'm not that happy with just to get this one opportunity" instead of thinking, "These opportunities out there. There are people with all sorts of mindsets that will fit with you and it will work much better."
I also feel that they don't understand that they're not looking at the relationship globally. Depending on your age, when you're in your early 20s, you're looking at it very physically. All young guys are pretty horny so, it's a very sexual drive there.
They're mostly thinking about that and that's what they want but, if you're look at it a bit more globally like you're saying with the positivity and not having the negativity in your life which, over time you value more and more as you get more experience because, you realize what a big impact that has on your life. Then, you start to focus more on those details and understanding who's going to fit with you and trying to avoid these things like cheating and lying which cause drama a lot of the time. It's just not good for anyone.
[Greg Greenway]: Completely, I agree totally.
[Angel Donovan]: Excellent, so just to bring that up because, a lot of guys get into this and even when they learn some skills, they walk down the wrong path because, they haven't thought about this stuff enough. They end up being less satisfied than they were to start with or they don't get the extra satisfaction. If you're going to learn this stuff, it's really to become more satisfied so, it's very important to keep this kind of thing in mind.
Let's talk about your stuff because, that's the really cool stuff and it's a little bit different. First of all, because we're talking from a dating perspective, a lot of guys are into a cold approach. What we call a cold approach which is like walking up to strangers in different scenarios or bars and you've never met them before.
That's become a big thing because of the pick-up artistry over the last 10, 15 years, it's been really emphasized and it's kind of like we've forgotten about the social stuff that used to happen before and the social stuff that still goes on today and we don't talk about it enough but, we're great believers.
A lot of the women I meet, to run in socially that happens naturally and I know that's been your whole thing. You've also told other guys like Jason Capsule and stuff that and they think it's fantastic as well.
What would say if you compared cold approaching and what you know about that to your approach in terms of dating? What are the differences and the advantages and the disadvantages and what should guys think about it?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure, I'm really, really passionate about this. Some people feel my views are controversial, some people really love my views. I'm extremely passionate about it. I don't pull any punches by it and I'm really like, there's no compromise with me when it comes to this.
I wholeheartedly believe that cold approach just so inferior to the social way of doing things. I will shout it from the rooftops at anybody wants to listen because, let's put it is this way.
What is a cold approach? A cold approach is, (like you explained) when you go up to a complete stranger and you attempt to convince that stranger to do something that you want. That is what it is, you go up to a complete stranger.
My entire philosophy is that women are supposed to chase men. That's my entire philosophy because, if you look in the animal kingdom, if you look at how it was many, many years ago, you've got a guy or a male who's really, really dominate, he's got his shit together, he knows what he's doing, he's the route of the roost and all the other females are trying to be the one girl that ends up with that guy. That's how it's supposed be.
Women love to chase men. They love it. They love to chase guys. I've got a lot of female friends and when you listen to them talking, the single one, there's always some guy that they're trying to get and for them, they're passionate. They get so happy when they get that guy.
If it's a guy at their workplace, they get a new outfit, they start doing their hair differently, they do all these little things to try and get the guy and they all those little cute things to hook up with this guy. So, women love to chase.
What you do when you have a cold approach is you immediately remove the option of her chasing you. Yes, there's a little bit advance ways of cold approaching if you have to then turn it around but we probably won't get to that today. The majority of cold approach, it requires pursuit.
If someone meets a complete stranger, you go and start talking to them and then, you start to chase them whether it's for a phone, whether it's for a date, whether it's for sex, whatever it is. That's how most guys do it. That is backwards.
That doesn't make any sense to me because, think about it this way, would you rather go for ten job interviews or have ten people call you to be head-hunted and you got to pick which one you want? That's the difference between cold approach and social circle.
If you have a social life or if you have a life style where you have engineered it in such a way that women come into your life, every single thing you do becomes so much easier. If you imagine like on a spectrum, you've got zero on one end of the spectrum which is completely cold and you got 100 on the other end of the spectrum. So, zero is strangers and 100 is like a significant relationship whatever that means to you.
Now, if you go in cold, like you've never met this girl before, you start at zero. Do you know how many obstacles there are at zero. You could look like her ex-boyfriend. She might be having a bad day. There is so much going on that has nothing to do with you that's going to affect that interaction.
Now, if you come in with what I call a warm approach which is what I call social circle seduction, you are so much closer to a significant relationship than when you first started. With a warm approach with social circle seduction, she gets the chance to know stuff about you before you've even met her. A lot of the obstacles are removed. When you start to really go off the really high quality girls, like the ones who are the best looking, the ones who have their stuff together, the ones who got good careers, the ones who are emotionally stable.
They are found in the social circle. Very few of these girls ever venture out and date outside their social circle simply because, women set their social life up in such a way so that it definitely has a need for it. So all of their friends are in their social group, all of the positive emotions, all of the support, everything they could possibly need comes from their social circle.
So, what they then do is that they date guys who don't necessarily have to be from that specific social circle but, they must be connected to them in some way. When you go out and away from that and you try and approach it cold, you're just making it so much harder for yourself for no apparent reason.
As a guy, you need not to be doing anything, you need to be going on your own life, you need to be on your own path. Imagine this scenario, you're a guy, you're on a journey, you're ambitious, you're trying to figure your own stuff out. Now, at some point in that journey, there is some girl that you're interested in. You divert from your path to go and talk to that girl, what does that say about your journey? It says that you're easily swayed.
These things may not seem like stuff that's really concrete but, on a very subconscious level, it's what all women realize in their head when you stop whatever you're doing and you go and talk to her. When you have something that's more important than her and you create your life in such a way where she comes into your life, that is so much more powerful and that creates so much more attraction that creates a much higher value in her eyes. It works so much better and it's so much more efficient for you.
I could go on about it for ages but, it's like the analogy that I love to give is that imagine you had the world's greatest pick up line. A pick up guy, you can go into a bar and talk to a few girls and end of getting in front of them and taking one of them home.
That's his whole MO, he can go up to a girl that he's never met and get into relationship whether that's a relationship for one night, I just use relationship like a blanket term for whenever people together whether it's for one night or forever, whatever it is.
Now, compare that guy, the world's greatest pickup artist to a Victoria's Secret fashion photographer. Who is going hook up with the hotter girls. This Victoria's Secret fashion photographer could be appalling with women. It doesn't matter, he's still going to stumble into a couple good looking girls in his life time.
Whereas, the pick-up artist, if his life is not conducive to meeting the type of women he wants, he's only ever going to go to get what he runs into. So, if you want a higher quality woman, if you want the women that you actually want in your life, then you've got to set your life up in such a way that you're going to be surrounded by these women. Not only will have more access to the women that you want but, it's actually easier to get with girls, to get sex, to get relationships, to get married, whatever it is you're trying to do, when these girls are in your social circle already or you create a social life that funnels women into your life.
That means that you don't have to go out and cold approach. You don't have to go and keep meeting random new girls because it's just a flawed system. I look at it like, it's pretty much accepted that if you want to be wealthy, you need to have passive incomes of money or passive streams of money.
If the only time you made money is when you go out and you actually do something to make money then, if you're sick, you're not making money. If you get fired, you're not making money. If you've got a passive revenue, you could be on the toilet, you could be sick, you could be on holiday, it doesn't matter, you're still making money.
Social circle is the same thing. Social circle is to women what passive income is to wealth. If you've got a social life, you've got a social circle. You don't have to go out and keep trying to meet new girls, they just keep coming into your life.
The best thing about it is, if you set your social circle up properly, which is what I show you guys to do in a number of my programs, they come into your life with already positive views about you. They come into your life, already knowing who you are and already having a positive image of you and that can extend to them coming into your life already wanting to be part of your life.
That blows the cold approach out of the water. It's not even close. It's like sword fighting in the nuclear age. It's not close, it's two completely different things.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, so we're talking about lot's of things there.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, sorry, I got off on a bit of a...
[Angel Donovan]: Yes, it's because you're a good talker. You're definitely passionate about this stuff. So, talking a lot about life style and social, is this redesigning your life style?
If we take it back a few steps for the guys at home, if they want to start taking this different approach rather than cold approach, we assume they believe like you that it's basically an asset for you over time versus expensing your time every single time going back to start which, I agree with and that's is why I started changing many years ago.
I don't have time to approach new women all the time because, I'm so busy so, I need an asset. In business, we think of assets so, I started thinking about this area of my life with assets as well so that, like you're saying, it's a passive income thing.
In terms of actually setting this up, are there several ways because, I hear you say setting up your social life and I also hear you talking about engineering your life style so this happens? Are those two different things?
Like are there some guys who can do this by basically deciding to be more social and build more social circles and putting effort into this day, by day, week by week and building it outside of their lifestyle whatever that is?
Or, do you always advocate that you start thinking about your life style differently based on what you want in life, based on a dating life style you want, you start changing your life style and the strategy around that and so on?
It's definitely the latter. So, what you mentioned towards the end, that's exactly how you do it. You've got to think of it from the guy's point of view. If you are going to cold approach and you've already decided that that's the system you're going to go down. You're going to go and maybe, you're going to a bar and you're going to see a girl and you're going to go and cold approach her and you're going to try and get into a significant relationship. Now, if you already go to do that, it only takes one little tweak and you immediately start growing your social life. Let me explain.
Have you heard of the story of the old bull and the young bull? Have you ever heard of that story?
[Angel Donovan]: No.
[Greg Greenway]: Okay so, there are two bulls on the top of a hill. There's an old bull and a young bull. At the bottom of the hill is some really good looking cows that they love. Now, the young bull said, "Why don't I just run down there and get a cow?" The old bull says, "You could do that or why don't we just walk down and get all the cows?" The analogy is that if you change one little thing about your approach, you could go from having one cow to all the cows.
That's exactly the same thing for guys. Any guy that's listening this, if you're going to go out and you're going to cold approach anyway, the process it takes you to get a girl into a state where she wants to go home with you or she wants to be your girlfriend, the exact same processes will make her your friend.
Here's what happens, rather than going every single time and trying to get each girl that you like to whether you want to take her home that night or you're trying to get on a date, rather than do that, just change your focus into, "I'm going to turn this girl into a friend." You can still sleep with her or get into a relationship with her later one but, if you go into the idea, "I'm going to bring her into my social life first."
She's going to have friends, her friends is going to have friends. You don't know if one of her friends is actually better suited for you than she is. You don't know and it's actually easier for you to make her your friend than it is for you to actually do anything else and women love having guy friends; there's so many benefits for women to have that.
The problem is a lot of guys start thinking, "I end up in the friend zone." That doesn't matter. Friendship doesn't exist anyway and especially, if you are the one who's dictating the relationship, like if you're the one who's [unclear 38:51] when you go out and meeting and throughout your conversation, you say, "You know what, you're a really, really awesome person. We should hang out again. Why don't you and your friends come to this jazz club next week. I'm going to be there with a couple of my friends. It would be good for us all to hang out."
All the difference is, instead of you getting her on a one-on-one date, what you've done now, is you're bringing her into your social life. The caveat yes, you need to start having a social life. You need to start looking around your town and your city and doing things you that enjoy doing, going out and exploring, going out and actually enjoying your social life. If you have that in place, which is always the first thing that you want to do, I teach guys exactly how to start having their own social life based on whatever their interests are.
[Angel Donovan]: This is a really important point, I think. We find where a lot of that people we're mentoring and approaching is that they don't have much of a social life or that they don't have a social life they're happy with. So, maybe they're going to the same bar all the time and drinking but, it's not really making them happy, it's just what they've always done and it's what all their friends have done and they're stuck in that zone.
What would be your advice, it sounds like a really important point here because, this is like breaking away from what they've always done for most guys, probably 80%, 90% of guys in terms of changing to that social life style? What kinds of things are they supposed to be doing now? Are they thinking about hobbies? What kind of things are they going to use to reengineer their social life?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure I mean, it all depends on what the guy really, really enjoys doing. The very first thing, the guy's got to step back and say, "What do I like?" and if you don't like anything, then this is even better for you because, you're going to go and explore until you find something that you do like.
That's the very first thing, you've got to figure out what it is that you like. What do you like doing? Do you like golf, do you like music, do you like art, do you like restaurants? What do you really enjoy doing in your downtime?
Is it computer games? You may just like playing video. There are a lot of hot girls who play video games. I love video games. You ever been to E3 which is a big video game convention in San Diego? There are a lot of women there. There are so many girls there.
So whatever it is that you're into, really figure it out. "What do I like doing? What do I enjoy doing?" Then start to build your social life around that. Don't think, "What would girls like doing?" because, believe me, we live in the 21st century. Every single interest and hobbies women and guys love.
[Angel Donovan]: That's a really important point.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, every single one.
[Angel Donovan]: Also the girls, you're probably going to get along best with.
[Greg Greenway]: Exactly.
[Angel Donovan]: Then, they have a variety of interests which are alike with yours.
[Greg Greenway]: Exactly, you've hit the nail on the head. It's like the first step in engineering your life style to be surrounded by women who have the highest likelihood to be compatible with you.
If you start really looking into, "What do I enjoy doing?", if you're only going down to the bar every Friday because, that's what you've always done and you're not really interested in that, expand your horizons. Make a commitment to every single week trying something new.
It doesn't have to be expensive. If you live in a big city, it's easier but, whatever you live, you can just Google "Free Activities" and put your city, let's say London, "Free Activities London" or get the local paper and look in the classified and see what's going on. There's so much free stuff to do and there's so much stuff that you enjoy doing.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, another thing you did a few moments ago is that you took some hobbies and interests which typically, we don't think are social (video games for example), and all you did is say, "Go to the video games conference."
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, exactly.
[Angel Donovan]: All of a sudden, it makes your hobbies social and I'm sure there's competitions, there's all sorts of other social events around most hobbies that we don't think of. We tend to think of, we're sitting at home playing video games but, probably everything that guys do and love at home has some aspect of social.
We were talking to a guy on our program recently and he said, "What are you hobbies? What are you interested in?" He said, "I'm really interested in meditation right now." I thought, "Well, great because you know what, there are groups who meet for meditation and you can go out and do that." If one thinks meditation is all about sitting at home or sitting alone in the park but actually, pretty much everything, there must be some kind of social aspect. You have got a lot more experience than me with this but, I imagine you've redesigned many lives around this.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, anything has got it. Let's use meditation for example, let's run with it. Let's say you've only done meditation by yourself, that's the only experience of meditation that you've had. Now, you're listening to this podcast and now, you're thinking, "Okay, how do I turn this meditation into something social? How do I turn it into something bigger?" Google "Meditation Groups", have a look at meditation meet-ups.
This is a little side note. One of the things that I have in my program is I give examples of what you need to do whether you enjoy being the center of attention or whether you're someone who's quite shy because, that's two different aspects to take.
If you are shy and you don't like being the center of attention and you struggle with that then, you're going to have to find a social group that already do what you want to do. If you don't mind being the center of attention yourself, then you can create your own social group from scratch. That's just a little diversion.
So whichever personality fits you, whether you're someone who likes being around people or maybe you're somebody who likes to control then, if you can't find a meditation group, create your own. We've got Facebook, we've got so many amazing opportunities for us to do this.
[Angel Donovan]: Yes, there's a MeetUp.com you can start meet-ups on any subject you want.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, MeetUp.com, you could go there. I'm sure there are some meditation group or meditation forums on line that you can get involved in and start saying to people, "Would you know of any?" Honesty is the best way to go.
Let's say you go onto a meditation forum and you start to get a little bit active in that. Again, this is why I say, it's got to be based in something that you really because, if you don't like the thing that you're trying to create a social circle about then, this is going to be very difficult for you. If meditation is your thing and you enjoy it then, you're going to enjoy talking to people on the forum about it,
Once you start getting involved in that world then, be honest and say, "Hey listen, I love meditation but, it kind be kind of isolating sometimes and I really want to expand my social group. Would some of you be interested in, I want to hold a meditation night at my house?"
"We can bring our mats. I've got this really interesting meditation style I learnt some guru in India and I want to try it out. It would be quite cool if some of you wanted to try it out as well. Maybe next Thursday, we could all go to my house, you dress, we can do some meditation and also, we could have something to eat. We could have some food to eat. It would be nice for me to meet some other people who are interested in meditation as well."
That's how you start to create a social life and I'll be completely honest with you, the people who are best, one of the added side-benefits of this is that 80%, maybe 90% of the people who respond to those kind of invitations are women. Guys are notoriously bad responding to that type of invite especially, from another guy. It's always going to be the girls who say, "Oh, that sounds really great. I'm happy you're being forward-thinking. I really want to show up. Can I bring my friends?"
The guys will start to show up later once all of the guys are there but, you will have started already so, you already have all the benefit from being the leader of the group. That's a side benefit. Whenever you create a social group, whenever you create your own social circle, it always have an influx of women first because, guys are just naturally un- inclined to be social with other strangers as women are.
Obviously, there are some guys who are very sociable but, what I just explained with the meditation thing, if you did that in a forum, the majority of responses at first are going to be women. That's just how it's going to be then, slowly more and more guys will get into.
That's how you create a social life regardless of whatever interests that you have. Once you've created that social life then, the only next step is then to start the more traditional seduction with the girls that you're actually interested in but, the point of that is that you are much closer now to a significant relationship. You don't have to do most of the stuff that you normally have to do to seduce a stranger.
What is seduction? Seduction is effectively convincing somebody to do something you want them to do. If that person is already in a good level of rapport with you, (rapport is one of the principles of influence) it's very easy to get them to do what you want them to do. If that person's a complete a stranger, you require a lot more creativity and a lot more techniques and a lot more tactics to get her to do that. So once you've got that social life, dating becomes very, very easy.
[Angel Donovan]: Right. Let's talk a little bit about that because, I think guys probably have this fear, like you said, that they get in the friend zone or that they establish this friendship and they feel like it would be really awkward or they don't know how to go about transitioning that afterwards because, they're in a social circle and they feel like friends. I think most guys feel like, especially if they're a nicer guy-type, they think, "Oh, I can't hit on her or I can't do anything now because, we're kind of friends" and they feel kind of negative about it. What kind of advice or practical tips can you give about that in terms of helping them transitionally change their mindsets about that?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure, we're getting a little bit more advanced now and that's something I talk about towards the end in the advanced sections of my program because, this is a concern that a lot of guys have. They have a concern that, "Okay, this is great. My social life is a lot better now. I'm meeting women all the time but, I'm worried I'm going to get into the friend zone."
The first thing I'll say about that, the friend zone doesn't exist. It's a myth, it doesn't exist. There are two zones, the no-sex zone and the yes-zone that is it. It doesn't matter if you're friends.
There's a really awesome book that I used to study and it's called The 237 Reasons Why Women Have Sex. In that study, they have 35 reasons why women don't have sex. "He is my friend" was not one of those 35 reasons and this is a study of hundreds of thousands of women over the last few years. If you get it on Google or Amazon, it's a really fascinating in science into why women have sex.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, we'll put that into the show notes.
[Greg Greenway]: Really interesting insights into why women have sex. Anyway, "He was my friend," is not one of those reasons. The only really reason a woman wouldn't want to have sex with you is if you are not in what I call her sex zone and there's a multitude of reasons for that and one of the main reasons for that is she doesn't see you as a sexual option.
Now, why I say it's more advanced is that the problem that guys have is that if they don't become a sexual option because, they never tried, that is the issue. I've got to do a bit more explaining so this makes sense.
You've got two things working at any scenario, you've got attraction and arousal. Now, attraction is just curiosity, that's all it is really. Attraction is when a girl is curious about you and on its own, it doesn't really do much. Attraction needs arousal.
So what happens when you meet a girl is that initially, there's an attraction however, as she becomes your friend, as she gets to know you, that curiosity which is attraction, goes away because, she's no longer curious about you. Now, if that curiosity goes away and there's nothing else, that's when you end up in the no-sex zone.
What guys do is that they don't have any sexual tension or any sexual arousal as the attraction is going down. So, when the attraction or curiosity she has for you drops, if there's no sexual tension and there's no sexual arousal, then you become friends. That's when she has no sexual interest in you.
You need to keep the tension and arousal there as the curiosity and attraction goes down. So, as you become friends, as you become familiar with each other, if there's no tension and there's no arousal, that's when she's going to see you like a brother. That's when she's not going to be interested in you.
Now, if you create an environment when girls are coming into your life and they're becoming you're friends, that's fine as long as you keep the sexual tension and the sexual arousal there then, there is always going to be an opportunity at some point.
That's the big word there, opportunity. You've got to make out to her that the reason why that you haven't taken the opportunity to progress your relationship because, you haven't decided whether or not that you want to. It's not because you're afraid, it's not because she hasn't given you the chance, it's because, you as the guy are dictating the perimeters of the relationship and she hasn't done something.
You have to create this vibe. You can do this with your words, you can do this with your action, you can do this with how you talk to other people as well but, you can create the impression with her that the reason why she is still a friend to you is because she hasn't lived up to some standard that you have and that standard is what allows your relationships to become sexual.
So once you create that environment, I have to say, some really powerful things happen. Women start chasing you, women become very sexually aggressive, women do all kind of weird and wonderful and highly satisfying things to you to reach that standard and it all comes from the set up.
That's why I say that it's a little bit more advanced because, it requires the guy having to again look into what they really want to get out of the relationship. Once they what they want to get out of the relationship then, drift their language and with their interactions with other people in the social group, they can create a bar. They can create a benchmark where all the girls in the social group know that for them to reach that benchmark, they have to behave in a certain way and that benchmark is to get out of the friend zone. You put her in the friend zone first.
The important thing to realize about that is that the friend doesn't exist. The only reason you end up in the no-sex zone is if you have an attraction level at the beginning and you let the attraction curiosity drop which will happen as you become more familiar. If that starts to happen and you don't have any sexual tension or any sexual arousal, then yes, you will end up in the no-sex zone.
That's the area that guys neglect. They neglect the sexual tension and they neglect the arousal because, the point of tension is that it is tense. When you create sexual tension, it can be uncomfortable. That's how you know you're doing it and guys getting into a habit of, "I don't want to have this discomfort. I don't want to have this uncomfortable sexual tension feeling because, the familiarity is so warm and fuzzy, I'm just going stay there." If you do that yes, you will end up in the no-sex zone. You can't leave it all up to her to do all the seducing and all the tension creating.
[Angel Donovan]: Have you got any clearer examples of the sexual tension in this kind of scenario?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure teasing and bantering, that's just one example of keeping tension there. What teasing does is that it makes you unpredictable. She can never predict what you're going to do again and that keeps her on her toes. You tease her in a way that's playful and challenging and that has some slight sexual undertones in it.
Here's an example of a really, really great tease that I love. Always reframe everything as she's trying to hit on you. So, whatever she does like anytime she does anything. Here's an example.
There's a guy and a girl and they're really good friends and they're supposed to go and meet for a friend’s birthday. He says to the girl, "Can you meet me at this bar first, we'll have a couple of drinks?" She says, "Actually no. I've only would have got back from work. Is it alright if you come to my house first and pick me up so I will be able to get to that place on time?"
Now, if the guy is comfortable in the familiarity, he says, "Sure, I'll come meet you." If you want to keep the sexual tension going and you want to reframe that for her to hit on you, you can say anything along the lines of, "Listen, you are always trying to get me back alone. You're always trying to get me back into your house. We're supposed to be friends. Stop hitting on me."
I just threw that out there but, it's just one sentence but, it's a way of reframing her as being the sexual aggressor. That's just the way of creating tension. That's just one example.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay great. We've talked about sexual tension on the show before so, everything that we've probably heard about that applies to this situation as well and guys shouldn't feel like, "This is a social circle situation and I should be acting differently." That same sexual tension stuff that we've heard about and we've learned about is also relevant here. It's all the same stuff and all the same rules.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes completely, you have to be aware of the norms and values of that social group. You have to obviously remember that this is still your social life so, where ever there's a line that can't be crossed, you can't cross it. That's important.
I'm sure you've covered sexual tension and sexual teasing and bantering at length before. All that stuff, just keep doing it. You just can't stop once you become familiar with each other. You have to keep doing it.
[Angel Donovan]: That's great, thanks for covering that. So, that gives the guys an idea that it's pretty much the same as if you meet someone in a social situation versus cold approach. I don't think there's a huge difference. I've been in these situations before and I think it's more than nervousness and the mind-set that, "Oh, this is a social situation, maybe I shouldn't be like changing this into something else."
I guess the other thing guys think about a little bit is if it's a whole bunch of girls in the circle, is it okay to hook up with a few of them or should there just one girl. They kind of think out scenarios about that and are concerned about those as well.
[Greg Greenway]: That's definitely an issue that I get. It's a quality problem to have and a problem that as the guys get more into this, that's the issues that they start thinking about, it's going to happen.
[Angel Donovan]: Are there any land-mines in terms of things that you shouldn't do in a social circle that kind of mess because, we've been building this asset, we've been building this new life style so, I guess the worst thing we can do is somehow sabotage it? Are there any land-mines or things we shouldn't do?
[Greg Greenway]: Sure, this more applies to a social group that you access, so another social group that already exists and you access. There are two types of social groups, there's one that you create and ones that you access.
I talk about this in my program, when you create a social group, you create the norms and values of that group. Now, every social group has norms and values that it needs to survive. So, these norms and values dictate how it survives.
A quick example would be, if you had a social group built around meditation, one of those norms and values could be that every week somebody brings a meditation book to the group. That's a just an example but, that could be it.
Let's say you have a group of your friends, you have your tight-knit group of guy-friends, a norm for that group would be, you don't hit on other people's girlfriend. That's a norm and a value of a group. So, if you create your own social circle, then you dictate the norms and values.
Now, when you access another's social group, norms and values already exist. It is your job to identify as quickly as possible, what those norms and values are. Once you've done that, those are the things that you don't want to cross. The reason I can't give you a specific example is because each social group has different norms and values.
[Angel Donovan]: Right but, that's an important insight there, just in itself because there are some social groups where everyone kind of hooks up with everyone.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes and it's fine.
[Angel Donovan]: And it's kind of a free-for-all and it's perfectly normal within that social group. Within another social group, it can become a big issue. It could cause drama.
[Greg Greenway]: Totally yes, when you're in your social group (I give you loads of techniques in the program of how to do this), you've got to as soon as possible, identify what the norms and values of that group are because, it's very, very important, like you said. You don't know what the spectrum is, you don't know what the criteria are.
There may be some groups where you go and it's completely normal for people to hook up with each other and that's fine, no one care. There may be other groups where if you date one girl, you are automatically barred from dating all the other girls and you don't know. There may be one specific girl that people are friendly with but, she's almost like if you date her, all the other girls aren't interested anymore.
You don't know. You have to be committed to figuring out what the norms and values are. Once you know what those norms and values are, that is the big thing that you don't want to do, you don't want to cross because, only two things will happen. One, you will get kicked out of the group or two, the group will break up.
Here's a little bit of insight into social groups. All social groups whether it's a small or a large group, one of their purposes is to survive. They need to survive and what they need to do to survive is they avoid all types of tension.
So, if you're a new person and you come into a social group and you create tension, the easiest way is to get rid of you. They'll just stop inviting you out places. They'll just get rid of you.
Other things that will happen, if you come into a social group and let's say, a lot of people like you and then, you cause tension, the group will break up because, they'll will be some people who don't want tension and some people that still like you. Whatever happens, when there's tension, the group splits. Where ever it splits, you or one person leaves or it splits in half.
So, you just have to be wary of that. You don't ever want to ever cause any real social tension and the social tension is dictated by the norms and values of that group so, you want to figure out what the norms and values are and that becomes the line in the sand that you don't want to cross.
One of the mind-sets shifts is that you have to get away from cold approach. I've got an entire module dedicated to mind-set shift because, I have a lot of guys that come into my program who have originally been in a very, very cold approach mind-set and one of the big mind-sets that you have to have is that, this isn't a "Oh, it's fine, I'll just go to another bar tomorrow." No, you can't keep doing that in this kind of environment. You've got to access the situation first and then not over step the boundaries.
In cold approach, it actually is advised to push the limits because that's how you're going to get better. In social circle, it's not because, that's just going to get you ejected from the group. So, that's mindset shift that guys have to have when coming into this type of life style.
[Angel Donovan]: Great thanks so much for answering that question because, I'm sure it's a concern and it's really interesting insight. I hadn't thought about it properly before so, that's great.
We're running out of time here and it's a shame because, there's a bunch of stuff I am sure would be interesting to discuss with you like, how's access if you have these social events. I was also thinking about traveling. I'd love to discuss with your sometime about traveling. Maybe we could get you on the podcast like another time to talk a bit more about some of the other subjects related to lifestyle and that would be really cool.
For now, there's a few things questions we ask everyone who comes on the show just a little bit to get to know who you are underneath? What has been the best experience you've ever had in a relationship to date or with dating in general?
[Greg Greenway]: Best experience I've ever had in a relationship to date? That's a good question, that's a really, really, really good question.
[Angel Donovan]: Whatever is most meaningful for you, that's what we're trying to get at.
[Greg Greenway]: Here's the thing, not only is that a good question, it's difficult for me to answer because of the type of person that I've become. I get very, very, very intensely involved in a situation in a short time so, I could have one minute where that minute was the best minute of my life.
You said it very early on and it was very, very, very key about [unclear 01:02:54] mindset and for me, to pick out one situation would kind of go against my abundance thinking because, that gives it on a scale. Whereas for me, I really enjoy being really, really connected to someone and that's not something that's only ever going to happen once. I don't believe that's it's ever going to be one moment when I feel like that. I know this is like very woo, woo and not actually answering the question but, to pick out one scenario where it's just been that amazing, it's difficult for me.
I can say that the girl that I'm with now, the last New Year's Eve we just had, that was just like a really, really, really awesome time. New Year's was really, really awesome. We had a great time. We're really, really connected. We're very, very, very happy. I can say that.
[Angel Donovan]: Was there anything with the connection there? I know this is an example and I do get where you're coming from not being able to pick. What was it in that one example, is it the connection with the girl or is there something specific that's meaningful to you?
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, it was the connection with her, the fact that my friends were there as well. You know the scenario where you think, "There's nothing else I could possibly want in life right now. I've got an awesome woman right here. I've got my friends here." I'm one of those people that really love New Year's because, I don't look back at it like, "Oh, this great thing happened in my life or this bad thing happened in this year." I think, "Shit, we've made another year, we've got another awesome one to look forward to."
That's how I always look at it. I always look at the possibilities of what could happen in the next year and to be in that moment where you're looking forward to possibilities and I'm looking at an awesome woman with me and there are awesome possibilities happen with her. I look at my friends.
I have a couple of my friends who I do a lot of business with as well and I'm thinking about business and financial possibilities. It was just the perfect moment but, like I said, at the same time, I can get that feeling sitting on the coach watching a movie with someone I'm connected with. I can pull that one out because, it was really good but, it's difficult for me to ever extract one particular moment because, they're all important.
If you really live in the moment and just realize just how lucky all we are to kind of be where we are and lucky to even have connections, that's a beautiful thing. That's a beautiful moment.
Being able to have that beautiful moment, I'm thankful for that. We just had Thanksgiving in America recently and that's one of the things that I'm thankful for, beautiful moments and just being able to experience it.
So, if you have to pick one, I'd say that one, my most recent New Year's 2013.
[Angel Donovan]: That was a great answer to that question because, it brought some new ideas to people and I completely agree with you. You should actually be pushing your life to that stage where it's difficult to say just any one relationship or experience that I had was the best because, you stop building so many. Every day is a new adventure. Every day’s got some new stuff coming.
I was just thinking as you said that, if you look back, some people, when they have an ex-girlfriend, for example, they get kind of bitter about it. I think your mindset is the better one where you look back on her now and you think, "There were some great things about that relationship I really enjoyed." I think sometimes when we finish one relationship we try to alienate it.
We think about the negative things and it's something that doesn't help us in dating and relationships in general and obviously, you've moved completely away from that. So, you look over all of the relationships you've had and you haven't had to think of it negatively in anyway. You think, "Oh, that was a good experience, that was a good experience, that was a good experience." Then, you're life really does get a lot more satisfactory when you are looking at things that way.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, it's a selfish thing.
[Angel Donovan]: Maybe I was taking that on a completely angle from the way you look at it but, it kind of struck me that way. When I was younger, sometimes when I would finish with a girl, I get super emotional but, I tend to think of it negatively afterwards. As I changed and life went on and I began to look at everything positively, now, I'd say like you, "It's difficult to say that that was the best one."
I've lived all over the place, all over the world and every single girl I meet asks, "Where's your favorite place?" I say, "I have no idea," but early on when I was traveling, I would say, "Oh, this one's really good." As you get more good experiences, it's impossible to choose. So, I think that says a lot about the way that you're looking at relationships. It means that you have had a lot of good experiences with women and dating already.
[Greg Greenway]: What you said is spot on. At the end of the day, you're negative emotion after the fact, only harms yourself. You have a choice, you can have a positive experience about it, you can have a negative.
For me the change came when, I know this is really going to sound very strange to say this, I started to love myself more. Once you love yourself, you're going to treat yourself a lot better. If you think to yourself, "I love myself, I'm the most important thing" and you know that a negative emotion you have is damaging you, that damages you.
If you think that you're the most precious thing to you. Yes, there's a responsibility, as we're social people to take your positivity and take your life and take everything good about you and use that to impact the lives of other but, your first point of call is yourself. You've got to really make sure that it's your team and you're the star player on that team and you've got to make sure that person is taking care of and a negative emotion is damaging you.
So, you have a choice, you can have a positive emotion about it, you can have a negative emotion about it. If it means that you just have to forget that's what you have to do. I'm sure that there are some scenarios and things that happened in my life that I simply don't remember for the fact that it was negative and I forced it out of my memory. The point is, to revel or to live in a negative emotion only really ever damages you.
You can learn from it. You can take the positives out of it because, the negativity is not going to change anything. It ended, it's over, it's gone, that's it. You can have a good feeling about it, you can have a negative feeling about it.
If there's nothing good to come out of it then, use it as a learning experience and say, "Okay, the positive out of it is I now know what relationship to avoid in the future." There are positives in everything.
[Angel Donovan]: Absolutely excellent points, everyone take this home. Actually, you just reminded me, I think there's a book called I Love Myself or Love Yourself by an investor entrepreneur who has made millions and he's pretty well-known actually and he got in some depression and he started chanting to himself to get out of it, like, "I love myself, I love myself," all day long and that was thing that solved his life from there forward. It's interesting because, he's a very well-known guy and most people do not think he would suffer from depression given where he is in life. I'll put a reference in the podcast to that, it was an interesting book.
Another question, who besides yourself, would you recommend for high quality advice in this area of life, like life style, social, dating, sex, relationships, anything?
[Greg Greenway]: Jason Gogel [check 01:09:54], I've gotten to know him, I don't know if your podcast listeners know him, I don't know if your readers know him?
[Angel Donovan]: They know him pretty well. He's been on.
[Greg Greenway]: Oh great, I met him about three years ago. I'll tell you a funny story about how we met.
We have a mutual friend and our mutual friend was going traveling around the world. So, we first met in Los Angeles and we spoke about two minutes. It was a leaving party for our mutual friend.
Then, I went to New York and I was in New York on a complete whim, I went to visit friends, I went to a conference. In a random bar in New York at 2:30 in the morning, I bumped into Jason Gogel again. I thought, "This is weird." It was four days later.
I said, "Didn't I just meet you in L.A.?", completely unrelated. So, we just got to talking. We didn't talk that long. I was on my way out, he was on his way in.
That was on Thursday and then, Saturday night, I'm in Vegas. As I'm walking out of a hotel in Vegas, he's walking in. We just started laughing. Three different sees in the space of a week just randomly.
We said, "Obviously, when we get back to L.A., let's sit down and have lunch."
[Angel Donovan]: It's meant to be.
[Greg Greenway]: It's meant to be. We've just been friends ever since. When I met him, he was very, very, very cold approach pick-up oriented. He has been become a lot more social in this style since I've met him. That's very, very good thing about him because, he was so good at that pick-up cold approach style because, he's combined it now with the stuff. He'd admit it too, he's picked up a lot of stuff from me and he's combined into something. It's different to me but, it's very, very powerful in its own way.
Honestly, out of everybody that I've met, he's one guy that walks the walk, talks the talk completely. He knows what he's doing when it comes to women, when it comes to life, when it comes to society, business. I'd recommend him to anybody. So, he's the only other person.
Other guys were good, other guys were okay but, he's the only person who's on my level and I've got very high standards for myself and he's the only other person I can confidently say has the same high standards.
[Angel Donovan]: Excellent, I didn't realize you'd met like that. That's pretty crazy. If you'd like walked away, you would have met somewhere else. You would say, "Okay, I give up."
Last question here, what would be your top three recommendations to help men get results as fast as possible with women?
[Greg Greenway]: Number one, women want to chase. Get that into your head right now, women want to chase you. That's one of the biggest things a guy can realize straight away, women are happy chasing, they want to chase. There are a lot of women out there, when you chase them, you deprive them of the opportunity to chase you and they want to. They want that emotional roller coaster of not knowing if you're interested. They want the satisfaction of making you theirs. They want it. That's the first thing.
Number two, concentrate on engineering your social life, start to engineer your social life because, the moment your social life gets better, the moment you put your social life in such a way that it funnels the women that you want, everything becomes easier. You get the women you that want, you get the dates that you want, you get the job that you want, you have the friends that you want, you have the adventure that you one. The small hinges open the biggest doors and this is one small hinge.
The way that I lay it out in my program is very, very step-by-step, something that anybody can go and learn and start doing within a weekend but, that small hinge will open a massive and everything in your life will change. Your social life is your number one biggest asset and if you build that asset, it will drastically improve the quality of your sex life and your dating life but, it will also improve the relationship you have with people. It improves your family life, your professional, your friends, everything. So, that's the first two.
Third one, honesty, you have to be honest. Whatever you're doing, be honest with yourself, be honest with the girl, be honest with everything. You can really embrace being honest, honest about your desires, honest about what you want, honest about what you want from life, honest about what your standards are. Don't be afraid to be honest. That's a very, very, very important thing for guys. That's how you become a real man.
When you can be honest about, "Hey, I don't want a relationship or Hey, I do want a relationship. Hey, I only want to have sex with you." Whatever it is be honest. You owe it to her, you owe it to yourself, you owe it to everyone around you to just be an honest human being because, seven billion people in the world, you'll find enough that want to do the exact as you. There's no need to be dishonest with people.
Those are my three main things: 1) women want to chase, 2) concentrate on engineering your social life, 3) be honest.
[Angel Donovan]: Great thank you so much. It's been an information-packed episode and you ran it up with some great points. I love that you brought some really different insights out. You can of side-wandered the answers to my question so, that's always great, I love to see that. Like I said, I think we got tons to talk about, other topics and so, let’s get another one in the future.
[Greg Greenway]: Yes, I love doing these. I'd be happy to come on again. This is probably one of the longest one we've done and there's still stuff to talk about.
[Angel Donovan]: We didn't cover a ton of stuff.
[Greg Greenway]: I can talk about this all long. I'm very passionate about it. I coach students every single day. Anytime, let me know, if it fits into the schedule, I'm happy to get back on here and do some more. It would be great to share some more social circle tips and more social lifestyle tips with you guys.
Leave a Comment or a Question
Help Us Improve DSR Podcast Interviews for You
DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.
Help us improve the quality of interviews by sending us feedback about what questions you'd like answered or who you'd like to see interviewed.
Contact: [email protected]
"Listen In As We Share The Top Takeaways From The Best Dating Products Ever Created... Shave Years Off Your Learning Curve As You Discover What Really Creates Success With Women"
- Here's just a few things we reveal in this info-packed interview:
- The surefire products that are proven to work - based on 15+ years coaching men to dating success.
- Why we dubbed this one product 'idiot-proof' and how it can transform a woman's reaction to you almost immediately.
- Feel anxious about approaching women? Discover how to bypass that and set up a stream of dates with gorgeous women in as little as 20 minutes a week.