Ep. #10 Access to VIP Clubs and Building Instant Social Circles with Richard La Ruina (Gambler)
Specifically, in this episode you'll learn about:
- How to approach women differently in cultures from Brazil to Russia.
- Traveling and how to get your life set up quickly (social circle, access to clubs and women).
- The High End club scene and how to navigate it.
- Specific steps to befriend a high value or rich guy and groups of women.
- How to compensate when a girl you met in a club sees you with another girl.
- How to use and not use facebook in your social life.
- Activities you should only focus on for a short time to get good with women.
Books, Courses and Training from Gambler (Richard La Ruina)
Full Text Transcript of the InterviewDownload the transcript: PDF | Mobi (for Kindle)
[Gambler]: Hey, man.
[Angel Donovan]: So there’s a few things we want to talk about with Richard, some of the things I’ve noticed about the way he’s doing things and in his game that are pretty good. I just reviewed also his “Stealth Attraction” so we can maybe talk a bit about that because that’s a pretty good product I saw. Okay. So, Richard, how are you finding Moscow, is it all good there?
[Gambler]: I’m loving it. I actually came for, I don’t know, just going to stay for a few weeks. And now I’ve extended my trip to the latest possible date that I can go back. I’m going to even stay here for my birthday. I’m just loving everything about it. I couldn’t recommend it highly enough to single guys that either want to find a girlfriend or just want to meet lots of women. Pretty much every guy here has a girlfriend, there’s just infinite beautiful girls. So it’s fantastic.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, that sounds amazing. I’ve heard the same from some of the other guys? I can’t wait to get out there and spend some time to—and the visa’s three months, right? Was it something like that?
[Gambler]: I’ve got a business visa so I can stay for three months, otherwise, it’s 30 days. But, yeah, I come in the summer. Maybe the winter is not as good, but some—in Moscow, I sometimes stay.
[Angel Donovan]: Great. Right. So like one of the things we just touched on is kind of like traveling and also kind of like setting your social life up when you’re going to new places. Some of us—if we’re living in one city, we kind of developed our social roots, and meeting women and attracting women, and all of this and having a girlfriend, we’ve got our lives set up, it can be kind of easy. But when we step out of that environment, we step, whenever we’re going to be traveling for a little bit or we’re going to a new country, rushing, moving or we’re going to a new city, we kind of have to start from scratch. I know you’ve been traveling a lot over the last few years and you’ve probably been having to go predisposed a lot. So I wanted you to talk a bit about some of the advice you have on that subject.
[Gambler]: Sure. Well, yeah, when I came to Moscow, I did know two people. There was one guy that I met in London years ago, and there was another guy that I just met via Facebook. He’s like a local UA dude. Professionally, he runs, like, a baking company here. And I thought that that would be enough to kind of get in with some social contacts, but it didn’t work out like that, because one of the guys was doing some big projects. So he just couldn’t ever go out, and the other guy had a girlfriend and a sick relative. So he just can’t go out either. So I was basically on my own when I arrived. And the first week, what I had to do was get to the best night club that I could get into without having the connections. And in that night club, I talked to some women, but I was also looking out for guys. No, not in—just in the way of guys that look cool, who would be good guys to know. And in one night, I actually met one guy who’s a famous guy in Moscow. Everyone kind of knows him. And he’s got access to all the clubs. And I also met another guy, and every time I’ve been out with him, we’ve gotten girls back. So I was very lucky, so. Well, maybe it’s not luck because you can identify someone that looks like somebody or looks cool whatever is. My method of getting in with guys is just to be very friendly, complimentary, not to amog them. Let’s say you’ve got an amazing car, you’ve got a Ferrari or something. And you meet a guy who’s got a very nice BMW. You don’t say, “Oh, that’s a nice BMW, I’ve got a Ferrari.” You just leave it at that, “That’s a really cool car, blah, blah, blah.” And the other thing that guys love is being introduced to girls. So any girls that I talked to that night, whenever these guys are posting, I’ll be like, “Oh, do you know this guy, my friend?” And guys don’t often get that. Most men, when they find a girl, they just kind of keep her, they get a bit selfish and keep her away from everyone. But being a guy that is friendly and complimentary, doesn’t try to amog them and introduces them to women is the kind of guy that you’d want to hang out with. So I made friends with these cool dudes. And then from that, I’ve met a bunch of other people in the same way. And then I’ve had access to all of the top clubs in Moscow that even a lot of locals that have been here for many years haven’t been to. And they’re kind of jealous of me. “I see a new club opening,” things like that. And then, of course from there, met lots of women. It’s actually pretty easy to get dates here. So I’ve got dates every day. And also lots of options. Some people say come here, come there. So now my social life in Moscow—I’ve only been here a month and it took about two, two and a half weeks to get it going, but now it’s as good as it has been in New York or London or anywhere else, so I know people.
[Angel Donovan]: That’s great. So it’s quite easy. But the point there is that it’s pretty easy to differentiate yourself from a guy’s perspective. There are a few guys who are going to introduce you to other girls and kind of being that very sharing and open aspects of it.
[Gambler]: Yes, exactly. You have to think of what you appreciate as a guy, slight generosity, friendliness, compliments and access to women. So if you can offer someone that whether they’re billionaire oligarch or a club manager or just a cool dude, everyone welcomes that kind of friendship.
[Angel Donovan]: Great. Would you say you had any kind of English style the way you go about things compared to any other dating coaches or pickup artists that you’ve met, that’s just kind of like interesting style because I’ve noticed in some of your presentations, there are things that I’ll say might be a bit more English?
[Gambler]: I think I’ve kind of taken out the Hollywood stuff mystery, the stuff in the game seems to be very much tailored for Hollywood. But I think my stuff is pretty general. I mean, a lot of these samples I use are from the London nightclub scene, but the London nightclub scene is made up of people from all over the world. I’ve tested the same stuff in another 30 whatever countries. So I think it’s—it actually works pretty well in America. So, no, I don’t think there’s anything that is essentially English about it.
[Angel Donovan]: And you have an English accent, of course. So, how is it like working different countries—since you’ve been traveling around a bit, it might be—if you’ve got any perspective on differences of the girls, the way they interact with you or typical things that happen with different nationalities you’ve seen that is different, or what we are just talking about, the Moscow nightclub scene, is it very similar to London or anywhere else or is there any sort of differences people can watch out for if they’re traveling, or if they’re talking to women from different countries?
[Gambler]: Yeah, there’s some stuff. In Russia, the guys don’t dance. So if you look at the dance floor, it just looks like a bunch of single girls. But what they do is the guys kind of pose up somewhere, they sit down or stand somewhere and they just stare at their woman. And to someone that doesn’t know what’s going on, it kind of mean—you might just think he’s like a sleazy guy, just staring at the girls. But he’s actually kind of marking his territory and saying, “That’s my woman.” There’s interesting things like that might save your game in getting your ass kicked. Also, there’s stuff like Eastern European and Russian girls are very straightforward. So it’s not uncommon to meet a girl and she says, “I like you and I like to see you again.” Or to meet a girl and she says, “What are you talking about? Why are you saying these strange things?” Or, “Why do you ask me these questions?” Those kinds of stuff. If you approach with these stupid routines and kind of openers, they’d really fall flat versus with Swedish girls or American, they’re more likely just to go with it. On the other hand, honesty makes it easier to—there’s no dating game if you say, “Give me your number. Meet me on Thursday.” And they say yes, they will. If they don’t want to, they’ll say, “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” It’s just really, really refreshing. In Brazil, they’re very, very friendly, easy to talk to, sexy girls, very sexual, very confident. They’re likely to say, “I’d like to kiss you,” or, “My friend likes you.” This kind of stuff happens a lot in Brazil, just direct girls kind of taking the initiative. And because they’re very friendly or easy to talk to, they’re not necessarily any easier. So in other words, there are many, many differences across different countries, but those are a couple of points.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, there’s this interesting stuff—I know, I’ve spent some time in Asia. And when I first went out there, everything kind of fell flat because there were some big differences. I think maybe the way you think about it too is like over time I realize that there were some differences, but really it was just kind of the subtleties in communication. So in some dimensions, they’re just a little bit more extreme than in other places like England or the U.S. And the girls have it there, too. It’s just that it’s a bit more extreme in the way it goes down. So what you’re saying is the honesty thing and directness and getting wash up. And you get that in other places, but it’s just a lot stronger there. So I can see that. So one other thing I saw in “Stealth Attraction” was that obviously it’s was focused at higher end clubs and higher status girls. I know just a lot of things that I’ve seen to them, in the higher end clubs, that namely there is a lot more discreet. So could you talk a bit about high-end clubs and the importance of discretion, and what you think about discretion and how important it is?
[Gambler]: Sure. I mean, a lot of guys might think, “Why should I go to a nightclub?” And a lot of guys who go to nightclubs might think, “Why should I go to a high-end club?” And that I think is important for a person to say that any guy that wants to be very, very good, I think, will learn so much from being in these places.
Generally, everyone in higher end club has done something to enable them to be in there. And they’re, generally, very socially intelligent people, the guys and the girls that—hence, that is why you have to really be on point with your game and you have to understand the situation, and things like that. So just from being in the environment is not a sink or swim. And when you can swim there, then it just makes everywhere else very, very easy. Some small mistakes or some little things can mess you up. When I started doing pickup, I wanted to reach the—I wanted to get the hottest possible girls. And these girls are always in the high-end clubs. They’re simply not in the average bar that you can find in a typical English pub. You might find them there once in a blue moon. But if you want a guarantee beautiful girls, you have to be in high-end clubs.
And the environment is very subtle because it’s the same people, it’s the “in” crowd. And already, in Moscow, I see the same—I bump into the same people over and over again. Not even in the same clubs, but like the hottest club on Thursday, the same people go there as the hottest club on Thursday and then to the hottest club on Saturday. So I keep bumping into the same people. And I think because of that, it’s less anonymous. So the girls would not want to be seen with the wrong type of person or interacting in the wrong way.
So certain types of approaches would be less likely to work in the high-end club, but just somewhere that’s a bit more anonymous, which would be the average bar or somewhere that people don’t go regularly or isn’t an “in” crowd kind of place. And subtlety in the high-end club is very important. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be direct. In a certain way, you can be very direct, but there is that element of kind of understanding the situation and playing the right game for it.
[Angel Donovan]: Now that we’re talking about some of the high-end clubs, have you got any example, say, from London or some of the clubs that you would consider high end? And the ones that we’re talking about here so that people can have reference points with concrete examples.
[Gambler]: Sure, yeah, there’s probably 5 to 10 high-end clubs in London. There’s Maddox, Boujis, Cuckoo. And there’s a few like Tramp and Annabel’s that are really tough to get into, but more of an older crowd. And these are all 200 or 300 people. They’re not too big. And that’s how they get to keep their exclusivity.
[Angel Donovan]: When you say they were older group, what kind of age groups you find in each? Are they very young in some of these clubs?
[Gambler]: There’s so many young girls and old guys with money.
[Angel Donovan]: How old are we talking about?
[Gambler]: About 80. No, no, it’s like—the guys are normally older than the women. So average age of the guy would be in his 30s and average age of the girl would probably be 22, 23, which is probably how the guys like it, so.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I get it. I mean, I guess that works well for…
[Gambler]: Really, if the girl is pretty, she can get into scene and she can free champagne, free taxis, free dinners, whatever she want if she’s pretty, and that’s all it takes. But the guys to get in there, they need—money is one way in and another way is call or connections.
[Angel Donovan]: Right, right. So, how about some reference points on money, just kind of like how much of these guys are kind of paying when they go to these places per night?
[Gambler]: Well, to make sure you get in, you’ve got to buy a table, which is like £500 minimum, and usually a lot more, that’s like $750. There’s places in Moscow where it’s $2000 minimum. And I even heard about a place that’s $5000 minimum on certain nights. So it’s crazy. And it’s the same pretty much from Miami, Vegas, New York, everywhere, you’re looking at 500 to $1000 minimum. Not even the top of the top clubs. And that will get you a table and a couple of booze. The booze would cost you a whole lot less if you just bought it in the store in the corner, so. But guys do it obviously because it guarantees them some status within the club and if they’ve got money to burn, then it makes them feel cool, look cool, and usually half the opportunity to speak to some girls. If they’ve just got a tiny bit of game, that will give them the edge.
[Angel Donovan]: Great. So, who else is in there? Because, like, obviously this kind of prices are going to be beyond a lot of people. Would propose the guys getting into these clubs or one of the lower end ones?
[Gambler]: The best way is to get into best club that you can get into and then connect it and network it, and then that will help you move up to food chain. That’s kind of how I did it in London. There was kind of an average club that was—there was like a 20 percent chance you’d get in if you just turned up and maybe 80 percent chance if you turned up with some girls. So I started at that place. And then I kind of networked in there and then started getting to better places. And the people to get in with like the hot girls, the staff at the club. Because anyone that works, anyone that’s like a waitress or a female staff member at one club can get access to the other clubs. They kind of know everyone in the industry. If you can get in with door guys, if you can get in with the club promoters, they tend to move around clubs as well. So rich guys, staff at the clubs, and hot girls that can kind of bring you with them are the people, or kind of the gatekeepers that can give you access to everyone.
My friends in London are a mix of people that are employed by the club, hot girls that have access to everywhere, and promoters that can bring me in, especially if I bring some girls with me then it’s even easier.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay. Well, let’s talk about kind of like how it works to kind of build a group of girls or to getting with the girls side of it. So you’d be friends with, say, with one girl and then would she’s like inviting you out with the other girls or would you invite her friends out? What are the kind of the practical moves sort of all of this?
[Gambler]: Sure. Well, I mean, the first thing is that—well, my first few years in game, I’d be in a bar or club or whatever it was. And I’m just looking around, looking for girls that I would like to have sex with. That was all my radar was kind of tuned in to. And I’d approach and I try and take the shortest possible steps to try to make that happen. That was fine. And then I got success in that regard, got girlfriends. I slept with some girls and whatever. In terms of my lifestyle, it didn’t really do much. And when I look back, it was like, well, I talked to all these people, but I’ve not really got any female friends or anything like that.
So the first thing is to kind of tune your radar a bit differently. And instead of looking at a guy like an amog, look at the guy like, hang on, this is a cool guy. He dresses really well. So, what was he wearing? Maybe I should copy his fashion. Oh, he’s really popular. What was he doing that lets him kind of know all these people? He’s friends with all these hot girls. How did he get into that position? Maybe he’s a booker of a model agency. Who knows?
But either way, when you tune your radar differently, you start to see the value in getting to know guys. And instead of just looking at girls and thinking, do I want to sleep with them, you start talking to girls and you think, “Okay.” And maybe I don’t want to sleep with her, but she’s actually a really fun girl. And she’s got a nice energy, a great attitude, and she makes me smile, she loves having fun. She’d be fantastic to go out with. So instead of seducing her, trying to kiss her and all of that stuff, you just say, “Listen, you’re really fun. We should go and party in the weekends together.”
Girls enjoy having men around that aren’t sleazy, that can look after them, make sure they’re safe in the club. Girls in London always get about guys fighting their drinks. They’re paranoid about it. I don’t think it happens as much as they think it does. They just get really drunk and don’t realize what they were doing. That’s like I spike the drink, but they’re worried about that. They’re worried that they can get home safely. And they’ve got all of these things. So having a guy around that can look after them is really valuable to them.
So you basically do everything as a usual for attraction to kind of make people like you, but without the seduction. And when you approach 10 girls, instead of having free numbers and a net close or however you tally things, you end up making a couple of friends and contacts and some people you can hang out with and getting some other girls on dates and sleeping with a girl.
So you just widen your goals a little bit. It’s actually very easy to make female friends for the reason that I said. They like having a guy around, having the male energy and having someone that could be a gentleman and kind of look after them if there’s anything that happens, some dodgy guy that’s after them, someone just following them around.
There’s always stuff that happens to hot girls. So I say you can offer them that. And it’s mainly just changing the way you think about things from being selfish and focused on sex to thinking about what can I offer these girls or what can offer these guys. Just from having that perspective, very quickly, you can build a social network.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, this is some of the good stuff. Another practical aspect of this is things like Facebook, right? You’re talking about some of the things that can kind of drive good girls away from guys, if they’re sleazy or creepy. One of the things, I think, that has become an issue is the way guys are using Facebook when they’re trying to build social circles. And they kept the mindset they have before where they want lots of, let’s say, pictures where they’re with girls and kissing girls or whatever, all over their Facebooks. And it’s kind of become, how do you say that, a trend that the pickup artist guys have these profiles with tons of pictures, which can look a bit sleazy in some places, get a bit sexual with the girls. Have you any advice on that? Is that a good thing, that’s okay? Or is it better to play it more discreet when you’re trying to do this or should you not even have the girls in your Facebook? How would you advice the men?
[Gambler]: I’ve got two. I’ve got one for old schoolmates, and a company one, for example. And it’s got pictures of—it’s got an album called “Girls, girls, girls” or something. And there’s like 100 and something pictures, and kissing girls. Well, that’s a funny one that I have. But there are no girls in that profile. And then I’ve got my personal profile that’s only got a couple of hundred friends. And this is the one that girls see. And this has travel pictures, pictures of me in interesting situations. If you’ve done skydiving or you do some sport or whatever, that stuff. So that has got some pictures of me with girls. It’s got pictures of me with ex-girlfriends on holiday. But I think it’s not the crazy amount and I think it’s very explainable.
So I think you shouldn’t just have pictures of you kind of sitting in your house alone. You should have some sociable pictures, and there’s no problem having pictures with girls. And so I think it can help a little bit. It shows that you’re in demand and that women are interested in you. If it’s just you with guys in every picture, you wouldn’t dare put up any pictures of girls, it’s a little strange.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah. Would you like to be—do you try to get the girls on Facebook?
[Gambler]: It depends. I mean, normally, when I’m in England, I don’t even carry a phone when I go to the club. So I just try to get them back. And that’s all I’m going for. And if I add them on Facebook, I would be in my room in the morning, just fire up the laptop and get them to add me to their Facebook. And that if here I’m doing things a little bit differently, I’m going on—because there’s literally so many girls in Moscow and going on lots of dates. So if I get out, often at night, it’s kind of a waste to stay with one girl. So I’d arrange to meet a bunch of other girls and then stick with one, but Facebook can help.
I think Facebook is most useful in a situation where, for example, you do Day Game. You talk to a girl for 5, 10 minutes. And she’s in a rush, you’re in a rush, you get her number. And it’s just—she doesn’t know too much about you. This is a little—it’s not a very strong close. So I think Facebook just shows that you’re a real person, you’re not a serial killer, and in case there’s a little bit of curiosity about, “Oh, you did this. You went into this place. That’s interesting.” And when she meets—she’s more likely to meet you again.
So I think it can benefit in that way. And it can also benefit those girls that are kind of on the territory that you meet now and again and it’s just a nice way to be able to kind of keep in touch with them.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I totally agree for the Day Game part. A girl will be curious, but she won’t take it further unless she can find out more about you and get comfortable. She is going to find out who you are on facebook, and that will make her feel a lot more comfortable about the whole thing if you haven’t yet spent much time together.
[Angel Donovan]: Okay, great. So, how about discretion in clubs? So right now, we’re talking about you’re in Russia. You’re saying that you need several girls in the evening. So, do you play discreetly in the clubs there, or how does it go down that you meet several women during the night and they don’t get upset?
[Gambler]: Yeah, you have to—I got in trouble the other night actually, but I made it okay by the end. But the thing that I do is I’m always moving around. I don’t really stay quite static in a club. So if I come in a club, I’ll go to the bar, go to the dance floor, go to the other room, go to the, if they’ve got an outside smoking area, whatever, so I’m always moving around the club.
So it’s possible to kind of meet one girl and then keep an eye out for the others. But if I meet a girl I really like—the other night, I met this lovely girl, super, super sweet. We had a lovely conversation. I’m like, this girl is not going to have sex in the toilet. So she’s a lovely girl. We should go on a date, and it’ll be really nice and sweet. And then she caught me on the dance floor with this other girl kind of dancing quite close. So that’s pretty bad. So I stayed with this girl for a little bit, but then when I was leaving, I told her that, “I’m going to go home and sleep. We’ll meet on Tuesday.” And that kind of made it okay again.
Yeah, you can get in trouble, but I think it’s a quality problem. If you kiss five girls and then a girl comes to you and says, “I can’t believe that I just saw you kissed four other girls.” You can always explain it. You can say, “Look, I’m a single guy. When I’m in a relationship, I’m monogamous. I treat my girlfriend like a princess, and everything like that. But to be honest, we just met and I think you’re cool, but we’re not getting married tonight or anything like that. And so until I find the right girl, I’m going to act like a single guy.” Most girls should be okay with that.
[Angel Donovan]: That’s great. One of the points you brought up in “Stealth Attraction” was talking about some movement throughout the club, always try to keep moving. Could you talk a bit about why you think that’s important?
[Gambler]: Yeah, it’s important because it’s all about your value. You can think of it like a life ball or something in a computer game. When you’re doing certain activities, it drops. And if you’re seen in the same place—if a girl watches you and she’s able to observe you for 5 minutes, when you’re not talking to anyone and you’re not engaged in any activity like dancing or doing a drink or something like that, your value is dropping. So you should always keep moving just to make sure your value doesn’t drop too much, and obviously be sociable as possible.
I don’t like seeing a girl on the other side of the room and kind of walking directly towards her and opening her like you might if she was standing in a square room or something. I like kind of weaving through the crowd and trying to make things happen, and spontaneously just starting something with a girl with—as I’m walking past. If you’re always moving through the crowd, you have the opportunity to do that with every single girl in there. If you’re just standing in the same place, you’re kind of lowering your value and you only have to pick the girls that are around you.
[Angel Donovan]: What I noticed, when I was going through “Stealth Attraction”, I’ve seen some of the AFC Adam, Adam Lyons talk. And some of his talk reminded me kind of like the way he talks about his—the way he approaches clubs at the entourage a little bit. So I assume you guys have hung out quite a bit. Are there kind of differences in the way you approach things or would you say they’re pretty similar?
[Gambler]: We started the same time, Adam and I. We both kind of learned our game at the same time. And we were both in London, but we weren’t hanging out together until the point where we started working together. We’ve never been to a nightclub together or anything like that. We just kind of seen each other out and about, but we weren’t in the same circles.
Adam was doing this Project Entourage where he just bring the girls to clubs. And I was doing something similar for a couple of months where I’ve met so many girls. I bring girls to the clubs as well. So we were doing something similar that the essence of it is just if you meet a girl in another environment or in a club, you meet her in a day time or a pub or something, and you say, “Listen, come to this nice nightclub at the weekend. It’s a very easy club.” And you can be doing that all week. And then you can turn up to the club with a bunch of girls. And that increases your chances with them and it also increases your chances with any other girls in the place.
So we both, I guess, do something or have done something similar. I’m not sure if there are differences that—these days I tend to just go with some friends and not kind of round up with girls. Because it’s a lot of work, you’re texting all day long.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, of course, it’s a different approach. So there’s a few people I know who have built their own promotion companies, that was popular for a while, but of course that’s a very different lifestyle.
[Gambler]: It’s good to do for a few months. I think it’s a destructive lifestyle long term. I think for a few months, it’s a great thing to do. You’re going to be with lots of women, you’re going to talk to lots of women. It’s obviously a great thing for your game for the rest of your life to get that experience.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I like the way you talk about destructive because that’s a bit of topic lately, lifestyle. What kind of things, like you’re saying, some things are good to focus on for a while so you can learn them properly, and then those other aspects that can become destructive over time and probably not what you want in your lifestyle. So, what kind of things would you be looking to build up over your life? Which parts do you want to integrate into your lifestyle versus some things you maybe want to concentrate on just for a little while and then not have them so much in your life?
[Gambler]: Sure, the whole key lay thing is finding a wingman and going to lay meetings, and hanging out with men all the time, especially men that come from a background of a lack of women is a bad thing to be doing long term.
When you’re starting pickup, you’re going to be a strange guy. You’re going to be hanging out with other strange guys so you’re going to be doing strange things. And you need to recognize this as it is, and the only thing that makes up—okay, so you’re only going to be doing it for short time while you learn. And you’re going to be really go at it hard and approach tons of women and try everything. And then when you start getting results, you want to move away from that lifestyle. You want to stop looking at the pickup styles from the forums. You want to meet regular people that don’t know what it is. And you want to have female friends, and you just want to be a cool guy. That should be the end’s goal.
And when it comes to the night life, you talk about high-end clubs, they’re all where the beautiful girls are and you can meet nice girls that can be your girlfriends. But, generally, it’s full of drugs and alcohol went of the parties and meaningless sex, and things like that. So if someone I would meet, it’d be the manager—some clubs in London, I have to turn it down because I think it would be bad for me for all those reasons, just surrounded by vice and shallowness all the time.
I know tons of people in the club and if I go back to London after a few months, dancing and—there can be a big hug. I’m really happy to see them. But who are they really? They’re just this person. I’ve seen them many, many, many times, but it was in a nightclub and I don’t really know who they are. So it’s the bad environment for your soul. But to do it for a few years is great. And you meet tons of women, you learn social intelligence. You meet lots of people. Again, recognize that it should be more of a short time thing or something you only do when you’re single or something you enjoy now and again, but it shouldn’t be something that you do five times a week every week.
[Angel Donovan]: So, what kind of things you’re saying that guys should focus on being a cool guy? What kind of things, a little bit on longer term, are going to help them to do that? And what kind of things should they be investing in?
[Gambler]: Yeah, that’s a good question. I mean, a lot of guys, they want the end result, which is women. And they want the shortest possible route, which is to learn a technique that will make those women like them. And that can result in a guy that is an empty shell, but he appears like something that she would be attracted to because he says and does the right things for a few hours.
When I started trying to make myself better, I kind of looked at myself and I thought, well, first up, what kind of girl do I want? And then I kind of described her and I thought about what she’d look like. And I thought, why would she take me? She wouldn’t. I’m not good enough for her. She can do a lot better. I tell you what, what makes you not good enough? What was lacking in my life, in my skills? What are the things that I’m ashamed of, or what are the things that hold me back or that I could be better at? And that’s what—it’s different for every person, but those are the things I’ve worked on.
I’ve worked on them from having mentors around me, guys that are very manly, very alpha. My friend who’s amazingly funny, all of that stuff. And that includes my personality. And then at the same time I’m getting skills and experience, and I’m trying to do interesting things and learn stuff that would be cool. The way I thought about it was James Bond is like an expert on everything, from wine, he can tango, he can do this, he can do that. That’s what you should be aiming for, in the long run, if you want to catch the highest quality girl possible.
[Angel Donovan]: And especially building an all-around good lifestyle. An interesting thing, I was just watching “The Social Network”. I hadn’t had the chance to see what it’s all about, the creation of Facebook website. And one of the things that comes across in all of that is basically the older model where these guys are all doing it because there’s a girl they wanted, basically. So the whole kind of assumption of that film is that they either lost the girlfriend or they wanted a girlfriend that they couldn’t have, and so they built a huge monster company, the emotional energy they got in order to do that so that they can get the girl at the end of the day, right?
[Gambler]: Yeah, and I think that’s what most guys do, isn’t it?
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, yeah, it is. And I think it’s interesting from the pickup artist or the whole dating knowledge and skills environment turns upside down, right? And I think what you see a lot of guys do is they get into this stuff and they think, “Okay, there’s a shortcut, right? I don’t have to go and build Facebook or whatever it is, and I can just learn these skills.” Then what I think happens, I’ll be interested to see what you say about it, is I see a lot of guys kind of deemphasize all of the Facebook building, all of the career building, all of the investment you ever carry with that life—
[Gambler]: Yeah, you have some guys, and they’ll stink and they’ll wear crappy clothes and not do anything, and they’re like, “Why do I need to, I’ve got game?” And I’m like, no, dude. Don’t be a nasty guy. Don’t inflict your existence on a poor girl. It just falls for your rubbish in a few hours. Try and improve who you are and you will be happier in the end. Getting there’s a shortcut in terms of you don’t need to work 80 hours a week to get a nice car in hopes that you can impress a girl, and all that stuff. It takes away the need to make tons of money.
[Angel Donovan]: Those things--
[Gambler]: It’s all in personality and become a better man. It’s a different focus. And yeah, your guide is the guy that—and also has all of these other stuff. Then, in short, you can just say he’s cool, whatever that is, in short, you will be a cool guy. It doesn’t matter. In London, a guy comes up, “Hey, I’m a lawyer.” “I’m an investment banker.” She’s just like, whatever. It doesn’t mean much to her. And chances are she’s dated one and realized that they’re never around, and all they can offer is nice dinners and nice birthday presents.
[Angel Donovan]: All right, however you take a lawyer or an investment banker and he studies dating skills and so on, and he can become a balanced person who can offer the nice things from the land of investment banking, right? He has all those things. He’s pretty socially astute and so on. He’s driven obviously—
[Gambler]: Being wealthy and tripping, and all of that is fantastic. Plus, it’s just when guys go too far believing that they need to go further in that direction to get good women. Whereas, guys that gets it, they stay in their professions. They ease off and they try and develop themselves in other ways. And they recognize it as not the only thing that makes him an attractive man.
[Angel Donovan]: Great, great. One of the things you touched on a few times and you also mentioned in “Stealth Attraction” is getting a mentor and like modeling people. Please talk a bit about how like—a lot of people say, “Hey, I’ve got a mentor. This one is better than you.” But what are the kind of the practical steps to getting someone interested in mentoring you or helping you out?
[Gambler]: The first thing is kind of identifying the right guy. So I mean, I watched this dating—I watched some clips of dating conference. There were all these coaches there. And I thought most of them were atrocious. They didn’t look like the kind of guys that could teach anyone but the most basic student, anything.
I was thinking, to the people, they won’t recognize that or they scram—seriously writing away notes regardless of who the guy on the stage is without thinking for a second, “Hang on, is this someone I should listen to?”
As businessman, a lot of people approach me and say, “Oh, I can help your business. You’re doing this and that. We could do it better.” And my first thought to myself is, “Have you done it before? What’s your track record? Oh, really, you can do this? I mean, how many times have you done it? What were the results?” And that’s kind of the thing you want to look for in your mentor. They need to have something that you want, not just say they do or you’ve heard they do, but they seriously must done or has something that you’re lacking in terms of kind of getting in with them.
I mean, what you basically need to do is make friends with this person. And whether it is in this case of business or pickup, it’s very similar to what I said earlier about making guys like you. Guys enjoy compliments. They like someone that is socially savvy. You know when someone’s just talking and you get a bit bored and you start to show it and they don’t realize?
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah.
[Gambler]: Stuff like that. So you need a basic level of social intelligence to realize how you should interact with people that otherwise is just being nice, being sociable, offers to take them to dinner, to buy them a drink because you’ll get value out of that. I’ve got my best friend in London. He’s a guy called Alex. And he doesn’t have money. He doesn’t have looks, but he gets unlimited girls and absolutely incredible looking girls. It’s all because of his personality. He’s like the funniest guy that anyone’s ever met. And I’ve wanted this. I used to go on dates and they were super, super boring. After I met him, all my dates are fantastic. One day, this girl said, “Stop telling jokes. My stomach hurts.” You’re so funny. And I was like what a turn around from these girls that don’t want to see me again because it was just a boring, boring date.
You see someone, you’re nice to them. You offer them whatever you can. You buy them a drink because you will definitely get that back in what you learn from them. So what Alex has given me is priceless. We kind of share things. I’ve got him laid lots of times. He’s got me laid lots of times. And it’s become a relationship that’s good for both of us. And we both enjoy spending time together.
But in the early days, if I knew—it happened by chance. But if I had consciously wanted to make friends with him, all I needed to do is offer to buy him a drink and just be nice to him and introduce him to some girls, pretty simple.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, I like how it’s very simple the way you explain it because a lot of guys make it seem complicated. And the word “mentor” often can make it sound complicated.
[Gambler]: Yes, do not approach a guy and say, “Hi, can you be my mentor?” It shouldn’t be an official relationship. I’ve got a guy that I worked with and he’s in New York. And he’s got a network of all of the smartest business guys that are related to what he does. And he can call them anytime for advice and things like that. But you know what he does, he sends them a hamper of wine and cheese or something. He bought stuff like that.
People appreciate unselfish behavior, and it’s rare to find someone that is not just out for themselves and willing to give what they can in return. If one of them comes to New York, he offers to take them out to dinner or to show them this place or whatever, and hey, they can sleep on his couch. Usually, they’re loaded so they don’t need to, this kind of stuff. And a lot of times, just making the offer is enough.
If there’s a rich dude and he say, “Oh, I’m going to the bar, can I get you a cocktail?” He’s standing there with his glass of Cristal wine and stuff. He’s probably going to say no, but he appreciates the offer.
[Angel Donovan]: Yeah, exactly. Anyway, there’s something else I wanted you to talk about because I’ve seen it come up a lot in your materials is you talk a lot about the ego and how this can stop guys from doing the right thing or doing what they need to do. Could you, like, talk about how you understand the ego and how you see that preventing guys from doing what they need to do to meet and attract the right women?
[Gambler]: Yeah, a lot of guys look to it as kind of win-lose when it comes to their life and other guys and things like that. And I see it a lot both with other PUAs where they meet me. There’s just men in the room and they’ll try and do AMOG stuff. They’ll offer handshake and all those shit. And I’m thinking, you’re in a room with guys that doesn’t really help you to be the sort of lookout for this other dude. So this kind of stuff, it doesn’t matter very much. What it just meant—it’s only important when women are around that you don’t look low status or low value.
When it comes to meeting women, you achieve so much more if you can actually introduce people to each other. And find the guys that—like I said about Alex, he’s gotten me laid so many times, I don’t know, 30, 40 times, whatever it is in the few years. He’s been directly responsible for getting me laid either by introducing me to a girl or I don’t know, something like that. He’s been involved at some point in the chain. Sometimes I’ll meet a girl and then he’ll invite their friends back to the house, so whatever it is.
If we were always going out and just trying to take what we wanted and not care about the other person. We both would’ve got laid 80 percent less. Not just a little less, but 80 percent.
And it’s the same with Yad, he’s a dating master. He was visiting me here in Moscow. And he said, “Look, Rich, I’ve got too many girls. There’s this girl I’ve met and going on a date with, why don’t we both go then?” I just said, “Look, hang out with my friends for a bit except I’ve got to do this.” And I said, “Yeah, sure.” So he dropped me in this place with this beautiful model. And she’s stunning. She was just in Paris and doing stuff. She’s a legit model. And I was like, “Wow, that is just super cool.” So of course anything I’ll do for him. In the nightclub, introduce him to the—whatever I can do to make it up, I’ll do it.
And some guys you meet, they’re just selfish. And so you might do something once and then you don’t do it again. But a lot of guys will appreciate it, and then you just have this great thing happening. So you definitely shouldn’t be too selfish and definitely shouldn’t try and amog guys. You don’t get any benefit from—you just piss people off when you try and better them. “Oh, yeah, you’ve got the iPhone 4. Oh, I’ve just got the iPhone 5,” or “I’ve just got the diamond edition,” or this.
You don’t need to compete with guys or show off. Just let people feel good around you and then they’ll want to return the compliment. And they’ll want to hang out with you in the future. You’ll always have social options, and that’s a lot more than being able to go to a club on a particular night and approach one girl and see what happens or whatever. Having unlimited options, having female friends, cool guys that you can go out with, access to the clubs. That’s really what every guy should want. He should want that lifestyle with women instead of making it hard work every time you go out and kind of starting from zero. You can have an easy life, you just need your time with better game.
[Angel Donovan]: So it sounds great. Great, kind of a more mature approach to this whole thing.
[Gambler]: Yeah, I don’t know. I wasn’t very mature. That’s a good word for it. When I first started, I think I was a bit of an idiot. I wasn’t so socially intelligent. I’m probably pissing people off and I didn’t do things in the right way. And it’s something that guys should try and recognize and work on.
[Angel Donovan]: Great, great. All right, it’s been great talking to you. I’m totally jealous of you being in Moscow right now because it’s been in my plans for a little while. Tell me that it’s great because it just gives me more motivation to get out there sooner.
[Gambler]: Yeah, and as soon as possible. Every single person listening to this, book your flights to Moscow, come in the summer and I guarantee you, you’ll get blown away by the girls.
[Angel Donovan]: Excellent stuff. Thanks, Rich.
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DSR Podcast is a weekly podcast where Angel Donovan seeks out and interviews the best experts he can find from bestselling authors, to the most experienced people with extreme dating lifestyles. The interviews were created by Angel Donovan to help you improve yourself as men - by mastering dating, sex and relationships skills and get the dating life you aspire to.
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