The Good: Fantastic information on how and why men communicate with women in the way they do, including the pitfalls of such ways. If you follow the ideas in this book, you'll never have to worry about not knowing where you stand with a woman ever again. Encourages you to behave in a way that is honest and open, and explains why this is secretly how many women want men to commuincate with them.
The Bad: The book is much longer than it needs to be as a lot of the ideas are touched on several times. There aren't any practical examples presented here. This approach isn't useful for all situations, and you'll have to decide for yourself when you need to be more subtle and indirect.
The Bottom Line:Mode One is an interesting book that every man should read at least once. It's really more focused on your mindset for interacting with women and the world as a whole. It's aim is for you to base your self-esteem on who you are as a man and then communicate what you want authentically. If you read this book you will understand how to eliminate any chance of manipulation by women. As Currie notes, you only have control over how you behave towards women, and how you allow them to behave towards you.
Mode One has become somewhat of a cult classic in the dating advice industry. While it hasn't benefited from the mass marketing of other products, it's become well known through word of mouth and its arguably controversial philosophy.
So what is it, and is it any good?
Alan Roger Currie writes that men tend to communicate in four different modes with women. Mode One is the method of communication he believes will lead to men having the most amount of success with women with the least amount of trouble.
The Four Different Modes
Mode One involves being completely honest and upfront with women about your intentions. So if you are only interested in having casual sex with them, you should let them know. If you are interested in dating them or pursuing a relationship, you should tell them.
Basically, don't hide your desires and pretend you just want to be friends with them if that's not really what you want.
Mode Two behavior relates to presenting yourself as a nice guy to women before you actually reveal your intentions to them. So you might go out on a few dates with them and once you think she likes you, then you tell her what you're really interested in. So it's an overly cautious and lengthy plan of attack.
Mode Three is for the guys who never approach women or reveal their romantic or sexual intentions. Often these guys will use their material possessions or other status symbols to buy a woman's attention, with this working to lure in women who are looking to take advantage of such a man.
Mode Four occurs when a man becomes angry, frustrated and bitter about his lack of success with women and so seeks to gain revenge on a particular woman or women in general. He communicates his desires after already having blown his chances and seeks to hurt women through making them feel bad. Currie claims the most extreme cases can lead to guys becoming rapists and serial killers.
He goes into more detail of the four different modes in the book, but that is it in a nutshell.
According to Currie, most guys operate within Mode Two and Mode Three when interacting with women. I would have to say that I agree with this.
The reason that men are communicating in Mode Two or Three fashion is due to fear. Currie goes into detail about various fears such as rejection, being ignored, being perceived a certain way and others that stop men from being honest about what they want.
Can You Really Be Completely Honest With Women?
It's important to state that if you are upfront about what you want from a woman then there is always the chance of rejection. In fact, Currie says that if you use Mode One you will actually get rejected more than before.
But this is a good thing, he says. As not all women out there are right for you, and that you need to get rejected to help you find the women who are a good match for you. That you're better off finding out if a woman is interested in you before you've invested a heap of time and/or money in the pursuit of her.
One point that he emphasizes is that you can't make a woman attracted to you if she isn't already. That if you're just not a woman's type then there really isn't anything you can do about it. You need to accept the fact that not every single woman is going to be interested in you.
Once you accept this and can put your ego aside, then you can be honest with women and you'll get some positive responses along with some negative ones.
But the whole point of his approach is to put you in a position of power and not allow women the chance to play any manipulative games with you. If you tell them what you want, they can either accept your offer or decline it.
They won't be able to string you along and let you think they are interested when perhaps they are just wanting someone to pay attention to them or spend money on them.
He argues that it's actually more manipulative to be excessively complimenting women, spending money on them, acting overly nice around them etc. to try and get them into bed with you. That putting on a fake persona to impress someone isn't the best road to take.
What's more, he says that many women are actually aroused by a man who can confidently state what he wants and make no apologies for it. That women are so unaccustomed to men being honest and forthright with them, that when they meet a guy who can express his intentions in a no nonsense manner, it's a big turn on.
It's hard to disagree with any of this. I think Currie does a great job of showing you the benefits of being totally honest with women as well as making you aware of the reactions you are likely to receive.
Limitations Of This Book
While this book is definitely worth reading, it isn't perfect. It is more a philosophy on approaching and interacting with women rather than a 'how-to' guide. There aren't really any practical examples given on what to say to approach a woman and what to do next.
Now if you already have some experience approaching and flirting with women, you'll be able to fill in a lot of the gaps yourself. Just the broad idea of communicating in a more honest way will be enough for you to make the ideas presented here work for you.
But if you're a guy who is quite new to this and aren't too confident at even approaching women and having regular conversations, then this will be more difficult for you. Because it takes a fairly high level of self-confidence to make Mode One communication work.
It's not just telling a woman that you want her that's the hard part, it's also dealing with how she responds to this. As Currie points out, women will really test you a lot when you talk in such an open and honest way.
The key to handling this is to not apologize or make excuses for yourself. If you back down she will see that you aren't as confident as you were pretending to be. So the more experience you already have with women the better equipped you will be to handle this.
If you can't already handle tests from women and be emotionally non-reactive to anything they do and say, this will be a tough challenge for you. It's probably worth checking out our other reviews for a more practical guide on building attraction with women before working up to the ideas in this book.
The other thing you need to consider is that it simply isn't a smart idea to tell every woman that you're attracted to that you want to have sex with her. There are going to be certain social situations where being upfront with a woman about your desires is going to make her feel uncomfortable and you look foolish.
Currie doesn't explicitly say you should do this in his book, but there is also no context given as to when to say what's on your mind and when it is more appropriate to follow social conventions.
Assuming that you have a reasonable degree of common sense, this shouldn't be too hard to figure out though. As a general rule, you should refrain from being too sexually direct with a woman when there are other people around. Even if she is interested, she will not respond positively as it will damage her reputation.
Being Provocative To Create Sexual Tension
One of the most important lessons of the book, and something that is appropriate no matter your experience level, is that you need to be provocative to create sexual tension with a woman.
Being provocative is used to basically mean being the opposite of nice and polite. That your attitude needs to provoke a reaction so that it creates a strong feeling in her.
Currie's direct and confident attitude is what he uses to create sexual tension. When most other guys are concerned about appearing polite and respectful, they are denying their natural masculine essence which is what women are really attracted to.
This is one of the main areas that guys have trouble with, and if you can learn to master creating sexual tension your success with women will skyrocket.
The Bottom Line
Mode One is an interesting book that every man should read at least once. It's really more focused on your mindset for interacting with women and the world as a whole. It's aim is for you to base your self-esteem on who you are as a man and then communicate what you want authentically. If you read this book you will understand how to eliminate any chance of manipulation by women. As Currie notes, you only have control over how you behave towards women, and how you allow them to behave towards you.
This book examines the "Four Modes Of Verbal Communication" men use in their interactions with single women. It is intended for the frustrated nice guy as a means of quickly distinguishing those women who have a genuine interest in you from those women who do not.
It also explains how to recognize when a woman is playing innocent when in reality she is a more erotically uninhibited woman.
Approaching Women•Attracting Women
- Breaking Through the Small Talk Barrier
- Manipulative Game Playing
- The Men Who Exhibit Mode Two Behavior: The Pleasant Postponers
- The Men Who Exhibit Mode Three Behavior: The Phony Pretenders
- The Men Who Exhibit Mode Four Behavior: The Misogynistic Revenge Seekers
- Casual Sex vs Relationships
- The "Other" Fear
- The Men Who Exhibit Mode One Behavior: The Self-Assured Straight
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6 of 8 people found the following review helpful
Firstly there are no real world examples in this book. It is unfounded and based on speculation. There is a lot of "my friend said..." or "other people who have..." But there are no testimonials or anything like that.
I will agree that some of the information is valid, but this book is a waste of time really. In the last chapter there is a summary of the whole book in 7 easy guidelines to follow... to which he ripped off another book.
Suggest, buy the other book...
The problem with this book is that it is badly written and he repeats the same point. I sometimes had to make sure i was indeed turning the page, since I had read the same paragraph 4 or 5 times before in different sections of the book.
Mode One is good in theory, but there is no advice on how to introduce yourself in a mode one fashion or provided examples of it working.
In... theory... will attemp my own version of Mode One. Lets see how that goes.
Mode One has been a real inspiration to me ever since I read it. I completely agree with Alan about starting off my interactions with women I find attractive by just being honest, instead of trying to befriend them or "currie favour" (haha) with them and then trying to get in there later. Girls really don't like that and now that I just tell girls I'm interested in them from the beginning, my "blowouts" are girls who aren't interested but still respect my confidence and are very polite and nice about it, and my successes are far more numerous than they ever were before, with many incredibly beautiful women! Thank you Alan!
As many have said, "Mode One is the Bible on being direct."
It's incredible how such simple concepts can seem so foreign. The idea of "Just telling Women what you're really thinking" almost seemed impossible to me; not because doing so was immoral or because I was afraid to, but because a lifetime of socialization had told me that doing the opposite would be more "appropriate".
Like many men who were raised in a middle-class Christian family, I was trained to be a liar when it came to women. "Pleasantly Phony" was my middle name. Looking back, I can't believe how afraid I was of conflict and disapproval. All of my decisions were based on how I felt others would perceive or judge me.
I've come to see that there's nothing wrong with telling a woman exactly what's on your mind. The beauty of the Mode One philosophy is that it corrects your way of thinking, rather than introducing you to the newest, most "psychologically proven" techniques, routines or gimmicks. When you have the correct mindset, your words are there to express your intent. You don't have to think about what to say beforehand, and you can choose to express yourself in whatever way feels right. If you're going out and saying exactly what Alan does in the book, and you don't feel comfortable doing so, then you've probably missed the entire point.
What can I say? When I see a woman that I'd like to have sex with, I go and tell her. I get rejected 80% of the time, but the rejections are short and sweet. As for the other 20%... I think you know where I'm going with this ;)
I dislike people who lie. Not only to other people, but also to themselves. I always looked at guys who wanted to sleep with a girl for some days or weeks pretending that they wanted to be their next "boyfriend", until she get in their bed. And after that they broke up with the girl and she will become an angry woman who dispised men. To me, lying was the worst thing a men can do. But I kept reading all this "indirect" methods of seduction that essentialy say: "YOU HAVE TO LIE TO A WOMAN IN ORDER TO GET HER INTO YOUR BED, AND AFTER YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT DITCH HER!!"
I was having an internal fight between my values and principles, and the suppoused effectiveness of lying methods. Until I read Mode One. Mode One is completely different. This book is about HONESTY, and doesn´t have even a bit of lies or manipulation. It will help you realize what you are lacking in your behaviour towards women. Each chapter is a guide to the core of what makes your behaviour WEAK and INEFFECTIVE. It will provide you with ways to overcome YOUR FEARS. To become BOLD, to become STRAIGHTFORWARD. To become a true MAN. The kind of man who doesn´t need to lie to get what he wants in the way he wants it.
It is not an OVERNIGHT seduction magic book. If you are searching for that, go buy a PICK UP guru merchandise. If you are TIRED of all the lies and manipulation, tired of lying to yourself and tired of wasting TIME and MONEY on WOMEN, doing things that you REALLY don´t want to do... THEN THIS IS THE BOOK YOU NEED.
There is an old saying that to attract a woman you just need to be yourself. Mode One teaches you how to be your REAL self.
being honest and direct with women is hard, and thats why we as men have never done it, weve never even thought of doing it.
mode one has opened our eyes and told us WE CAN DO IT and should do it. being direct is not easy, but mode one will force you to become confidant. it will prevent manipulative women to take advantage of you.
of course, mode one is a state of mind, its not lines and routines, its a way of life. You will get rejected more by using this, but the girls who reject you would have rejected you anyway, but you were too much of a coward to speak to her and find out.
an example of this would be that sexy model sitting on a train opposite you, you dont speak to her because shes intimidating you with her beauty, you think she will reject you if u spoke to her, but you wont know unless you actually spoke to her. mode one will help you speak to her and if she rejects you, so what? u were gonna get rejected anyway...
but then as you get off the train, theres another cute girl on the platform who was hotter than the other one, you wont go over to her because of her beauty, but now you're mode one, you dont care, so you go over to her, tell her shes cute, and u want to *** her, and guess what, this girl actually wants you to. but you wouldnt have known that without mode one. now youre on your way back to her place for casual sex.
This book is about being direct and honest with women. It advocates non manipulative approach as a tool to prevent yourself from being manipulated.
Alan Roger Currie and others have had a positive impact on my life. Looking back at who I was and the things I use to let women do to me. Women I was with walking on me without me all the time.......
But there are Three problems with the whole community that has the mindset discussed in this book. Note before I begin, Alan doesn't actually state what I'm about to discuss, this is simply my experience when dealing with others who have implemented this mindset. And so there is no confusion, I implement Alan's mindset in my life with success, it appears Alan does too.
Everyone uses forms of manipulations even if they don't know they are using it. The most anyone can ever come to honesty is to state their agenda, then go after that agenda. Like when I take women to several different Venues, and Kino escalate. My approach could have been "You look so fucking sexy, lets go out for drinks" But rarely ever tell a women that I am Bouncing to make it easier for me to sleep with her. Even when Alan tells everyone in his seminars about PuaHATE.com bashing him, this is a form of manipulation. Everyone does it whether they know it our not. On occasion I meet people who get extra angry when they are accused of being a manipulator, they have a Thin Skin about being criticized by others, which is the opposite of what Alan talks about.
I DON'T HAVE TO TRY IN LIFE, NO NEED FOR SKILLS.
Also I have met many people who are upfront, but don't try to build any skill what so ever. I get away with so much in life and all while being honest, but others who try it fail. And when I recommend they try to increase their skill, all they say is, "No, that is what honesty is for!" Honesty by the way, is not an excuse for laziness.
ANGER AS A PATTERN
And last there is that crowd who believes they should express their negativity whenever it appears. This cause a pattern and I can't tell you how many grumpy as shit HONEST men who are always negative about every little thing. Life for them seems a struggle.
Alan's book is no very organized in general, so if he mentioned one of these three, then I apologize, but these are the commonalities I find with people who apply this book and Radical Honesty.
The Mode One method is not an easy one to get your head round, neither is it easy to implement. But it is effective and it is the right way to do things. The next time a girl flakes on you and you don't know why. Or the next time a girl pisses you off think of this book.
With the Mode One method you put your intentions out front and yes, you get rejected, but getting rejected up front hurts a lot less than getting rejected after weeks of 'wining and dining.'
If you're fed up of women having the power, if you're fed up of not being honest or not saying what you really think then this is the book for you.
While other books teach you to respond to a woman's cues and look for what she wants, Alan teaches you to be a man and go for what you want. And what he teaches means that you'll actually get it as well.
Mr. Currie THANK YOU,THANK YOU,......... a book that should be reqiured reading for all guys. Mr. Currie's later books are more detailed but needs more description on how to impliment his style of approaching. He does state that you must develope your own style, but the vast majority of guys have been brainwashed by Madison Ave. and social programing that they need training wheels to calibrate their style. The reason for reading the book was that woman where Mode One with me and I thought they were cock teasing and I failed to follow thought :( No more mode two timid for me the woman are in for a surprise! Thanks Again Mr. Currie