Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love    Compare

Look.......This book covers 3 types of people. Anxious, Secure, Avoidant. They did a lot of research surrounding this topic. But they spent so much of their time talking about unproven random assumptions about how they hope men/women behave versus how men/women behave in real life.


Pros:
They showed that people who are avoidant in social situations are not more likely to be avoidant in sexual relationships. They proved that being social doesn't mean you will attach in a secure way. Just as many avoidants are highly social as anti social people are.


Cons:
So many. They talk like they know how to meet people, like they know how to open women, how to date, how to express who you are. Generally if you want the women you are attracted to to be accepting of who you are, then you need to become good at expressing you. They avoid all talk of tact. There is a difference between being direct and being blunt and scarring everyone away.

Here is the problem with academics in general. They do a great study, prove their theory. Then spend the rest of their time saying random assumptions they have never and will never prove. For someone who goes out and games regularly, I can say without a doubt that these people have not proven nor actually had any experience with roughly 90% of this book. It was in large part a waste.

But I did give them high marks in Innovativeness, because I did learn something no other book has talked about. They should rewrite it, and stop making up so much bullshit.

This book isn't for everyone.

The authors' founding principle is that everyone's intimacy needs are valid, which may be true and/or helpful, but then they turn around and crap on the needs of avoidantly attached people. The book is written for anxiously attached people (who are the market for relationship books). As an avoidantly attached person, I didn't get a whole lot of insight into myself out of this.

I gave the book a mixed review because some of the information is interesting, such as the deactivating strategies.

What I really want is a guide for moving towards secure attachment.

Anybody?

I've been doing personal growth work for about 13 years, and this book hit the bulls eye for me. It described me to a T and gave me tools to stop repeating the pattern. It's a game-changer. I highly recommend it for anyone in serial relationships.